Locked and Loaded (Bullet, #6)

by Jade C. Jamison

  And Dr. Harvey respected that. So did Jen.

  She had just told Zane the day before that she was going to be starting as Val’s PA in September. She’d given notice at her work and was busy training her replacement. But she’d apparently already done a couple of things for Val, and Zane wasn’t sure how everyone had found out, but it was no longer under the covers that they too were a couple.

  Zane shrugged and laughed, feeling like—out of all his friends here—Ethan understood him at the core better than anyone else, mainly because the guy had struggled with his own share of addictions.

  Brad walked in the studio with a tray of small sandwiches. “Courtesy of Val and Gracie. Drinks are in the mini fridge, guys.”

  Zane almost didn’t even want to ask, but he had to. He’d promised himself. “Got anything other than beer?”

  “You kidding? You’ll be lucky to find two beers in the whole damn thing. There’s a bunch of soda and bottled water—and there might even be a couple of unsweet teas and a bottle or two of Starbucks. Take your pick.”

  “Good. I, uh...I don’t know how much I’ve told you guys, but I went through rehab again. I’m determined to stay clean this time.”

  Brad had long since set the tray on the table in the corner and had a sandwich in hand. “Good for you, man. Let us know if you need anything from us.”

  “It’s a long road,” Ethan said, “but you’ll be glad you did it.”

  Nick nodded. “That’s why the settling down thing is good. It’s harder to party like a rock star when you got your girl and kids tagging along.”

  Ethan smiled. “Got that right. They’re my saving grace.” Suddenly, Zane understood why Ethan had insisted Jenna and baby come along when they recorded their side project album and during the tour too. Their presence was helping to keep him straight.

  Why the hell hadn’t Zane ever thought of that?

  Oh...maybe because the love of his life hadn’t understood the depth of his addictions? Maybe because he’d never told her? Maybe he hadn’t thought they were that bad? He had been just deep enough to get into enough trouble to piss her off and send her running for the hills every time. He’d hidden his demons, like a good many addicts do, so she never knew just how bad things had been.

  Well, she knew now, even though she didn’t quite understand. Maybe he could invite her to a couples therapy session like Dr. Harvey had mentioned—although he didn’t know that she considered them a couple yet. He’d have to convince her of that first.

  In the meantime, he had support and maybe even compassion from his band brothers. He couldn’t ask for much more than that...and, if he took it slow, he knew he just might make it this time.

  * * *

  Good grief. Zane looked even hotter tonight. Jennifer didn’t know that she could handle getting involved in another heavy make out session with him like they had the last few dates. Every single time, he put her off, telling her they should wait.

  Yeah...this from a pair who’d never been able to keep their hands off each other every time they were around one another.

  But she’d respected his wishes and cooled off every time he left. And no...she didn’t engage in any self-satisfaction. When she reached her high, she wanted it to be with Zane, not with Zane in mind.

  “You cool enough?” Zane asked from the driver’s seat. They’d just left the movies—watching some kids’ film that Zoe had actually enjoyed and watched through till the end—and were going to Zane’s place. She wasn’t quite sure why she’d agreed to that, considering the last time she’d been there, they’d discovered a voyeur with a bad manicure had overheard their entire sex play.

  It sucked, because Zane had a nice house and Jennifer didn’t know that she’d ever feel comfortable there again.

  But, stupidly enough, she’d agreed to go anyway. Zane had promised a good time but wouldn’t elaborate. His road to recovery had seemed to go so well and he looked so healthy that she didn’t want to turn him down when he’d worked so hard and wanted, maybe even needed, her approval.

  “Yep, I’m good.” Well, as far as the AC was concerned. She knew, though, that she probably wouldn’t be able to be involved in another kissing session. She couldn’t take it anymore...and she was considering telling him that if they started making out again tonight.

  It probably wouldn’t happen, though, considering they were going to Zane’s. It would be a late night, and she’d likely be ready for bed when she laid Zoe down.

