A Cowboy Christmas

by Marin Thomas

  “Oh.” The light faded from her eyes and he felt as if he’d kicked a puppy across the barnyard. “Thanks, but I can’t leave Mom here by herself.”

  Recalling the odd way Cassidy’s mother had behaved a few minutes ago, he asked, “Is your mother ill?”

  “For goodness sake, Logan.” Mrs. Wilson formed a capital letter A with her fingers. “Sonja’s…”

  He stared at the older woman, not having a clue as to what she meant.

  “Mom’s got Alzheimer’s,” Cassidy explained.

  Alzheimer’s? He hadn’t heard. Because he’d kept to himself for so long the only person he had any meaningful conversations with was Fletcher. “I’ll bring supper here.” Logan came up with a mental list of local restaurants and bars. “Tacos sound okay?” Cassidy pressed her fingertips to her mouth and shook her head.

  Bethany had suffered morning sickness at all times of the day—that was the only part of pregnancy Logan understood. His wife had always lost the baby before the queasiness abated. He noticed a grill near the tree. “How about steaks on the cooker?”

  Cassidy sat up straighter. “Steak sounds good.”

  With a nod he left. And didn’t look back.

  As soon as he cleared the trailer park and merged onto the highway to Junket, Logan eased up on the accelerator. Cassidy’s face flashed before his eyes. He hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings by questioning whether or not the baby was his.

  He’d known deep in his gut that he was the father—but he’d held out hope he wasn’t. Cassidy’s pregnancy made him feel as if he’d betrayed Bethany’s memory. She’d tried for years to have a baby and Cassidy had gotten pregnant during a one-night stand—none of it made sense.

  Learning Mrs. Ortiz had Alzheimer’s had taken Logan by surprise and confirmed how little he knew about Cassidy’s life. Cassidy had been two years behind him in school. He remembered her as a cute, shy girl he’d once helped to collect the contents of her purse after it had spilled in the hallway. He couldn’t recall if she’d dated much—he’d been too wrapped up in Bethany to pay attention to other girls.

  Cursing, he gripped the wheel tighter. He intended to offer financial assistance with raising the baby but nothing more. He’d figured Cassidy would have plenty of help from family and friends. Now he questioned how she’d manage her hair salon, care for an ailing mother and cope with a new baby.

  You could shoulder some of the burden.

  Logan’s subconscious slammed on the brakes. Cassidy was a sexy, beautiful woman. Spending time with her would sorely test his determination to keep his hands to himself. He blamed his elevated testosterone levels around her on the fact that he hadn’t had a normal sex life in years.

  Each time Bethany had become pregnant, the bedroom door had closed in his face. She’d been terrified intercourse would cause a miscarriage. As soon as she’d recovered from the inevitable miscarriage he’d been allowed back into the bedroom for stud duty. When Bethany had finally carried a baby through the first trimester, Logan knew he wouldn’t have sex again until after the baby had been born. When Cassidy had walked into Billie’s Roadhouse, Logan had been celibate almost a year.

  Aside from his celibacy issues, Logan had kept a dirty little secret. Ever since that September night he and Cassidy had ended up in bed together, he’d fantasized about making love to her—most likely because he didn’t remember the details of the first time. He’d woken the morning after to her feminine scent on his bed sheets. He’d noticed the towels on the bathroom floor but hadn’t remembered taking a shower. A week later he’d discovered a pair of black panties beneath the bed. He’d meant to toss the scrap of lace into the burn barrel—instead he’d stuffed the lingerie in his sock drawer.

  After his talk with Cassidy at dinner, Logan intended to keep his distance. He hated to get her hopes up that he’d hang around for the long haul. Cassidy was young and beautiful and sexy. One day she’d find a man who’d marry her despite having a child—Logan’s child.

  He concentrated on the ribbon of winding road, refusing to contemplate Cassidy falling in love with another man.

  Especially when a tiny part of him wanted to be that guy.

  “PLEASE WEAR THE YELLOW BLOUSE.” Cassidy hovered in the doorway of her mother’s bedroom. “Logan will be here any minute for supper.” And my mother is still walking around the house in her bra.

