“And what if where it went was nowhere? Friends with benefits, maybe?”
Cass looked odd, almost as if she didn’t want it for the two of them either, but Erica refused to go there. Fantasizing about something that would probably never happen was dangerous. It was a fantastic way to ensure a broken heart. Erica couldn’t speak. She knew answering in the affirmative was something Cass would see through, because she’d never been a good liar.
Cass scooted closer to her on the couch and turned so she was facing Erica. Erica didn’t resist when Cass took her hand and brought it to her lips for a lingering kiss, their eyes boring into each other.
“You wouldn’t be happy with that arrangement, am I right?” Cass smiled, but Erica didn’t answer. Cass had never felt this strange ache in her heart before. Yes, she was holding fast to her no relationships mantra, but when she was sitting there next to Erica, she had to fight to keep herself from offering forever. This was foreign territory for her, and she was worried she’d say the wrong thing. “I can’t give you what you want, no, what you need, but I know I’m not strong enough to say no if you want to pursue something physical with me. You are the sexiest, most beautiful, most alluring woman I’ve ever met.”
“I bet you say the same thing to all the girls,” Erica said. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and Cass shook her head.
“I don’t. In fact, I’ve never said it to anyone before.” She willed Erica to believe her. There was nothing she could say that would convince her she was telling the truth, so what else could she do? “We should probably get back up to the house.”
Cass made a move to stand, but Erica gripped her forearm and held her in place. When Cass looked back at her, Erica was shaking her head.
“You’re right. I don’t think I would be happy with that arrangement, but I’d like to try,” she said, moving her hand up Cass’s arm as she spoke. When it reached her cheek, Cass leaned into the touch and closed her eyes. “I want you, Cassidy. If all you can give me is one night, then so be it.”
“You deserve so much more,” Cass said. What the hell? Why did she feel like she was going to cry? She cleared her throat and backed away from Erica’s hand. “I wish I could give it to you. I want to, but I don’t think I can. I’m afraid I’d only let you down, and I don’t think I could live with myself if that happened.”
Erica let go of her and dropped her head. Cass felt like someone had squeezed her heart and wouldn’t let go. What was happening to her? Any other time, with any other woman, she would have carried her upstairs and undressed her. But even though she didn’t know Erica very well, Cass could tell she was different.
“I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you,” Erica said.
She stood and tried to brush past her, but Cass stopped her. She waited until Erica met her eyes, then she pulled her in for a hug.
“Jesus, Erica, if anything, I’m the one who’s not good enough for you,” she said into her ear before kissing her gently there. She felt Erica’s arms go around her, pulling her tightly against her body. This hadn’t been what she was hoping for when she hugged her, but her body responded. Her pulse sped up, and she moved her mouth to Erica’s neck. Erica groaned and pulled away enough to frame Cass’s face with her hands. Her eyes were half closed with desire, and then she was kissing her.
Cass was powerless to stop it, even if she’d wanted to. Erica moved her hands down her body until she was tugging at the bottom of Cass’s sweatshirt. Without thinking about what she was doing, Cass lifted her arms so Erica could remove it. Then they crashed together again, tongues fighting for dominance. Cass tensed slightly when she felt Erica’s fingers brush across her bare flesh just before she started working on unbuttoning her jeans.
Cass took a step back and took over the job herself, sensing Erica’s frustration. In a matter of a few seconds, Cass stood before her, naked. Exposed. Vulnerable. She resisted the urge to cover herself when Erica dropped her gaze, first to her breasts, then to the apex of her thighs.
“I need you,” Erica said, her voice barely more than a whisper, causing Cass’s pulse to spike. She slowly brought her eyes back up and licked her lips. “Please.”
The one word nearly caused Cass to lose all control, especially coupled with the wanting she could so clearly see in Erica’s eyes. She watched as Erica began unbuttoning her own shirt, but then her cell phone rang. Erica froze and Cass grabbed her pants, fumbling until she finally located the phone and answered it. She was going to kill him.
“Danny, this better be good.”
“I just wanted to tell you not to rush back. I talked Kyle into staying the night, so you two just enjoy yourselves, and we’ll see you up here for breakfast in the morning.”
Danny disconnected the call then, and Cass looked at Erica.
“Is Kyle all right?” she asked, her concern obvious.
“He’s fine.” Cass wasn’t sure if she should get dressed again or not. She felt a little foolish being the only one naked, but Erica hadn’t given any indication the moment had truly passed. “Danny talked him into sleeping there so we could have some time alone.”
Cass couldn’t tell if Erica’s furrowed brow was a good thing or not, but she sensed it didn’t bode well for where the night had been going. She didn’t have to wait long to find out.
“I should get him and go home.” Erica buttoned her shirt back up again and walked toward the front door as Cass scrambled to put her clothes on.
“Erica, wait, I’ll go with you.”
“No, it might be better if you didn’t.”
“I picked you up this morning, remember?” Cass asked as she zipped up her jeans then pulled her sweatshirt over her head. She ran her hands through her hair and walked to the door, grabbing both their jackets and handing Erica hers. “Do you intend to walk home?”
