by Karin Baine
As he’d pointed out, they had things to say, things to do, but they’d have to wait until Simon was safely tucked up in bed and her parental duties were over for the day. The anticipation of where and when they might get to explore this exciting new development uninterrupted was an aphrodisiac in itself. As if she needed it! Quinn was finally starting to believe there could be room in her life for more than foster children. If she dared risk her heart again.
Simon’s pace began to slow up and it struck her for the first time about how much energy this day had taken out of him. Not that his enthusiasm had waned once.
‘Can we go to the shop now?’ His eyes were wide and it was no wonder. A building stuffed to the rafters with soft toys and souvenirs was probably one of the highlights for most of the children. For her, there’d been many others. With one in particular still lingering on her lips, and she wasn’t talking about the cakes.
‘Sure. What do you say about taking in the rest of the way from a giraffe’s point of view?’ Matt, obviously picking up on his sudden weariness too, stooped down and gently hoisted Simon up onto his shoulders. It was a balancing act to avoid jarring Simon’s right side but he managed it, holding on to make sure his passenger was comfortable and secure.
Rather than make a fuss, he’d found a way to turn a potential meltdown into something fun. A tired and cranky tot was just as difficult to reason with as a frightened, injured one.
Crisis averted, Simon perched happily on Matt’s broad shoulders for the remainder of their walk around the grounds with a hand resting on his head. If either of them were in any discomfort they made no mention of it. The smiling twosome blended into the crowd of other fathers and sons and Quinn had to remind herself it was an illusion. It wasn’t real. Matt wasn’t always going to be around, but for now, it was good for Simon to have someone other than her who actually wanted the best for him.
‘I wanna get down.’ He only became restless once they reached the shop entrance, so Quinn helped Matt lift him off his shoulders so they could let him loose.
Matt cricked his neck from side to side and massaged his neck. ‘I’m getting too old for that.’
‘Never.’ She got the impression he’d done this sort of thing a lot for his kid sisters. It seemed a shame he was so set on making sure he never committed to fatherhood again. He’d have made a great dad for some lucky child.
‘My thirty-five-year-old aching muscles beg to differ. You, on the other hand, strike me as someone who’s young at heart and never too old to appreciate these.’ He lifted a cuddly bush baby, its big eyes begging Quinn to take him home.
‘It’s so cute.’ She hugged it close, unable to resist the aww factor.
‘And a souvenir from our time in the night life exhibit.’ His devilish arched eyebrow and wicked smirk immediately flicked her swoon switch.
She’d never been a bad girl, always on her best behaviour, trying to please people so they wouldn’t have cause to reject her. Matt drew out that reckless side she’d suppressed for so long and she kind of liked it.
She knew the score. Unlike Darryl, Matt had never said he’d stick around and raise foster kids with her. He was going to leave no matter what. She didn’t have to be a good girl where he was concerned, and based on previous experience he had a hell of a naughty side she wouldn’t mind getting to know better. Arousal rushed through her like a warm summer breeze, bringing promises of hot sweaty nights to follow.
It would’ve been futile to try and stop him from taking the poignant reminder of their day together over to the cash register when he hadn’t let her pay for anything so far. She went to look for Simon, who’d disappeared behind the shelving at the front of the shop, probably lining up a selection of animal friends he’d talk Matt into buying for him.
When she walked around the corner she was horrified to find him in tears, surrounded by a group of older boys.
‘What’s going on?’ She went straight into mama bear mode, defending her young and putting a barrier between Simon and whatever was upsetting him.
The three backed off, still laughing, and tossed a plastic monkey face mask at her feet. ‘The freak might look better with one of those.’
At that point Matt came striding over, a formidable figure with a thunderous look on his face which sent Simon’s tormentors scurrying out of the shop. ‘Are you two okay?’
Quinn was winded from the cruelty she’d witnessed directed at Simon but she hugged him close, letting his tears soak through her dress.
‘He’s only a baby,’ she gasped to Matt, her own tears bubbling to the surface.
They’d had a lovely day and now the actions of some stupid kids had set them back at square one, undoing all the progress they’d made by bringing him here.
Matt crouched down so he was level with Simon’s bowed head. ‘Hey, wee man. Don’t you listen to them.’
Every jerky sob broke her heart a little bit more as Simon clung to her with his one good arm. If she had her way she’d wrap him up in cotton wool so this kind of thing would never happen again. A child this young shouldn’t have had to go through so much in his short life.
‘No one’s ever going to want to be my mummy and daddy because of my stupid face.’
The emotional punch of Simon’s words knocked them both into silence.
That belief was at the very heart of the child’s fears and why he wouldn’t let anyone get too close. He genuinely thought his injuries made him unlovable and that few minutes of taunting had given credence to his worries.
This time Quinn was forced to swipe away a rogue tear but she steeled herself against any more. For her to become an emotional wreck now wasn’t going to do Simon any favours.
