All The Wrong Reasons

by JL Paul

  “Thank you for coming, Irelyn,” he said as he set his spoon down. “I wanted you here but I didn’t want to call and ask. I know you have to study.”

  “I’m ready for my finals, don’t worry.”

  When I finished chopping the vegetables, I dumped them into the huge pot on the stove. I added the other ingredients and stirred, watching the concoction bubble.

  “You know, this is sort of what I imagined it would be like if you would have been pregnant,” he said. The wooden spoon in my hand fell in the soup and I cursed as the hot liquid scorched my skin when I tried to dig the spoon out. “Are you all right?”

  “Fine,” I said with a tight smile. My heart was hammering while my brain tried to process what he’d said.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said as he took a bite of the sandwich. “But I did think about it. It didn’t seem too bad, either – you and the baby living here with me. I tried to figure what it would cost to hire a nanny to look after the tyke while you were in school and I was at work – that is until you finally got published and could stay home and write all day.” I didn’t have to glance over my shoulder to know he was smiling. “I imagine it would have been hard trying to write between feedings and diaper changes but I didn’t see you as the type to hire full-time help. I figured you’d want to take care of our child by yourself.”

  My heart melted as tears collected behind my eyes. While I’d been trying to figure out how to pass a possible pregnancy off on Dustin, Lucas had been making financial arrangements for me and the baby.

  “Luke, we don’t have to worry about that now,” I whispered, unable to face him. “It didn’t happen.”

  “Come here,” he said. I shut off the fire under the soup, set the spoon on the stove, and nearly ran to his arms. He pulled me on his lap and wrapped me in the blanket he still wore around his shoulders. He kissed my hair as I rested my cheek on his wheezy chest. “I know it didn’t happen and I’m relieved, actually – it would have been tough. But, it would have been a little nice, too.”

  I closed my eyes, imagining the scene he must have been imagining and I had to agree – it would have been a little nice.

  Chapter 12

  Lucas raved over my soup that evening, making me blush, and ate two bowls before declaring he was full. His fever was down – thanks to the Tylenol – and he was in a bit of a playful mood.

  I coaxed him back to bed by promising I’d stay with him while he watched a movie. Once I settled him under the blankets, he directed me to a stack of DVDs in a rack near his dresser. I glanced at the titles and groaned.

  “Are you serious, Lucas?” I complained as I yanked one out of the rack and held it up for his inspection. “’Good Will Humping’? Is this all porn?”

  His laughter turned into a coughing fit. I dropped the DVD and retrieved a cold glass of water. He took it from me once his coughing stopped and drained it. Once he set the glass on the nightstand, he yanked me on the bed next to him.

  “I have not watched a single second of porn since you entered my life,” he whispered, his voice scratchy. “I haven’t needed to watch it.”

  My cheeks blazed as I buried my face in his chest. He chuckled cautiously and rubbed my back.

  “I suppose there are porn magazines under your mattress?” I asked as I recovered from embarrassment.

  “Nah,” he smirked, his face still too pale for my liking. “I don’t live at home with my mother anymore, love, no need to hide it. It’s in the nightstand. Check for yourself.”

  I rolled my eyes. “And I suppose you only read it for the articles?”

  “Certainly,” he said with a mock air of innocence. He grabbed the closed notebook on the nightstand and handed it to me. “I’ve been reading this but I’m done. Do you have more?”

  My blush returned as I thought about the rather graphic stories I’d written since he entered my life - and he caught on quickly.

  “Irelyn!” he gasped, coughed, then gasped again. “Are you writing naughty stories now?”

  “Just shut up, Lucas, before I make you OD on cough medicine,” I threatened. He just laughed until he collapsed into another coughing fit. I refilled his water glass and stood over the bed until his coughs subsided. He took a drink then fell back into the mattress.

  “I hate feeling like shit,” he said as he closed his eyes. I sank on the edge and placed a hand on his forehead. “We have a thermometer somewhere, I know. Collin threatened to …well let’s just say my brother offered to take my temperature the most accurate way.”

