Killing Hearts

by P. Brier

  5: Truths and Popcorn, Whiskey Kisses.

  “A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

  -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

  Then…

  Jesse Montgomery

  I HAVEN’T MOVED. I hear the chair squeak as Bane pushes it back. I feel his warmth behind me as he draws closer. His callused hands come to my shoulders. His chest to my back. Why do I keep letting him touch me? He may have explained why he left. But you can’t erase two years of resentment with a good story.

  “I’m sorry, Jess” he coos in my ear. His closeness feeling so familiar. His warmth making me feel things again. Things I don’t want to feel. The bastard knows what he is doing to me. Unresolved issues soar between us as our body heat smothers out any space between us. I spin in his arms and meet his stare. His mouth parts as his tongue licks the bottom lip.

  But this can’t happen. I can’t let this happen. He hurt me and I can’t let him get close enough to do it again. My hands came up to his chest and push him away. A look of shock briefly appears on his face and is quickly replace with indifference.

  “No” I whisper, “NO, this isn’t happening. I hate you. I’m supposed to hate you” I scream. I crumble to the floor in a pile of broken sobs. I have lost everything I ever cared about. Danny is gone, and now I must face the only person who can hurt me more.

  Bane stands there unsure what to do, I don’t know what to do. This is entirely about him. My whole life has been upturned, not that it had far to go anyways. Seeming to decide, he pulls me up in his strong arms and speaking his own broken apologies. Not sure how I can go from telling him no to welcoming the comfort. But I snug into his arms and relax, tears soaking his shirt.

  Once the tears had subsided, and the awkwardness of the situation set in, I pulled out of his arms to put some distance between us. I clear my throat, it's time that I leave. I no longer needed to be a burden on his life. He may want to protect me for my brother. But that is not his burden to bare. I am not his charity. He is free.

  "I know you said you would protect me, but I'll be fine. I have been for all these years. They don't know I know. I'll go back and pretend everything is fine" I exclaimed.

  "Like hell you will, you will stay here" He yelled, rushing up to me and putting both hands on either side of my face, "You think for one second I would let you walk out that door. You have another thing coming", he said more softly. I wanted to argue, but my body was too overwhelmed to try.

  “I have something to show you”

  He grabs my arm and starts to walk to the back of the house. Not understanding constant need to touch me, but not completely hating it either. He goes into a room down the hall and turns on the light. Inside I notice a beautiful cherry wood canopy bed with a matching dresser and two end tables. The large bay window with a reading nook adorned the far side of the room, overlooking the meadow. It was lovely.

  "This is your room" he states "Danny designed it for you. He wanted you to have the room you never had. The closet is full of clothes I’m sure you will like. He had a personal shopper find them", he seems nervous.

  “It’s beautiful” I breathe. Still mesmerized by the room they designed for me. I know this is partly Bane because I told him when I was fifteen, I had always wanted a reading nook with a bay window, he smiled and answered, “you will have the world someday kiddo” and he kissed me on the forehead.

  “Yes, you are” loud enough I could barely hear him. The look of pain crosses his features and then a stoic look passes through.

  “My room is down the hall, and my office is on the first floor” and with that he is gone, again.

  I am alone now. I can't believe how much has changed since I woke up this morning. I thought I would be graduating, and Danny and I would be celebrating. Instead my brother's dead and my parents are pimps. Kidnapping pimps. I’m stuck at the one person I never thought I’d see again and I swear I can’t force myself to stay mad over it.

  I walk around the room admiring the view from the window. I could get used to this. It's better than my "room" at my parents. Even though we had money, my room didn't show it. I had a twin bed a dresser and one lamp. The clothes I did have were bought by my brother and most likely from Goodwill, since Danny couldn't alert the parental on my "special treatment". He did this for me. He knew me, my likes, dislikes. He was the only person that knew me, other than him. Just like he knew I would be here someday. He just planned to be here too. Tears well in my eyes, when I noticed the stocked closet full of shoes and elegant articles of clothing. He planned everything. He was giving me the life my parents never thought I was worthy of. He just was supposed to be here, too.

