Falling Into the Black

by Lauren Runow

  She did tell me she changed her name to Angie Smith, which at first gave me so much hope until I realized just how common that name actually is. Not knowing where she’s located, I feel like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack, but I’m up for the task and have already ruled out two states.

  “Look. I know you feel like you were fucked over and that you still love her and shit, but fuck, bro, it’s been years. You have to move on at some point,” Cole breaks me from my thoughts.

  “You’ll never understand,” I say through the pillow.

  “You’re right, I won’t. It’s time to move on, though.”

  I turn to give him a look that reinforces my previous statement, and he laughs, making me want to punch him across his glasses ridden face.

  “I’d say you need to get laid, but I know firsthand that’s not the case. So what’s up?”

  Cole has become a good friend of mine this past year, but he doesn’t get it. He knows a little about her, but not everything. He’s never had a serious relationship, and I doubt he ever will.

  “Shit, man.” He grabs the pillow from me, throwing it to the other couch when I don’t respond. “You need to blow some steam, bad. Why don’t you try to find someone outside of the club? Take a break from there for a little while. I can’t believe I’m even going to suggest this, but maybe you need an actual relationship to rid your memory of this chick.”

  “You know I don’t roll like that.” I haven’t had a girlfriend in years, and I don’t hook up outside of the club. I sit up, taking a deep breath, trying to rid myself of my mood.

  “You’d be speaking a different tune if you saw this little hottie in my night class.”

  “Cole, you know you can’t fuck your students. Besides, what are they? Barely eighteen?”

  “Not this one, man. She’s twenty-eight and smoking hot. She’s into me, too. Hasn’t even tried to hide it.”

  “Just don’t get yourself into trouble, again. You’re lucky you didn’t get nailed for that undergrad a few years ago.”

  “Hey, how was I supposed to know she was only seventeen? There should be a law that says you can’t enter college until you’re at least legal. That’s just false advertising.”

  I shake my head at his antics. The guy’s a manwhore and tries to get at everything that walks. I take advantage at the club, but in everyday life, he’s on his own.

  “Shut up already about which girl you’re going to bang next.”

  “But where’s the fun in that?”

  “Just get out,” I huff.

  “Whatever, Carter. Get your shit in gear. It’s pathetic seeing you like this over some chick.”

  He walks out of my apartment, and I don’t take his advice. Instead, I hit the arrow again on my stereo, playing Falling Inside the Black on repeat until I get a text from work because I’m the doctor on call.

  I debated even going tonight, especially after the shit with Cole today. The need for a release won me over, though. My chest tightens at the thought when I pull my mask over my face and walk down the alley heading toward Club Bridge.

  Cole is already here, and when I walk to the bar, he approaches, reaching his hand out in our handshake greeting, saying, “We all good?”

  I nod, not in the mood for any talking tonight, and he reads me correctly, knowing I get like this sometimes, and turns to order a drink.

  I look at the door as a girl with a mask unlike anything else here, covering more of her face than normal, walks in. Her sexy lingerie shows off her tight little body, and the boy short panties hug her ass perfectly, leaving just the right amount hanging out, piquing my interest.

  I hit Cole’s back to get his attention, tilting my head in her direction before cocking it to the side, showing my interest without having to say a word.

  Cole steals a glance before turning back to me and nodding his silent I’m on it communication. To both of our surprise, she heads in our direction, and Cole never leaves my side.

  “Hi, boys,” the mystery woman says as she puts her hand on Cole’s chest. She’s definitely not shy, which is a plus.

  “Hey, sexy,” Cole responds while wrapping his arm around her waist. “I’m Maverick. You look like you want to play tonight.”

  “Maverick?” she teases. “And who’s this? Goose?” She points at me.

  I let out a sharp laugh, always teasing him about his name, but he loved that damn movie and wouldn’t dare change it for anything…no matter how much he’s mocked.

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he taunts back.

  “Um, no, don’t you remember? He dies in the end.”

  “Why would you care who dies or not? Isn’t that the reason you’re here, to not care who we really are and what really happens to us?” She tilts her head, letting his reasoning set in, but he continues before she can respond, “You’re new here, aren’t you?”

  She nods while squeezing between us to get the bartender’s attention. “A Dirty Shirley, please.”

  Cole smirks. “That sounds fitting. Are you a dirty girl?”

  “Oh, please. Did you really just ask me that?” She looks in my direction. “You gonna let this guy do all the talking? Because he’s not doing so well. Maybe it’s time you step in.”

  I smirk at her but don’t say a word. I like this chick. It’s rare that someone gives Cole shit. Something about her is throwing me, though, and with the mood I’m already in, I think it’s best I stay silent for now.

  “You think I couldn’t bend you over and fuck you right here?” Yup, there’s the Cole I truly know.

  “Hmmm…Did I hit a nerve, Maverick?” she teases, trying to look innocent in her barely-there lingerie.

  Her hand lands on my chest, sending chills running down my spine as she moves slowly, wrapping around my waist and pulling me into her. “Maybe I just want the silent type tonight.”

