All The Wrong Reasons

by JL Paul

  He moved slowly, his lips lingering on mine. His hands were unhurried and soft as he slipped the t-shirt over my head. I trembled as he captured my mouth again. His kiss was gentle and tender with a taste of passion.

  We didn’t explode but came together deliberately, leisurely exploring each other as if we’d never been intimate. And as we peaked, I clung to his shoulders, my face buried in the crook of his neck, crying happily, because I was where I belonged. And I finally knew it.

  He held me close to his chest as our hearts slowed, his fingers tangled in my hair. Kissing me again, he squeezed me. “Good night, love.”

  ***

  Dustin was waiting for me at my house when I got home late Saturday morning. He nearly jumped on me when I walked in the door.

  “Irelyn, is something wrong with your phone?” he asked as he took my shoulders. His eyes were shining and my curiosity grew.

  “No, why?” I asked. I’d turned it off last night when I was at Lucas’s and had forgotten to turn it on again.

  “I’ve been trying to call you all morning,” he said, taking my hand, leading me to the sofa, not even allowing me to remove my coat. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Where is my mother? And Tommy?” I asked, confused.

  “They ran to the store,” he said. “Your mother said I could wait for you.”

  Unzipping my coat, I slipped my arms out while excitement radiated off of him. It frightened me a little and dread lined my stomach. “What’s going on?”

  He took my hand and kissed my cheek. “My father surprised us this morning,” he said. “We’re going to Europe with my father’s family for the holiday break.”

  “You’re…what?” I asked.

  “My cousin is getting married this spring and I guess my parents figure it’s just a matter of time until you and I marry so they wanted to get the entire family together this year.”

  His smile was brilliant and I wondered what this was supposed to mean. “You’re leaving?”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” he cooed as he hugged me. “I’m sorry I won’t be here to spend the holidays with you but this is a great opportunity. Besides, I’ll be back before your birthday, I promise.”

  I knew I should tell him that I wanted to end things but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin the trip for him nor could I erase that shine in his eyes. Biting back my words, I nodded. “It’s okay, really. Um, let me get your gift.”

  “Okay,” he said. “But we have to hurry. We’re leaving tonight and I don’t have all my things together yet.”

  When I returned with his gift, I handed it to him. He oohed and aahed over the encyclopedia like I knew he would. My heart stilled as he retrieved his coat and dug in his pocket. He handed me a small, store-wrapped package.

  My hands trembled as I accepted it and carefully tore the paper. I admired the pretty pink box momentarily before nervously pinching it open, holding my breath. It left me in a gush of relief when my eyes fell on a dainty pair of diamond earrings nestled on a bed of velvet.

  “They’re beautiful,” I said, my voice a little high. He took it as excitement over his gift and he kissed me.

  “I’m glad you like them,” he said, smiling. “I, um, wanted to give you a ring but I knew you weren’t ready for that so I had to settle for the next best thing.”

  “Oh,” I said, stunned. “Well, I love the earrings.”

  “I’m glad,” he said, checking his watching as he got to his feet. “I have to go. I’m sorry I have to leave but I promise to make it up to you on your birthday.” He winked and squeezed my arm. “I’m already working on it.”

  “Don’t go to any trouble,” I objected. I hated all the attention.

  “It’s no trouble,” he said, pecking my cheek. “Have a great Christmas, sweetheart. I’ll see you in a couple weeks.”

  He left me standing frozen in the middle of the living room. Relief joined me but so did anxiety. I hadn’t broken up with Dustin and I let him walk away believing things were fine. But I just couldn’t break his heart right before his trip. I’d have to do it when he came home.

  I sank to the sofa, staring at the Christmas tree. As much as it pained me to string Dustin, I couldn’t help but be relieved that he was gone and that I could put things off a little longer.

  Chapter 14

  Christmas Eve was pleasant enough considering I spent it at my grandparents’ house in front of a roaring fire in their luxurious den. Grandmother had been in a festive mood, actually doting on Tommy and I like we had a warm, loving relationship.

