Blood Ghast Blues

by Jake Bible

  She cocked her head. “I suppose that is true. The test is whether or not you are worthy of our help. Win the fight and you not only leave here alive, but we will assist you with your return to Asheville. Instead of going to Washington DC, as you’d originally intended.”

  I didn’t feel the need to ask how she knew about us going to DC. Best to let powerful women with barb-shooting tentacles have their sources of intel.

  “Lose and you get to leave, but it won’t be easy getting out of Roanoke. And whatever awaits you on the road, whether back to Asheville or on to DC, is your problem.” She looked me up and down then did the same to my friends. “A problem none of you was prepared to handle before and I hardly see how you will handle it now. Unless you were planning on carving up Ms. Kyles along your way to keep the blood ghasts at bay.”

  “You have a way to do that without kobold pieces or parts of Harper?” I asked. “You know how to fight blood ghasts?”

  “Centuries of experience, Chase. Centuries.”

  “Then let’s do this. Shit’s gonna happen anyway. Let’s get the show on the road, Ms. Coste.”

  “Violete.”

  “Violete. Thanks. Bring in your peeps and show me your best fighter. I’m ready if you are. Who’s the lucky SOB that I get to wail on?”

  “Chase,” Harper said and shook her head.

  Violete walked up to me so that we were almost touching noses. Seemed slightly melodramatic.

  “I believe you have the wrong idea, Chase.”

  She leaned in and kissed my lips. Hers were cold. Ice cold, but soft and the kiss wasn’t unpleasant.

  “I’m our best. I thought my demonstration was proof of that.”

  25.

  “HOW STRONG ARE those tentacles? Tentacles? Is that what you call them?” I asked as I took a step back from Violete.

  “Call them what you want,” she replied. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Those, uh, barbed darts? They happen to have any poison in them?”

  “They might.”

  “Can you turn that off?”

  “No.”

  “Would you if you could?”

  “No.”

  “Cool. Just wanted to know where I stood,” I said. “Which is in a pile of shit that I made for myself. No problem. I’ve been standing in shit most of my life.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder at the One Guy. “He being top turd of that pile for the majority of its existence. Only fitting he should be around when we finally see if I manage to get out of the shit or if I drown in it.”

  “That’s a lot of shit, Chase,” Violete said and patted me on the chest as she turned and walked away. “Good luck with that.”

  “Thanks.”

  The front door opened and in walked a dozen others. Unlike Violete, they looked human. I had zero doubt they were very, very far from human. It did make me wonder why Violete wasn’t camouflaged. That was a question for later. Assuming there’d be a later.

  “The rules,” Violete said as she waved for the newcomers to take seats. She began to pace in front of me. “You may quit the fight at any time. You automatically lose, but I and my people are not monsters. We don’t want you to die simply for the sport of it. You will be dishonored and kicked out of here. Possibly naked and beaten severely, but you will be alive.”

  “Got it. Quit anytime to great shame. Continue.” I gave a bow. Harper groaned and Lassa chuckled. Not sure why he wasn’t more upset by everything.

  “Cute,” Violete said. “Yes, quit anytime. Also, if one of us becomes unconscious then the fight is over. This is about honor, Chase. Attacking the helpless is not honorable.”

  “Totally agree.”

  “If both of us are still conscious, but one of us is losing severely, then the crowd has every right to call the fight. Again, honor. The point is not to kill the opponent. The point is to win the fight. No one gets murdered tonight.”

  “I like that rule. Good rule.”

  “Which brings us to the last one. This is very important. If one of us is killed during the fight, and it is an honorable death, then the winner cannot be punished.” She looked around the room and made eye contact with everyone, including the One Guy. “If I fall, my people must accept that. If you fall then your people must accept that.”

  “I’m on board,” the One Guy said.

  “Shut up, Leonard,” Harper shouted.

