Effie

by Stevie MacFarlane

  “Effie!” Grace and Amelia cried in alarm.

  “I’m fine,” Effie assured them. “Horace had me pinned against the bureau. As sparkling lights started dancing in front of my eyes, I realized I would soon pass out. My reticule was there on the top of the bureau. Reaching behind me I managed to get my derringer free, stuck it in his side and pulled the trigger. Yes, I shot him, Marshal Hadley, and I’d do it again if he threatened to hurt someone I care about,” she yelled.

  “Do be quiet, Miss Lane,” Sam growled. “You know Doctor Martin said you should rest your voice,” he continued, smiling through his clenched teeth. “I, of course, heard the shot clearly and rushed to the room, kicking open the door. It couldn’t have been more than a second or two. I saw a man on the floor, bleeding. Miss Lane was leaning against the wall, nearly unconscious as she gasped for breath.

  “A crowd of people gathered quickly and I sent for the doctor. After examining both Miss Lane and the injured man, he had him removed to his office and told me to take Miss Lane home with me.”

  “Miss Lane, when you entered your hotel room, did you intend to shoot Mr. Remington?”

  “I didn’t know he was in there, but yes, I intended to shoot Horace if I ever had the misfortune to see him again. He hurt my friend,” she said, her lip beginning to quiver.

  Sam wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to his chest, holding her head firmly. “Miss Lane, please shut up,” he hissed so quietly she wasn’t sure she heard correctly. His lips were so near her ear, his breath tickled. “Keep quiet, and if you don’t end up in jail, I’m going to spank you. I’m trying to help you.”

  Effie struggled weakly to pull away, and at that moment Amelia accidentally spilled her hot coffee onto the marshal’s lap. “Oh dear, I am sorry,” she said quite loudly as she handed him her napkin.

  “There, there, Miss Lane,” Sam crooned. Taking his own napkin he pretended to dry Effie’s non-existent tears. “Sit up now and I’ll ask the chef to make you something nice and soft to eat. I know you’ve about exhausted your speaking capabilities,” he continued, patting her low on the hip.

  Effie flinched. He was a bit too close to her bottom for comfort, but she decided to keep her mouth shut, for the moment.

  “I hope we have answered all your questions, Cole,” Tempest said sweetly. “Of course Mademoiselle Lane will be staying here until she chooses to return to her home, but for now I must insist she rest.”

  “Just one more thing,” Cole said, rising. “Would you mind if I looked at your neck?”

  “Mon Dieu,” Tempest said. “She is a young mademoiselle and has suffered great upset. She does not need you ogling her.”

  Effie looked at the marshal. He seemed to believe her, but there was always the chance the power of the Remingtons could reach all the way to the Pacific Northwest. Slowly she put her hands to the scarf at her throat and pulled it away.

  There was complete and utter silence in the room for several moments. Everyone present could clearly discern where each of Horace’s fingers had been placed as they squeezed her thin neck. The dark purple marks looked excruciating, yet she remained still. Finally Grace and Amelia shot disgusted looks at the marshal as they rose and hurried to Effie’s side.

  “I believe I’ve seen enough,” Cole said thickly. “Thank you, Miss Lane, for your time and, Mrs. Jordon, I certainly enjoyed breakfast.”

  “You are welcome anytime, Cole,” Tempest said graciously. “Will you be attending the barn dance? Perhaps you will want to take one of the brides as your own,” she suggested with a wink.

  “I have neither the time nor the patience to take on a bride, Mrs. Jordon, but perhaps I will attend, if only to make sure none of those varmints that came in with Remington show up.”

  “Oui, that is a good idea,” Tempest agreed.

  “I’ll show Cole out, Mother,” Sam said, passing Effie off to the girls. “I want to have a word with him.”

  “Think I’ll come along,” Jonah added.

  “Amelia, why don’t you take Grace and Effie into Mother’s morning room,” Hugh suggested. “I’m sure the three of you have much to discuss.”

  “Yes, we do. Join us, Ma Ma?”

  “Non, you go on. I will join you soon, ma petite,” she replied, watching her husband follow his oldest son from the room. Quietly, she went through the kitchen and out the back door. Circling the house, she stood at the far corner of the front porch, out of sight as she eavesdropped on a conversation she was not intended to hear.