  Grandfather had handed out gifts, as was the norm, and my main gift had consisted of a receipt for my next semester’s tuition. Grandmother had showered me with expensive clothes – none really to my taste – and a beautiful pearl necklace. I had kissed her cheek and she’d even allowed me to hug her.

  All and all it hadn’t been a bad evening.

  We returned home around ten as Tommy was anxious to get to bed. He still believed in Santa, though I had a feeling he was a little skeptical. I grinned as I remembered the conversation I’d had with Lucas about Santa and I honestly hoped Tommy would believe for a few more years.

  “What is this?” Mom asked as she approached the door. A parcel sat on the steps in plain brown paper. She picked it up, her brow furrowed, and shoved it under the porch light. “It has your name on it, Irelyn.”

  I took it from her hands as she unlocked the door. “The delivery guy must have just left it here,” I said. “Good thing we have honest neighbors.”

  Once we hung up our coats, I opened the package to reveal a beautifully wrapped gift. Tommy bounced around me, eager to see what was inside.

  “Who is that from?” Mom asked.

  I read the tag and laughed. “The tag says it’s from Santa.”

  “Open it!” Tommy demanded.

  Mom stood in the doorway with a confused look on her face. “Yes, open it, Irelyn.”

  My heart tumbled in my chest as I hoped that if it was indeed from Lucas, and I was almost certain it was, that it wasn’t something embarrassing. But I doubted seriously that if it was lingerie or anything like that, he would have sent it to my house.

  I tore the shiny green paper away and gasped, my chest thumping and my lungs frozen. “No way,” I muttered, my hands trembling.

  “What is it?” Mom asked as she stepped in the room. Her face lit up as her hands flew to her mouth. “Irelyn! Who sent you that? Did Dustin?”

  Opening the box, I pulled the laptop out excitedly. I lifted the lid carefully and gaped at the dark monitor. My heart filled with love for the man who knew exactly what I wanted most. Well, besides him. “No, it’s not from Dustin,” I whispered.

  “Well, who would send you such an expensive gift?” she asked.

  I shook Lucas out of my head before meeting my mother’s eyes. “It’s from Bailey and Morgan,” I quickly lied. “Um, they’re always complaining about how I write in notebooks and how I should just go out and get a laptop.”

  “That is a very generous gift,” she said dubiously.

  And it was. I wasn’t sure how much money Lucas made at his job or even his weekend gigs and I worried that he went a little overboard. Could he afford this? Would it put him out? Would he have to skimp on a few things? Did he have to give up anything? I hoped not. I didn’t want him to go without anything just so he could buy me a gift. I knew exactly how that felt.

  Yet, I also knew the joy of giving a gift to someone you loved – a gift they wanted so very much. Is that what Lucas was thinking? Did he want me to feel the happiness that was surrounding my heart? My love for him grew as I pondered that thought.

  But I sighed. As much as I longed to charge the laptop and start writing, I wondered if I should return it.

  “Um, Mom, they have loads of money,” I said. “I agree that it is too much but it is actually nothing to them.”

  “Well, honey, you have some wonderful friends,” she said as she draped an arm around Tommy.

 
“Yes I do,” I concurred as a wistful smile crossed my face. I longed to call Lucas at that moment but I knew he was with his parents and I didn’t want to bother him. I’d most certainly go see him the next night no matter if I had to lie to my mother or not.

  Tommy scurried off to bed and I followed him, carefully carrying the laptop with me. I set it on my desk, pausing to stroke it lovingly before I climbed between the sheets.

  I couldn’t sleep. I had to talk to him. I didn’t want to disturb his family time but I needed to hear his voice. And I wanted him to know how happy he’d made me – even if I did return the gift. I grabbed my phone.

  He answered almost immediately. “Hey, love. How are you?”

  “Lucas,” I squealed. “How could you? It’s too much.”

  “What?” he asked, trying to be innocent but I could hear the amusement in his voice.

  “I know it was from you and as much as I love it, I just can’t accept it,” I said. “Luke, I just don’t know what to say.”