“I’m sorry,” Erica said.
“Don’t be. It’s been a long day.” Cass shoved her hands in her pockets and forced a smile. “I don’t blame you for forgetting.”
“I meant about—”
“I know what you meant, and there’s still no reason to apologize, okay?”
“Thank you,” Erica said, looking relieved.
Cass sighed as they walked out the door, knowing this was going to be a long and sleepless night.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Cass stretched out on the couch when she returned home after dropping Erica and Kyle off. Kyle spent most of the fifteen-minute ride trying to get them to talk, but she and Erica both kept silent. Cass had wanted to talk to her but knew it wasn’t appropriate with Kyle in the backseat, especially chattering away like he was. At least Erica possessed the manners to say good night when she got out of the car. Cass wished she could say the same about herself.
“Seriously? You couldn’t just say good night?” Cass spoke to the empty room, but Gordy whined in response as he came to sit on the floor next to the couch, his chin resting on her stomach. She couldn’t help but smile when she looked into his chocolate colored eyes. “At least I always know where I stand with you, right, boy?”
Gordy’s ears perked up and his tail began thumping on the floor. Cass patted her thigh, which was all the encouragement he needed to jump up and make himself comfortable on top of her legs. He put his chin on her belly again and he closed his eyes when she started scratching behind his ears.
It was close to midnight, but she decided to stay there with him for a while before going up to bed. She closed her own eyes and tried her damnedest not to think about Erica Jacobs and all the things she was never going to get to do to her.
The loud banging on her door hadn’t awakened her, but Gordy going nuts barking in response to the knocking made her bolt upright. Cass looked around the room, surprised to see the sun beginning to peek in through the closed curtains next to the front door. She rubbed her eyes and forced herself to stand just in time for the person outside to start banging again.
“Give me a damn minute!” she hollered, expecting
it to be Danny. Who else could it possibly be at the ass crack of dawn on a Sunday morning? She stretched her back as she walked to the door and flung it open, surprised to find her mother standing before her, a huge grin on her face.
“Mom?” Cass couldn’t believe what she was seeing. When Cass called her the other day, her mother gave no indication she was planning on showing up out of the blue.
“Are you going to let me in?” Sara Holmes was fifty-three years old and still as attractive as she’d ever been. Maybe even more so, Cass thought, since her husband had died two years ago. It was good to see her. She’d left the day after the funeral to travel across Europe and Asia before finally settling in Okinawa. Cass and Danny hadn’t seen her since, but they spoke over the phone nearly every week.
“I’m sorry,” Cass said before moving aside and motioning her to come in. She took the suitcases from her as she walked by and set them on the floor behind the couch. The next thing she knew, she was being enveloped in a warm hug. She melted into it, not realizing until that moment just how much she missed her mother. “You look good, Mom.”
Her mother pulled away and smiled at her. She placed her hands on each side of Cass’s head and just looked at her for a moment.
“You do too. You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman, Cassidy. But you really shouldn’t sleep in your clothes. It can be a bitch to get the wrinkles out.”
“Coffee?” Cass asked, choosing to ignore the fact she was so observant. She somehow resisted the urge to try to smooth her clothes. Her mother nodded and released her before looking around the cabin. Cass made her way into the kitchen to start the coffee maker. Some of their best conversations had been had over a hot cup of coffee in this very cabin. Cass had lived there since she’d graduated high school. It had been her mother’s suggestion, one her father hadn’t wanted to agree to, but he finally did because Cass offered to pay rent. Her mother would come visit most mornings and they’d have coffee together.
“I really like what you’ve done to the place,” her mother called from the far side of the room, near the stairs leading up to the master bedroom. Cass glanced over her shoulder at her and saw she was admiring the bookshelves Cass had built into the space under the stairs. Her mother picked up a book and read the back of it. “Still reading romances, I see.”
“Yeah,” Cass answered. “Old habits and all.”
Danny loved giving her a hard time about her choice of reading material. He couldn’t seem to understand why someone so against falling in love could be so enamored reading books about romance. She’d long ago realized that even though she wasn’t going to get a happy ever after, it didn’t mean she had to give up hope for other people.
“So,” her mother said as she sat at the kitchen table across from Cass. “No girlfriend?”
Cass snorted and shook her head.
“Why not?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t,” she said, shaking her head and reaching across the table to cover Cass’s hand. “You’ve said the same thing to me before, and I pretended to understand, but I didn’t. Not then, and I still don’t now. Will you please tell me why?”
Cass just looked at her in disbelief. How could she not remember? Cass really didn’t feel like going into it this early in the day. Hell, she didn’t even know for sure she wasn’t still sound asleep and dreaming all of this.
“Does Danny know you’re here?”
“No. I wanted to surprise them. I decided at the last minute to book a flight and didn’t have time to let anyone know anyway.”
“They’ll be surprised, trust me.” Cass started to get up when the coffee was done brewing, but her mother waved her off and went to get it for them.
“Just sugar, right?”