  I glanced over and Harper gave me a nod. Lassa gave me a huge grin. Diane was sitting right next to him, her arms wrapped around his shaved yeti shoulders, her mouth nibbling on his ear. He gave me a thumbs up to go with the grin.

  “Right. No revenge. Understood,” I said. “Guys?”

  “No revenge,” Harper said with reluctance.

  “Not even thinking it,” Lassa said. He pointed at the food tables. “Can we dish up before the fight begins?”

  Violete laughed a little, not quite a giggle, but not a chuckle. Very feminine. Then she nodded. “Yes, you may dish up. Everyone may dish up. Let’s load plates then shove these tables out of the way.”

  That’s exactly what happened. Plates were loaded and tables shoved out of the way. I could have gone for another plate, but I wasn’t exactly starving. I was still extremely hungry, but not in a pass out way at all. Strange.

  Once the floor was clear, and there was room to fight, Violete nodded towards Harper who had joined Lassa and shooed Diane away. I walked over to them and we put our heads together.

  “Strategy?” I asked.

  “Grab her ass, dude,” Lassa said.

  “Yeah, she might dig that from you, but that’s not going to help me,” I said.

  Harper stared at Lassa for a minute then grinned. “You dick,” she said. “You acted like you didn’t know what she is, but you know exactly what she is.”

  “I’m centuries old,” Lassa said. “Peluda are water creatures. They live by water, in water, anywhere there is water. Especially rivers. Now, my dimension has some great rivers, but our biggest source of water is . . . ?”

  “Snow,” I said.

  “Yep. Snow. Guess what? Peluda love to ski. They may be closed off from almost every single other dimension, but there’s still one they frequent. The one with the best slopes.”

  He looked past us at Violete and there was only one interpretation of that leering grin.

  “Oh, yeah, and they’re incredible lovers. You have no idea.”

  “Gonna take your word for it, pal,” I said and patted him on the chest. “Thanks for the tip.”

  “Hold on. I didn’t say what to do after you grab her ass. This is the important part. Peluda have tails. They used to be long, but someone figured out that was their weakness, so they dock them at birth. Yucky, but a good idea. Grab her ass, find the nub, and twist the shit out of it until the fight is over.”

  “Grab her ass and twist her nub tail? Do that and I survive?”

  “In theory, yeah, dude.”

  “In theory?” I exclaimed and looked at Harper. “Harp?”

  “The theory part is you getting in close enough to twist her tail and not be dead,” Harper said.

  “Yes. That,” Lassa said and nodded. “Do that.”

  “Whatever,” I said, still looking to Harper for help. “Any suggestions on how to stay alive while I try to get in close?”

  “You heard the rules,” Harper said. “Do everything you want within those rules. Remember our third Christmas together?”

  “The one where you stole enough burgers and fries for all of us to feast for two days?”

  “Yes. Remember what happened when those punks tried to take the burgers from us?”

  “Yes,” I said, picturing that night. “Yes. I remember that very well.”

  “Do that. Or versions of that,” she said
. “And don’t let those darts hit you. Keep your guard up.”

  “That part I was already planning on doing,” I said.

  “Chase? Shall we begin?” Violete called from the middle of the room.

  “We shall,” I replied and gave my friends a semi-confident smile then turned to face my fate. “Someone gonna ring a bell or what?”

  “Elias?” Violete asked.

  There was an actual bell behind the bar hanging by the wall-wide mirror. Last call bell. Of course.

  Elias gave it a ding and Violete had her tentacles out and whipping at me before I could even get my arms up. Good thing I wasn’t defending with my arms.

  Dim shot from my palms and formed a thin shield. Surprisingly, Violete’s tentacles were able to slash through the Dim, but not by much. I kept that in mind as I danced back a couple feet and brought the Dim shield in closer, thickening it with each step.

  She tried to whip her tentacles past the shield, but I adjusted and kept her back.

  “Excellent,” she said from the other side of the Dim separating us. “A fine defense, Chase. I approve. But how is your offense?”