  I snorted a laugh before dashing to the bathroom to hunt for a thermometer. I found one and forced Lucas to stick it in his mouth. I frowned at the numbers as I checked the sheet of paper where I recorded what meds I’d given him and what times.

  “Your fever is going up already and you can’t have any Tylenol for two more hours.”

  “I’m just hot because you’re here,” he said weakly as he reached for me. I brushed his hair off his forehead. “I’m fine, Irelyn. A fever has a purpose – it’s supposed to burn off all the nasty little bacteria and stuff.”

  “I know,” I whispered, still worried. I kissed his forehead.

  “There are regular movies in the living room, love. Why don’t you get one and we can watch it,” he suggested. I kissed his forehead again and went to fetch a movie. I had to smirk – I hadn’t even noticed that Lucas had a television and a DVD player in his bedroom before today. I’d always been too occupied.

  ***

  I woke early the next morning a little groggy and irritable. Lucas had had a rough night – waking often either because of a coughing fit or because his fever made him so uncomfortable. I did the best I could for him but he was so miserable that it broke my heart.

  I scrambled some eggs and made toast, cursing myself for forgetting bacon or sausage when I’d gone to the store. I poured him a huge glass of orange juice as I dished out the toast and eggs and took it to the bedroom. He was propped against the headboard watching the news. He smiled feebly at me as I set his plate on the night stand.

  “Good morning,” I said as I placed a hand on his forehead.

  “Yeah, the morning sucks,” he grumbled. Grabbing my wrist, he ripped my hand off his forehead. “Come back to bed.”

  “You should eat,” I said as I forced him to lean forward so I could fluff his pillows. “And I’m not feeding you so suck it up and be a man.”

  His brows dipped well over his eyes as a tiny smirk appeared on his face. “Be a man?”

  “Yeah,” I said as I set his plate on his lap. “Eat or you’ll never get better. And if you don’t get better – no more showers for you.”

  “Showers? What are you talking about, love?” I tilted my head, flashing my ‘are you kidding me’ look. His face relaxed into a smile that made his eyes crinkle. “Ah, you’re saying that I can’t have you until I’m better, are you?”

  “Yes,” I confirmed. “That’s what I’m saying.”

  “I bet I could convince you otherwise,” he said in his raspy voice as his hand shot up my pajama shirt and grazed my skin. I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes.

  “Lucas,” I threatened.

  “Come on, love,” he said. “That’s probably the best medicine.”

  “You didn’t even want me until I mentioned it,” I said as my eyes flew open. I removed his hand and set it in his lap. “Now eat.”

  “I want you all the time,” he growled, but he behaved, obediently picking up his fork. I watched him eat everything and finish the juice before taking the dishes away.

  “Aren’t you going to eat?” he called after me. I dutifully tossed a couple pieces of bread in the toaster as I cleaned up the kitchen. Once I finished my meager breakfast, I grabbed the cold meds and the Tylenol and began doling out dosages. He groaned and whined like a child but took everything anyway.

  He dozed on and off most of the day which was a relief. He tried to be himself and keep me entertained but mostly he was pretty i
rritable. And insufferable. But I wouldn’t leave him.

  He insisted on watching some trashy talk show and insisted I watch it with him. Relenting, I sat against the headboard while he rested his head in my lap. My heart swelled as I ran my hands through his hair and watched as he drifted off to sleep. He was causing so much turmoil in my heart and I knew that sooner or later I’d have to make a decision.

  The television station advertised some Christmas show going on downtown and gave me an idea. The boys had nothing whatsoever in their apartment that indicated they even knew it was December, let alone Christmas. But those times that I’d sat out in the cold garage while they’d rehearsed, my eyes had wandered and I’d spotted several boxes marked ‘Christmas’.

  I eased out from under Lucas and tiptoed out of the room. I threw on my shoes before slipping on his coat. I grabbed the garage key off the hook near the back door.

  As I shifted through the boxes, I was startled by another presence.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Tori apologized. “I saw you come in here and I figured you were probably digging out the boys’ Christmas stuff. I came to see if you needed help.”