  Chapter Three

  “What do you intend to do about this situation, Cole?” Sam demanded as soon as the men gathered on the porch.

  “I guess that depends on whether Remington dies or not.”

  “That’s not what I mean. Only an idiot would charge Miss Lane with a crime. I want to know what you’re going to do about the men he hired.”

  “Now, Sam, don’t go getting all hot-headed. You know investigations take time. If Miss Lane is telling the truth, I see no reason to detain her, but so far I’ve only heard one side of the story.”

  “Detain her?” he demanded.

  “That’s what I said. By rights I could take her in now. After all, she admits she shot him and Jonah here admitted she held him at gunpoint. The details of her relationship with Remington are at question. She wouldn’t be the first scorned woman who decided to rid herself of a two-timing man. How do I know it wasn’t revenge for preferring her friend Grace over her?”

  “Oh for crying out loud,” Jonah cried. “I told you what kind of man he is.”

  “Yes and that it may have been the drink talking,” Cole insisted. “No, as far as I’m concerned this case isn’t settled. As a matter of fact, I think it’s best if Miss Lane stays right here in your custody, Sam.”

  “My custody?” Sam roared.

  “Yup, you seem to be her biggest supporter, so who better to keep an eye on her until this thing is settled?”

  Tempest took a moment to peek around the railing. Sam was running a hand through his hair and Cole’s face was wearing a huge grin.

  “The only eye I want to keep on her is watching her backside as she boards the eastbound train.”

  “What about the hired guns?” Jonah asked. “You need to run them out of town. Grace and Effie may both be in danger.”

  “I don’t have any papers on them, Jonah, and until I do they’re as free to walk around as you and me. Now, I’ve wired the federal marshal in Nebraska, but I haven’t heard anything yet. That’s another reason Miss Lane should be in Sam’s custody. Somebody needs to look out for that girl. It seems to me she’s pretty free with those guns of hers.”

  “I think Cole’s right, Sam,” Hugh agreed.

  “Then you babysit that little hell… I mean, Miss Lane,” Sam snapped.

  “Sorry, I wish I could help,” Hugh said sadly. “I’ve got my hands full with Amelia. She could be in danger too, now that the girls are here. Besides, I’ve already been away from the office much more than I should have.”

  Tempest knew a line of bull when she heard one and so apparently did her younger son.

  “Right, now you’re concerned with how much work has been neglected. I see. Jonah, you keep an eye on Miss Lane,” he ordered. “After all, if you’d done your job and apprehended those two…”

  “You’re wrong, Sam. Even if I’d been able to catch Grace, I had no reason to hold Effie. She would have continued on her mission to rescue Amelia. Be reasonable, I’m a new bridegroom. I want to spend time with my wife.”

  “Father?”

  “Sorry lad, your mother is about all I can handle. Not only that, but business is booming. Plus we have the brides to think of. Ethan Jorgenson has already asked about building a new cabin and I’ve promised to see what I could do to help. It seems he’s got his mind set on Miss Martha. No, I just don’t have the time, nor the energy to chase after someone of Miss Lane’s um…temperament.”

  “Well, that’s great. Hugh, explain to me why it’s
somehow my responsibility when it was your clerk who screwed up and your wife who sent that damn letter. And Jonah, you’re a famous Pinkerton detective. How is it you couldn’t manage to corral two girls barely out of school? You end up with a bride and I end up with a… well never mind.”

  “Sam, are you afraid of Miss Lane?” Cole asked.

  Oh, she had to look, she just had to. Cole was having a hard time controlling his laughter and her son was actually glowering.

  “Of course I’m not afraid of Miss Lane. I’m more afraid of what I’ll do to her than what she’ll do to me,” he ground out.

  “Well, it looks like she’s already been worked over pretty good, Sam. Don’t make me come out and arrest you for assaulting her,” Cole warned. “Would you rather I take her into town?”

  “I have no intention of hurting her. I’m not an animal,” Sam said firmly. “However, I won’t promise not to attend to the other end of her if she gives me any trouble.”