“Yeah.” Cass was surprised she remembered how she took her coffee but couldn’t recall telling Cass to avoid getting trapped in a relationship. Funny how a person’s mind worked.
“That didn’t sound like a good they’ll be surprised comment.”
“They’ll be thrilled to see you,” Cass assured her before taking a sip from her mug. “But you need to know Judy’s here too.”
“When did she show up?”
Cass smiled at the fact her mother didn’t even try to hide the animosity she felt for Barb’s mother. There was no love lost between the two of them, and anyone who was acquainted with both of them knew it.
“Yesterday, but I’m pretty sure she’s leaving today.”
“Why such a short trip? I know she hates to fly, so driving from Virginia to stay one night seems odd, even for Judy.”
“She took things a little too far with Danny last night,” Cass told her, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. “She threatened to force Barb and the baby to go home with her. She hates the baby’s name, and she isn’t happy about the dyke aunt living so close by either.”
“Are you serious?” her mother asked. Cass could tell her mother was fighting with herself to keep her temper under control. “She has the gall to not show up at her own daughter’s wedding, and then she tries to pull this fucked up bullshit?”
Cass knew her mouth was hanging open. In all of her thirty-four years, she’d never heard her mother use language any stronger than shit, and even then it had only been one or two times. Hearing the f-word come out of her mother’s mouth shocked Cass, and she wasn’t even trying to hide it.
“If I said those words you’d wash my mouth out with soap.”
“You really want to try it?”
Cass shook her head vigorously and turned her attention to the coffee she was gripping between her hands. She heard her mother chuckle, but Cass didn’t look up. She was on the verge of laughing herself, and she knew if she met her mother’s eyes she wouldn’t be able to stop it.
“I take it Barb told her what she could do with that particular idea?”
“Barb was upstairs with the baby at the time. Danny, Erica, and I gave her a piece of our collective minds.”
Oh, how Cass wanted those words back the very second they’d left her mouth. She looked up and caught her mother’s surprised expression. Cass watched as she tilted her head to one side and studied her intently.
“Who’s Erica?”
“A friend,” Cass answered a little too quickly. She shook her head as her mother leaned forward, a sly grin forming.
“Of yours, or Barb’s?”
“Mine.”
Her mother waited silently for Cass to elaborate, but she refused to. If she thought Barb was trying to be a matchmaker, her mother was a thousand times worse. Cass sat there, her leg bouncing nervously. She reached down and patted Gordy on the head when she felt his body press up against her other leg.
“I’m starting to remember how much fun it is to get information out of you,” her mother said with a frustrated sigh. “So, is she a friend, or is she a girlfriend?”
“She’s a girl, and she’s my friend.” Cass tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling. Why did people always ask the very same question? “You have girlfriends, right? Why is it when I have friends who are girls, it means something different?”
“Because you’re a lesbian,” her mother answered as though it were obvious. It was, of course, but Cass was stalling for time. “Are you sleeping with her?”
“No,” Cass answered, again a little too quickly.
“But you want to.”
“I…” Cass started, but she didn’t know how to respond. Yes, she wanted to, but this was her mother who was asking. Cass looked at her and saw the smug grin.
“That’s why it’s different, sweetie. I don’t want to sleep with my female friends,” she said, sitting back with a satisfied grin. “Now, tell me all about her.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“I’m calling bullshit on that one.”
“When did you start swearing so much?”
“I always have. Just not around you or your brother.”
Cass shook her head and looked at Gordy
, who still had his head resting on her thigh. She absently stroked the top of his head as he gazed up at her lovingly. Animals were so much easier to deal with than people. They never demanded you tell them all your feelings. Or about the woman you wanted to sleep with.
“Are you going to tell me about her, or am I going to have to ask Barb for all the juicy details?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Cass spent the next hour telling her everything she knew about Erica while deftly dodging any questions she felt were getting too personal on the nature of their relationship. She figured it was better, and less embarrassing, coming from her than anyone else. When she went to refill her coffee mug, she noticed the kitchen light was on in the main house. Thank God. Maybe she could get her mother to go there for breakfast and give her a break from the inquisition.
She grabbed her phone and called the house. When Danny answered she breathed a sigh of relief. She only realized after hitting the call button it could very well be Judy who was up and about so early.
“Mom’s here. Are you making breakfast?” she asked.
“I wasn’t, but I can. Bring her on up. When did she get here?”
“A couple of hours ago,” Cass said, even though it felt like longer. “I’ll send her up and be along myself after a quick shower.”
Cass hung up and turned back to her mother.
“You’re kicking me out?” she asked.
“You must be hungry. Danny’s cooking breakfast for you.” Cass followed her to the door. “I’ll bring your bags up when I come in a few minutes.”
“My bags will stay right where they are,” her mother said. She stopped with her hand on the doorknob and turned back to Cass. “If something’s changed and Judy isn’t leaving today, there’s no way in hell I’m staying in the same house with her. The hostility would be too much for Barb and the baby to deal with.”
Cass sighed. She should have known it was too good to be true. She nodded once in agreement, but her mother didn’t move.
Taking a Gamble Page 8
