Love Crushed

by Toshia Slade

  My heart starts to slow.

  “Do you hear that, baby?” I grab her chin in my fingers, lifting her face to mine. “That’s our little guy. He’s a fighter, just like his momma. Breathe. Everything is going to be okay. We’re at the hospital, and the doctor will be here soon. You need to try to calm yourself. This isn’t good for you or the baby. I’ve got you, and I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you.” More and more of my worry is erased with each thump of his heart that sounds through the machine.

  She nods and takes a deep breath.

  Using my thumb, I wipe away her tears and kiss her forehead. “Listen to that strong heart. See, he’s okay. Now you make sure you’re okay.”

  “It’s so much better now that I can hear him.” She lets out a groan, and her eyes pinch together in pain. “My back hurts so bad.”

  Come on, hurry the hell up and get here, doctor.

  “Is there anything I can do to make it better?” I lean down, pressing my forehead to hers.

  “Just you being here helps.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I don’t want to unsettle her, but I need to know what started all this. “Do you think you can tell me what happened now? If it’s going to upset you, I’ll wait.”

  “I went to get lunch and ran into my dad and his new girlfriend at the Mexican restaurant. Something inside just snapped. There he was, having lunch and laughing, like he didn’t have a care in the world, when Mom and I've been a mess for months. He just doesn't care. I confronted him, said some nasty things, and his only response was to what I said about Tonya, not about the fact that I had been such a mess—or the news of his grandson. I told him I was done. I’m not letting him take anything else from me.”

  “He doesn’t deserve you and your mom, Tiffany. Yo—”

  A knock sounds through the room, then Dr. Collins walks in.

  Thank God.

  “Hi, guys. I would say it’s nice to see you all, but under the circumstances, I can’t. Let’s take a look and see what we’ve got going on here.”

  She walks over to the machine and lifts the paper it’s been feeding out. We both stay silent and watch her.

  “Well, Tiffany, you’re definitely having contractions, but they’re very mild. I’m going to examine you to make sure you’ve not dilated any. Is Dad allowed to stay, or do you want him to go while I’m doing it?”

  “He can stay.” She grips my hand tighter in hers.

  Please let her say everything is fine. It’s way too early for him to come.

  Dr. Collins puts on gloves from a special sealed pack and sits on the end of Tiffany’s bed.

  “Okay, I’m going to need you to bend your knees, bring your feet all the way up against your tush, and then let your legs drop open.”

  She does as asked.

  Dr. Collins lifts the blanket and moves her arm between Tiffany’s legs. Tiffany’s face contorts in pain and discomfort.

  “Wonderful. You’ve not dilated, and everything is perfect.” She removes her arm then tosses the gloves in a trash can. “I’m going to order you a shot of Terbutaline. It will stop the contractions, but I need you to get a lot of rest, drink plenty of water, and avoid as much stress as possible. I know it’s hard with the pregnancy hormones, but try as hard as you can to stay calm. You don’t need to go on bed rest or anything, just take it easy for a couple of days. The nurse will come in and give you the shot. It goes right in the back of your arm, then I want you to drink some water, and once the contractions stop, you’ll be free to go.”

  “So the baby is okay?”

  She nods. “The baby is fine. A lot of women suffer from Braxton Hicks contractions. You’ll both be just fine as long as you rest and do what you need to.”

  I want to collapse in relief. Thank you, God.

  Tiffany sags back on the bed and closes her eyes. “Thank you, Jesus,” she mumbles.

  “You’re scheduled for an appointment next week, so until then, take care of yourself, and I’ll see you next week.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Collins,” Tiffany and I say at the same time.

  “You’re very welcome.” She gives us a reassuring smile and disappears out the door.

  “When we leave here, do you mind if we go somewhere and talk?” She glances over at me, and for the first time in four months, she’s there. My Kitten is staring back at me.

  My heart hammers in my chest, and I dare to hope of what she wants to talk about.