  Flowers mixed with ginger invade my senses, making my head spin. I know that smell. It’s haunted me for years. Shit, I even bought a bottle just to torture myself and smell it when I’m really fucked up in my head to punish myself for my choices.

  She faces me, but her mask covers so much of her face that I can’t focus or get my bearings before Cole swiftly turns her around. Pulling her into him, he gives me a moment to breathe.

  I watch as he wraps her blond hair around his hands and slightly yanks her head down and to the right, placing kisses on her neck. My eyes squint as features start to come to light, and I shake my head, pushing any ideas to the side.

  My mind is really playing tricks on me.

  Fingers start to make their way across my leg, and when her hand wraps around my semi hard cock my heart pounds in a way I can’t even start to explain. Ever since I saw that photo, I’ve been thinking I see her everywhere, and this chick is about to push me over the edge.

  I grip her hand, ready to yank it away and leave before I lose my shit altogether.

  Before I get the chance, Cole stops his little game, saying, “See, you want this. Both of us. Why don’t you tell me your name, sweetheart, so I know what to whisper in your ear when I’m fucking you deeply?”

  “I’m Evangeline,” she says so nonchalantly that I feel the bile run up my throat and burn like a spark of fire.

  There’s no fucking way.

  “Well, that’s a pretty name,” Cole carries on, not having a clue that my world just stopped spinning and is about to fly off its axis.

  Cole may know a lot about my ex, but I’ve never told him her name. Any mention of it was too much for me to handle, so he lovingly referred to her as Satan due to all the pain she caused me. I’d laugh at the irony of it all because she was anything but. His little nickname would help calm me down, so I let it be.

  “Not much of a code name, though. Care to explain your choice?” he asks.

  “Let’s just say it reminded me of someone I loved once upon a time,” she purrs out as she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling away from me.

  Feelings of light-hea
dedness rattle through me as thoughts fly around. All these years, all these fucking years! How long I’ve searched for answers, for the truth, and she just shows up one night at my club, in my city. Just like that.

  I’ve thought so many times of what I’d do if I ever found her. Now that she’s here, right in front of me, I’m speechless. Like all these years were a blip, and I’ve never thought of what to say.

  Now she wants to fuck my friend. Or better yet, me, having no clue who I really am. I can’t. Not now. Maybe not ever. I need to get my shit right first.

  I turn to leave, and Cole grabs my shirt, stopping me in my tracks. “Where are you going?”

  I look at her, then back at him and shake my head, but before I can turn around, her hand is on my arm.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you away.”

  My eyes glance down to where her hand sits, feeling like it’s blazing a hole through my skin, but I don’t have the strength to pull away. Instead, I tuck my other hand in my pants pocket, hiding my tattoo from her.

  “Don’t mind him. He’s been cranky all week,” Cole spits out, obviously done with my shit and ready for me to leave.

  “Maybe we can change that mood of yours?” she says as she slides her fingers tightly around my arm, tugging me back to where they both stand. Once I’m there, I release from her grip, tucking my hand away once more.

  She’s always had this control over me, and I’m learning quickly that some things never change. I couldn’t walk away then, and I can’t now.

  I’m not ready to reveal my cards yet, though. I know most people would want to scream at the top of their lungs, grab her by her shoulders and demand to know why, but something is stopping me.

  I can’t walk away, but a bigger part of me doesn’t want her to know who I am yet. A lot has happened, not just physically but mentally. I’m a completely different person than I was back then, and a small part of me is dying to know how much she’s changed too before she pushes me away again.

  Because I know she will when she finds out.

  I walk back into their circle and watch her hand as she lays it on my chest before looking back into her eyes. Searching to see if the Evangeline I knew then is the same one I’m staring at now.

  “Do I get to know your name?” she asks while running her fingers lower on my chest and tugging slightly on the top of my pants.

  I shake my head but don’t say a word.

  “This is—” I abruptly shoot my head over to Cole, stopping his words with my stare.

  He can’t say my name. She’ll know, instantly. I go by Warroad. It’s actually the small town I grew up in. That she grew up in. Thousands of miles away from here.

  I can tell by his body language that he’s confused, but thankfully he’s used to my weird moods and brushes it off.

  “He wants to play mute, mystery guy tonight, I guess, but don’t worry, we’ll still show you a good time,” Cole says, pulling her away from me and bringing all of her attention back to him.

  “I have no doubt about that. I’ve never done this before.” She looks back at me, grabbing my hand. “Will you show me how this is done?” Her innocence almost makes me want to laugh. I know she’s far from, but she’s playing the part convincingly, and Cole is eating up every second.

  Before I know it, the three of us are walking to a corner room, one that gives us a little more privacy and pretty much guarantees no one else will enter our scene.

  Cole wastes no time and starts in quickly removing his clothes while kissing his way down her neck. Instead of joining them, I stand back, observing her and the two of them together.

  I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that she’s here. But more importantly, I can’t figure out how I feel about it. Watching his hands on her is killing me, but I can’t tell if it’s jealousy because I don’t want him touching her, or because I want it to be my hands caressing her instead.

