Fallen Knight

by Dana D'Angelo

  “That is not what happened, my lady. She —” Clarisse began.

  “Nay, my lady,” Helewise interrupted. She glanced over at Clarisse with a look that told her to say no more. “’Tis true. I went willingly. Clarisse does not know anything about it.” A glassy sheen covered her eyes. “My life is over now, so there is no point in lying.”

  She stared at her friend, horrified at what she said. Instinctively, Clarisse knew that if she admitted that Roldan had also violated her, she would be similarly ostracized.

  “Then we must inform your parents,” Lady Edeline said. “While your services to me have been invaluable, I cannot abide having a young woman of loose morals attending me. I fear that your poor choices will influence my niece here. So ‘tis with much regret that I must send you back to your mother.”

  “Aye, my lady,” Helewise said, but then a huge, wracking sob overwhelmed her, and she crumpled to the ground, broken by Lady Edeline’s judgment…

  “Clarisse,” Gareth gently grasped her chin, forcing her to look at him, and jerking her out of her dark recollections. “Whatever happened is finished,” he said, his voice low and fierce. “You are safe now.”

  “Safe, aye,” she turned and looked out onto the moonlit field. “But not safe from my past.”

  “Was that why you were so scared in the castle kitchen — because of the terrors from that day?” he said, his voice dangerously soft. “Who was this man that attacked you?”

  She sniffed and wiped her cheek with the tip of her sleeve. “You know him as the former Lord High Steward and Duke of Hangrov. He was also Amelie’s uncle.”

  “Roldan de Calmette,” he said, spitting the name out in disgust. He dropped his hand from her face, and bunched it into a helpless fist. “That bastard was at my farmhouse not too long ago.”

  “I know,” she nodded. “He went to your house in search for Sir Gordon.”

  A bird flew silently across the sky, its silhouette black against the silver orb, unaware and unconcerned about the troubles of man.

  “He was here at Stanbury for a time as well,” she continued. “Amelie told me that ‘twas Sir Derrik that led an ambush against the Lord High Steward.”

  Gareth placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. For a second, she tensed, but she then allowed him to pull her toward him. His touch was gentle and comforting, and slowly, she relaxed against him. Leaning back, she felt his solid chest behind her. She reached for his hand, and placed it over her heart, pressing it there. Then closing her eyes, she felt his warmth and strength.

  “Helewise and I agreed to never speak about the incident to anyone. But despite this, she went ahead and killed herself. No one understood why she ended her life, but I knew the reason.”

  “Don’t blame yourself. You were only a child,” he said. “Is the bastard still at the royal court? Tell me now, and I will personally seek him out and annihilate him.”

  Her throat constricted at hearing the anger in his voice. While she looked off in the distance, she saw nothing. No doubt that if Roldan was still alive, Gareth would have stayed true to his word, likely risking further trouble from the king.

  “There is no need to kill him. He is already dead,” she told him, her voice sounding far away.

  He slammed a fist on the wall. Then leaning forward, allowing his head to rest on the clenched fist. “Had I known that he violated innocent maidens, I would have killed him when he came to my farm.”

  She shook her head slowly. “Even if you did eliminate him, things would not have changed. My innocence would still be lost. And Helewise would still be dead.”

  “Are you certain that the bastard is truly gone?” He pushed himself from the wall.

  “Aye,” she nodded. “I forced myself to witness his execution. Yet at times, it feels as though he still lives, for his last words echo frequently in my dreams. He told me that ‘twas all my fault for disturbing him that day, that he would not have forced himself onto me had I not interrupted him and Helewise…”

  Gareth touched her shoulder, causing her to turn around. He gently cupped her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Do not say any more, Clarisse. The bastard told lies,” he said fiercely. “Do not believe a single word.”

  “Thank you,” she said, feeling the bitter tears burning at the back of her throat. She took in a shuddering breath. “I have never told anyone about what happened that night.”

  Nor did she reveal to anyone that she had believed Roldan’s lies. She had wondered many times what would have happened if she had escaped from his clutches. But then Helewise would have suffered, and knowing this made Clarisse feel even worse. In the end, she locked the oppressive feelings within herself, bearing the shame on her shoulders. On the surface, though, she pretended that all was well. This act allowed her to keep her sanity in tact. For she knew how easy it was to slip into depression, and end her life just like Helewise. She wanted to believe in the good in people, to believe that not all men were as evil as Roldan, or as unkind as Hervey. At least Gareth proved that her hunch was correct. He was kind and good. She never feared the man, and somehow she trusted him as well.

  He placed his arm around her, drawing her close. She didn’t need any further incentive and sank into his embrace, feeling his warmth and protection. She felt so safe in his arms. He didn’t need to say anything, because she knew he understood her, and wouldn’t judge her for her past. She just had to force herself not to think of that day, to forget about the guilt, the shame. And Gareth was right; she was not to blame for all that happened. She took in a deep, shaky breath and slowly released it.

  Gareth seemed to recognize that a war raged within her soul. Placing a soft kiss on her forehead, he tightened his hold on her. And they stayed like this for a long moment without saying a word. For the first time since she was assaulted, she felt as if a weight had lifted.

