To the Moon and Back

by Jill Mansell

  Because choosing what to wear to a wedding was never straightforward, was it?

  Having drawn the living room curtains and switched on the TV, she stripped down to her bra and knickers and tried the wrap dress first. As expected, it was OK but a bit safe. And leaning forward caused the crossover bit to gape, which wasn’t safe but wasn’t really what you wanted at a wedding either.

  No. Back in the bag.

  Silver lacy outfit next. Oh crikey, how was it that you could see something in a shop and think it would look great on, when in reality it made you look like Dr Ruth?

  Ellie peeled off the top and skirt and put them back in the second carrier. Sometimes she made really bad decisions when it came to choosing clothes. Right. She picked up the third and final outfit and prayed it would do. Bugger, the dress had the kind of zip at the back that you needed to be double-jointed to do up.

  And there, just when you didn’t want him, was Jamie, stretched out across the sofa with an arm behind his head.

  ‘Taking a lot of trouble over this,’ he observed.

  ‘It’s a wedding. I want to look nice.’ Having stepped into the dress, she got the zip up as far as she could. Oh, for heaven’s sake. She was a size twelve. If this was a size twelve, she was a pencil.

  Jamie pulled a face. ‘Maybe it’ll be better with the jacket.’

  As if. She put the jacket on and gazed at herself in the mirror above the fireplace.

  ‘You look like one of those Slimmers of the Year,’ he said helpfully, ‘wearing your old clothes to show how much weight you’ve lost.’

  ‘Oh God.’

  ‘Good colors though.’ As if that made everything better.

  ‘Disaster,’ said Ellie. ‘I’ll have to take the whole lot back.’ It was so frustrating. ‘What am I going to wear?’

  ‘How about my favorite? The one we bought on our honeymoon.’

  ‘I’ve worn it before. When we went to Claridge’s.’

  ‘Did we? I don’t remember that.’ Jamie’s eyes were sparkling with mischief; he was doing it on purpose.

  ‘When I went with Zack.’ Ellie eased herself out of the way-too-big dress and jacket.

  ‘And does that mean you can’t wear it again?’

  ‘No. I’d just like to wear something different.’

  He looked mystified. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because we don’t all want to go around in the same clothes all the time, wearing them until they disintegrate.’ To make her point, she eyed his frayed jeans with one tanned knee showing through a series of horizontal rips.

  ‘It might be that.’ Jamie conceded the point with a grin. ‘Or it could be because you don’t want to wear your honeymoon dress while you’re having a weekend away with another man.’

  Was he right? Was that the real reason? Ellie collected up the carrier bags of clothes and marched past him. Dumping them in the hallway, she went into the bedroom and returned wearing a sweatshirt and shorts. On the TV, the ad break was over and the second half of the chat show was about to start. ‘OK, you have to be quiet now,’ she announced. ‘I want to watch this. Roo’s going to be on.’

  ‘You mean you’d rather watch her than listen to me?’ Jamie pretended to look affronted. He’d always liked being the center of attention.

  ‘She’s real,’ said Ellie. ‘And you’re not.’

  ‘…From has-beens to heroes!’ Vince Torrance, who prided himself on his cheeky chappie persona and liberal use of irony, was making his introduction. ‘From lucked-out losers to record-smashing sensations! From the gutter to the stars… and now right here in this studio… ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ceecee Milton and Daisy Deeva!’

  At home in Primrose Hill, with a can of Fanta and a big packet of Kettle chips to hand, Ellie sat watching the show. Beneath that glib, shiny, exterior Vince Torrance was actually an intelligent man and an astute interviewer.

  Reaching across the sofa for her phone, she pressed the call button. When it was answered, she said, ‘Are you watching?’

  He knew it was on. She’d texted him earlier. ‘No,’ said Todd.

  ‘Put it on.’

  ‘What am I, a complete masochist?’ But he gave a giving-in sigh, not an annoyed one. The next moment she heard the sound of the TV echoing down the line.

  ‘Doesn’t she look fantastic?’ Incredibly, Roo had been persuaded to wear makeup tonight.

  ‘Yes, she does. Just explain something. How is this supposed to make me feel better?’