  “I don’t want Logan to eat with us.”

  “An hour ago you were excited about having company. Don’t you remember?” Cassidy muttered a curse beneath her breath. Would she ever learn to quit saying remember? Sometimes the word upset her mother—other times being reminded of her memory loss didn’t faze Sonja.

  “Where’s my blue shirt? I like the blue shirt.” Her mom searched through the nightstand drawer instead of the closet. “Oh, look, Cassidy. Here’s my cream.” She held up a tube of hand lotion. At the end of every day Cassidy searched the trailer until she found the lotion and returned it to the nightstand.

  “You smeared frosting on the blue shirt when you decorated the cookies.” Remember.

  “What cookies?”

  Ignoring the question, Cassidy helped her mother slip into the yellow blouse, then grabbed her hand and led her to the recliner in the living room. “Your show is on.”

  “Oh, good.” Her mother pointed the remote at the TV and changed channels every thirty seconds.

  Meanwhile Cassidy snuck into the bathroom to brush her teeth, powder her nose and dab a light pink gloss on her lips. She refused to acknowledge how hurt she’d been when Logan had asked if she was certain he had fathered her baby.

  The rumble of a truck engine met her ears and she hurried outside. Dusk had descended over the trailer park, and the Millers’ Christmas lights blinked on and off, reminding Cassidy again that she needed to decorate before Christmas passed her by.

  Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the living-room curtains flutter in Alice and Betty’s trailer. Because of her mother’s dementia, Cassidy never invited men over. By morning the news of Logan’s visit—twice in one day—would have swept through town like a summer wildfire.

  Junket was ripe for a new scandal. The last time folks wagged their tongues had been when Fletcher McFadden had filed for divorce from the local banker’s daughter after she’d admitted to an affair with a famous bull rider. The Junket Journal had carried the story on the front page.

  Cassidy was well on her way to becoming Junket’s new tabloid tale. Not thirty minutes after Mrs. Wilson left this afternoon, Cassidy’s phone had rung off the hook—suddenly everyone needed a trim or color. She’d booked twelve appointments for the following week. At least she had a few days to prepare before she was bombarded with questions.

  Is Logan really the father of your baby?

  How long have you two been dating?

  And questions they didn’t dare ask…Did you have an affair with Logan before Bethany died?

  Are you and Logan getting married?

  “Hi,” she greeted Logan when he approached the porch.

  He set the grocery bag on the step. “Hungry?” The one word sent shivers down her spine. His deep voice reminded her of the husky endearments he’d whispered the night they’d made love.

  “Starved.”

  “If you tell me where the charcoal is, I’ll start the grill.”

  “A bag of briquettes and lighter fluid is beneath the trailer.” She pointed to a section of aluminum skirt that housed a storage compartment. “I’ll turn on the outdoor lights.”

  Cassidy grabbed the grocery bag and retreated inside. She flipped the light switch, then carried the groceries into the kitchen where she noticed the name Bibby’s on the bag. Cassidy and her mother never splurged at the local meat market and delicatessen. She traveled into Midland to shop at a discount grocery store chain. The bag contained steaks, twice-baked potatoes and a package of Caesar salad with dressing. She preheated the oven, then cracked open the window to allow fresh air in.

  “Are yo
u digging out her Christmas decorations, young man?”

  Oh, dear. Cassidy peeked between the blinds and spotted her neighbors standing in their backyard.

  “No, ma’am. We’re grilling steaks tonight.”

  “Oh. I’d hoped you might be helping Cassidy string Christmas lights on her trailer,” Alice said.

  “She’s usually the first resident to decorate for the holidays.” Betty chimed in. “Her trailer always looks so pretty.”

  “She didn’t—”

  “Cassidy has the cutest little Rudolph with a flashing red nose.” Alice wiggled her nose and giggled.

  “Maybe she’s feeling too poorly to fuss over Christmas.” Betty crossed her arms over her chest. “With her being in the family way.”

  The gossip had already been to town and back. If the cousins knew about her pregnancy, so did everyone in the trailer park.

  Logan rubbed his neck, which Cassidy guessed was hot enough to ignite without the aid of lighter fluid.

