“You need to pull it together,” he says. “People are going to think you’ve lost your senses.”
“I’m sorry.” I steady my breathing again. “I’m just so excited! I’m going to be a dad!”
“It’s really amazing,” Alex says, and I know he means it. He’s been my best friend these past few years. He’s been right there with me as I’ve dealt with the news of my infertility and losing Ashley. He might be the only person in the world who can truly appreciate how much this moment means to me.
Except that he can’t quite appreciate it. Not fully. Because even though I’ve told him about Kendall and the connection we share, he hasn’t felt it. He doesn’t know how special it really is. There’s only one person who knows that, and suddenly I want to speak to her more than anything in the world.
“Who are you calling?” Alex asks as I pull out my phone again.
“Kendall,” I say. “The woman at the clinic told me she was getting the news at the same time I did, so she’ll know the truth by now. I should talk to her. We need to make some kind of plan for the future. We need to arrange to see each other, to talk. And I owe her an apology, too, for not believing her when she told me the baby was mine.”
“Do you want some privacy?”
Alex gets up, but I wave at him to sit back down and stand up myself. I should take this outside, where it will be a little quieter. I want the two of us to be able to hear each other.
But then I pause, my finger over her name on my contact list. She did the same thing I did. She took a picture of herself and used it to identify herself in my phone. And there’s something about looking at her face right now that’s making me hesitate.
“What’s up?” Alex asks. “Aren’t you going to call her?”
I sit back down. “No,” I say.
His eyes go wide. “Dude. Don’t tell me you’re planning to blow that girl off. You’re in love with her. You want this baby. You’ve been going on about it for half an hour. You’re not seriously going to chicken out in the eleventh hour, are you?”
“No, no,” I say. “Nothing like that.”
“Then you have to talk to her. Call her.”
“I know I do,” I say. “But the way we left things…it was so awkward. Everything between the two of us has been so awkward. She tried to tell me I was the father of her baby, and I accused her of lying. I got her stranded on an island. We spent a great night together, but I ran out on her before she woke up. Everything good that’s happened between us has been countered by something bad or unpleasant. And then, when we were at the paternity test, we barely even saw each other.”
“So what are you thinking?” Alex asks.
“I’m thinking she deserves more than just a phone call,” I say. “I can’t just call her up from a bar and say, ‘so I’m the father of your child! What now?’ She deserves something special. Something to let her know how I really feel about this turn of events. Because nothing I’ve done so far has given her any great reason to have faith in me.”
Alex nods slowly. “What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I just know it has to be something big. Something she’ll never forget. She’s had to work so hard for every conversation she’s had with me. I want her to know that it’ll never be like that again.”
Alex grins. “She’s a lucky girl.”
“I just hope she feels the same way.”
The bartender brings the champagne and the glasses, and Alex pours. He lifts his glass, and I do the same.
“To my best friend, Chase Harker,” he says. “The best buddy a guy could ask for. I know you’ll be a wonderful father to your kid. Congratulations.”
I nod my acceptance. “And to my baby’s mother,” I add. “Kendall Wrightwood is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my life. I just hope I get the chance to tell her how remarkable she is, and how much I’m looking forward to going on this journey with her.”
Alex clinks his glass against mine. “Cheers,” he says and drinks, and I follow suit.
Chapter 21
Kendall
“Chase Harker is the father of your baby.”
I thank the woman automatically and disconnect. Aunt Mariel is watching me shrewdly.
“That was the clinic?” she asks.
I nod.
“And is Chase the father?”
“Of course he is,” I say. “I knew he was the whole time. We didn’t get that test for my sake.”
“But now he’ll know that too,” Aunt Mariel says.
I nod again, feeling sort of detached from the whole situation.
I thought I’d feel something more upon receiving this phone call, but the truth is, there’s nothing in it that I didn’t already know. The situation hasn’t changed. Chase is still the father of my baby, and whether he’s going to accept that role is still completely up in the air.
“What are you thinking?” Aunt Mariel asks me gently.
“Just wondering if I’m going to hear from him or not,” I say.
“I’m sure he’ll call,” Aunt Mariel says. “Didn’t you tell me he was the one who wanted to exchange phone numbers the last time you parted ways?”
“He was,” I admit.
“So why are you worrying?”
“It’s just that none of this has gone the way I envisioned it,” I tell her. “Maybe I’ve been naive. Of course it wasn’t going to go smoothly.”
“Did you expect it to go smoothly?” Aunt Mariel asks.
“Not completely,” I say. “But more smoothly than it has.”
“A watched phone never rings,” she says. “Come on, let’s go to the bookstore. By the time we get home, he will have called you.”
But he doesn’t call while we’re out at the bookstore, and when we get back to the retirement community, my phone is still silent. Aunt Mariel sets about preparing dinner, another of her famous lasagnas, and I help her, but my eyes keep going back to my phone. I know she notices, but she says nothing.
Finally, as we’re sitting down to eat, she speaks. “Kendall, if you want to speak to him, you should call him.”
