“What?” she asked, uncomfortable under the scrutiny.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten you never answered my question about why you never have a girlfriend.” Her mother finally opened the door and stepped outside. “We will talk about it later.”
Cass was so not looking forward to that conversation.
*
After breakfast, Cass returned to her cabin and considered calling Erica. She hadn’t given the PlayStation to Kyle the day before, but she still wanted him to have it as a thank you for all his help. She didn’t know where things stood with Erica though, and the thought frightened her. Erica had been ready to sleep with her last night, but after Danny called, it was like a switch had been turned off. What if Erica never wanted to see her again? She knew the thought should have made her happy, but all she really felt was lost. She reached for her phone just before the front door opened and Gordy began barking.
“Don’t you know how to knock?” she asked her mother as she shoved the phone into her pocket. Maybe she’d call Erica later. Or, even better, maybe Erica would call her.
“It was unlocked, dear. If you don’t want someone walking in unannounced, you should lock it.” She hung her coat on the hook by the door and removed her boots. “Judy is getting ready to leave, so I thought I’d give them some time to say good-bye.”
Cass silently thanked whoever was responsible for Judy actually leaving. She realized then that she hadn’t really believed she would go back home so soon. Cass watched her mother as she walked into the kitchen and filled a glass with water, Gordy following her with his tail wagging the whole time.
“The baby is so cute,” her mother said with a slight smile. “And I can’t believe they named him after my grandfather.”
“It was Barb’s idea. Danny wanted to name him after himself,” Cass told her.
“Really?”
Cass shifted uncomfortably when she noticed her mother’s eyes welling up with tears. She’d seen her mother cry plenty of times, usually because of something her father said or did, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Cass always found it unnerving when anyone cried.
“Well then, I love her even more,” her mother said, wiping the tears away before they could spill out of her eyes. She looked at Cass and laughed. “I loved my grandfather dearly, but why on earth would someone name a baby Clarence in this day and age?”
Cass merely shrugged. It had been her first thought too, but she hadn’t voiced her opinion. Barb seemed so happy to be naming him after someone in Danny’s family instead of her own. Cass was pretty sure Barb only chose the name to piss Judy off. Mission accomplished.
“When are you going to give me grandchildren?”
“Mom,” Cass said, shaking her head. She knew she couldn’t avoid the subject forever, but her nerves were still on edge after Erica basically walked out on her while she was naked.
“Why, Cass? Why are you so against having a relationship?”
“You really don’t know?”
“I wouldn’t be asking if I did, would I?”
Cass took a deep breath. She found it hard to believe her mother could have forgotten what had been a watershed moment for Cass. The moment that had in turn shaped her entire adult life. She situated herself into the corner of the couch so she was facing her mother.
“You told me once—I think I must have been about fourteen at the time—you said you didn’t want me to make the same mistakes you did. You said I should follow my dreams and not let anyone take them away from me.” Cass watched as her mother’s expression shifted slowly from confusion to understanding. “And you said I shouldn’t allow myself to be tied down or have my spirit stifled.”
“Oh, sweetie,” her mother said, unable to stop the tears this time. “So you’re saying I’m to blame for you never having a girlfriend?”
“I’m not blaming you, Mom. I blame Dad.”
“Cass,” her mother said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it gently. Cass waited as she was obviously trying to find the right words to express herself. She finally shook her head. “Baby, I didn’t mean you shouldn’t ever fall in love. Just because I found myself trapped in an unhealthy relationship doesn’t mean all relationships are bad. My parents were married for over fifty years, and they loved each other immensely. I wish I’d had the fortune to find my soul mate back then, but I didn’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love. I’ve met a wonderful man who treats me like a queen, and I couldn’t be happier.”
“But Dad was awful to you. He forced you to stay home and raise his children.” Cass was confused. She’d expected her mother to never even consider another relationship once her father was gone. “He wouldn’t even let you have friends. He dictated every aspect of your life.”
“You’re right, he did. But I’m partly to blame for it, because I allowed him to have that kind of power over me. And you know what?” she asked, reaching out to cup Cass’s chin. “I wouldn’t change a second of it, because I have the two most wonderful children in the world. You and Danny are my life. I stayed with your father to protect the two of you. He threatened to kill you both if I ever walked out on him.”
“You never told me.”
“There was no reason for you to know. I wasn’t going to do anything to put either of you at risk. I knew he’d never touch you or Danny as long as I stayed with him, so I did what I had to do in order to protect you.” She let go of Cass’s hand and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “Luckily, there are more good people in the world than bad. You’re father’s dead, and I can’t honestly say I’m sorry he’s gone. You can’t allow him to dictate your life, Cassidy. You loving another human being would be the best fuck you you could ever hope to give him.”
Cass tried to smile, because deep down she knew her mother was right. But her father’s words kept replaying over and over in her mind. Her distress must have been written all over her face, because her mother knew there was something more.
“What else?”
Cass couldn’t meet her mother’s eyes. She’d never told anyone, not even Danny about the things their father had said to her. After a few moments, she looked at her mother.
“He told me I was worthless, and no one could ever love me. That the only thing women were good for was catering to their husband’s every whim. And having babies. Can’t forget that one.”