  It hadn’t been more than a couple of months, but it was almost as if she’d forgotten how huge and impressive-looking Zane’s house was. It was just about too much, but she’d never say that to him. It was a hell of a lot better than her small apartment—but, then again, her home was nothing to complain about. It was comfortable and fit her and Zoe’s needs, not to mention it was something she could afford.

  Zoe was still wide awake when they got there. One cool thing Zane had done since they’d begun dating regularly—and taking Zoe with them almost every time, practically putting poor Kara out of business—was he’d bought a car seat so Jennifer didn’t have to take the one she had out of her car anymore. It was a small token—but it meant a lot.

  It gave her hope that her old Zane was most certainly back.

  But that gesture hadn’t prepared her for what she was about to see. Everything seemed normal when they walked in the front door, but Zane invited them into the family room, an area of his house Jennifer had never been in. They walked toward the back of the house to a large room and Zane flipped the switch. The space was then bathed in light. Aside from the fact that it was a large room (although not as monstrous as some of the other areas in this house), it had a huge flat TV on one wall. She had no idea the size of it—she’d never seen a television that big in someone’s house. But, as her eyes wandered from it, she noticed something else—toys. A small chunky plastic table and chairs in white and purple, a play kitchen set, mostly white, and a toddler-sized slide, also in the chunky plastic—in orange, of all colors. “Wow, Zane. You really shouldn’t have.”

  “Says you. Put Zoe down and see what she thinks.” Her child looked at Zane and grinned. He said to the little girl, “You’ll love all this stuff, huh?” He looked at Jennifer and she walked over to the toys with her child, setting Zoe down next to the table. “I’ll have you know that, even though it’s a kitchen set, I wasn’t trying to impose gender roles. The tabletop flips over so you can use building blocks on it—the blocks are inside the cavity.”

  Jennifer started laughing. “I don’t think she’d know if you were imposing a gender role on her or not.”

  “Fair enough,” Zane said, a twinkle in his eye. “But now for the coup de grâce—and I realize that Zoe might not give a shit about any of this other stuff when she sees this...” He walked over to the small entertainment center beside the TV and pulled out a couple of black game controllers. “I remembered that you used to love playing fighting games.” He handed her a controller. “I challenge you to a match.”

  She was overwhelmed by Zane’s generosity and thoughtfulness. While she took the controller from him, she said, “Thank you, Zane. You didn’t have to do this.”

  “I know. But I wanted to. It’s the least I could do after everything you’ve gone through with me. Believe me...I know I could buy you gifts the rest of your life and still not have repaid you.”

  She took his hand. “You don’t have to buy my love.”

  He blinked twice before a slow smile crept up on his face, and he stroked her cheek. “Babe, if I thought your love was for sale, I would have done this shit years ago.”

  Zoe closed the door on the play oven and declared, “Hamboors!” Both Zane and Jennifer looked over at her and laughed.

  “You makin’ mommy something to eat?”

  Her child nodded and once again said, “Hamboors!”

  Jennifer looked back at Zane and said, “I sure hope you like just mustard and ketchup on your hamboors, because I don’t see any veggi
es there.”

  Zane laughed. “Sure, there is. There’s slices of tomato and lettuce and onion. I even saw some American cheese. Maybe she just wants plain hamburgers instead of fancy ones. Right, Zoe?”

  Zoe looked up, grinning from ear to ear, and started “cooking” in the play kitchen. Zane got a videogame set up, and he and Jennifer participated in multiple battles throughout the evening, while Zoe brought them one dish after another—hamburgers were just the beginning. It turned out the food portion of the kitchen also had macaroni and cheese, pizza, hot dogs, green beans, peas, sandwiches, fries, and chips—plus the sliced veggies Zane had promised, and Zoe brought them tiny plate after tiny plate filled with new combinations of foods she had put together in the kitchen—sometimes with a play fork or spoon and sometimes not.

