To the Moon and Back

by Jill Mansell

  ‘Hi, I can’t speak to you at the moment.’ This time it was the real Jamie saying it.

  ‘Well, try a bit harder,’ said Ellie.

  ‘…But just leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye!’

  Ellie waited for the beep, then said, ‘Hi, Jamie, is that a promise? Because I keep leaving messages… I’ve left loads and loads of messages and I’m still waiting for you to call me back.’ She’d told him this before too. She swallowed hard, annoyance giving way to guilt as it invariably did. Poor Jamie, it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t call her back. ‘Sorry. Just wanted to hear your voice. I love you, OK? Miss you. Bye.’

  She hung up and had a cry, using her sleeve to wipe her wet face rather than get up and find a tissue. Because there was no need; no one to see her and no appearances to keep up.

  ‘Eurgh.’ Jamie wandered into the living room as she was wiping her nose. ‘That’s not very ladylike.’

  ‘Guess what? I don’t care.’

  ‘Oh, sweetheart. I thought you were feeling better.’

  Ellie hauled herself off the sofa and went to fetch the tissue box. Flu-wise she might be feeling better. Jamie-wise her defenses were down, her emotions muddled, and she was riddled with guilt. ‘I wanted you to look after me. You weren’t here.’

  ‘Sorry. But Zack came to the rescue. He did a pretty good job, didn’t he?’

  ‘I suppose. But he wasn’t you. He’s my boss.’ Noisily she blew her nose and lay back down. Jamie’s hair was longer today; it needed a cut. And he was wearing sand-colored Havaianas with his jeans and Ramones T-shirt.

  ‘You like him though. Is that what’s making you feel guilty?’

  Ellie lobbed the balled-up tissue at the bin. It missed. ‘I don’t know. Maybe. Yes.’

  ‘And in a few weeks you’ll be going down to Cornwall with him for his sister’s wedding. I expect you’re feeling a bit funny about that too.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Sure?’ Jamie looked mildly surprised. ‘You won’t find it weird, putting on a show and essentially pretending to be his girlfriend, when all the time you do actually have a bit of a secret crush on him and wish it could be happening for real?’

  ‘Oh…’ Ellie closed her eyes; what was the point of trying to hide something from Jamie when he was already inside her head? ‘Fine, yes, it’ll be weird. But I have to do it and I can’t back down. All Zack wants is a stooge, a stand-in to get him out of an awkward situation. So long as he doesn’t know how I feel about him, it’ll be fine.’

  Chapter 40

  ‘…Thanks, yes, I’ll let him know about that. Bye!’ Ellie hung up and scribbled the message on the notepad next to the phone. Zack was upstairs conducting a conference call. Her recovery was now complete; it was Thursday and she’d been back at work for a full week. The flu was now so much a thing of the past that the thought of feeling too ill to take even a sip of water seemed bizarre.

  The doorbell rang just as the office phone went ting, indicating that the conference call upstairs had ended.

  Ellie opened the front door, her heart sinking slightly at the sight of the Kerrigans on the doorstep. Zack had already said he couldn’t do anything. It really wasn’t fair of them to turn up again and pester him like this.

  ‘Hi,’ Kaye said eagerly. ‘It’s us! We’re back!’

  OK, the job of a good PA was to make her boss’s life easier. Much as she’d liked the pair of them, they needed to learn that no meant no.

  ‘Hello.’ Ellie’s smile was brief. ‘Look, I’m afraid Zack’s really busy—’

  ‘It’s OK, we aren’t here to see Zack.’ Joe Kerrigan took a step towards her and, with a flourish, produced a bunch of enormous yellow orchids. ‘These are for you. Because you have been… magnificent! And we’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve done.’

  ‘Hold on.’ Ellie took a step back as he jiggled the orchids and a spray of bright orange pollen threatened to land on her white shirt. ‘What have I done?’

  ‘We’ve sold our script. Two studios battled each other for the rights.’ Kaye looked as if she was ready to burst with excitement. ‘Our dream director wants to work with us on this and future projects. And it’s all thanks to you. You made Tony Weston read our screenplay and you’ve changed our lives!’

  In shock, Ellie hadn’t even heard Zack come down the staircase. Appearing beside her, he said, ‘I didn’t know about any of this.’