  She slashed with everything she had and split my Dim shield in two. It poofed out, sent back to the space between dimensions as my surprise broke my concentration.

  Several barbs were flying at me and I dove to the ground, letting them shoot past as I created a Dim rod and swiped at her legs. She jumped over the swipe easily,-but I didn’t expect that attack to connect. I expected the second attack to do the job. The one where I shot Dim straight from my palm and into her left shin, hitting the bone like a sledgehammer.

  Violete cried out and went down on one knee. She stared at me, fire in her eyes. Literally. Her mouth opened wide and I barely got the Dim up in time to stop literal flames from burning me alive. The fire billowed out of her mouth and around the Dim shield.

  “Didn’t see that coming!” I cried as I shoved the shield at her, connecting with her fire-breathing face.

  She shouted something in a language I did not understand, but my guess was it wasn’t a compliment that time.

  I hardened the shield and threw it at her as I created a Dim rod for each hand and went in closer. No guts, no glory. Fortune favors the bold. Take your shot when you can. Sweep the leg and all those other shitty sayings.

  The Dim shield was gone, but Violete was slightly stunned from it. I took advantage and brought both Dim rods down in a sweeping arc, the attacks aimed for her head. She dodged and one hit her shoulder while the other missed entirely.

  Pain blossomed in my gut and I glanced down to see a good dozen tentacles jammed into the surface of my abdomen. That shit hurt. Bad. My skin burned like a million jellyfish were stinging me at once. Then my skin began to tear as she yanked the tentacles back. Blood and bits of my clothing hung from the barbs as she sneered at me.

  I cried out and lost my Dim rods as I threw my hands to the ground to keep from face planting.

  “Do you yield?” she asked, bending close to me, her tentacles everywhere, flowing and moving across my body. “I will let you live if you yield.”

  “Sounds good,” I mumbled.

  My stomach was roasting. It felt like fire ants were biting and crawling all across my skin. And not only where the barbs had pierced my gut. My entire body was nothing but nerve pain.

  A tentacle lifted my chin so I was forced to stare Violete in the fiery eyes. The flames winked out and were replaced with an emerald green so beautiful it was like I was staring into one of those National Geographic photos of a lost lake. Incredible.

  Of course, in order to lift my chin with a tentacle and be close enough for me to marvel at her exquisite eye color, that meant she was well within ass grabbing range. But there was something I needed to do first.

  I threw a fake punch and she barely flinched. She did laugh and a few of her people laughed too.

  “Chase. Please. You are singular in this universe. Don’t make me kill you,” she said. Her tone was genuine. I honestly believed she didn’t want to kill me. “Yield.”

  “Why?” I asked as Dim slammed up into her face.

  I worked so fast that I lost track of where the Dim began and where it ended, but I didn’t need to see it. The design was already in my head and I threw it together around her. She screamed with frustration as she became enveloped in Dim.

  Then I slammed the lid. On her head. Twice. Three times. Four.

  I knew how to fight with the Dim, but my true talent was in making boxes. Boxes need lids. And lids can be slammed down. Over and over.

  I struggled to my feet. Not an easy task since every single part of me wanted to slough off and creep into a dark corner. I don’t know what that toxin was in those barbs, but it sucked. The only reason I could think of as to why I wasn’t totally incapacitated was because I was working the Dim and my metabolism was burning through the poison.

  Or she went easy on me.

  I staggered in close and sent the box away. Violete collapsed against me and I held her close.

  “Honk,” I said as I grabbed her ass, found that nub of a tail, and gave it a twist.

  Or that was the plan. Instead, I found a full-length, muscular-as-a-python, tail attached to her ass. She grinned at me as it yanked free of my grip and raised into the air like a scorpion, the barbed tip hovering at my eye level.

  “Now you see why I was exiled,” she said. “No one takes my tail.”

  “Huh,” I mumbled. “Shit.”