  After close to two hours, Jennifer glanced over at her child and smiled when she realized she hadn’t had to pretend to chew food for a while. Zoe had finally fallen asleep in front of the play refrigerator. The child was still sitting, her head nodding every few seconds as she fought to stay awake—but it was a losing battle. “Aw,” Jennifer said and got up with the idea of helping her child lie flat on the floor so she wouldn’t fall and bonk her head on the way down.

  “I set up a crib in the guest room down here—complete with a baby monitor—if you want to lay her in that for a while.”

  Jennifer raised her eyebrows. “Sheesh. You thought of everything.”

  “Wish I could take credit...but turns out my cleaning lady has a wealth of knowledge.”

  “I’m still impressed.”

  “So did you wanna lay her down in the crib?”

  Jennifer couldn’t see a clock around but knew it was getting late. “Actually, maybe you should take us home now. No sense settling her in if we’re just going to have to carry her out to the car.”

  Zane grinned. “Well...I was kind of hoping you’d consider spending the night.”

  “Uh...” She swallowed. While she didn’t know how she felt about the entire matter, she liked the idea. “Where would we sleep if Zoe was in the crib down here?”

  “There’s a bed in the guest room, too. You could be right there next to her.”

  Sounded perfect. She just didn’t know if she’d be comfortable having sex in the bed next to Zoe.

  Scratch that. She knew she wouldn’t be comfortable doing that.

  But, for all she knew, sex was still not a factor for Zane. Maybe instead his intent was to play videogames all night long. After all, he hadn’t said they would be sleeping next to her daughter.

  “So show me this crib,” she said, moving over to where her daughter lay sleeping and crouching down to lift the child into her arms.

  “Want me to get her?”

  “Nah. Just lead the way.”

  And so he did. They walked through the open space until they arrived at a long hallway. Zane opened a door on the left and flipped a light switch, and Jennifer walked past him. The room was, like all of Zane’s home, spacious and beautiful, decorated with elegant taste. The crib was a bit nicer than the one Jennifer had in her apartment, not that Zoe would notice or care, but Jennifer got closer and asked, “Can you lower the rail?”

  Zane got close and glanced at the crib. “Oh, shit. I have no idea how to do that.”

  Jennifer was going to explain how to do it but knew it would be easier to do it herself. “Can you hold Zoe for a sec?”

  Zane’s eyes grew wide for just a moment before he said, “Sure. Uh, how should we do it?”

  “Just hold your arms out so you can cradle her.” He’d only held her awake before, so this was new for him, but he did as Jennifer instructed, and in seconds, she had the child resting in Zane’s arms, hardly having stirred through all the commotion. In no time, Jennifer found the springs holding up the rail and pulled them so she could lower it. “Do you want to lay her down in there or do you want me to?” She looked up at Zane. Oh, God. What a beautiful sight, and she wished she had a camera to capture the moment. It melted her heart. He was gazing upon her—their—child, and she was pretty sure he was falling in love with her.

  Maybe it was time to tell him.

  Tomorrow.

  “You can if you think you can lay her down without waking her.”

  “I’ll do my best.” With a gentle touch, he leaned over and lay the child in the crib before covering her with the light blanket. Even though it was hot outside, it was cool indoors and a light blanket was a good idea.

  Zoe moved around a bit before her jaw slackened once more. Jennifer felt her shoulders relax at the sight. A year ago, when Zoe was a full-blown infant, it was never a guarantee that her child would stay asleep once Jennifer laid her down. More than half the time, placing her in the crib was like sounding an alarm clock, and that was why Jennifer had wound up letting Zoe sleep with her most of the time. As she got older, though, Jennifer began relying on routine—the same order of events every night before being placed in the crib. And all those routines were broken this evening.

  And tonight, if she and Zane were going to spend any kind of time together, the last thing she’d want would be a fussing child. Zane whispered, “I suppose you know how these baby monitors work too.”

  She’d received one at a baby shower and had wound up not using it much, because her apartment was small enough that she could hear when Zoe woke up without the help of the monitor. She did, however, know how it worked and turned it on, picking up the receiver. “Done.”