“I can’t call him,” I say.
“Of course you can call him.” She sprinkles parmesan cheese liberally over her lasagna and passes me the canister. “You exchanged phone numbers, didn’t you? You have his number. You can call him as easily as he can call you.”
I cut off a bite of lasagna, but instead of raising it to my mouth, I dissect it, picking apart the layers with my fork. I glance down at my phone. Still no call. I understand what Aunt Mariel is saying—I don’t have to wait for him. I can take the bull by the horns. I can be proactive and reach out to him first. And in theory I agree with her, but…
“No,” I say. “I can’t call him. I need him to make the first move. I feel like I’ve been chasing after him since I found out I was pregnant, and he’s been running away. And I know it’s complicated, and he’s had his reasons.”
“You explained them well,” Aunt Mariel says. “And they make sense. With everything the poor man has been through, of course he’s afraid to believe he might be having a child with a woman he cares for. That must seem like a fantasy come true to him.”
“But if that’s the case—and now there’s proof that it actually is real—why isn’t he calling me?” I ask. “He shouldn’t have anything to be afraid of now. I expected him to be on the phone to me right away.”
A horrible vision rises up in the back of my mind. “What if he’s meeting with lawyers first? What if he’s figuring out…I don’t know, how much money he has to give me to make me go away? Or what if he’s working out some kind of custody bid?” That thought hadn’t occurred to me until now, and my stomach rolls. “You don’t think he could try to take the baby away from me, do you?”
“Calm down.” Aunt Mariel takes my hand in hers. “Would he do that? Think about it. Think about the man you know. Would he take your child away from you?”
“No.” Even after
all the surprising things that have happened between Chase and me, I know this much for sure. My anxiety settles. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He’s not a cruel person. At worst, he’d ask for joint custody.”
I press a hand to my belly. I don’t want to share custody, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. At least my child would have an involved father.
Aunt Mariel is still watching me. “That isn’t what you want,” she says.
“Joint custody? I could live with it.”
“But it’s not what you want.”
“No,” I admit. “It isn’t.”
“What do you want?”
A vision comes to mind unbidden—me and Chase walking hand in hand along a beach like the one on the island off the coast of Tala, while a few feet ahead of us, a small child splashes and plays in the surf.
“A family,” I admit. “I want us to be a family.”
“Does he know that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then you have to tell him.”
“How can I, though?” I ask.
“Call him on the phone. Arrange to meet up with him. When you see him, you tell him the truth about how you feel. I know you can do it. After the way you flew out to that island to tell him about the baby, I know you have it in you to make big moves.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “That didn’t exactly go well. I don’t know if I can go through something like that again. What if I tell him all this and he says he doesn’t feel the same way toward me?”
“Then at least you’ll have your answer,” Aunt Mariel says. “At least you won’t have to wait and wonder.”
There’s a lot of truth to that. But I’m just not sure I have the strength to do what she’s suggesting.
Suddenly, my phone pings an alert. My heart leaps into my throat. Could this be some kind of contact from Chase? I pull it out of my pocket.
“An email. I’ve got an email.”
“He emailed you?” Aunt Mariel asks.
“That seems unlikely.” I open my inbox. “No, it’s from my boss.”
Kendall,
I need you on a plane to Boulder, Colorado as soon as possible. The best pitcher in major league baseball, Billy Gallo, is about to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, and it’s essential that we get coverage of the event.
This is a major story, and I wouldn’t entrust it to anyone else on my staff. I’m depending on you to get the story we need. You’ll have to pay for your own ticket, but you can expense it later.
Please respond and let me know you received this message, and that you’re on your way to Boulder.
Best,
Georgia
I hand the phone to my aunt, and she reads through the message quickly.
“I’m having a harder and harder time keeping you here,” she jokes.
“I’m sorry, Aunt Mariel.” I feel bad for leaving her earlier than I’d planned.
She waves a hand. “I’m only joking. You need to go. This is important. It’s the price I pay for having a niece with a fancy career.”
I chuckle. “At least my career is moving in the right direction. That’s something.”
“The rest will work itself out,” Aunt Mariel says. “You’ll see. In five months you’ll have that baby in your arms, and you and Chase will have figured out whatever’s going on between you. You’ll feel better. This is temporary.”
I know she’s right. Any resolution will be better than this wondering.
“Go get your interview,” Aunt Mariel says. “Get away from all this for a few days, and deal with Chase when you get back. You’ll feel calmer about the situation by then.”
I nod. “You’re right. Thanks, Aunt Mariel.”
“You’d better get going,” she says. “If you want to get a flight out tonight, you’ll have to hurry.”
I nod. “Can you call me a taxi?”
As my aunt contacts the taxi service, I gather my things and wait by the door. I rest my hand on my growing stomach, where I can feel the baby moving, stimulated by the excitement of the last few minutes.
