Falling Into the Black

by Lauren Runow

“You’re right. I just…” He pauses, walking closer to me. “I lost my shit on Saturday.”

  “So you take it out on me, on Monday, two days later?”

  “I couldn’t help it. I thought I could come in here and play the co-worker role with you, but one look at you and everything came back from Saturday night.”

  “What in the world are you talking about? If I remember correctly, I fucked you.”

  “But you didn’t know it was me.”

  “Um, yeah, hello? It’s an anonymous club. I shouldn’t know it’s you in the first place.”

  “Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath, turning and walking around my office. “But you kissed him.”

  “Are you serious right now? You’re pissed because while you had your dick in me, I kissed someone else?”

  “Yes. No. Ahh,” he growls. “I just don’t know anymore. I’ve never been like this. With anyone.” He turns around to look at me. “I like you, Evangeline.”

  I’m silent, not sure how to respond. I do have feelings for him, but I’m still not sure if I want to have these types of feelings for anyone. I turn around, hoping for a second to gather my thoughts without him staring at me.

  He walks up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Please tell me you feel this too. Whatever is happening between us?”

  “Cole…” I say, still not sure how to finish my sentence.

  “Please don’t go back to the club,” he states.

  “Excuse me?” I turn around to face him again.

  “I don’t want you there anymore. And I won’t go either.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want you, Evangeline. I want to see where this goes, just the two of us. I told you I’d earn my right to be with you as a normal couple, and I really want to try.”

  “Cole…it’s just…I mean…I don’t know.”

  “It’s him isn’t it?”

  “What? Who? Secret?”

  “Fuck. Stop this Secret shit. It’s him then. You like him yet you don’t even know him. I watched the way you kissed him. But it’s not him, it’s the idea of him. What, are you too afraid of actual reality and would rather live behind the mask?”

  “Get out,” I demand.

  “I will, but I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know what your hang-ups are, but I want to be with you, and I can tell you like me too. Whatever issues you need to work through, fine. All I’m asking is that you work through them with me. Stop hiding and start living.”

  He walks out, slamming my door behind him, leaving me speechless.

  I didn’t go to class last night, but I couldn’t help the unease in my stomach when I saw an email from Cole this morning. Clicking on it, I see that he only sent the notes I missed from class and nothing else. Never mentioning our conversation or anything about us. His email was strictly professor/student mode, and the idea ticked me off. We’re so much more than that.

  He’s giving me space, but now that I have it, I’m even more confused on whether I even want it. He’s right. About everything.

  I do like him. I’ve enjoyed our time together more than I have with anyone in a long time. What he’s asking isn’t out of line, but I’m not ready to give up the club. I’ve only just begun, and I need to think some more before jumping into a relationship with the first person I meet there.

  My cell rings, and I see Kamii’s pretty face flash across the screen. “Hey, girl,” I say into the phone.

  “So, you want to tell me why I just got an email to the club saying that Cole is turning in his membership?”

  “Did he really?”

  “What’s going on?”

  “He asked me not to go anymore. He wants to date and see where we could go.”

  “And what did you say?”

  I sigh. “We got in a fight, and he said I needed to stop hiding.”

  “Well, what do you think?”

  I pause. Having to admit this out loud is harder than I thought. “He’s right.” I sit back in my seat, feeling defeated yet somewhat freed for admitting it. “He thinks I have feelings for this other guy but more just feelings for the unknown factor of him.”

  “Do you?”

  “I don’t even know the guy. I mean”—I bite my inner lip thinking back to that kiss—“I love the whole secret side of him. I’m not going to lie, it turns me on like no other not knowing anything about him. But then he kissed me...”

  After a long pause, Kamii pipes in, “And…”

  “There was just something different about his kiss. Cole said he noticed it too and got pissed when he saw me kissing him at the club.”

  “Angie, I don’t want you staying in the club just for us. If you don’t want to go anymore then that’s totally fine.”

  Now I really feel bad. Through all my jumbled thoughts, I never once thought about the fact of why I was really there. For Kamii and Preston. To help them with the club, being the one person on the inside making sure things are running smoothly. How could I forget that fact? I can’t leave.

  “It’s okay. I wouldn’t leave anyway. I’m shocked he’d turn in his resignation so early. We just had that conversation yesterday. Maybe this is his way of telling me he’s serious.”

  “But, Angie, he doesn’t know who owns the club. He has no clue you’d find out this information. If he says he likes you and wants to try at a relationship, then he’s telling the truth. Now you just need to decide what you want.”

  “Welcome back,” I hear Cole say as I walk into the classroom.

  After talking to Kamii, I thought for a long time about Cole and what I should do. Every time my email dinged I secretly wished it were him. Never was, though, beyond that one time about class notes.

  When I saw him sitting at his desk, butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and I couldn’t help the smile that pulled on my lips.

  I do like him.

  No matter how hard I fight it, those feelings are there, and now that I’ve gone a few days without him, they are there even more. He’s worked his way into my life, into my heart and no matter how hard I fight it, sometimes fate has a mind of its own.