  “Care to explain that?” Cole asked slowly.

  “Certainly, if Miss Lane does not obey my wishes while she is in ‘my custody’ she’s likely to get any correction she needs over my knee. Is that clear enough?” he drawled sarcastically.

  “Clear as rain,” Cole replied. “And once she’s recovered, it might be a good idea to show that gal she’s been acting a little too big for her britches.”

  “Care to have a go at her, Marshal?” Sam asked, his voice filled with venom.

  Tempest crept forward, alarmed. Sam’s face was as dark with anger as she’d ever seen it.

  “Nope, I’ve a feeling she’s in good hands with you, Sam. I’d best be going. Duncan, tell your Mrs. I enjoyed the meal. Now I don’t have to stop till supper. Hugh, Jonah, congratulations on your marriages. I’ll be in touch.”

  Scooting backward, Tempest waited to see if the men were going to discuss anything else. When she heard the door open, she ran around the house as fast as she could. She was out of breath when she opened the back door and scurried into the kitchen only to find her husband pouring a cup of coffee from the pot on the stove.

  “Miss anything, lass?” he asked, taking a sip.

  Eyeing him as he leaned against the sink, she tried to judge his mood.

  “I do not know, did I?” she asked, deciding to stare him down.

  Duncan laughed. “I think you got the gist of it, my love. Care to join me in the study?”

  “Why?” she asked suspiciously.

  “I thought we might enjoy a cup of coffee together and talk.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Well, I wouldna mind having you on my lap, lass,” he admitted with a grin.

  “On it or over it?” she countered.

  “I guess that’s your choice, but it will be hard to kiss you if you’re over it,” he teased.

  Tempest smiled, got a cup of coffee and followed him to the study.

  “Oh, Effie,” Grace cried as soon as the three girls were alone. “I’m so sorry. To think I was checking to see if Jonah had a hairy ass while you were shooting one. I’m so ashamed.”

  “Does he?” Effie asked, taking a seat on the settee.

  “Um, no,” Grace replied, blushing. “Does Hugh?” she asked, looking at Amelia.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Does Hugh have a hairy ass?” Effie asked impatiently.

  Amelia burst into laughter and collapsed onto a side chair as the door opened.

  “Excuse me,” Yvette said, as she carried in a tray and placed it on a table. “Madam has sent some chocolat chaud and Monsieur Sam has requested you eat this small bowl of porridge, Mademoiselle Lane. He observed you had no breakfast. Would you like me to pour, Madam?” she asked Amelia.

  “No thank you, Yvette.” Amelia rose and wiped the tears from her eyes. Going to the table she poured three tiny cups of hot chocolate and handed them to her friends.

  “Please take the porridge back to the kitchen, Yvette,” Effie said kindly. “If Sam asks, tell him I am not hungry.”

  “Oui, Mademoiselle.”

  “Are you going to answer?” Effie asked as soon as the door closed behind the maid.

  “Yes, I am. I don’t know why I am, but I am. Hugh does not have a hairy ass,” she giggled. “Now what brought all this about?”

  “It’s just something Effie and I discussed to pass the time on the train,” Grace replied seriously.

  “And that was the best topic of conversation you could come up with?” Amelia was still giggling.

  “Oh no,” Grace said. “We talked about all sorts of things, but we tried to save the important topics so we could discuss them with you. At the time you were the only one who would actually know if men had hairy asses.” Grace grinned. “Now I can add my input.”

  “And can I assume you have nothing to offer, Effie? No naked men’s backsides available for viewing on your way west?” Amelia teased.

  “No, but I did get to see Jonah in his underwear,” Effie said sweetly before letting a laugh escape. “Grace was sorry we didn’t take all his clothes so she could satisfy her curiosity,” she continued dryly.

  “Effie!” Grace giggled.

  “But I guess it didn’t matter because by now she’s most likely seen every inch of her Pinkerton man.”

  “Oh my, indeed I have and I must say he’s quite impressive,” Grace sighed, blushing. “Why there’s a part of him that goes from small to huge before you can say, what the heck is that?”

  “I know,” Amelia said, slapping her hand on her knee in a most unladylike manner. “It’s so strange at first and then so delightful.”