‘Well, I know people who think the world of you. Why else would they have bought you your very own spider monkey?’ Matt opened the long arms of the cuddly primate and attached them around Simon’s neck. ‘I’ve got some zoo mugs for us too. Why don’t we go back to my house to test them out?’
Simon glanced up at her with puffy, red, irresistible eyes. ‘Can we?’
‘Sure,’ she said as brightly as she could muster, thankful that the master of distraction had found a quick and simple way to ease his immediate pain. It was going to have to be down to her to find the long-term solution and show him how loved he was.
Matt stood up and spoke quietly for her ears only. ‘I know this wasn’t in the plan but my place is closer. We can get a taxi there, get him calmed down again before we get you home.’
She nodded, afraid to verbalise her thanks in case she burst into grateful tears.
Just as he’d reassured Simon, he took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Everything’s going to be grand.’
She didn’t know why but even in the most trying circumstances she believed him.
‘Take us home, Matt.’ She sighed, content to let the pretence go on a while longer.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE BACK OF a taxi was a luxury compared to the packed trains or buses at rush hour. The busy streets somehow seemed further away from the sanctity of their private black carriage. It was a shame Quinn’s mind couldn’t defend against the outside stresses as well as the thick glass windows.
The tears had dried on Simon’s face now as he played with the stuffed animals on his lap. Finally sharing what had been troubling him seemed to have taken a weight off his mind, but it hadn’t eased hers any. She’d been digging for so long to find out the cause of his inner turmoil she’d imagined it would bring relief. That they would deal with it and move on, naively thinking it would make her better equipped to help him. Far from it. She knew all too well that fear of never belonging, never being loved, and how it never really left, not completely. Despite the efforts of those who’d eventually taken her in. She was always waiting for that moment of final rejection which repeated itself over and over. It had to b
e the same for Simon, even before his injuries were added to fears which weren’t completely unfounded.
Adoption was a long and complicated process and the odds of finding a family for him could well have been worsened with his serious medical, and probable future psychological, problems which not everyone would be willing to take on. Her heart ached for him, and between her and Matt, they had to work together to help him transition into the next phase of the process and find his for ever family.
Matt’s home was everything she’d expected it to be on arrival—modern, expensive and in the busy hub of the city—everything hers wasn’t. His apartment spoke volumes about their contrasting lifestyles and future plans. He was very much enjoying his freedom as a man about town, whilst her Victorian terraced house had been built with family predominantly in mind.
The floor-to-ceiling windows were impressive, as was the view of the river, but for her it lacked the personal touch, the evidence of family, to make it a home.
However, Matt did his best to make them comfortable for the short time they’d be here. She was certain he’d never intended for them to cross his threshold and this had been nothing more than an emergency stop to prevent her going home with the company of a distressed child to look forward to. Yet, here he was washing up after home-made omelettes and freshly squeezed orange juice as though he’d expected them for dinner all along.
‘Were you a Boy Scout? You’re always prepared, no matter what catastrophe I bring to your door.’ Literally, in this case.
Matt laughed as he stacked the dishwasher. ‘I’m no Boy Scout. I still do a big weekly shop, a leftover habit from having a houseful of ravenous teenagers, I suppose.’
‘Well, I appreciate it and apparently Simon does too.’ She passed him an empty plate. At least Simon’s appetite was improving despite the new drama.
‘It’s not a problem. Actually, it’s been a while since I cooked for anyone. I forgot how much I enjoy doing it.’ He leaned against the kitchen worktops and for the first time looked almost unhappy about living on his own.
‘Are you seriously telling me you haven’t brought women back to show all of this off? Most men would have photos of this as their profile picture all over social media.’ Not that he would need to use his money to draw interest. A man who could cook and clean, on top of everything else, was designed for seducing women, her included. No matter how much he tried to hide it, domesticity was very much a part of him.
‘I didn’t say that. I’ve just never cooked for any of them. That’s what expensive restaurants are for.’ The wink he gave her made her sick to the stomach thinking of the women who’d been here before her under entirely different circumstances.
‘I guess I’m more one for home-cooked meals than whatever’s fashionable.’ She sniffed, despising those who’d put more store in the material things Matt could give them instead of appreciating the qualities which made him who he was—a kind-hearted, generous man, with the patience of a saint. A man she was falling much too hard for and yet she was powerless to stop herself. She was unable to resist when there was still so much to discover about him, and herself.
He’d been generous with his time where Simon was concerned but his support had also boosted her confidence that she wasn’t the only stand-in parent in history who’d struggled. As everything in her life had been, this was a rough patch she simply had to fight her way through and that was something she was well practiced in.
‘Hey, I only break out the chef’s apron for very special guests.’ Matt held her chin between his thumb and forefinger and parted her lips.
Her eyelids were already fluttering shut before he settled his mouth on hers, much too briefly. She peered over his shoulder to see how much of this little moment Simon had witnessed. It wouldn’t do to have two of them confused about what was happening between her and Matt.
‘I think the excitement’s all got too much for him.’ Matt followed her gaze to the small figure hunched up on the end of the leather sofa.