  Books adorn the bookshelves, all my favorite authors. From Jane Austen to Dickens. Even some modern fantasy from Laurell K. Hamilton. I find a Kindle sitting on the bench by the window. I will be able to get most of my darker pleasures there.

  I walk to the adjoining bathroom and take in its splendor. There is claw tub in the center with a large rain shower head. Rock adorns the back wall. Giving the room a rustic aura. The sink is supplied with all the hygiene products every beautiful girl would use. Stuff I never could. The kindness in every gesture warms my heart, but it turns ice cold at the recent vacancy.

  After exploring my new home, I make my way down the hall to the living room and kitchen area. Everything is well taken care of. I wonder how he got this house. I mean, without my parents noticing. Has Bane been here all along? So, close, but so far away.

  I find what would have been my brother room. It was all him. I start to shake, knowing he will never walk into this room. I sit on his bed. The room is very bland, but completely Danny. Only relying on the essentials, simple. The bedspread was a plain black variety with grey pillow cases. There was always something behind his eyes; like he was hiding something. Now I know the extremities of his secrets. I wish he would have let me in. I lay down on his bed and close my eyes and remember a time when Danny was here.

  It was my thirteenth birthday, obviously I didn't expect presents or a party. But I knew Danny and Bane would do would do something, they did every year. Mother and father were at the club, per usual. Danny had just gotten off work, doing whatever it is Danny does for work. He smiles when he sees me curled up on the couch with a bucket of popcorn and our favorite movie ready to play in the DVD player.

  "Let me guess Monkey, A League of Their Own and kettle corn popcorn" he sighed. Yep it was same every year. "Don't you think a new tradition is in order” I would have been hurt had I not known he was joking. He knew my love for tradition. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere. Danny always did that for me. He ruffled my hair underneath the hood of my hoodie and went to grab a beer. He joined me on the couch. Once he was seated, he pulls out a small box and hands it to me. Inside the box I find a gold heart locket with the picture Danny and I had taken at the fair last year. It was my first time at the fair. We tried to get mother and father to go, but they were to hungover from Saturday "fun-day" as they called it. But they always seemed happier on Sunday, like every Sunday was payday. They even surprised me with a gift every occasionally.

  "Danny, can I ask you a question" I whispered

  "Of course, brat, what's on your mind" He stated lovingly. He always had time for me.

  "What do you and Bane do for father?”

  “Monkey, you know I won’t answer, so why do you ask me”

  “Because she loves to drive us both crazy” Bane interrupts. Walking in with a bag with a card attached. He comes up and kisses me on the head “happy birthday, Jess” and goes into the kitchen.

  Knowing it was a moot point, I dropped the subject. Bane returns with a beer and slops onto the recliner.

  Danny pushed the play button as League of Their Own started to play. But my mind was elsewhere. I wish I had normal. You know parents who dotted on you and planned birthday parties. But instead they rather party themselves, and get high. But
I had this tradition with my two-favorite people. That will never change.

  I must have fallen asleep in Danny's bed, because when I jolt awake, the smell of something cooking assaulted my nostrils. After stretching and waiting for my eyes to adjust. I stood and I started to walk softly towards the kitchen. When I turn the corner, his voice interrupts my movements.

  "Your awake" he states without even looking at me. How did he know I was there, I thought I was being quiet?

  "You were sleeping”, he states, “figured I’d let you sleep”.

  “Thank you, can I help?”

  "No, I got this. Just have a seat” I nod, the awkwardness tangible.

  I take a seat at the small round table in the dining room, with an open view of the kitchen. The sound of feet trotting down the hall causes my senses to be on alert. When a medium sized brown lab comes up to my leg and licks my crossed hands in front of me. I pet the dog and smile at his friendliness.