  “Hello, Professor Spence. Sorry I missed Monday.”

  “No problem at all. I hope everything is okay.”

  I smile sweetly. “All better now.”

  The way his face lights up with my admission melts my heart, and I can’t wait for the night to hurry up and get over with.

  After class, I walk up to his desk and wait for my turn to talk to him. Sonia finishes her questions then glances in my direction before walking away.

  “Thanks for the email. I appreciate your understanding of me not being able to make it on Monday.”

  “Of course. I’m sorry you had trouble in your real life. I hope everything is okay now.”

  I hear the click of the door closing, telling me that we’re alone, and Cole wastes no time, jumping to his feet and pulling me into him.

  “I’m sorry I was such a dick on Monday.”

  I look up into his eyes.

  “I mean it. I was out of line. You have my head all fucked up, and I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”

  I take a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for this,” I admit.

  “It’s okay, neither am I, but I’m ready to jump in and see where this goes.” He pauses, moving my hair to the side and holding my hands. “Are you with me?”

  I nod, looking up into his eyes, and instantly his lips touch mine, kissing me like he never has before.

  Grabbing my hand in one hand, his bag in the other, he leads me out of the classroom.

  “Where are we going?”

  “To my place.”

  “What? Why?”

  He stops, turning to me. “Because I’ve fucked you when it was just sex. Now it’s more, and I want to show you what more is.”

  And he’s right. This is more.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Cole

  My heart dropped when she entered my classroom
. This girl has done me in, and if she was going to turn me down, I don’t know how I could have gone on. The drive to my place is quiet but nice. There’s no tension in the air or anticipation. Just a calmness I’ve always wanted with a girl and am shocked that I found it in her.

  I wrap my hand around hers, smiling over at her, and I love the blush that runs up her face. How did I get so lucky to have her walk into my life in so many different ways? It’s like it was fate, making sure no matter what we ended up together.

  And yeah, I know I’m talking like a crazy man now, but fuck, this girl is everything. I’m going to make it my mission tonight to show her how different this can be and that she made the right choice to be with me.

  She hasn’t been to my place, and I’m praising the Lord I took the time to clean it last night. I was so antsy I couldn’t keep still. Every part of me wanted to run to her door and beg her to forgive me. I knew if I were patient she’d come around, and I’m thankful she did so fast.

  As we enter, I turn on the under-cabinet lights in the kitchen to give us enough glow to see but not enough to ruin the mood. If I had candles, I’d light them all over for her, but I don’t want to scare her away. I can tell whatever happened in her past is heavy and until I know everything, I need to play every step safely.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” I ask.

  She looks around nervously. “Um, yeah, sure.”

  I walk up, grabbing her hands in mine. “You okay?”

  She nods but doesn’t answer.

  “Just because you’re here doesn’t mean we’re going to jump in and be together and live happily ever after.”

  She lets out a nervous laugh.

  “One day at a time. We’ll go slow and see where this goes,” I try to reassure her.

  My lips brush against hers, and I let go of her hands to run them through her hair, holding on to either side of her head. I feel her body give in, and I deepen the kiss, wanting more.

  Within an instant, we’re lost in each other, but I pull away, reaching for her hand again and winking as I walk her back to my bedroom. I could have taken her right there in my kitchen, but that’s not what this is anymore. I want to show her the difference between fucking for a release and sex that actually means something.

  Because it does; with this girl, it does mean something.

  Moonlight shines through my window just enough to light the room in a blue tone, and it’s perfect for our first meaningful time together outside of the club and trying to be something more, something real.

  I sit on my bed and pull her hand into me, spreading my legs so she stands between them. My arms wrap around her waist, bringing her shirt up just enough to kiss her stomach. Her hands reach around my shoulders and hold on to my head. The light tug of her fingers in my hair reveals the slight tremble she has, so I wrap my arms around her tighter, letting her know I’m here, and there’s no reason to be afraid.

  Slowly, I move my hands higher, bringing her shirt with me, revealing her beautiful body with her black lace bra. Without a beat, I move to her pencil skirt, unzipping it from behind. I love when she comes to class straight from work with her sexy-as-sin, classy outfits.

  Her hips shimmy side-to-side as I slide it down her toned legs and reach around to grip her bare ass firmly. My thumbs wrap around her thong, but I move in first, working my way down her stomach as I pull them off, kissing every place where the thin material used to be.

  My eyes tilt up to her while I’m bent down, helping her to step out of her panties. I smirk and love that she instantly bites her lip, before reaching down to bring me back up and pull me into a kiss.

  The moan that escapes her lips makes my hard cock start to ache in my jeans, and when her hands reach in to relieve the pressure, my body tingles from the pleasure of her soft fingers gripping me like she never has before.

  At this moment, I know she feels the difference between us, and I swear my heart opens a little more as her tongue sweeps in to dance with mine.

