Utterances

by Jo Michaels

  “Whoa. What’s this for?”

  “Just hold me? Please. For five minutes. I need to clear my head, and there are some things I need to tell you.

  He did as he was asked, and they stood there a good few minutes, swaying softly, listening to the birds sing in the trees. Finally, she was able to let go, her head clearer, and the paranoia of the book being stolen away settled down.

  Both did a quick bathroom and water run before they got settled on the couch. It was a few minutes before he cleared his throat.

  “You had something you wanted to talk to me about?”

  While she did want to tell him everything about the night before, she wasn’t really sure how to broach the topic without sounding like a crazy person. “Oh… Uh, yeah.”

  Leaning forward, he put one hand on her knee. “Whatever it is, remember, I’m here, you’re here. We’re in this together. You can tell me anything.”

  It was exactly what she needed to hear. Every time he did that, it still shocked and relieved her. When she looked up, she found his eyes soft and wide, a small smile on his lips. It gave her the courage she needed to start.

  He nodded and knit his brows several times while she told him all about the book, but he never interrupted to ask questions. Everything about his posture changed when she started describing her dream about them having sex, though. A look came over his face that she had no definition for. It was almost lusty, but it also seemed to hold a hint of concern. That puzzled her.

  At the last word, she tossed her hands in the air and let them come down to slap her thighs. “And that’s it. Am I crazy?”

  “No,” he answered. “There are so many things I want to ask you right now, I don’t know where to start.”

  “Simply ask. Like you said, we’re in this together.”

  “You watched your face change in the mirror?”

  “Yes. I saw the crow’s feet around my eyes appear like little rivers of darkness. It was kinda creepy.” She shivered at the memory. “I also wondered why you didn’t mention it.”

  “I didn’t want to make you feel insecure or put pressure on you for an answer, and I hoped you’d tell me when you were ready. You realize what that means, right?”

  “I do. I’m trading my health, or life, for hers, but we knew that was going to happen.”

  “Simone…”

  “I know it seems crazy, but you heard her mother. All she wants is her little girl back, and truth be told, I’m pretty sure she was worried about what I was giving up so she could have it. I think, in the end, that’s why she asked, but I can’t be sure.”

  “And you’re willing to trade your life for hers?”

  “I am. I told you that before. It’s not like I die when I read. I just age a little.” Indignation burned hot behind her sternum. For some reason she couldn’t vocalize, she felt as though she had to keep going.

  “Yes. But what happens when you age to eighty or ninety? What happens when we want kids? Will I ever get to have that with you?” Tristan’s voice rose.

  “Please, don’t yell at me.” Each word was like a slap to the face. She didn’t want to disappoint him, but she also couldn’t see simply sitting around when she had so much she could give to others. That would be incredibly selfish was the only thought that permeated her mind. There was no way Tristan could understand because he hadn’t felt the joy and thrill of saving someone’s life right when they thought there was no hope left.

  “I’m sorry. I can see you fighting it out in your head. But, after you do this, you’ll be okay for a while, with the money and all, right? You won’t need to do it again.”

  All she could do was sigh. Telling him the plan to give the money away wasn’t on her agenda for that moment, but she opened her mouth and let it spill out anyway. They were already nigh on the path to another argument, so she figured she might as well get it all out of the way at once. As expected, his mouth fell open.

  “You want to what?”

  “I’m not flexible on this one. She’s getting the money.”

  “But, Simone!”

  “I’ve thought about it a long time. It’s my money, and my life, and I don’t feel right taking from people like we’re doing and not paying it forward in some way.”

  “Sweetheart, I understand what you’re saying, and where you’re coming from, but does that mean you’re gonna keep doing this after Kelly?”

  “Yes. It does,” she answered.

  “Until when? Until you die?”