  But then something shifted. She didn’t know what it was, but suddenly she was acutely aware of being in Gareth’s sturdy arms. All the memories of the kiss that they shared earlier came to the forefront, and her body began to tingle with a heightened awareness. She tilted her face up, and witnessed a change in him as well. Her heart sped up in giddy answer. His eyes darkened, and hunger and longing reflected in the orbs. But then he seemed to check himself, and the look disappeared. But she knew that she didn’t imagine it. It was that same look that was on his face earlier when he kissed her.

  Still, her mind battled with her own desires. She knew without a doubt that Gareth would love her, but a lingering fear held her back. He seemed to sense her reluctance and started to release her from his hold. But she gripped his forearms, stopping him. He glanced down at her hand and when he raised his eyes, she felt the air rushing out of her lungs.

  Finally, she made the decision. This is what she wanted, she told herself. She needed to heal from the pain of the past, and she knew instinctively that Gareth would help her.

  “I want to be with you, Gareth,” she whispered.

  His eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Be with me?” he said as if he was making sure that he heard her correctly.

  “Aye.” In a voice just barely above a whisper, she said, “Make love to me.”

  Chapter 19

  “Do you even know what you are asking of me?” Gareth said, his voice raw.

  “I do,” she whispered. “Show me how to love. Please.”

  “I cannot…”

  “I need this.” The tears welled up in her eyes, and she felt unequipped to handle any sort of rejection. “I need to know that that there is more to this act than what I was subjected to…”

  He cupped her face with his large hands, searching her eyes. Then he let out a sigh that came from deep within his core. “As you wish.”

  Bending his head down, he pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks, although the tears weren’t one of sorrow but of joy. Already she could feel a wave of love passing through her. It encircled her, combining wi
th his energy, and forming a never-ending loop. This was what she wanted; this was what she was searching for all this time.

  He brushed her hair to the side and leaned forward, kissing the sensitive area of her neck. She shivered at the delicious, warm sensation that ran up and down her spine, and which then pooled at the tender area between her thighs. Arching her neck, she allowed him better access. His warm masculine lips caressed her there before they moved with aching tenderness along the side of her neck. His mouth trailed to her earlobe, her cheek, the tip of her nose until it finally settled on her soft, sensual lips.

  He continued to move slowly so as not to frighten her. And little by little she began to relax, allowing herself to give into the pleasant moment. The tip of his tongue ran over the seam of her lips, gently persuading them to open. And when her mouth parted for him, his hot tongue slipped inside, exploring the velvety terrain, drinking in everything that she offered. Then as if her body knew what to do, she went onto her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him. She was flush against his heated body, and for a moment that seemed all too brief, he circled his muscular arms around her waist, tightening his hold.

  But then he let out an anguished groan, releasing her. When he broke away from her, a wave of disappointment and longing overwhelmed her, and she clutched at him.

  “Clarisse,” he said, his breathing harsh. “This is not a good idea. Tell me to stop before I can no longer control myself.”

  “Nay,” she pressed his palm over her heart, allowing him to feel its racing tempo. Then before she lost her courage, she continued. “I do not wish you to stop. I need this.”

  He let out another groan, the sound a mixture of want and frustration. He crushed her against him, but when she stiffened slightly, he immediately loosened his hold. Then as if she was a delicate flower, he kissed her gently on her cheek.

  “You do me great honor, Clarisse,” he murmured against her skin. “I will take care of you. If you need me to stop, just say so.”

  And she believed him. Leaning forward, she sank into his heat, his solid strength, and wasn’t surprised when she felt his arousal at her belly. She was not an innocent maiden and was well aware of what occurred between a man and a woman. She had experienced the act, but this time she knew it would be different, special. Her body tingled and thrummed, already aware of what would happen next.

  Then as if he knew what she was thinking, he quickly unbuttoned her outer gown and allowed the material to fall to the ground. Then he lifted her arms in the air, and in one smooth motion, he bunched the hem of her underclothes and brought the gown over her head. When the last piece of her clothing was gone, he stared at her in awe.

  She would have placed her hands to cover herself, but he gently brushed them aside. “Nay,” he said, his voice husky. “I want to bask in your beauty.”

  Taking his time, he allowed his gaze to roam over her body, pausing to take in the sight of her full breasts. His heated eyes caressed her, causing her nipples to tighten into buds.

  “I would like to see you as well,” she said shyly. Then stepping forward, she untied the belt and let it fall to the ground. She bent down to grab the hem of his tunic and began to lift it up.

  With impatient eagerness, he took the fabric from her and quickly pulled the tunic over his head, and laid the material on the stone floor. And then he stood there, naked and proud. He put out his palm out, giving her silent invitation to accept. He seemed to know innately that she needed time to digest what was happening, to come to him at her own pace. And while she should have been afraid — the incident with Roldan was enough to make her shake like a leaf — but she found that she was strangely calm, even anticipating what was to come. Stepping forward, she reached for his hand.