  "Her name is Angel, I found her in the fields about 8 months ago. Couldn't find it in my heart to get rid of her. She was spirited. Reminded me of you". Me? Spirited?

  “Don’t look so surprised” he accuses.

  He stirs the mash potatoes and puts the spoon aside. He turns and faces me with a look of pure desire. He struts the short distance to my chair. Pulling my chair closes to him, he places my head in his hands. Jesus, he is so hot and cold. I love it.

  "God Jess, you have always been so beautiful, so irresistible. I never wanted to hurt you, leave you”, he lifts his hand to brush a stray hair away from my cheek. His touched scorched my skin, causing heat to form between my legs. What was he doing? He started leaning in closer, so I could smell him. He smelled of cedar and spearmint. So, woodsy. He was looking at my lips, as if they were the last fruit in the world. He was going to kiss me. Did I want him too?

  "W-what are you doing" I asked.

  "What do you want me to be doing, Jess" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

  My breath came out in wisps at his question. What did I want him to do? I was nervous. I was scared. But why? He wouldn't hurt me, would he?

  He brushed his thumb across my lips. I lean into his touch. Closing his eyes, he growled.

  "What do you want, beautiful", he rumbled "I need to hear to you say it".

  "I want you to kiss...." Before the words were out of my mouth his lips were on mine. He took control, grabbing me by the back of the neck to bring me closer to his body. I have kissed one other boy before this, but it was nothing like this. The heat that enveloped us was scorching and erotic. It was rough but gentle. My hands began to roam his sculpted body. His mouth tasted of beer and spearmint and his tongue played with mine. His hand came to my cheek as he guided my head back for better access. It was as if everything he wanted to say he said in this kiss. But maybe he said too much, because before I knew it he was pulling back.

  "I need to stop" he gasped, "if I don't stop now, I won't stop ever".

  Stepping away to catch his breath, he scanned my disheveled appearance. I was a mess, but the look wasn't of disgust, it was pure yearning. He didn't just want me, he wanted to possess me. And that terrified him.

  6: Risky Business

  “Men go too far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.”

  ― Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code

  Then…

  Bane Stratus

  I HAD TO walk away. I left her in the kitchen. I am famished. But not for steak. She always had that effect on me. I don't know what came over me. I have never actually acted on my urges, came close, but this time the damage is done. I kissed her. Her luscious lips were pressed to mine, the world could have ended in that moment and I wouldn't have noticed.

  I don’t deserve her. I must resolve to not touch her either. Yeah Right. Instead of dwelling on what I can’t have, I turn my computer on to start work. I should find out what Danny was hiding.

  When the chime of my computer loading up fills the air, I figure it’s time to get to the bottom of this. I know Danny wanted to keep Jesse in the dark about the whole operation to keep her safe. I always understood that, but me, not so much. If her father knew of her involvement or knowledge, she would have been dealt with, with direr operations. Death would have been a blessing. She would have been sold to the most dangerous, repulsive buyer her father could find. Hell, he would pay someone to take her, knowing her life would be hell, just to make a point. But me, if she was safe, there was nothing he could do to me. I start to remember how it all began.

  From the start, it was risky. Nobody could know what we were planning. It started shortly after I was banished from the club, and from Jess. I was living in Detroit, Michigan. In a small apartment, living in squalor. Barely making it alive. If I didn't die from starvation the rats would have taken me. Danny wouldn't speak to me, I figured Marco had told him what almost happened with his little sister. But still, I feel if he could contact me he would. I mean I was "exiled" for lack of a better term.

  It had been raining for two days straight, with no quit in sight. It seemed Mother Nature was homing in on my emotions because ever since I left Jess behind, everything seemed dim and cold. Danny found me in my "apartment" curled up on the floor, practically freezing to death. Let's just say January in Michigan is not warm. With no money for electricity and gas I was stuck roughing it. It was hard finding a job with no "legal" experience or history. I heard Danny grumble under his breath, obviously feeling sorry for me. I mean we were best friends. But I could tell, he was disappointed in me. The goal from day one was to protect Jess. Not seduce her. I compromised that.