  Twenty-Four

  *Josh*

  After we sat in the hospital for over four hours, Tiffany’s contractions finally stopped, and we were free to go. We decided it was best to talk at my house since she needed to rest and wanted to be alone.

  I’m afraid to let hope take over, but there’s something in the way she’s acting that tells me this is different. I don’t know if it’s because she’s decided to move in with me and do the co-parenting thing or if my prayers are finally answered and she’s going to tell me she wants to give us a real try.

  Neither of us thought it was a good idea for her to drive, so we left her car and rode in my truck. On the way, she starts to talk.

  “I know you know the majority of what’s been going on. My dad left my mom for a younger woman. Well, she’s my age. Anyway, he’s pretty much shut me out of his life, and it’s all about her and her kids now. It killed me, and watching my mom break down did something to me, Josh. I didn’t ever want to be that lost or broken. So I did the only thing I could—I pushed people away. You’ll never know how much I regret that and how bad it killed me to see you hurting.”

  She pauses and looks out the passenger window, twisting her hands in her lap, while my heart leaps and beats so hard it may rip from my chest.

  “On our trip to Tennessee, I was going to tell you that I was ready, that I wanted to have it all. Then you planned that romantic trip on top of all the dates and countless dinners you dropped off at work. I wanted to do something special for you after everything you had done for me to prove that you could be what I wanted.” She shakes her head and looks at me. “I wanted to make you feel an ounce of what you had made me feel. After our fight that day, I went home and sat down to plan everything out, but I had no clue what to do. How could I top everything you had already done?” She lets out a sad laugh. “Then my dad called, and I got excited. I just knew he could help me plan the perfect thing. That’s when my world came crashing down, and I went to Mom. She was so broken and such a mess that I vowed I would never give a man that much power over my heart. So I did what I had to do, and I pushed you away.”

  Wow. She was right there, and her jackass of a father ripped her away from me. I make a mental note to pay Greg a visit. How could he do this to his own kid? Make her feel so unwanted and unloved?

  We finally pull up to the house, and I can’t wait to get inside and curl up with Tiffany, especially if she’s ready to give this a go.

  “Come on. Let’s get you in the house and comfortable, and we’ll finish talking in there.” Maybe it’ll give me time to get my anger under control. I hate that her dad is the cause of all this and the reason she’s pushed me away, but I get it.

  “Okay.” She nods, and her voice is soft, but there’s a strength in it that’s been missing for months. I know she has to be scared, and it’s been one hell of a day.

  After helping her down from the truck, I grab her hand, lead her up the porch steps, and unlock the door. Placing my hand on her lower back, I guide her into the house. “I’ll get you a glass of water while you get situated on the couch.”

  “I’m going to use the bathroom really fast, and then I’ll be back.”

  “All right.” I head to the kitchen and grab us both a bottle of water from the fridge, then I grab a blanket from the closet in case she wants to lie down.

  Tiffany comes into the living room, reaching for her water. She takes a drink then curls up in the corner of the couch.

  “I just want you to know, I’m really sorry that I hurt y
ou and that I’ve caused you to miss so much of this pregnancy. I’ll never forgive myself, or my dad. I know it’s not his fault that I pushed everyone I loved away, but he’s the cause of my pain. I didn’t know what to think or feel. How do you go your whole life thinking you know someone—that no matter what, they’ll always love you—only to watch them walk away and never look back? I know in my heart that you would never do that. You’re not that kind of man. But my mind wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to listen to my heart. All I kept seeing was my mom so broken and alone, her whole world ripped out of her grasp. I’m tired of running and being scared. The only thing that’s accomplishing is letting him win. I don’t want to live my life alone or loveless. I want it all. I want you to be able to come home to your son every night. And to me—if you still want me. I know I have a lot to make up for, and I will if you’ll let me. I want to prove to you what you proved to me. Make you feel so loved, wanted, and cherished, as you did for me. I love you, Josh, and I’ve loved you my whole life. I was just too stupid and scared to take the risks.”