  ‘Sshh, I can’t hear what they’re saying.’ Ellie returned her attention to the TV, where Vince was making jokey comments about Roo’s time working in the charity shop.

  ‘…and this outfit you’re wearing tonight.’ He jokingly indicated Roo’s charcoal jacket and skinny white trousers. ‘I’m assuming that’s where you picked these things up.’

  Roo nodded. ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘Ah! OK.’ Wrong-footed, he laughed. ‘Well, that’s admirable. So forgive me, but this is quite a transformation for you. In the old days you were a pretty wild child, I think it’s safe to say.’

  ‘Oh, I was.’

  ‘And what’s brought this change about?’

  ‘I didn’t like myself very much,’ said Roo. ‘I decided it was time to become a nicer person.’

  ‘And now? Do you think you are nicer?’ Vince looked genuinely interested.

  Roo rubbed her fingers through her spiky white-blond hair and shrugged. ‘I hope so. I think I am, yes.’

  ‘And you’ve written this phenomenal song, with all the proceeds going to St Mark’s Hospice. That’s something to be incredibly proud of. You must be over the moon, surely.’

  Clearly embarrassed, Roo shifted in her chair. ‘Well, yes, we’re thrilled with the way it’s taken off.’

  ‘So is this the happiest time of your life?’ Vince was watching her closely, pushing. ‘It has to be! You must be unbelievably happy!’

  For a moment Roo’s huge brown eyes swam with tears; she tilted her head back, gazed up at the ceiling, then back again at Vince. ‘The hospice was going to have to close down. Now that isn’t going to happen. It wasn’t just me; it was Ceecee and everyone else involved in the campaign. And it worked; we’ve got everything we wanted and more.’ Her smile was bright but anyone who really knew her could see that it wasn’t quite reaching her eyes. ‘Of course I’m happy,’ said Roo.

  In exasperated unison into their respective phones, Ellie and Todd shouted at the TV screen, ‘Liar!’

  Chapter 52

  There were drinks in the green room after the show. The first guest, a comedian, was taking center stage, knocking back vodka at a rate of knots and being noisily hilarious.

  ‘Hi, you all right?’ Vince approached Roo, who was leaning against a wall checking her mobile. Lots of messages but none from anyone she was in any hurry to call back.

  ‘I’m good, thanks.’

  ‘Sorry about the clothes thing. I assumed they were designer.’

  ‘No problem.’ Roo put her phone away.

  ‘Exactly. Just made people love you more.’ He paused. ‘Are you sure you’re OK?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘You’re going to be a star again. From now on you’ll be able to do anything you want.’

  Roo gave a noncommittal shrug; the last thing she wanted was to be a star again. What’s more, it wouldn’t enable her to do anything she wanted.

  ‘Hey, how about you and me slipping away?’ Vince’s fingers were running lightly up her spine in what was presumably a seductive manner. He gave her his trademark saucy grin and moved closer to her ear. ‘Where d’you want to go? Anywhere you like. Can I just say something?’ he murmured. ‘You are one gorgeous lady.’ And here it was, a shining example of exactly why she didn’t want to return to that world. The old Roo would have been off with him like a shot, neither noticing nor caring that he was a slimy character with a huge ego. The only person Vince Torrance loved was himself; spend the night in his bed and it would be all over T
witter in the morning.

  And once upon a time I would have found that funny.

  ‘No thanks.’ A great wave of shame at the way her old self had behaved swept over her. ‘In fact, I think I’m going to head off now.’

  ‘Oh hey, no, don’t do that. You can’t leave… the evening’s just getting started.’

  His hand had moved to her waist now. Roo extricated herself with a sideways shrug and said, ‘Mine isn’t. I’m going home.’

  ‘Fine, then.’ Evidently not planning on bursting into tears about it, Vince said, ‘I thought you’d’ve been up for a bit of fun, but never mind. Tom’ll organize your car.’

  He beckoned to Tom, gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek, and headed over to the comedian who was still holding court in the center of the room.

  Roo felt a smidgen better about herself. She put down her fizzy water and reached for her bag as Tom, the transport organizer, came trotting over.

  At the same time, she’d never felt lonelier in her life.