“Don’t worry, baby,” I say quietly. “I’ll make sure you have a beautiful life, no matter what happens. You’ll have your mommy and your daddy and your Great Auntie Mariel, and everyone will love you so much. I’ll make sure of it, no matter what I have to do.”
* * *
Georgia’s made arrangements for me to stay in a cozy little cabin in the mountains, and I have to admit it’s relaxing to be up here away from everything that’s been plaguing me. The views are magnificent. I pull open all the curtains, letting the light shine in, and take in the scenery.
One side of the house faces a dense forest, and one looks out onto the driveway, but the other two offer views of mountains as far as the eye can see. I’ve never been to Colorado before, and I have to admit I’m intimidated by the scale of everything.
I wonder if Chase has been here.
No. The point is to avoid thinking about Chase.
I take my suitcase to the bedroom and hang up my clothes, storing the case itself under the bed. Billy Gallo is supposed to meet me here, and I want to make sure the place looks decent. It would be so embarrassing to have a major league baseball player walk in and see my ratty T-shirts and sweatpants that serve as pajamas.
I wonder if Chase likes baseball.
I shake my head to dislodge the unwanted thought and pull out my computer. I tried to research Billy Gallo on the way here, but I didn’t have much time in the airport, and there was no Wi-Fi on the plane, so I haven’t gotten much information yet. I got the basics of his career—he was drafted after college and retired after five years as a professional player—but that’s it. I’ll need to know more than that to conduct my interview. I’m not a baseball expert by any means. I’d never even heard of Billy Gallo before today.
I bet Chase has heard of him.
For a moment I drift into a fantasy, wishing Chase was here and that we could talk about this assignment. Maybe he would have a suggestion, an angle from which I could approach the story. If nothing else, it would be nice to have someone here to be proud of me, someone who could appreciate this moment and how hard I’d worked for a real story of substance. This will be the biggest story of my life, without question. I know Aunt Mariel’s proud of me, but it’s just not the same as having a partner.
God. I have to stop thinking about Chase. I have to focus and prepare myself to tackle this story. If my first big assignment comes out terribly because I spent the whole time daydreaming about a guy, I’ll never forgive myself.
* * *
I’m flipping through profiles of previous pitchers inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame when I hear a knock at the door. That must be him.
I slam the computer closed and stow it in my bag, not wanting Billy Gallo to see that I was still working on my research. I want to give him the impression that I was born ready to conduct this interview.
Taking one last deep breath to steady myself and pushing thoughts of Chase firmly from my mind, I walk to the door and open it.
My greeting dies in my throat.
Chase is standing there, holding a bouquet of roses.
I can’t process what I’m seeing. My heart leaps for joy at the handsome man standing in the doorway. He’s really here. How did he even know I was here? And the roses, they’re beautiful…could they mean what I think they mean?
I don’t know what to say to him or where to begin. Emotions are overwhelming my brain.
“I was waiting for you to call me,” I finally manage.
“I didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone,” he says.
“What conversation?”
He cocks his head. “You know what conversation.”
“I guess I mean which conversation?” The good one, in which he wants to join me and raise our child together, in which the two of us have a future? Or the other one? The one I can’t bear to think about?
“Can I come in?” he asks.<
br />
“Oh. Okay.”
I step back to let him pass. The scent of his cologne makes my knees weak.
He hands me the flowers, which gives me something to do for a few minutes and eases the tension. As I hunt for a vase, he makes himself comfortable at the kitchen table. Finally, there’s nothing else I can do to the flowers, so I grab a couple of bottles of water for us and join him.
“I owe you an apology,” he says.
“Okay.” I suspected this part was coming.
“I’m sorry for bringing you to Colorado under false pretenses.”
“Wait. What? I thought you were going to apologize for doubting me about the baby.”
“I am. That part comes next.”
“You have a whole plan here, don’t you?”
“Well, it gave me something to think about on the flight,” he says.
“So what are you talking about? You didn’t bring me to Colorado. My boss…oh.” Realization dawns. “There was no article, was there?”
“Billy Gallo isn’t being inducted into anything,” Chase says, smiling. “My one worry was that you’d figure that out before you got here. That’s why I had to stress the urgency of it and get you on a flight before you had time to do too much research.”
I swat his arm. “That plane ticket was expensive!”
“I’ll reimburse you. I’m the one who wanted to bring you here.”
“I thought I was getting a career bump!”
“You are,” he says. “I’m going to let you write the story about my retirement. Georgia was more than happy to go along with the ruse as a condition of me handing over exclusive rights.”
I have to admit, that’s reasonable. But still… “I can’t believe you lied and brought me all the way out here.”
He laughs. “Pot to kettle! At least I kept it within the continental United States.”
I have to admit, he has a point.
Chase stands and pulls me to my feet. “Kendall,” he says, “you have no idea how happy I was when I got the phone call telling me I was the father of your baby.”
“You were?”
“It was the best news I could have heard. You have to understand, I was too afraid to let the truth in when you first told me. It literally felt too good to be true. I wanted to believe it, but I couldn’t.”
The Baby Miracle Page 16