  So, I did something I’d never done before. It was a risk. It wasn’t exactly honorable. But it was what popped into my mind and I went for it. Sweep the leg!

  The Dim went from my palm to the end of the tail and wrapped it in a nice little box as it struck. I caught a faceful of Dim, which hurts like a bitch, and stumbled back. But not before I scratched a key from the tiny box.

  Then I snapped my fingers and the room was filled with Violete’s wails.

  “No!!!!” she screamed as she brought her tail around so she could stare at the spot where the tip had been. “What did you do?”

  “Took your tail,” I said and held my thumb and forefinger together. “Just the tip.”

  “I’ll kill you!” she snarled as all of her tentacles took aim.

  “And never get that part of your tail back,” I said, holding up the key. “I don’t know your physiology, but you have a reptilian vibe. I bet you can put that bit of tail back on and heal it up in no time. If I give it back.”

  Her tentacles paused. She wasn’t holding back then. I could see the poison dripping from each barb. She was pumping them at full strength and I had no doubt that one sting would kill me.

  “Or I send this key into the Dim where even I can’t retrieve it,” I said. “Your choice. Yield.”

  “I will not lose my honor,” she said. “I fight.”

  “No,” I said and walked to the bar. I slumped onto one of the bar stools and snapped my fingers at Elias who was still at his post. “Bourbon. Lots.”

  “Have you quit, Chase Lawter?” Violete shouted.

  “Nope,” I said. Elias didn’t pour. “Pal, you’ll be wanting to line up shots right now. I’m in a drinking mood.”

  “Ma’am?” Elias asked.

  “No, do not pour him a damn thing!” Violete roared.

  It was almost as powerful as a dragon’s roar and as the walls shook I had to wonder how closely related pedula were to dragons. That whole fire breathing thing kinda made them cousins, in a way.

  “Fight me or you forfeit,” Violete snarled.

  I held up the Dim key and my fingers twitched.

  “No!” she screamed and leapt for me.

  I put a Dim fist in her belly and she doubled over. But her tentacles didn’t and they were all aimed at me, poison barbs
ready to get stabby. When she straightened up, her eyes went to the Dim key.

  “You know what?” I said. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I didn’t want to fight in the first place.”

  “Then you quit and you are dishonored,” she hissed in my face.

  “That’s bullshit, lady. Complete bullshit. This is Earth, not whatever swamp dimension you come from. It’s okay for people to ask for help without having to perform ritualistic combat. Shit, people do nice things for each other all the time. We don’t have to fight. We can eat and drink and laugh and get to know each other. I’ve been fighting for every goddamn thing in my life and I’m goddamn sick of it.”

  I pounded my fist on the bar.

  “Goddammit, Elias! Pour the fucking bourbon!”

  He set out a row of shot glasses then held a bottle of bourbon over them.

  “Ma’am?” he asked.

  “How about this then,” I said as I took a deep breath. I snapped my fingers around the Dim key and a box appeared on the top of the bar next to the shot glasses. The Dim key was gone. “Trade you shots for your tail. Cool?”

  “What?” Violete asked. “How will you win the fight then?”

  “Done fighting. Not quitting, just done. That shit you pumped me with? Hurts like a son of a bitch. I’m planning on bourbon numbing the pain.” I gave her a hopeful look. “Will bourbon numb the pain?”

  She studied me and I could have bet no one in the room took a breath during those seconds. Then her tentacles lowered and she nodded to Elias.

  “Pour,” she said and turned to look at the room. “Maaike?”

  “I’ll get the baking soda,” Maaike said and jogged back to the kitchen.

  “Baking soda?” I asked.

  “For the stings,” Violete said and sat down next to me. “Helps draw out the poison and reduces swelling.”

  “Like a goddamn bee sting?”

  “Like a goddamn bee sting,” she replied as she took two shots of bourbon then raised her eyebrows at me. “You drinking or what?”