  It was then that her patience for the rehashing of the topic broke, and she lost her temper. “Yes, okay? Until I die! It’s my choice to make, and if you’re not gonna support it, then you need to get away from me, and stay away! You said you could handle it! You obviously lied! So, go! Leave me alone. Let me be the person and do the things I want to be and do. Don’t push your agenda on me! I love you, I do, but this is out of control. You say one thing and do another! I can’t anymore. I’m so tired of fighting about it.”

  There was no yelling back, and there was no storming out. Tristan simply sat there, his fingers intertwined in his lap, his head down.

  Simone waited, stress building, for him to leave or scream… Something other than sitting there like a whipped puppy. Finally, she spoke. “Well?”

  “I’m not leaving you again. You’re right. I promised to stay with you through this and hold your hand, be there for you. It makes me incredibly sad that I’m going to lose you before I’m old, too, before we’ve had a chance to really live.”

  That wasn’t what she expected, and it took the wind right out of her anger, morphing it into sadness. She felt like a horrible person, telling him not to leave and then demanding he do the very thing she told him not to in the first place. Her mind was a cacophony of voices, each one screaming at her to stop reading, get rid of the book, keep the book, give it all up and run away, and the worst one was loudest, demanding that she think of the children she had the potential to help with just a few words. Without thinking about what she was doing, she fisted her hands in her hair, threw her head back, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

  Tristan wrapped fully around her in a moment, rubbing her back, telling her it would be okay, that he was sorry, and asking her to please stop.

  When her breath ran out, she collapsed into his shoulder and sobbed. Everything she’d been feeling the moment before poured out of her through her tears, and she clenched her hands in his shirt, feeling like she’d die if he let go.

  “It’s okay. Shhh.” He rocked her as he cooed in her ear.

  Emotionally wrought, she wasn’t sure why she did it, but she suddenly pulled back and crashed her lips into his, needing to be close to him.

  There was no hesitation as he returned the gesture, pulling her to him so she was straddling his lap. Their tongues were electric wires, sending shockwaves through them with every caress. Her breathing sped up, and she tingled all over, wanting to go further, faster. She fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, giving up and ripping them away, her hands eager to feast on the flesh of his chest and back.

  He slid out of the garment and lifted her shirt over her head, tossing it away. When he touched her bare skin, she shivered.

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he whispered.

  “Please, don’t talk. Just make love with me. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in this world.”

  They stood, his hands supporting her as she clung to him like ivy on a house, and went to her room. Once there, her dream played out in perfect unison.

  Sometime in the middle of the night, they woke up and made love again, falling back asleep quickly afterward, firmly wrapped in one another’s arms.

  Friday dawned with brilliant colors dripping across the sky as the sun lifted its weary head over the horizon. Simone had woken right before the explosion of eye candy had begun. She stared in awe at it from the safety of Tristan’s arms. His breath tickled the back of her neck, and she pushed backward to get their bare skin
even closer. Still, the heat between them could’ve lit a raging inferno, and that made her wonder if every man was as tender and loving as the one she’d been so lucky to catch the eye of.

  “Good morning.” His words startled her in the stillness of the dawn, and she couldn’t have stopped the smile that bloomed on her face in response if she’d been pricked a thousand times by a white-hot needle.

  “Good morning. Did you sleep okay?” she asked without turning around.

  “I did. There was a little vixen in the bed that woke me up once, but I’m not complaining. Best hour of sleep I ever lost.”

  That elicited a chuckle, and happiness flooded her brain and heart when he squeezed his arms a little more tightly. “Are you ready to start the day?” she asked.

  “I thought maybe we’d work on planning your mom’s birthday party before we set off for the Jones’s house. We don’t need to be over there at any particular time, but we only have two weeks left to get everything going for the party. Tomorrow is Saturday, remember?”

  Shit. Everything about her mother’s birthday had been lost in the excitement and stress of reading to Kelly. Simone groaned. “You’re right. I totally forgot! I’m the world’s worst daughter!”

  “No. You simply have a lot going on, sweetie.”