  “Speaking of that,” Grace said earnestly. “Remember the trick Mrs. Pettigrew showed us where you take your knee and smack it between your attacker’s legs. Don’t trust that, Amelia. That doesn’t work at all. As a matter of fact, Horace seemed quite familiar with the tactic.”

  “Don’t mind me, girls,” Effie drawled, looking at her fingernails. “Just go on as though I wasn’t in the room.”

  “Oh, Effie, forgive us,” Amelia said, moving to the settee and putting her arm around Effie. “You both must tell me everything that’s happened. Include every detail and don’t you dare leave anything out. I’ve been worried sick about you two.”

  “We will, Amelia,” Grace promised, “but first I need to know about last night, Effie. What really happened at the hotel? Oh, I knew you should have stayed here, but sometimes you are so stubborn and I was sure you would insist on leaving after Sam spanked you.”

  “Sam spanked you?” Amelia gasped, taking Effie’s shoulders and staring into her eyes. “Whatever for? Are you all right? I mean your bottom?”

  “It’s fine, a bit tender, but no real harm done,” Effie replied stiffly.

  “Mine hurts a bit this morning too,” Grace admitted.

  “What? You too? Don’t even tell me that nice husband of yours spanked you,” Amelia insisted.

  “Well, we did cause quite a bit of trouble last night, what with sneaking up on the house and then Effie pulled a gun on Sam and ended up shooting out that beautiful heirloom window. I guess maybe we deserved it,” Grace sighed.

  “Speak for yourself, Grace” Effie corrected. “I think it’s simply barbaric. Samuel Jordon is a brute of the worst sort!”

  “Did someone call me?” Sam asked, opening the door and entering the room. He didn’t bother to hide his grin.

  “Certainly not,” Effie replied crisply.

  “Well, I was coming in, in any case. Yvette informs me you did not wish to eat your breakfast this morning, Miss Lane. I just wanted to let you know I’ve asked the chef to prepare something special for you for luncheon and you will eat it, or I shall feed it to you.”

  “Excuse me?” Effie demanded, rising to her feet. “Who do you think you are, Mr. Jordon?”

  “At the moment, I am the only thing between you and a jail cell, Euphemia. May I call you that? Of course, I may call you anything I like as you are now in my custody, protective custody to be precise
.

  “If you are wondering what that means, it means I am responsible for your wellbeing and of course, your behavior.”

  “Samuel,” Amelia scolded. “Stop tormenting my friend.”

  “My dear sister-in-law, while I hate to distress you, everything I’ve said is true.” Turning back to Effie he continued. “While the situation is not one either of us would choose, there seems to be no alternative. You will mind my words, Euphemia, and behave in a proper manner while you are a guest in this house. I’m not prepared to tolerate any nonsense so I would advise you to recall last night in the study and act accordingly.”

  “Look at her, she’s injured and you would threaten her?” Grace shouted, going to Effie’s side and wrapping an arm around her waist in support.

  “Of course I would not discipline the lady while she is in this condition,” Sam assured her kindly. “I will however keep a tally and she will atone for her naughty behavior when she has recovered. Do we understand each other, Euphemia?” he asked his eyes full of promise.

  “Yes, we do, Mr. Jordon,” Effie replied sweetly. “Take me to jail,” she insisted, holding out her wrists.

  Sam laughed. “While that is always an option, it’s not one my family would approve of. Therefore, you will reside here and strive to impress me with your impeccable ladylike behavior until this matter is settled. I expect you in the dining room at the proper time and pray you do not embarrass us both.”

  “Mr. Jordon, that’s not something you should put much stock in,” Effie drawled.

  “I’m not at all surprised,” he replied as he nodded and left the room.

  All three of them dropped to the settee as a unit.

  “Oh, lord,” Amelia groaned. “How did things ever come to this?”

  “You ran off and married a stranger and then sent a distress call,” Effie replied.

  “Yes, you’re quite right. This is my fault,” Amelia agreed, biting her fingernail. “It’s my fault and I shall fix it. I will go and talk to Hugh. Perhaps he can become you’re custodian until this mess with Horace is straightened out. Of course…”