  ‘Me neither.’ She shook her head. ‘I had no idea Tony even looked at the script. I tried my best to make him read it, but he said he wasn’t interested if there wasn’t a part in it for him. It’s still at home somewhere… in the magazine rack, I think…’ She tailed off at the sight of Kaye and Joe both grinning and shaking their heads at her.

  ‘Well,’ said Zack, ‘however it happened, it’s fantastic news. And you can’t stand out there. Come on in and tell us everything.’

  Which was how Ellie learned that the screenplay wasn’t, in fact, still lurking at home in the midst of the overstuffed magazine rack. Between them, Joe and his wife relayed the story of how Tony had taken it with him on the plane, then piqued the interest of his own agent Marvin, who had in turn piqued the interest of Stephen, a leading screen agent at the talent agency where they both worked. A buzz around the script had duly been created, several studios had been keen to option it, and frenzied negotiations had ensued.

  ‘It was unbelievable,’ Kaye exclaimed. ‘They flew us out there. First class! We had champagne and little slippers and everything!’

  ‘And then we had all these meetings,’ Joe took over. ‘You can’t begin to imagine what that was like. They’re talking budgets and ideas and A-list stars… they’re telling us our script is brilliant—’

  ‘I knew it was brilliant,’ Ellie blurted out. ‘I knew it!’

  Joe’s teeth were white and endearingly crooked; he still looked like a scruffy tennis player, but today he was a scruffy tennis player who’d just won a Grand Slam tournament and couldn’t believe his luck. His eyes crinkling, he rubbed a hand across the golden stubble on his jaw. ‘We know you did. So anyhow, the contract’s been signed. Our feet have hardly touched the ground, but we’re back in London. So now you understand why we had to come and see you.’

  Ellie was overwhelmed. ‘I’m so glad you did.’

  ‘Ellie?’ There were actually tears of happiness swimming in Kaye’s eyes. ‘Is it OK if I give you a hug?’

  Ellie laughed and got herself enthusiastically hugged. Meanwhile Joe shook hands with Zack, then Kaye let go of Ellie and gave Zack a hug too. This was followed by a slightly awkward moment when Ellie swung around and held out her arms, expecting it to be her turn with Joe. But it didn’t happen; he was too busy looking at Kaye, waiting for her hug with Zack to be over.

  Never mind. It was sweet. They were so madly in love.

  ‘OK,’ said Kaye, when they’d finished. ‘Well, that’s it!’ She gave Joe’s arm a light tap. ‘I’ll wait outside.’ Turning to Ellie, she added, ‘Joe wants a quick word with you. Is that OK?’

  Joe in turn glanced at Zack. ‘A quick private word, if you wouldn’t mind. It’s just something about Tony Weston… kind of private…’

  ‘Of course. No problem.’ Zack opened the office door and indicated for Joe’s wife to go ahead of him. ‘I’ll show Kaye out.’

  The door closed behind them.

  ‘I lied,’ said Joe.

  ‘In what way?’ Ellie really hoped he hadn’t made up the whole sold-the-film script story. Kaye would disembowel him if he had.

  ‘This isn’t about Tony Weston.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘OK, of course we wanted to thank you. But I also had an ulterior motive for coming here today.’ He exhaled. ‘Bringing you those flowers is my way of saying I think you’re gorgeous and I’ve fancied you rotten since the first time I saw you.’

  Ellie did a double take. Was he serious? ‘What?’

  ‘Oh yes. So
how about it? Fancy meeting up one evening?’ Another pause, then Joe said with an easy smile, ‘You look pretty shocked. I’m not that bad, am I?’

  Were all men like this? Ellie felt herself flush with anger.

  ‘What about Kaye?’

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘You’re married!’

  ‘I’m not married! Who would I be married to? Kaye?’ His eyebrows disappeared up under his tousled blond bangs. ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe you thought that. Kaye’s my sister.’

  Oh.

  Oh.

  Well.

  ‘Oops,’ said Ellie. ‘I got it wrong. Just kind of assumed. You have the same name. You look married.’

  Alarm mingled with horror. ‘How? ’

  ‘I mean, you aren’t anything alike.’ It was an understandable mistake, surely. Joe had messy blond hair and green eyes; he was tall, thin, and gangly. Kaye was small and dark and neat. She also wore a wedding ring. Together they were the Kerrigans.