  “This pillow talk isn’t sexy at all.”

  “Ha. Come on, let’s get rolling.”

  She snuggled back into him and wrapped her arms around his, holding him in place. “Five more minutes. I’m enjoying the show being put on by the sun.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  They lay there together, in the peace of the morning, not speaking a word. Pinks and oranges morphed into bright blues and yellows as the orb of fire finished its journey upward and warmed the very air around the couple. Simone sighed. Life wasn’t likely to get much better than those five minutes.

  Once they were dressed, they grabbed a couple of pens and notebooks and sat at the dining room table.

  Tristan tapped the paper with the ballpoint. “Okay, first up, we need a theme. Everything else will fall into place after we have that.”

  “How do you know so much about party planning?” She was coming to the conclusion that he had a lot of hidden talents. It was fun to discover each one, like opening Christmas gifts all year round.

  “I help Mom out a lot at the other venue my family owns. It’s mostly wedding receptions, which the coordinator usually handles, but there’ve also been a number of birthday parties and things.”

  “Oh. How many businesses does your family own?”

  He chuckled. “Four.”

  “Are all of them in the hospitality arena?”

  “They are. Now, let’s quit talking about all that and get to planning. I’m thinking luau.”

  Images of people in clamshell tops and grass skirts had her giggling, and she shook her head in response.

  “What? Why not?”

  “Can you”—she took a deep breath as the giggles turned into belly laughs—“imagine Waymon in a grass skirt and a lei?”

  “Oh.” Tristan’s cheeks turned red. “Yeah, probably not the best idea.” He scratched that item off. “What about diamonds?”

  “I thought that was for a fiftieth anniversary or something.”

  “Okay, then what’s your idea?” Tossing the pen down, he crossed his arms and leaned back, mouth twisted to one side.

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Thinking about her mother’s past, Simone suddenly hit on the best theme ever. She leaned toward Tristan and kissed him. “It’ll be the best party ever!”

  His twisted lips changed to a crooked grin. “You gonna tell me, or not?”

  It took them over two hours to decide on a cake design via Pinterest and pick out invitations from a local printer that would even mail everything. Tristan handled the cake order, and Simone took care of the rest. Finally done, they leapt up and rushed to get ready for Kelly’s reading. It was nearing one o’clock, and Simone was anxious to see if any improvements had occurred overnight.

  As always, they parked a little down the street and walked up to the house. Tristan knocked on the door.

  There was no answer.

  Simone rang the bell.

  Still nothing.

  Shouts from the backyard had them peeking off the porch to see what was going on. There, inside the chain link fence, Kelly’s pigtails were swinging to and fro as she bounced on a trampoline. Her mother was standing close by, one hand on her heart, the other grasping a tissue. Peals of laughter filled the air.

  “Let’s walk around,” Tristan said, taking Simone’s hand.

  They stood at the gate for a long while, watching the little girl acting like the kid she was. Finally, her head spun toward them, and she made a mad rush off the edge, her mother moving like lightning to catch the child before she did a faceplant in the dirt.

  “Tony! Hannah!” Kelly sped to the gate, threw open the latch, and launched herself at Simone, squeezing her so tightly, she thought she might break in half.

  Once she wriggled free, she knelt on the ground so she was eye level with Kelly.

  It was a joyous thing to see her so full of life. Pink cheeks, long, white-blonde hair, and sparkle back in her eyes. Simone ran her fingers through the strands of one pigtail. “Your hair came back!”

  “Uh huh! Mama said she don’t know what you did, but that you’re a magic lady,” Kelly whispered.

  Virginia blushed and lowered her head. “Well, you kinda are.”

  Uncomfortable with the attention, Simone stood and offered her hand. “We need to finish so you get all the way better, though. You can play again after I’m done for the day. Okay?”

  “Oh, yes! I’m excited about the farm girl and her daddy. I do hope it all works out in the end.”