  Her fingers enclosed over his and he placed a kiss upon her finger tips. “You’re trembling.” A frown furrowed over his brow. “We don’t have to do this —”

  She shook her head. She was trembling, although it wasn’t from fear but from anticipation. “I told you that I need this.”

  His dark eyes glittered. “I need this too,” he said hoarsely.

  She closed her eyes, fully expecting him to embrace her, to kiss her fervently and passionately. But instead he went down on his knees, drawing her down to kneel with him on the ground. Then he pressed soft kisses onto her shoulders, and she shivered at the delightful feel of warm lips on her flesh. His other hand ran up and down along her spine, massaging, stroking away all tension from her body until she was a pool of liquid heat and desire. She cupped his face with her hands, and leaning toward him, she placed her lips on his, allowing all the passion that was buried inside to emerge. A groan rumbled deep in his chest, and she felt it vibrating against her own.

  Clarisse had never stopped to wonder why men and women sought each other’s beds, but now she knew the reason. She allowed herself to enjoy the moment, safe with Gareth’s promise that he would stop if she asked him. He lay her down on the clothes that he had spread on the ground. Pushing her legs open with one knee, he bent over her, pressing slow, searing kisses over her face. He ran his scorching tongue along the column of her neck. Then his fiery tongue trailed over her clavicle, down her chest until it reached one aching breast. She arched her back, thrusting her chest forward, unconsciously deepening the pressure. When he circled his tongue around the tight nub, she let out a small gasp, which was quickly followed by a low moan of pleasure. His wet, molten tongue licked, and drank from her as if he was parched. And then he turned his attention to her other waiting breast. Her fingers thread through the hair at the back of his head, and she tugged at it when he gently bit her puckered nipple.

  And even as his lips and tongue were busy with pleasuring her breasts, his free hand roamed down her torso, down the flat of her stomach, and finally seeking the tender heat between her legs. Unable to help it, a moan sounded low in her throat as pleasure overtook her.

  “Gareth, please,” she cried, grabbing onto his arms and trying to pull him up.

  Her desperate cry went straight to his groin. And if it was at all possible, he felt himself stiffen even more. His heart was racing now and his breath came out in quick spurts.

  Slow down. I have to slow down.

  But his good intentions disintegrated when he dipped one thick finger inside of her, and found her wet and ready for him. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. The last time he was this randy was when he just received his knightly spurs. But he was no longer a greenhorn, he reminded himself. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare her with his uncontained passion. He would allow her to take control of their lovemaking.

  He lay down on the ground. And in one smooth motion, he placed both hands around her slender hips and lifted her up, settling her on top of him.

  “What are you doing?” she gasped. She shifted her slender hips to prevent herself from falling off, her thigh brushing against his arousal. And when the subtle movement brought a primal groan from deep within his chest, she paused.

  “I’m allowing you to take your pleasure,” he said, gritting his teeth. He could feel her heat, and his member strained to bury itself into her.

  A look of doubt and desire mingled on her face as she glanced down at his sizable erection which peeked out between them.

  “I’m yours,” he groaned. “Take me.”

  A surprised expression crossed over her lovely face, as if it finally hit her as to what he offered. “I have never done this before,” she said. And then tentatively, she pressed down on his hot, pulsating member.

  “Oh,” she breathed as the tip of his cock entered her. She was slick, and oh so tight. Grabbing at the fabric underneath them, he bunched it in his fists, fighting to keep himself from the instinctual need to thrust his hips. She sat still for a moment, as if savoring the sensation of having him inside her.

  “I did not know this would feel so good,” she said, closing her eyes.

  Then with this new understanding, she began to test
her movements, shifting slowly, erotically against his rod, rubbing herself against him. She threw her head back, her long tresses falling across her shoulders and tumbling down her back. And as she arched her spine, her perfect breasts thrust forward. Seizing the opportunity, he placed his hands on her slender back, pulling her forward just enough so that he was able to capture one full breast in his mouth.

  “Gareth,” she gasped, and then a low moan of pleasure escaped from her.

  The sound nearly drove him over the edge. He wanted to grab her hips and assist her in sliding up and down his shaft. Instead, he dropped his hands to his side and tucked them underneath his body.

  “Ride me,” he commanded, his voice strained.

  And without further prompting, Clarisse began to move. She was hesitant at first. But then her movements became faster, more furious. She moved up and down and then circled her hips, grinding into him as her breath came out in short, quick spurts.

  His hands broke free from his self-imposed prison. And grabbing her buttocks, he gripped her tightly as he watched her lose herself. Just when she hit her peak, she let out a sharp gasp, and her muscles convulsed, squeezing his swollen shaft.

  And suddenly he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled her down, their bodies meshed tightly together, and he let loose all that he had as his seed spilled into her.

  She stared at him for a long moment, as if she was stunned as to what had just happened.

  “I am sorry,” he said, “I wasn’t able to hold on much longer.”

  She smiled and leaned forward. “There is no need to be sorry,” she said, laying her head on top of his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close to his heart.

  After a while, she tilted her alluring face so that she looked up at him. “I fear that you have ruined me for any other man.” Her amber eyes locked with his. “How can I possibly marry Sir Hervey after experiencing this with you?”