  ***

  The car rounded the corner into Nevis Street and pulled up outside Roo’s house. It was ten thirty, a crescent moon hung in the sky at the end of the road, and the stars were out tonight in force. Roo climbed out onto the pavement, thanked the driver, and watched him leave.

  Was Ellie at home? Was she awake? Her living-room lights were on but Roo had sent her a text twenty minutes ago saying she was on her way home and hadn’t received a reply.

  The feeling of overwhelming loneliness was back; it was like being smothered in black velvet. Roo took out her phone again, ready to ring Ellie, then stopped as she saw movement at the window. The curtain was pulled back and Ellie appeared. She waved, flung the window open, and leaned out.

  ‘Hey, I know you! You’re that songwriter person I was watching on telly earlier.’

  Roo felt herself relax. How could she have got through the last couple of months without Ellie? And to think that if she hadn’t left her key in the lock that day, they might never have met. Plenty of people in big cities lived opposite each other for years and didn’t so much as say hello.

  Then again, if it hadn’t been for Ellie, she would never have got to know Todd either. OK, never mind that now. Don’t think about Todd.

  Roo shielded her eyes from the glare of the street lamp. ‘Was I OK?’

  ‘You were great. But there was one thing.’ Ellie rested her elbows on the windowsill. ‘Why isn’t this the happiest time of your life?’

  Roo had been on her way across the street. She stopped in the middle of the road.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You heard. Except we both know the answer. It’s because you’re still crazy about Todd.’

  Roo’s stomach scrunched itself into a tight knot. This wasn’t fair; she wasn’t up to another lecture, not now, not tonight.

  ‘Don’t look at me like that.’ Ellie’s voice softened when Roo didn’t say anything. ‘Oh, Roo, haven’t you punished yourself enough now?’

  Roo’s eyes began to prickle. She bit her lip.

  ‘Listen, you did some bad things,’ Ellie went on. ‘But now you’ve done good. More than enough good. I promise.’

  A single tear slid down Roo’s cheek and dripped off her chin. More than enough good; had the scales tipped in her favor, had she actually redressed the balance at last? She gazed up at Ellie and said hopefully, ‘Do you really think I have?’

  ‘Yes.’ Ellie nodded. ‘I do.’

  For the first time Roo found herself able to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, Ellie was right. She shifted from one foot to the other. But there was still the matter of Todd’s girlfriend; it wasn’t as if she could just change her mind.

  ‘OK, this is crazy, why am I standing out here like an idiot?’ She continued across the street. ‘Open the door, I’m coming up.’

  ‘No, you can’t.’ Ellie’s voice stopped her in her tracks. ‘Sorry, but I’m so shattered, and Zack’s making me go in extra-early tomorrow. I just have to go to bed.’

  ‘Oh.’ Stung by the unexpected rejection, Roo said, ‘OK.’ Five minutes wouldn’t hurt, surely?

  ‘Hang on, though.’ Ellie was straightening up. ‘I’ve got something for you.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Wait a sec.’ She disappeared from view. Still feeling put out, Roo guessed she’d been making cupcakes again. A few seconds later, Ellie’s front door opened.

  And there was Todd. Standing there, watching her. With something like determination in his eyes.

  Oh God…

  Roo was unable to move. She was having trouble staying upright. Now he was closing the short distance between them and she was mouthing helplessly like a goldfish, which probably wasn’t attractive.

  ‘Sshh.’ Todd shook his head. ‘Don’t say anything. Stop it,’ he warned as a kind of strangled croak found its way out. ‘Not a word.’

  But Roo managed it. She had to. ‘Wh-where’s Lisa?’

  ‘Lisa.’ Another shake. ‘Don’t worry. She’s gone.’

  Gone, yes, thank you…

  The next moment Todd reached her and seamlessly drew her into his arms. His face, the face she hadn’t been able to put out of her mind for so long, was now inches from hers. In the glow from the street lamp she could see the amber flecks in his gray eyes, the way his eyelashes curled at the corners, the tiny scar below his left eyebrow. And then there was his mouth… oh God, would it really be all right?