  They made their way to Kelly’s room, and when she asked her mother if Simone could read from the bed, the woman’s eyes watered, and she nodded.

  “Yay! Get up here, Hannah!” Kelly squealed and shoved the teddy bear to the floor to make room.

  Carefully, Simone climbed up beside the child and cuddled her close before pulling open the cover of the book.

  “Huh? There’s no words. Do you just make it up?”

  “Shhhh. Watch.” The familiar tug pulled, and silvery script flowed over the page.

  “Oooooh! Cool!”

  “Yes, but it needs to be our secret, okay?”

  “Cross my heart!” Kelly mimed the phrase as she spoke it and held one tiny palm up. “Not a word.”

  “Okay. Good girl. Let’s get going.” Simone focused on the letters and read as Kelly turned the pages, her delight growing as she watched each one fill with story.

  It was only a few hours before Simone reached the words, The End. She was baffled. Never had it taken only five days to read someone’s cure. Seven was the lucky number. Her eyes moved to Tristan, and she cocked an eyebrow.

  He shrugged in response.

  Right away, Kelly started bouncing on the bed, talking about how awesome the end was, with the farm girl getting to be a princess by marrying the handsome Prince, and how her father ended up being a duke, by order of the Queen.

  All Simone could do was smile and laugh along. It looked like the leukemia was gone. Brightness and energy had returned full force. Her heart swelled with the warmth of giving, loving the way Kelly’s excitement showed.

  “If we’re done here, we need to get going,” Tristan said, rising.

  “Ohhhh! Noooo!” she said, clinging to Simone.

  “I have to, sweetheart. There are other kids out there that need me. Understand?”

  Virginia popped her head into the room. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes, ma’am. We need to go. It seems we’re done here.”

  “I don’t want them to go, Mama! Please?”

  “Baby, they have other things they need to do.” Mrs. Jones walked to the bed and extricated her daughter’s arms from Simone’s waist. “They’ve worked a miracle here, and we need t
o respect their time, too. Okay?”

  Tears fell from Kelly’s long lashes, and she blinked several times as she nodded. “Okay, Mama.”

  Simone scooched off the bed and took Tristan’s hand. He seemed unable to take his eyes off the sobbing child. “We promise to come back for a visit sometime, okay?”

  Kelly wiped the snot and tears away with the back of her forearm, and she nodded, her eyes a little brighter. “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  “Okay.” While she didn’t look happy, it seemed to placate her, and she folded her hands in her lap, staring at her fingers.

  “Let me walk you out,” Virginia said.

  Leading the way to the front door, Simone and Tristan traded small squeezes of their hands. He reached out and took hold of the knob right as she was pulled backward. Mrs. Jones wrapped her slender arms around Simone’s shoulders and broke down into tears.

  Not knowing what to do, she stood there, holding on, wishing she could melt and escape. Praise had always made her uncomfortable, and holding a mother that was sobbing in gratitude was nearly more than Simone could take. Finally, she was able to breathe as the lady’s grip relaxed.

  “Really, Virginia, it’s the least I could do. I remember what it was like to be you, on the other side of this horrifying illness.”

  Mrs. Jones blew her nose. “I made her an appointment for Monday. We’ll know within a few days what the blood tests say, and then they’ll probably wanna do a whole bunch of other tests.”

  “I understand. Just contact the attorney, please. He’ll want copies of everything for verification,” Simone said. Then, she grabbed Mrs. Jones’s hand and squeezed. “Go now. Give your daughter all the love. Enjoy her.”

  “Will I ever see either of you again?”

  “I’m afraid not, but please, don’t tell Kelly. Keep it between us. It’s simply not possible.”

  Virginia waved as the couple walked down the sidewalk, and they waited until her head disappeared inside before walking back up to the truck and getting in.

  Tristan turned toward Simone, his eyes wet. “That was the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen. Do you think she’s cured?”