  ‘I’m like Mum, Kaye takes after Dad. She’s married. No kids. We write together, that’s all, I promise. I’m completely single. So shall I ask the question again?’

  ‘Hang on, just let me think this through.’ Seeing someone in a whole new light took a bit of adjusting to. Joe Kerrigan wasn’t married to Kaye. He’d just asked her out on a date. He was physically attractive but not in an obvious way. His nose was beaky, he had a ready smile and a scruffy, laid-back approach to clothes which she found captivating. Basically, he wasn’t the kind who’d intimidate you.

  ‘Just so you know,’ said Joe, ‘I’m starting to get nervous now.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Oh yes, really. The worst thing is, Kaye said you’d turn me down. And I hate it when I’m wrong and she’s right.’

  ‘Is she unbearable?’

  He shook his head mournfully. ‘Kaye’s a gloater. She could take it up professionally. You can’t imagine what it’s like, having her as a sister. Actually, I’ve run out of nerve. Can we forget this ever happened? I’d rather back out now than get turned down.’

  ‘Can I just ask a question?’

  ‘Feel free.’

  ‘How do you know I’m single? I might not be,’ said Ellie.‘I could be living with someone.’

  ‘I asked Tony Weston. You’re not. You broke up with some guy recently. But you’re definitely not heartbroken about it,’ said Joe.‘I checked.’

  Ellie relaxed. He was funny, unthreatening, and good company. Now that she was trying to weigh up the pros and cons, she was finding it hard to muster any cons. The more she thought about it, the more attractive the proposition seemed. And the more attractive Joe Kerrigan was becoming. The indefinable spark that had so resolutely failed to appear between her and Todd was actually showing discernible signs of life.

  Best of all, Joe wasn’t her boss. And if there was one thing she knew she needed badly right now, it was an opportunity to get over her embarrassing crush on Zack.

  What better way of diverting her attention?

  ‘OK,’ said Ellie.

  Joe looked cautious. ‘OK what? You’re agreeing I should back out now? Or that you’ll come out with me?’

  ‘That one. The second one.’

  ‘Seriously? Wow, fantastic.’ His whole face lit up. ‘When would suit you?’

  ‘Any time.’ Recklessly, Ellie said, ‘I’m free. How about tonight?’

  He shook his head in admiration. ‘You are my kind of girl. I knew I liked you. Ha, come on, it’s my turn to gloat. Wait until I tell Kaye.’

  Out in the hallway, Zack and Kaye were talking about dogs. Kaye turned to look at them. ‘Well?’

  Joe looked proud. ‘She said yes.’

  ‘Did she?’ Kaye beamed at Ellie. ‘Did you? Damn, I said you’d say no!’

  ‘Sorry.’ Ellie was aware of Zack’s gaze upon her.

  ‘Sorry about what?’ said Zack.

  ‘I asked Ellie out on a date,’ Joe explained cheerfully. ‘Kaye didn’t think I stood a chance. Ha, we’re going out tonight.’

  Zack looked as if he’d been secretly electrocuted. A muscle twitched in his jaw. ‘Oh.’

  And Ellie realized she’d been so distracted, she’d completely forgotten about Todd.

  ***

  Kaye and Joe left. Zack disappeared into the kitchen to make coffee. When he entered the office minutes later, he said evenly, ‘So am I allowed to ask what’s going on? Are you building up a collection?’

  Ellie stopped typing and felt a prickle of perspiration on the back of her neck. She’d lied to him; no wonder he didn’t sound amused. Worse, she’d lied in order to not look like an idiot…

  ‘Will you be telling Todd, or weren’t you planning on him finding out? Not that it’s any of my business,’ Zack went on. ‘I’m just surprised.’

  ‘Look, Todd and I aren’t seeing each other anymore. It didn’t work out. We broke up, but we’re still friends. Sorry I didn’t mention it.’ She didn’t need a mirror to know she’d gone bright red. ‘I didn’t want to bore you, banging on about my personal life.’

  ‘Right. Well.’ He clearly wasn’t pleased that she’d neglected to tell him; maybe he was wondering if he could trust her after all. ‘So now you’re going out with Joe Kerrigan. Tonight. Are you sure about this?’ He frowned. ‘I mean, isn’t it all a bit sudden?’