  ‘Come here,’ Todd murmured, sliding one hand behind her neck. And then she was there. Their mouths met at last and she gave a tiny uncontrollable shiver, because this… this was the kiss she’d spent so long waiting for. Except now she was messing it up, making a complete hash of it, because the emotion was too much and she was about to burst into tears, and if there were two things you really couldn’t do simultaneously, it was kiss and cry…

  Roo drew back in the nick of time as a great braying sob broke out. Anyone listening would think there was a donkey loose in the street.

  ‘Hey, hey.’ Half-laughing, Todd held on to her. ‘I’m not that bad.’

  ‘S-sorry. I’m just so h-h-happy.’ Months of pent-up tension had to escape somehow. She clung to him, overwhelmed and overcome with emotion. ‘I can’t believe you’re here…’

  ‘Me neither.’ He was gently rubbing her arms as if she was an accident victim in shock. ‘This wasn’t planned, you know. Ellie called and invited me over. You weren’t supposed to find out I was upstairs.’

  Roo kissed him quickly on the mouth then smiled and kissed him again. It was OK, the explosive crying jag had passed. She turned to look up at the window. It was closed now, Ellie having beaten a diplomatic retreat.

  ‘I love that girl,’ she said.

  Todd grinned. ‘So do I.’

  ‘What happened with Lisa?’ She needed to know; had there been a huge falling out or had the relationship simply run its course? Had Lisa ended it, or Todd?

  ‘Ah yes, Lisa. The math teacher,’ said Todd. ‘The one with the unreliable car.’

  Roo held her breath. Had he realized there was only one woman for him, and Lisa wasn’t it?

  ‘She disappeared,’ Todd went on seriously. ‘Back inside Ellie’s head.’

  It took a couple of moments for this to sink in.

  ‘You mean it wasn’t true?’ Roo searched his face.

  ‘None of it was true. Ellie made her up. She invented the whole thing. Personally,’ said Todd, ‘I’m never going to believe a word she says again.’

  ‘Nor me.’ The irony was that if it hadn’t involved Todd and another woman, she would have loved the story of how they’d met.

  ‘But she was right about you not being happy. She saw it on the TV. Well, we both did.’

  Roo stroked her fingers wonderingly through his hair. ‘And she made me realize I’d done enough. At last. So she’s quite clever really.’

  ‘I love you.’

  ‘Me too.’ She leaned into him. Their noses were practically touching. How man
y kisses did they have ahead of them? It was a giddying thought. And not only kisses, either…

  ‘I’m so proud of you.’ Todd’s expression softened. ‘You’re amazing.’

  ‘I made some horrible mistakes.’ She could feel the heat emanating from his body.

  ‘Everyone makes mistakes. But you stopped and did something about it. Most people don’t bother.’

  At that moment a white BMW turned into Nevis Street, catching them in its headlights. As it passed Roo and Todd, windows were buzzed down and they found themselves subjected to a good-natured chorus of whistles, helpful comments, and bawdy cheers.

  ‘And to think this used to be a decent neighborhood,’ Roo tut-tutted. ‘It’s going right downhill.’

  ‘On the other hand, they do have a point,’ said Todd.

  Together they turned and made their way across the street to her house. Roo linked her fingers through his and gave them a squeeze. She could hardly wait.

  Aloud she said, ‘They certainly do.’

  Chapter 53

  It was the last week in September and Ellie had that squiggly going-on-holiday feeling in her stomach. The Indian summer had timed itself to perfection, there wasn’t a cloud in the luminous blue sky, and she and Zack were on their way to Perranporth. It was happening at last and the hardest part was containing her excitement. If Zack had any idea how much she’d been looking forward to this… well, it would scare the living daylights out of him. He’d probably lean across in a panic, fling open the passenger door of the Mercedes, and push her out.

  But he didn’t know and he wasn’t going to find out. Ellie gave a little wriggle in her seat and sat back, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face and watching the scenery whoosh by as they sped down the M4. Elmo was asleep in the back of the car. Geraldine, out of hospital now and recuperating nicely, had gone to stay with her sister in Exeter. Roo and Todd were so besotted they could barely tear their hands off each other; they were like a couple of magnets who couldn’t physically stand to be apart. Best of all, Todd’s mum and Roo had met and instantly hit it off. Maria was as crazy about her son’s new girlfriend as Todd was, and plans were already in place for a mega party to introduce Roo to everyone she knew.