  “Oh, I do, thanks,” I said. “Um, is any of it yours?”

  “No, I put all my stuff up ages ago. The boys…” she rolled her pretty eyes. “The boys wait until the last minute or until I nag them about it.” She grabbed a box and pointed at another one. “This is all they have besides their artificial tree. We’ll both need to carry that.”

  We carried the boxes in the house and stacked them in the living room. She peeked in the bedroom with a smile. “How is Lucas feeling?” she whispered.

  “He’s a big crybaby,” I said softly. “But he’s getting better.”

  “Good,” she said as we retrieved the Christmas tree. She helped me haul it into the living room then grimaced. “Well, I’ll leave you at it. If you need anything just holler.”

  “Thank you, Tori,” I said. She smiled again and slipped out the front door. Sighing, I planted my fists on my hips as I surveyed the boxes.

  “What’s going on?” Lucas asked as he stumbled into the living room in a pair of jeans and an open shirt.

  “Button your shirt, Luke,” I said, clucking my tongue. “You already have a fever.”

  “I’m trying to look sexy and seduce you,” he quipped with a crinkly-eyed grin. “Is it working?”

  “No,” I said as I quickly worked the buttons and turned my back on him. “Go back to sleep,” I ordered. He ignored my order by wrapping his arms around my waist. “You need to be in bed.”

  “And you need to be with me,” he whined. I shook my head so he released me and kissed my cheek, his whiskers tickling me. “I need a shower. Want to help?”

  “No,” I said.

  “Come on,” he wheedled, turning me to face him. “You can wash my back.”

  “Not happening, buddy,” I said.

  He jutted out his bottom lip. “Want to wash my front?”

  “Lucas,” I threatened.

  “Fine,” he mumbled. He kissed my nose and stumbled back to the bedroom. “Give me a second and I’ll help you with that stuff.”

  Opening a box, I started rifling through the contents as the shower started. Taking a deep breath, I ignored my body’s longing to join him. He was sick and didn’t need to tax himself.

  He returned a little bit later in clean clothes and a shaven face. He jerked me to his chest and rubbed his cheeks all over mine. “Better?”

  “Yeah and you smell better, too,” I said.

  Releasing me with a frown, he lifted an arm to sniff at his pit. I shoved him in mock disgust as I turned back to the mess surrounding me.

  He took the tree out of the box and assembled it quickly. Just as I located the ornaments, the door flew open to admit Collin. He stood in the doorway, blinking at us in disbelief.

  “Ah, perfect timing, bro,” Lucas said as he sank to the sofa. The dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced by his pale face. “We were about to decorate the tree.”

  “You look a little better,” Collin observed as he removed his coat and tossed it aside.

  “I smell better, too,” he announced proudly, shooting me a wink. “Or so Irelyn says.”

  Collin laughed as he rolled up his sleeves. “Well, let’s get to work.”

  I couldn’t remember ever having a better time. All of their ornaments came from their mother and they all seemed to have some story behind them – most of them hilarious. I was starting to feel a little sympathetic toward their mother – her life must have been near hell raising very active twin boys.

  I realized that I really wanted to meet her. But how would Lucas introduce me? Not as his girlfriend but as his what – lover? Fling? Piece on the side?

  “What are you doing for Christmas, Irelyn?” Collin asked.

  I sighed, blowing a puff of air at my hair. “Well, Christmas Eve will be spent at my grandparents’ house. Christmas I’ll spend with my mom and my cousin.”

  “And when will you see Dustin?” Lucas asked, earning a dark glare from his brother.

  I ducked my head to study the minute star ornament in my hands. “Um, I don’t know.”

  “Trouble in paradise?” Collin asked quietly.

  “I don’t know,” I said just as quiet. “I’d prefer not to talk about it if you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all,” Collin said. I flashed him a grateful smile. “So, do we get to see you on Christmas?”

  My heart stumbled and ached to say yes. “Um, I don’t know. I hope so.”