  "Get up" He demanded, "We're out of here"

  I didn't move, too embarrassed by how hard I had fallen. But eventually I stood from my weedy position. I could tell by the look in his stern black eyes, he wasn’t happy to see me, nor was he happy about involving me, again.

  We packed up what little I had and walked out to baby, his truck.

  "I need you to man up. You jeopardized everything the first time, and if I could do this without you I would. But I need you. She needs you”. I nod, running my hands down my face.

  Our destination is a little over six hours away from Michigan. Back to Ohio. We don't speak for almost two hours, I need to find a way to explain. He needs to know. I didn’t just threaten the mission but I also broke the bro-code. I feel for his baby sister.

  "I love her" I blurt.

  Danny slams on the breaks bringing baby to a halt.

  "You can't love her" he says out of breath. His knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel. "stuff that shit down, bro. Your hands are bloody. She is innocent. You’re not good enough.”

  His words stung. But he is right. The things I have done, they hardened me. They had to. If not, they would eat me alive. I could never give her warm cuddles and tender kisses. I don't date. But for her, I want to. I want to be all those things for her.

  After a few collective breaths, he starts to accelerate, we were on our way again. We didn't speak for the rest of the ride. When we pulled up to a ranch house out in the middle of nowhere, I noticed it was completely isolated. There is a dark red barn to the left of the driveway and a huge fenced field to the right.

  Danny turns to me with pain and frustration in his eyes, like it hurt to look at me. He was disappointed. So was I.

  “I’ll be back in the morning with a friend. Then I will explain the new plan. Just don’t fuck it up this time”

  I nod. Not knowing what to say. He is my best friend but things are strained. His little sister is his life, if he says I am not good enough for her. Then maybe he doesn't trust me like I thought. He should know I would never hurt her, not intentionally that is. If he doesn't trust me, coming from the most loyal trustworthy guy I know, then maybe I am a danger to her. As painful as it is, I need to let her go.

  I jolt from the memory. I let her go that day. I shut it off. But that all changed when she showed up outside as planned. I can’t stay awa
y when she is so close to touch. I thought I could. But I was fucking wrong.

  When Danny found out that Marco knew about the plan for corporate espionage, he contacted Jay. Though Jay is an asshole, who couldn't care less if Danny lived or died, came through big. He came up with the idea to "fake" Danny death. He informed us of the toxin that would make Danny appear dead for just shy of 24 hours. I never trusted him, but Danny did. After he took the toxin, Jay had some of his “buddies” in the precinct take the call. They would transport the body to the morgue after having Marco and Star identify their son's body. Then they would call it a suicide by overdose. Jay would go down to the morgue and give him the antidote, by then Jess would have been already here, and Danny could come and explain everything. But that's not what happened.

  Jay went down to the morgue to wake him up, the antidote failed. Danny wouldn’t wake up. His body was already cold.

  He immediately called me in a frantic, almost too frantic, given he didn’t give a fuck about us. It was suspicious. Marco wouldn't want Danny dead just out of the way. He was a sick bastard, but to kill his only son? That leaves Jay and his cohorts? Could they have found something they didn't want Danny to find? Or did Danny already find out and not tell me?

  "Danny, what were you hiding", I whispered.

  ✽ ✽ ✽

  After going through Danny's files, coming up empty. I decided to have a drink, then go to bed. It had to be past midnight. Jess was probably in bed, trying to sleep away her embarrassment. She had nothing to be embarrassed about, but knowing her she probably thought she did something wrong. Quite the opposite. She did everything right. I did everything wrong. Bro-code.

  After a glass of the best whiskey I owned and a partial cigar, I put out the ash and start to head down to my room. As I pass her room I hear sniffling. She is crying. It cuts a piece out of my heart, hearing such sorrowful cries coming from such a gentle heart.