  “So Cassidy invited you over for supper?” Alice asked.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, it’s about time she entertained a man.”

  Cassidy rolled her eyes. She lived in a trailer, not a bordello.

  “Betty, when’s the last time Cassidy had a man over?”

  “Gosh, I can’t remember. A year ago?”

  Ugh. Her life was so pathetic.

  The bag of briquettes in one hand and lighter fluid in the other, Logan said, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to fire up the grill.”

  “Enjoy your evening. Oh, and Mr. Taylor,” Alice said. “If Sonja puts up a fuss send her over here. She likes our fish aquarium.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  After Logan headed to the other side of the yard, Cassidy closed the window and watched him fuss with the grill. He’d changed clothes since he’d left her place this afternoon. His gray chambray shirt had navy piping across the yoke and pearl snaps up the front. He wore well-worn Wranglers and brown ropers—the quintessential cowboy. And she suspected Logan was a take-charge kind of guy.

  Deciding to leave him in peace, Cassidy slipped the potatoes into the oven to warm. Her mother entered the kitchen, stopped in the middle of the room and stared into space, her brain struggling to recall why she stood there.

  “What’s up, Mom?”

  “Oh, hi, honey. When did you get home?”

  “A little while ago.” The same fifty or so questions over and over. Day after day. Week after week. There were times Cassidy wanted to cry. To bawl like a baby. Times she yearned to lash out at her mother…ignore her mother…or leave her mother on someone else’s doorstep. Then her mother would smile and say a kind word and Cassidy would feel like the worst daughter in the world for her uncharitable thoughts. “Would you set the table for three?”

  Her mother retrieved the plates, then gasped. “That man is setting our tree on fire.”

  Flames shot sky high from the small grill. It was a miracle the cooker hadn’t melted. She poked her head out the door. “The hose is on the other side of the trailer.”

  Logan almost smiled and the gesture tugged at her heart. “Got carried away with the lighter fluid.” Then he asked, “Steaks ready?”

  Ready? Oops, she’d forgotten to season them. She shut the door and tore the butcher paper from the meat, then muttered out loud, “Where’s the garlic salt?”

  “Juan loved garlic.”

  Juan was Cassidy’s father.

  Alzheimer’s hadn’t tarnished her mother’s memory of Juan—a man Cassidy had never met. Some days her mother would go on forever about the love of her youth. Cassidy couldn’t care less about her father. She searched the cupboard, found steak seasoning and sprinkled the spice over the meat. Grabbing a pair of tongs, she said, “Be right back.”

  “Here.” She offered the plate to Logan. A rich, spicy scent—his cologne—competed with the smell of lighter fluid lingering in the air.

  His fingers slid over her hand when he took the plate and she had to force herself to release the dish as memories of those same hands caressing her breasts…her thighs…her…“Nice of you to bring a steak for Mom,” she said, slamming the door on the x-rated thoughts.

  He shrugged off her gratitude.

  Cassidy sensed Logan was a nice, decent man. For the baby’s sake she was glad.

  “Mom makes people uncomfortable. I hope she doesn’t offend you tonight.”

  “How long has she been this way?” he asked.

  Sonja Ortiz’s health had begun deteriorating after Cassidy graduated from high school. “For a while. The last two years have been especially trying. Eventually I’ll have to put her in a home.”

  “I’m sorry.” Compassion shone in his brown eyes.

  “Now more than ever I wish my mother wasn’t ill.” Cassidy glanced over her shoulder at the trailer. “She’d have been thrilled to pieces to be a grandmother.”

  “About the baby…”

  She should have kept her mouth shut—at least until they’d eaten.

  “I’m more than willing, in fact, I insist on helping you out financially. But—”

  Her breath caught in her lungs. The stark pain in his gaze proved how much the news of her pregnancy had shaken him. An overwhelming sense of sadness filled her. “You don’t want to raise this child.”

  “No.”

  Compassion battled anger. She’d never been in Logan’s shoes. Never loved someone and then had that love ripped from her arms the way his wife and their baby had been taken from him.