  OK, he was telling her she was desperate. And maybe she was, but not for the reason he thought. Ellie sat up straight. ‘Why can’t it be sudden? Haven’t you ever met someone and felt an instant connection? Because that’s what happened today. I really like Joe. I think he really likes me. Who knows, maybe it was fate that brought him here with that screenplay.’

  ‘I’m just—’

  ‘No,’ she broke in, ‘let me say this. I didn’t agree to meet him because I’m desperate for any old date; I did it because I think this could be special. I’m looking forward to it. In fact,’ Ellie said with emphasis, ‘I can’t wait.’

  ***

  Zack headed upstairs, ostensibly to work on a business proposal ahead of tomorrow’s meeting in Milan.

  In reality, one word was going round in his head. Fuck, fuck, fuck…

  How had this happened? How could it be happening? Why couldn’t Ellie have told him before that the thing with Todd was all over? And now it was too late, because she was in the grip of an instant connection and there was nothing he could do about it.

  Fuck.

  Chapter 41

  Ellie pressed her hands against the washbasin and leaned forward, gazing at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

  This was it then. She wanted it to happen and it was going to happen. Her mind was made up.

  Who’d have thought it? Looking back, it seemed inconceivable that life could alter so drastically. The last seven days had passed in a whirlwind of activity. It was like being inside a snow globe that had suddenly been picked up and shaken. This time last week she had been just another boyfriendless PA with a hopeless, humiliating crush on her boss. Then Joe Kerrigan had turned up and changed everything. On their first date he’d taken her out on a boat on the Thames. On their second date they’d gone Rollerblading in Hyde Park. The third date had been a picnic in Kensington Gardens, the fourth a trip on the London Eye. Joe was fun, he was funny, they had a fantastic time together, and when he kissed her she enjoyed kissing him back. The chemistry that had been so painfully absent between herself and Todd was here in spades. The prospect of taking things further no longer made her feel panicky and slightly sick. Her libido, after nineteen months in deep-frozen hibernation, was back.

  And the time had now come to take things to the next level.

  Here, tonight, in just a few minutes’ time.

  Ellie peered more closely at her reflection. Did she look different already? Were her pupils more dilated than usual? Was this really OK?

  Quite often when she looked in this mirror, she would see Jamie in the bathroom behind her. But there was no sign of him tonight and her mind skittered
away from the idea of conjuring him up. What for, so she could ask him if it was all right? So she could make him tell her not to worry, he didn’t mind, it was fine?

  No, this was her night. It was only fair that Jamie should stay away, leave her alone to get on with it.

  Get it over with.

  That wasn’t fair. It was just a big step emotionally. As soon as the first time after Jamie was out of the way, it would be easier.

  Anyway, it was nice to have these kinds of feelings again. A small part of her had secretly worried sometimes that they might be gone for good.

  There was a light knock on the door.

  ‘Hello?’ said Joe from the other side. ‘Are you still in there? Or have you jumped out of the window?’

  Ellie smiled and opened the door. ‘I’m still here.’

  He wrapped his arms around her. ‘Nervous?’

  ‘Kind of.’

  ‘We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.’

  ‘I do want to.’

  ‘Well, that’s good. So do I.’ Joe kissed the tip of her nose, then rested his forehead against hers. ‘Just so you know, I’m a bit nervous too.’

  Maybe she shouldn’t have told him he’d be the first since Jamie. It was bound to put him under pressure. Ellie led him across the hallway towards the bedroom. ‘Come on, let’s do this thing.’

  Joe grinned. ‘Get the first time over and out of the way.’

  See? He understood.

  ‘Exactly.’

  And then, hopefully, they could do it again.

  ***

  It was a stunning morning, sunny and warm with a cloudless sky overhead, the kind of morning that made you feel glad to be alive.

  Zack, walking Elmo, wasn’t feeling glad about anything. The last week surely ranked among the crappiest of his life. In between his trip to Milan and another flying visit to Dundee, he had been forced to watch Ellie fall in love with another man. Or in lust. Whichever, it had been a hideous experience. There was a new light in her eyes, she always seemed to be on the brink of smiling, and there was an aura about her that definitely hadn’t been there before. It was fizzing out of her like an out-of-control Alka-Seltzer.