  “We’ll be here that night,” Lucas said softly from the sofa, his voice a little drowsy. “We should be back from the parents’ house around seven.”

  “And you need to be in bed, bro,” Collin said as a deep groove developed on his forehead. “You look like shit.”

  “Remember, you’re my twin,” Lucas said as his eyes fluttered shut.

  “Fraternal and I’m the good looking one,” Collin said as he threw me a glance. I handed him the ornament as I sank next to Lucas.

  “Come on, big man,” I said as I kissed his warm forehead. “Let’s get you in bed.”

  “Only if you get naked,” he said as he slouched. He yawned and coughed. “I don’t want to move otherwise.”

  I placed my lips near his ear, grinning. “I’ll tuck you in and maybe, if you’re good, I’ll give you a sponge bath tomorrow.”

  He cracked an eye open and frowned. He covered his mouth as he coughed. “Seriously?” I nodded. His lips curled in a satisfied smile as he heaved his body off the couch. “Good night, bro.”

  “Yeah, sleep, Luke,” he said as he smiled at me.

  I seized Lucas’s arm and helped him to the bedroom. He shed his clothes before climbing into his bed in his boxers. I hauled the blankets up to his chin and kissed his cheek. He grabbed my hand as I started to move away, gently tugged me back to the bed.

  “I appreciate this, Irelyn.”

  My heart fluttered as I kissed him, not caring that he was sick. I smoothed the bangs off his forehead, my heart in my throat and preventing speech. I nodded and he released me as his eyes fluttered shut.

  When I returned to the living room, Collin had already started clearing the boxes. “I can help,” I said.

  “Nah,” he said as he tossed the boxes near the back door. I followed and opened the refrigerator. Finding a beer, I opened it and handed it to Collin. He grinned before taking a long drink. “Thanks for taking care of him. He’s a big baby – just like I know I am when I’m sick.”

  “He wasn’t that bad,” I said as I smiled fondly.

  “Sit down, Irelyn,” Collin said. He retrieved another beer, opened it, and handed it to me before joining me at the table. He peeled at the label on his bottle as he considered his words. I was too afraid of what he had to say to encourage him.

  “Irelyn,” he said with a sigh. “I promised myself that I would stay out of Lucas’s business. And I have,” he said with a fe
eble grin. “It’s just that, I don’t think this thing between you two is just a … I don’t know – whatever it was. I think it’s more.”

  Taking my bottom lip between my teeth, I nodded. I didn’t know what to say. If he was expecting me to define what it was between Lucas and me, then he’d have a long wait.

  “I’m not talking to you now to beg you for answers or demand you make a choice,” he continued. “I’m just worried about both of you. Lucas never really dated anyone seriously. Oh, he’s had girlfriends but they never lasted long. But he’s different with you. He doesn’t even notice other girls anymore. When that Amber chick gave me her number to pass along, he never took it. It sat on the kitchen table until I threw it away.”

  That tidbit of information did funny things to my heart. “Collin,” I said, feeling that I needed to add something to the conversation. “I don’t know what to say. I like Lucas – a lot. I just don’t know what to do about things.”

  “I know, darling,” he said with sympathy in his eyes. “I can see it. That’s why I thought I’d talk to you. I tried talking to my hard-headed brother but he insists that I not try to make rules – he said you didn’t want any.”

  “I don’t know what I want,” I whispered as tears prickled my eyes.

  Collin reached across the table to pat my hand. “I’m not asking you to figure that out right now. I just wanted to…get this off my chest, I guess. I love my brother and have become quite fond of you. I’d rather not see either of you hurt.” He patted my hand again and finished his beer. “I’m not trying to put any more pressure on you but I think that the answer is right in front of your face.”

  His last comment set my head spinning. What the hell did he mean? If the stupid answer was right in front of me, then how come I hadn’t found it yet? Why was I going through all this crap?

  Easy, I thought. You don’t want to give either one up.

  “You should get some rest while he is,” Collin suggested. “I’ll take care of dinner.”

  Nodding, I shuffled off to the bedroom. I curled up next to Lucas and let all my worries slowly drift away.