  “Does she sleep with a light on?”

  “If you have a nightlight. If not—”

  “There’s one that will turn on once we turn the light off.” Jennifer hadn’t noticed it earlier when they’d entered, but sure enough—once the light was off, a tiny nightlight came on across the room. “Should we close the door?”

  “Nah. Not unless we’re going to get violent with the videogames.”

  Zane laughed. “Not planning on it.” They started walking back down the hall, and Jennifer found herself feeling a little disappointed.

  Well, what had she expected? She’d asked Zane to clean up his life, and if abstaining was part of his recovery, not only did she have to respect it, she had to support it. She had to help him on his journey. There would be plenty of time for them to re-consummate their relationship and learn to once more appreciate each other’s bodies. For now, she had to be supportive and do whatever it was he needed.

  But when they got back to the family room, Zane picked up the remote off the coffee table and pointed it at the television, shutting it off. “I changed my mind—I hope you weren’t still planning to kick my ass anymore.”

  She grinned. “I think we were pretty evenly matched.”

  “Finish in the morning?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  She only hoped he wasn’t calling it a night...and, if the look in his eyes was any indication, he wasn’t.

  When he got close, she let loose all the feelings of unbridled passion that had been pent up inside her, biding their time like racehorses behind a gate, just waiting to be turned loose. He must have felt the same way, because their lips practically crashed into each other. Oh, sweet heavens. Yeah, she’d thought their last few make-out sessions had been hot, but she’d had no idea. Now that she didn’t have to hold back, she was ready right this second—wet and quivering and desirous beyond imagination.

  Zane was moving at super speed too, and it was less than two minutes that they had all their clothes off and were lying down on the couch. She was squeezing his ass and kissing his chest as he began pulling a condom over his cock.

  He paused then, drawing her lips into a sweet kiss. “We can go slow, babe; take our time.”

  “No way,” she said, feeling desperate and ready to beg now that the tip of his cock was pressing against her pussy. “No way. I want you inside me. Now.”

  “Ah. Well, I am not one to disappoint my woman.”

  And he drove himself inside her, creating in her mind sparks, followed by e
xplosions, reaffirming once more that Zane was the only man for her. The only man.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  OH, GOD. ZANE never would have been one to make a big deal about waking up holding the perfect woman in his arms, but he now realized that it was a small yet perfect pleasure. Jennifer was still asleep and the sun was bright behind the filmy drapes in the guest room. He glanced over at Zoe and saw that she too was still sleeping, but she was stirring, and Zane figured it wouldn’t be long before the child awoke.

  Sure enough, she did, and she started looking around before she sat up. Zane watched her and felt his heart swell. He never would have thought he could feel love or affection for another man’s child, but this was Jennifer’s baby, and damn right he did. He had already fallen deeply in love with this sweet little girl and couldn’t wait to see what she was like when she got older. She looked over at Zane and Jennifer lying in the bed just a few feet away and said, “Mama?”

  Zane made sure his voice was soft when he answered. “Yeah, this is mama right here. How are you, Zoe?”

  Zoe smiled and Zane felt rather than saw Jennifer waking up. He felt her body moving beside him, and so he leaned forward and looked over to see her eyelids fluttering. “Oh, you’re awake, baby girl.” She stretched her neck and yawned, and Zane kissed her on the shoulder. “You too, huh?” She grinned and turned her head to look in Zane’s eyes. “How long you guys been awake?”

  “Just a couple of minutes. She always in this good a mood when she wakes up?”

  “Yeah.” Jennifer sat up and then said, “Crap. I don’t have any clothes or anything.”

  Zane snickered. “This is a guest room, babe. Don’t you think I got you covered?” He also sat up and slid off the opposite side of the bed, walking to the closet. He pulled the door open and spied the fluffy black robes inside. Reaching in, he pulled them both off their hangers and walked over to Jennifer, who was now standing beside the crib. “I have to admit, though, you look great without the robe.”