‘How on earth am I going to get him home now?’ Although it was a blessed relief to see him so soundly asleep, she didn’t relish the thought of having to wake him to get him home and run the risk of him not getting back to sleep again.
‘You know what they say, let sleeping five-year-olds lie.’ Matt didn’t appear to be in a hurry for her to leave, unmoving from his position in the open-plan living room between her and her sleeping babe.
‘I think you’ll find that’s dogs,’ she said, gently nudging him aside so she could go and check on Simon.
‘It won’t do him any harm to sleep there for a while. I swear I’ll take you both home as soon as he’s awake.’ He crossed his heart. ‘Scout’s promise.’
She narrowed her eyes at him but he did make her laugh. ‘He can’t be comfortable in that position though.’
He was curled into the foetal position, his head bent awkwardly over the arm of the chair. It was cramp waiting to happen. Worse, it could aggravate his injuries if he lay like that too long.
‘I can move him into the spare bedroom. There’s plenty of space for him to stretch out there and sleep undisturbed.’
‘You’ll have to be careful not to wake him.’ She hovered as Matt scooped him up into his big strong arms as though he weighed nothing.
‘Don’t worry, he’s sound asleep.’
Simon didn’t so much as flinch as they transferred him down the hall, his arms and legs hanging limply from Matt’s hold. The fresh air had obviously done him the world of good.
Matt elbowed the door open and Quinn couldn’t have been more surprised about what lay behind it if she’d found an S&M dungeon rigged up. The room was decorated in pretty pinks and purples, flowers and fairies, and everything he’d said he’d despised in home décor growing up. At the far side of the room next to a mountain of children’s toys and teddy bears was a child-sized bed and a white wooden cot. The perfect little girl’s room and nursery.
‘Is there something you want to tell me?’ He’d made such a big production about not wanting family responsibilities, she hoped she wasn’t about to discover he was, in fact, a divorced dad of two little girls. She didn’t think she could handle it if he’d lied to her about who he was when that was the very man she’d fallen for.
He carefully laid Simon on top of the bed covers and pulled a comforter over him before he attempted to explain himself.
‘I told you I have sisters. Anne, the eldest, is married with two daughters, Jaime and Lucy. Sometimes they come visit.’ He fussed around, closing the curtains and making sure the floor was clear of any debris Simon could trip over.
It was a far cry from the self-centred bachelor he’d portrayed and she wondered why he’d withheld this snippet of information. Perhaps his family situation would have put off a different type of woman, one who’d have been horrified at the thought of being required to babysit or change dirty nappies someday. Not her.
She backed out of the room with a snigger. ‘So, basically, you’re a granddad?’
Matt rolled his eyes and closed the door softly behind him. ‘See? This is why I don’t generally share the details of my personal life. It changes the way people see me. I have two sides. To the outside world I’m a young, single, successful surgeon. To my family, I’m an agony aunt and a doting uncle. I don’t tend to let the two worlds collide.’
‘And which side am I seeing?’ They were standing toe to toe in the hallway and Quinn was sure he could hear her heart thumping against her ribcage. The more she got to know the real Matt, the more she wanted to believe they stood a chance of making this work.
‘Well, Quinn, you are an anomaly.’ He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. ‘Somehow you’ve managed to set a foot in both camps and I’m not sure how I feel about that.’
It was the kind of honesty she appreciated. He wasn’t promising
her the world to get what he wanted, only telling her that she’d made him think about what they were getting into and that was enough for now.
‘Me either.’ She didn’t know what each step further into his life meant for her down the line except more heartache but for now the one thing she was sure of was that she wanted him.
She leaned closer but Matt was already there to meet her, meshing his lips with hers as though they’d always meant to fit together.
Her conscience drifted between taking him by the hand and leading him to the bedroom, or setting up camp outside Simon’s door in case he needed her. ‘What about Simon? What if he wakes up and doesn’t know where he is?’
She couldn’t blame Matt for wanting to avoid ready-made families when they were such a passion killer at the most inopportune moments. Every time their make-out sessions got steamy it seemed to trigger the baby alarm.
No hanky-panky! You have a child to think about!
Not what any hot-blooded man wanted interrupting his love life and Matt wouldn’t have any trouble finding a willing partner elsewhere if he kept getting sex-blocked by a five-year-old and his panicky mum.
She was already preparing herself for the ‘This isn’t going to work’ speech as Matt took off towards the living room. She trudged behind him and wondered how they were going to put the time in during Simon’s unexpected nap now. A game of chess perhaps? Or maybe he had a photo album of all of his glamorous, readily available exes she could flick through while they waited. If she’d had a coat she would’ve fetched it.
‘I have one of these.’ Instead of his sex life in pictures, he produced a baby monitor and set it on the coffee table with a proud flourish as if he’d solved the world’s hardest equation. For her, he had.
No matter what obstacles crept up he always found a way over them. He didn’t quit at the first sign of trouble and that was new to her as far as men were concerned. It was difficult not to get too attached to someone who, so far, had done everything possible to show her she could trust him. Rely on him.