  I know every inch of that body, every curve, the soft plump of her breasts or the tightness of her little ass. It was all mine at one time. I guess it could be mine again. Though she wouldn’t know it’s me.

  Or would she?

  She turns in Cole’s arms and reaches out to me, grabbing hold of my shirt and pulling me into her, but I resist. My hand covers hers and chills instantly run down my spine. Taking a deep breath, I remove her hand from my belt and shake my head. Stepping back slightly, I lean against a couch, folding my arms over my chest and crossing my legs at my ankles.

  I’ve been a member of this club for a little over a year, and I’ve never sat back to watch a scene unfold. I may not know if I want to be involved in this threesome, but the idea of watching just made my heart beat a little faster.

  Cole notices my retreat from the scene and takes full advantage, getting Evangeline all to himself. His greedy hands pull on her lingerie, removing her bra and springing her breasts free, grabbing one roughly.

  That brings her attention off of me, and I chuckle to myself when I watch him pull her nipple between his fingers. She hates her nipples being played with, and my intuition is confirmed when she pulls his fingers away and cups his hands on the bottom of one breast. She may hate her nipples being touched, but she loves having her entire breast played with.

  The thought that some things haven’t changed makes me smirk and shake my head slightly in amusement.

  Cole makes his way down her body, sticking his face directly between her thighs as he pulls her panties down her legs. Watching her body react to being licked makes my dick twitch. It’s the way her head falls back, making her long, blond hair flow down her back as she grips Cole’s hair for dear life.

  Suddenly I’m fifteen again, lusting over the girl who just appeared from under the water with her head tilted back, allowing the water to flow down her wet body. Nothing has changed yet everything has. And my cock responds in the exact same way. Only now, it’s worse. I’ve been inside her. I’ve felt what it is to have her clench around me in the most delicious way.

  My head fights with my body as I slide down onto the couch, sitting on the edge, bringing my hands up to a steeple on my knees, and placing the tips of my fingers at my lips. A low growl releases from my mouth as I push every ounce of air out of my lungs, trying not to blink my eyes, so I don’t miss a second.

  My lust catches her attention and she looks at me, tilting her head slightly to the side before running her hand up her waist, cupping her breast, looking directly at me. She’s putting on a show, trying to tempt me to join their scene, having no clue why I’m sitting here, completely lost in her and losing my fucking mind.

  Without each of us paying attention, Cole stands up, removing his pants and walking behind her. He must notice my enjoyment of watching the two of them—and being the amazing friend he is—he not only doesn’t get between us, he positions her perfectly so I can get mine while he gets his.

  Fingers appear from between her legs as he works his way in, teasing and testing her limits, making sure she’s ready for him. Her body falls in response, giving him complete control as she goes limp in his arms.

  I can’t hear what is said, but Cole whispers something in her ear, and both of them stare directly at me while he enters her from behind slowly. Her body tenses and then rolls in response to him pushing his way in and standing completely still, never taking their eyes off of me.

  I nod my response, feeling like I need to give my approval for them to continue. Once I do, Cole responds by wrapping one arm around her shoulders, the other on her waist, bracing her while he pulls out and slams back in.

  A deep moan spills from her lips and her hands reach out, one holding on to his arm and the other gripping his other hand like she’s holding on for dear life. But never once removing her stare from me.

  She’s getting off on the fact that I’m watching her get fucked from behind, and suddenly, this scene went in a different direction.

  Sitting further back on the couch, I fold my leg over my knee, placing my right arm on the armrest
, and run my finger over my lips. When I open them slightly, she does the same. When I stick my finger in my mouth, her finger moves to hers and does the same.

  She’s in a trance while Cole fucks her from behind, but my control is the one she wants. My heart pounds. My stomach aches. I want her. I need her. I’ve never been so fucked up in my life.

  I walk up, placing my hand on her face and—fuck me—the sensation that runs through my body is too much when her head leans into my touch.

  My heart can’t do this.

  Instead, I lean in, whispering to Cole, “Fuck her good,” and walk away, leaving the club before I do something I’ll regret.

  Chapter Ten

  10 years earlier –

  Carter

  “So we’re drawing the line?”

  “Carter, we have to. Your parents are right. I’d just be a distraction.”

  “Screw my parents. I still can’t believe my mom said those awful things to you.”

  I’ve never known my mom to be anything but the sweetest woman alive, but the other day, when we tried to talk to them about her coming with me to L.A., I saw someone I never knew existed. She threw out so many nasty insults about Evangeline. Calling her a gold digger, trailer trash, and the worst part, a whore. I grabbed Evangeline’s hand and stormed out of their house.

  At that moment, I was ready to give everything up for Evangeline, my scholarship, Los Angeles, my dreams. All of it. But now, here we stand, a week later, and I leave tomorrow night.

  “Don’t be mad at her. They just want a better life for you. They don’t want you to stay here, working at the mill for the rest of your life. You have this amazing opportunity that you worked so hard for.”

  “But we can make it work.”