  “Listen to me, all right?” he ordered, not waiting for an answer. “I wanted to do it. I planned to do it since I found out that you write all your stories in a notebook. I get a generous bonus every year and I have a friend that works in a computer store. It’s not as much as you think. And besides,” he added in a quiet voice. “I just wanted to do something to make you happy.”

  “You make me happy,” I said before I could stop myself.

  He paused making me wonder if I’d said too much. “I hope I get to see you tomorrow.”

  “You will,” I said. “I want to see you.”

  “I can’t talk right now, love,” he said with regret. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll be at your place tomorrow night sometime,” I said. “Be careful driving home and I hope you have a great day tomorrow with your family.”

  “You, too,” he said. “Good night. Dream about me.”

  I snorted. “Usually do. Good night.” I hung up with a huge smile on my face.

  I closed my eyes dreaming of the day when I could be free to express my love and affection for him.

  And I was certain my mother would love him nearly as much as I did.

  ***

  Christmas was as wonderful as always at my house. My mother had a knack for making everything perfect no matter what our circumstances every year. What we lacked monetarily we made up for in love and warmth and just plain holiday cheer.

  Tommy absolutely adored the piano books I’d ordered for him and my mother loved the cookbook I’d found that she’d wanted. And that evening, we all pitched in to prepare a wonderful feast. I was happier than I’d been in months.

  After we ate and cleaned up, Tommy dozed under the Christmas tree. I made a quick escape to the bathroom. It was after eight and I was anxious to be with Lucas. I hated the lying and sneaking but I comforted myself in the knowledge that maybe next year, it wouldn’t be necessary.

  I dialed Bailey, relieved when she answered.

  “Merry Christmas, Irelyn. Did you have a good day?” she asked.

  “It was perfect and I have loads to tell you but I don’t have much time,” I gasped in one breath. “Listen, I’m staying the night with you tonight.”

  “Sure,” she said slowly. “Come on.”

  “No, listen,” I repeated. “I’m staying the night with you.”

  “Oh,” she said with a grin in her voice. “Going to see Lucas, huh? Well, hell, girl, stay a few days. I got your back.”

  “I absolutely love you, Bailey,” I gushed. “And I owe you big.”

  “Nah, you don’t,” she laughed. “I live vicariously through you. Have a great time and call me later.”

  “Thanks,” I said and hung up. I flounced back into the living room to find my mother nearly asleep on the sofa. “Hey, Mom?”

  “Yes?”

  “Bailey wants me to go to her house tonight and since it’s a couple hours drive, spend the night.”

  “Tonight?” she asked as she pried her eyes open. “Well, okay, I guess. I know you’re probably missing Dustin right now.”

  I flinched. “A little. Um, I might stay a couple days. Do you mind?”

  “No, but I’d really like to spend some time with you, too.”

  I kissed her cheek. “Just a day or two – I promise.”

  “Drive safe, honey.”

  I nearly floated up the stairs to pack. And change. I needed to put Lucas’s gift on under my clothes. My hands trembled as I hurried through my chores.

  ***

  As I walked up to the porch, I was greeted with loud music. Smiling, I opened the door, knowing they’d never hear my knock.

  “You so suck, Collin,” Lucas said as the music suddenly died. I blinked as I took in the scene before me.

  “You’re kidding, right?” I asked.

  Lucas spun and dropped the microphone in his hands to embrace me, lifting me off the ground. “Irelyn! You’re here!”

  “Yes,” I squeaked. “Can’t breathe.”

  He set me on my feet and kissed me. “Thanks for coming.”

  “Hey, Irelyn, look,” Collin called, pointing a drumstick at the TV. “Our parents bought us a toy.”

  “They bought you a band video game? Really?” I asked in disbelief.

  Lucas chuckled as he hugged me to his side, his eyes shining. “Yeah and Collin sucks. He’s a drummer and he gets kicked off the stage in this game for his sucky drumming skills.”

  Spencer laughed as a drumstick flew through the air, narrowly missing Lucas’s head. “Bite me!”

  “Stop fighting or I won’t give you your presents,” I said. I grinned at Lucas and lowered my voice. “You only get one of yours right now – the others will have to wait until later.”