  The twinkle in her eye when she pulls back does me in even further, and when she looks down, starting to remove my clothes like I did to her, I realize I’m a done man.

  Once I’m naked, I lean in to discard her bra and run my hands up and down her body before turning her around and laying her on the bed. I don’t say anything, just because I don’t want to ruin it. No cheesy words or dirty nonsense needs to be uttered right now. Everything I want her to know I can show her with my actions.

  Laying my body on hers, I lean down to kiss her lips softly, working my way down her frame as I reach to my nightstand to grab a condom, and then slip it on while trying to still pay attention to her. I don’t want protection to ruin our moment, but I’d never go without, at least not yet in our relationship. I can wait until she gives me that side too.

  Positioning myself at her entrance, I kiss her lips as I slide inside, feeling her body tightly against mine, welcoming me in. The moan releasing from her mouth tells me I’m entering more than her body, but her heart too.

  I don’t focus on different positions or only sticking my dick in to get off. No. For the first time, I take it all and give it right back. Every touch, every kiss, every pulse means something, and I don’t miss the way her head falls back or how her hands grip my back, trying to pull me in closer to her.

  What we have is something special, and for this one moment, I never want it to end. I’ll make it my life’s mission to make this girl mine. This, right here, is what I want to have for the rest of my life.

  When her body tightens, so close to her release, I push a little harder, slowing down each thrust until I hear her scream and her body clenches around mine. The feeling is all I need to let go and grunt out a new me with every thrust.

  Now, having her wrapped in my arms is the best feeling in the world. I play with her hair as I say, “Thank you for giving me a chance.” Her fingers play with the hair on my chest, and I grab them, bringing them up to my lips and kissing them softly.

  Her bracelet falls down, and something I’ve never noticed on her catches my attention. For a brief second my world stops. The thin line tattoo on the inside of her wrist is one I’ve seen many times and had many conversations about, only not with her. Memories of Carter on Sunday run through my mind, and instantly, my blood starts to boil.

  There’s no fucking way.

  Her head is lying on my chest, so I try to still my breathing and not bring any attention to my thoughts. There are so many questions I have, but one thing’s for sure. She can never go to the club again.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Evangeline

  “Um, Angie…can you give me a call when you get this?” Kamii’s voice says when I check my message. Her voice is peculiar and instantly rubs me the wrong way, so I call her back quickly.

  “Oh, good, you got my message,” Kamii says as her greeting.

  “Yeah, you got my nerves working. What’s up?” I hate when people leave cryptic messages like this. It gets my stomach working in ways that no one enjoys.

  “So, you’re never going to believe what email I got today.”

  “You’re killing me, you know that? What?”

  “Cole.”

  “Okay…does he want back in?”

  “No, opposite actually. He wants your secret guy kicked out.”

  “What?” I jump up from my seat, so many thoughts instantly running through my mind. “Why?”

  We’ve just spent the night together. I told him I’d give us a try. I’m so confused.

  “He’s accusing him of being forceful with a member.”

  “He is not! Why would he do that?”

  My mind starts to go crazy. This makes no sense. Secret was anything but forceful. I thought they were friends. Is there something I don’t know? Thoughts of something happening after I left his place start to run wild in my mind.

  “That’s why I’m calling you. What happened with you two?”

  “This makes no sense. We made up, and I
even went to his house last night. We didn’t talk about it, but I thought it was pretty obvious that I’m willing to try the whole relationship thing with him.”

  “You are?” she interrupts.

  “Well, I was. But this…I don’t get it. This is overstepping boundaries. I didn’t plan on going, but now I want to just to spite him.”

  This is exactly why I don’t date. I don’t need drama in my life. I’ve had enough for three lifetimes already. What could he have possibly done to deserve Cole stabbing him in the back like this?

  “But, Angie,” Kamii speaks again. “He doesn’t know you’re involved in the workings of the club and that you’d find out he’s turning him in.”

  “Ah!” I scream out. I totally forgot about that fact. “That’s even worse. He’s going behind my back, and that’s not okay. This is the real him. I can’t be with someone who’d do something like this, to a friend at that. And for what? He already has me. Is he that concerned I’d go to him?”

  “He must be.”

  “This. This is why I don’t do relationships. I’ll show him. His actions are about to backfire on his ass, and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.”

  “So you’re going to go tonight?”

  “Hell yeah, I am. I guess this will go down as the quickest relationship I’ve ever had. Do what you want with the email, but know that he’s full of crap.”

  We hang up, and my blood feels like it’s boiling through my veins. I’m so confused, so frustrated, but above all, ready to show him who’s really boss. Nobody messes with me.

  Anger fuels my fire tonight. This is the biggest fuck you to Cole, and I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I tell him about it tomorrow and that we’re done. I won’t have a man stake his claim on me like this. There’s no reason for him to kick him out, and I’m going to make sure he knows he screwed up big time.

  I dress in my sexiest outfit, ready to knock the socks off this guy and get back to the reason why I joined the club in the first place; the fact that there’s no personal connection.