  *Tiffany*

  My heart pounds in my chest as my stomach churns with nerves, and I fight the urge to bolt from the couch. I sit, patiently waiting, and hold my breath. Please, God, don’t let me be too late. Make him find it in his heart to forgive me and give me the chance to prove how much I love him and want him in my life.

  Josh’s tense body deflates, and he sags from what I hope is relief. Before I can question it further, his arms are around me, and he’s dragging me into his lap, burying his head in my neck.

  “God, Kitten.” He squeezes me tight, and I want to jump for joy. It’s been so long since I’ve been here, and I never thought I would be again.

  I bury my head in his neck and draw in his scent, basking in the warmth of his body. My blood starts to warm, and moisture dampens between my legs. This isn’t the time for that. Lock it down!

  “You have no clue how long I’ve waited to hear that. I don’t even know where to start. Give me a minute to get my thoughts together and just soak up your being here.” He breathes me in and groans. “You have no clue how much I missed your scent. You always smell like candy. Cherries and vanilla.”

  I wrap my arms around him and hug him back, slowly raking my hand through his hair and loving the feel of it tickling my palm. A calm peace has finally settled over me, and I know deep in my soul that everything is going to be okay. That no matter what, from now on, I’ll never give up as I did before. I’ll fight for anything and everything I want from this point forward, even if I have to fight for a long time to win Josh back. And after I fix things with him, I need to fix things with Gabby, too. I miss my best friend, my sister.

  “Okay, first of all, I want to beat the shit out of your dad for putting you and your mom through all this. He’s a selfish dick. I do understand where you’re coming from, but that doesn’t take away the hurt I felt when you pushed me away either. I don’t need anything, Tiffany. I only need you.” He cups my face in his hands, and his green eyes are swimming with love and admiration. “As long as you’re by my side and willing to fight for me as much as I’m willing to fight for you? That’s enough for me. I can’t take your walking away again or pushing me away. It killed me, and I don’t like the person I became. I was empty and hollow, and I have a confession. I burned all my furniture one night because it reminded me of you, and I was tired of looking at it.”

  My jaw drops, and my eyes pop open wide. He did what?

  “Nobody is perfect, and we’re not going to agree on everything, but we have to work it out together. And most important, when one of us hurts or something tries to bring us down, we fight it right alongside the other. Can you promise to do that? Fight for us, even if it’s us against the world?”

  I straighten in his lap and face him so he can see how serious and determined I am, but most of all, I want to let him see the love I’ve been hiding for months.

  “I’m never going to be a coward and back down again. I’m ready to fight, even if I have to fight for you. So yes, I promise I’ll always fight for us.” I can’t believe he’s being so forgiving and not throwing stuff back in my face. Why didn’t I listen to my mom and Gabby? Josh is the best man I’ve ever known in my life, and I know without a shadow of doubt that he would never do what my father did. When he loves, he loves deep, and it’s something that never goes away.

  “I love you, Tiffany. Always have and always will. I’ve known for a long time that you were it for me and the only girl I wanted. Then we spent that month together, and after finally having you, there was no going back. I never did.”

  Wait. Is he saying what I think he’s saying?

  “Are you telling me that in the past four months, you’ve not been with anyone? Not even a drunken I’m-lonely-find-someone kind of night?” I know my eyes are huge, and I can tell by his face that it hurts him that I would doubt.

  “No, Kitten. You’re it for me. No one could fill that void, so what was the point of trying and then having to deal with crazy-ass women like Cassidy. Speaking of which, you really did run her out of town. Last I heard, she ran off with some rich guy from Texas that was here buying racehorses.”

  “That bitch deserved it. You don’t try to trap a man by getting knocked up, that’s…” I’m on a roll, flinging my arms around wildly, but before I can finish my rant, he laughs, cutting off my thoughts.

  “All right, hellcat, calm down. No getting upset. She’s gone, and we don’t have to worry about her anymore. We just need to focus on us.” He pulls me down to him and presses his lips softly to mine.