  “I really like the sound of that,” he growled, setting my body on fire.

  I had to force my body away from him to retrieve the gifts I’d crammed into my oversized bag. I handed Collin and Spencer theirs and pushed Lucas into a chair to hand him his. They all raved over the shirts claiming to love them before Collin presented me with two gifts.

  “Okay, darling,” he said with a smile. “You wanted Australia so you got it.”

  I opened their gifts apprehensively and laughed at the first one. “A boomerang. I love it!” Beaming, they urged me to open the other. I frowned as I held it up. “Vegemite?”

  “Hey,” Spencer defended. “We got you the two most Australian things you Americans are familiar with. I mean, we wanted to get you a koala bear but apparently it’s illegal to own one.”

  “No, this is perfect. Thank you,” I said.

  “You really should try the vegemite,” Lucas said. “It’s good.”

  “I’ll take your word for it,” I said.

  I had to endure another round of the band game before I convinced Lucas we should escape to his bedroom so he could open his other gifts. Collin and Spencer each kissed my cheek, warning me they were going to turn the volume up on the television and continue playing to drown out the activities going on behind Lucas’s door. Naturally, m cheeks heated.

  Lucas shut and locked his door before plopping on his bed. “Okay, what kind of naughty things did you bring?” he asked. I tossed the wrapped box of condoms at him. He laughed so hard his face turned red once he opened them, pointing at his night stand where another box sat.

  “Collin beat you to it,” he chuckled. “But his aren’t colored.”

  I sat next to Lucas and kissed him, my heart thumping. He eased me to the bed as I kicked off my shoes.

  “Let me unwrap my other present now,” he said in a low voice and I thrilled at the idea. It was working out better than I’d hoped. I’d intended to just take my clothes off to reveal the nightie but his plan was better. He peeled off my shirt and gasped. “Love – you didn’t!”

  “I did,” I said with a smile.

  He wasted no time in taking off my jeans to reveal the nightie. He groaned. “Damn, baby. Damn.” His lips found mine again as he lifted
off the bed, taking me with him. He tore his mouth from mine and held me at arm’s length to admire me. “You look so hot.”

  He spun me around and I heard his deep intake of air. He kissed my neck. “Thank you.”

  I pulled his shirt over his head, anxious to have him. He helped me and before I knew it, I was on the bed again. His lips were all over me as his hands stroked the soft material that barely covered my body. I wanted him so badly that I could hardly stand it. But he wouldn’t let me off easily. He didn’t remove the nightie – just moved it out of his way as his lips found my stomach. It was my turn to suck in a breath as he kissed his way down.

  He drove me to a new high. When I could take no more, he tore open one of the boxes on the nightstand, prepared himself and entered me, driving me totally insane. My nails dug in his skin as he kissed my neck and knocked me over the edge again.

  He collapsed to my side, huffing and puffing harder than the big bad wolf. I reached for him as he pulled me to his side.

  “Irelyn,” he said with a heavy breath. “Damn. Just when I think you can’t drive me crazier – you do.”

  I couldn’t speak. I just wanted to be in his arms. I kissed his bare chest as my belief in Santa Claus was suddenly reborn.

  ***

  I woke early, tucked happily in Lucas’s arms, no urgent need to rush home nagging at me. As far as my mother knew, I was up north at Bailey’s and wouldn’t be home until the next day. It was a wonderful feeling that made me wish I could wake up like that every day.

  I folded my arms on his chest and propped my chin on them so I could watch him sleep. But he ruined it when the corners of his lips curled in the corners.

  “Are you trying to wake me?” he mumbled. “Because I can think of a better way.”

  “I just like to look at you,” I admitted in a whisper and blushed furiously.

  Grinning, he cracked his eyes open. “Not nearly as much as I like looking at you.” It was my turn to smile as his arm wrapped around me. “That first night at Rusty’s – when I first saw you- I thought you were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. I just had to talk to you.” He opened his eyes wider and I couldn’t drag my gaze away from his face. “I never intended to take you to Spencer’s that night – but I couldn’t resist you.”