  “We’ll be fine on our own, Logan.” The words sounded bold and brave but Cassidy’s insides shook. How on earth would she handle caring for an infant, cutting hair every day and watching over her mother? Mom managed and you will, too. “I told you about the baby because you had a right to know.” She searched his expression but his face remained composed, no hint that her words affected him one way or the other. “The potatoes will be done in ten minutes.” She left the brooding cowboy in peace.

  Ten minutes later—not a second sooner—Logan rapped on the door and stepped into the kitchen. He set the steaks on the counter.

  “What would you prefer to drink?” she asked. “We have red wine.” Her mother’s favorite. “Or soda or bottled water.”

  “Water’s fine.”

  “Have a seat.” She placed the drinks on the table. “Time for supper, Mom.” Cassidy cut her mother’s steak into bite-size pieces and poured dressing on the salad, aware of Logan’s eyes following her movements.

  Cassidy dug into her potato as she stewed over Logan’s announcement that he wouldn’t be involved in their baby’s life. Yes, her mother had raised her without a father and she was a well-adjusted young woman—in her opinion. But she wanted better than that for her child. She wanted her little boy or girl to know the love of a mother and a father.

  When Logan still hadn’t touched his food, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Shouldn’t we wait for your mother?”

  “I gave up forcing her to come to the table. She’ll eat when she’s ready.”

  Logan picked at his meal, ruining Cassidy’s appetite. She set her fork and knife aside. “I get not wanting anything to do with me, Logan. I’m a big girl. I know there weren’t any feelings involved in what we…did.” She cleared her throat and continued. “But I don’t understand how you can walk away from your own child.”

  “I’m not walking away. I said I would help financially.”

  Tired and frustrated, she lashed out. “How do you plan to ignore a child who’ll grow up right under your nose?” She had no plans to leave Junket. This was home.

  He shoved his chair away from the table and headed for the door.

  Great. She’d pushed him too far. “So that’s it? You’ll send a check in the mail once a month?”

  Hand on the doorknob, he said. “That’s all I have to offer.”

  There went all her pie-in-the-sky dreams of her child having a real family. “You know what
, Logan? Never mind. Never mind the money. Never mind me. Never mind the baby. We don’t need your help.”

  The muscle along his jaw pulsed in anger. After a moment, he opened the door and walked out, leaving Cassidy the last word.

  And the last regret.

  Chapter Three

  “What am I going to do about her, Twister?”

  Her meaning Cassidy.

  His deaf companion chased his tail, ignoring the cattle grazing nearby. “No comment, eh?” Logan sat astride his horse staring at the sea of yellow grass ending at the horizon. He clicked his tongue. The horse moved forward and Twister raced off in a different direction.

  Logan had been checking for breaks in the fence line since dawn—three hours ago. The flat-for-as-far-as-the-eye-could-see terrain and a lonely wind whistling in his ears created perfect contemplating conditions. And contemplate he did.

  Three days had passed since Cassidy Ortiz had dropped the bomb that he was about to become a father. Logan had yet to wrap his brain around the news. He hadn’t meant to hurt Cassidy when he’d confessed he had no intention of becoming involved in their child’s life, but her shocked expression said he’d failed miserably.

  Spotting a broken wire, Logan stopped the horse and retrieved the tools tied to the saddle. A few months ago he’d considered replacing this section of fence, which ran along the western border of the ranch, but he’d gotten sidetracked nursing a sick cow. Now he didn’t dare waste money on new barbed wire when he’d soon have to fork over a monthly child-support check.

  Cassidy said to never mind about the money—remember?

  Ignoring the voice in his head playing devil’s advocate, Logan used the fence stretcher to pull the two broken ends of barbed wire taut, then fed the lines into a Gripple. The small metal cylinder prevented the wires from slipping back out. Satisfied with his handiwork, he rode on.

  Cassidy hadn’t asked for a handout but the income from her hair salon wouldn’t cover the added expenses associated with raising a kid—diapers, baby formula, clothes, toys, doctor visits…college. Things he and Bethany had discussed, anticipated, then tried to forget with each failed pregnancy. Bethany’s and his baby’s deaths had gutted Logan. The only thing he had left to give was his money.