  Pure bliss. As fast as my body cooled, it warms back up just as fast with need and hunger. It’s been so long, and I’ve craved him every day since. The hormones are making my need more intense, and I didn’t allow him to be there.

  “I need you, Josh.” I moan and grasp his head, trying to take the kiss deeper.

  “I know, baby. I need you, too, but right now, we can’t. With the scare today, I think it would be best if we wait a couple of days. Just let me hold you.” I see the restraint in the way his shoulders and arms flex, the tightness of his jaw, and the war raging in his eyes.

  “Wow. I guess that makes me a horrible mom because I didn’t even think of that.” I start to climb off Josh and sit beside him, but his hands on my thighs stop me.

  “That doesn’t make you a horrible mom. You’ve had a shitty four months, and you got lost in the moment. And it makes me really fuckin’ happy to know you want me that bad.” That devil-may-care smirk makes an appearance on his handsome face, and I get giddy. “Trust me. It’s taking everything I have not to lay you back on this couch and finally make you mine. Speaking of which, does this mean you’ll move in with me?”

  I bite my lip and nod. Some people may think I’m crazy, but we’ve missed out on so much, all because of me. I’m not going to hold anything back from now on. I want everything with Josh, and the thought of spending the rest of my life with him doesn’t make me want to run for the hills. It makes me want to jump in his arms and hang on for the ride.

  “In that case, we need to go bed shopping.”

  Guilt and shame burn deep in my gut. I almost forgot that he told me earlier he burned it all.

  “You really burned your bed?”

  “Yeah. The mattress, sheets, blankets, pillows, and even the patio loveseat.”

  I groan and fall forward, hiding my face in his chest.

  “I’m sorry I was such an idiot.” I glance up at him, and his green eyes are soft with nothing but love. “I know we still have a lot to talk about, but I really need to fix things with Gabby, too. She’s so mad at me for hurting you and hasn’t talked to me since the end of February. Plus I think she would be super pissed if we didn’t tell her about the hospital visit today.”

  “You were pretty stupid to pass up all this.” He motions down his chest and then laughs when I smack him.

  God, how did I get so lucky to have such an amazing guy in my li
fe? I know he’s trying to lighten the mood and make me feel better, but I’m not stupid enough to think it’s all going to be better, either. There’s a lot we need to do to get to the point we both want to be, but I know we’ll both put in the hard work it takes to get there.

  “Why don’t you call Gabby and get her to come over? Then while she’s here with you, Cam and I can run into town. Pick up a set of mattresses and bedding, and y’all will have some time to work your stuff out.”

  “Will you call her?” My head drops, and I focus on my finger, picking at the skin around it. “I doubt she would even answer my call.” That makes my heart hurt, knowing I pushed us to this.

  “Yeah, and while I call her, why don’t you call your mom and get her to pack some of your clothes. I’ll run by and pick ’em up while I’m out.”

  “Okay.” I softly brush my lips against his and climb off his lap to get my phone out of my purse.

  ***

  An hour later, Gabby comes bursting in the door, making a mad dash for me.

  “Oh my God, are you okay?” She wraps me in her arms tight, and we both lose it.

  “We’re fine. I just got too upset and was under too much stress. I’m fixing that, though.” I pull back to wipe the tears from my cheeks, and Gabby does the same. “I’m so sorry I hurt y’all and pushed you away. I swear, I’ll never do it again. Never again will I let my dad take from me. If something like that happens, I know to lean on you guys and not hide from the situation.”

  “I’m sorry, too. I know I said some hurtful things, but I wanted you to wake up. It killed me seeing both of you hurt when y’all didn’t need to. I was honestly hoping that it would make you think and open your eyes. I love you, Tiffany, and I only want you to be happy. I know my brother can make that happen.”

  One of the guys clears his throat and breaks us apart.

  “We’re going to go so we can get back before dark.” Josh leans down and kisses my lips softly. “I’ll be back soon, Kitten. Behave.”

  “I will. Be careful.” My stomach swarms with butterflies at the sound of him calling me Kitten. It’s crazy, the little things we miss once they’re gone.