“I swear to God, if he were still alive, I’d kill him,” her mother said. She grabbed Cass’s hand again and held it tightly. “You have to know those things aren’t true, sweetie. He was nothing but a misogynistic asshole. You are so worthy of love, and you will find it someday.”
Cass sat there motionless. She wasn’t sure she could move even if she’d wanted to. Maybe she was in shock. Maybe she was only now realizing she could actually have a girlfriend and allow herself to be happy. Maybe Erica would be willing to be that girlfriend. Or, maybe Erica had washed her hands of anything to do with her. Cass swallowed and looked down at her shaking hands.
“Have you ever loved anyone, Cassidy?”
“No.”
“Was it because you wouldn’t let yourself, or because you just haven’t found the right woman yet?” her mother asked.
“Probably a little of both,” Cass admitted.
“What about Erica?”
“I think I could love her, maybe, if the fates are on my side.”
“We make our own fate, darling, and don’t you ever forget that.”
Cass smiled and nodded, hoping it would be easy to break herself out of the habits she’d grown so accustomed to over the years. She’d spent so long avoiding getting close to anyone, what if she couldn’t let go enough to even give herself the chance?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Erica woke that morning after having spent the better part of the night tossing and turning. Sleep was triumphant in eluding her, and successful in mocking her endlessly. On the few occasions when she was able to drift off, it was only to dream about Cass standing before her, completely naked.
“Jesus Christ, did I really walk out on naked Cass?” she murmured, causing Willie to open his eyes and yawn. Well, good, at least he’d been able to sleep. She stared at the ceiling, unable to get the visual out of her head, even now. Cass had an exquisite body. The perfect combination of strength and beauty. Her breasts were firm, her arms strong, and her stomach flat. Erica admitted to herself she’d never seen anyone more gorgeous. And yes, she had walked out on naked Cass. “I’m a fool.”
She covered her face with her pillow when she thought about what might have happened next, had Danny not called. His timing definitely sucked. She groaned and held the pillow tightly against her face, not wanting Kyle to hear her and worry something was wrong. She peeked at the bedside clock, surprised to see it was only eight o’clock. She wondered if Cass would be up yet. It was Sunday after all.
After sitting up and tucking the pillow behind her back, she grabbed the phone from where it resided next to the clock and scrolled through her contacts until she found Cass. She was about to tap the button to place the call when she realized how stupid she was being. What could she possibly say to make things right between them?
No, it was probably better to maintain some distance from Cass for a while. They weren’t looking for the same things, a fact made crystal clear the night before. She refused to get involved with anyone who didn’t have an eye to the future, and it was obvious Cass only lived in the moment. Their two worlds could never come together. She’d known her what? A week? Two? What did it matter, really? Time to pick herself up and dust herself off. Keep on keepin’ on. Keep moving and don’t look back.
She groaned.
She pulled her legs up so her heels were touching her butt and rested her forehead on her knees. She never realized before how epically bad she was at giving herself pep talks.
Of course, it might be a whole lot easier if naked Cass wasn’t permanently imprinted on her brain. She’d just made up her mind to make her way to the kitchen and fix something for breakfast when her phone rang. She picked it up and looked at it.
“Shit,” she said when she saw Cassidy Holmes on the caller ID. Hadn’t she just decided it would be best not to talk to her? After taking a deep breath, she answered. “Hello?”
“Erica?” she said, her silky smooth voice causing goose bumps on Erica’s arms. “It’s Cass. I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No,” she said, trying her best to sound cheery. Kind of hard to do when I didn’t even sleep, she thought, but barely stopped herself from saying out loud.
“Good.” Cass sounded relieved. And well rested, damn her. “Listen, I had something I wanted to give to Kyle, and I completely forgot about it last night. I thought it would be better to call rather than just show up there out of the blue.”
“You don’t need to give him anything, Cass. He was happy to help you yesterday.”
“Yeah? You think he’d be interested in doing it again sometime?” Cass sounded hopeful, and for a second, Erica wondered if she was really talking about Kyle. “He was a big help, and you were too. But I’d really like to give him something for his time.”
Of course she did. That was just the person Cass was. But really, what could it hurt? Yes, Kyle had been excited about helping Cass, and she was sure he didn’t expect anything in return, but if it made Cass feel better, why not?
“Okay,” she said after a moment.
“Great. Is it all right if I drop by this afternoon?”
“Sure.”
“Cool.”
“Yep.”
For God’s sake, how long could this inane one word at a time conversation go on? Erica was about to tell her good-bye when Cass spoke again, and when she heard her voice, Erica couldn’t hang up.
“Erica?”
How was it possible for someone to put so much meaning into a simple name? Cass sounded desperate and unsure, yet confident and cool all at the same time. Erica was going to have to work on that vibe for herself. It was incredibly sexy.
“What?”
“I’m sorry about last night.”
Really? Cass was the one who was apologizing? How ludicrous was that? Erica was the one who ran away, practically leaving naked Cass standing there in the living room all alone. She knew she had to say something in response, but her tongue picked the most inopportune time to decide to stop working properly.
“I’ll see you later,” Cass said just before disconnecting the call.
Erica sat there for a few minutes, wondering what the hell had just happened. This was not acceptable. She was the one who needed to apologize, not Cass. And she would do just that when Cass came by later.
*
“Why do I have the feeling your conversation didn’t go as well as you thought it might?” Danny asked. Judy had finally left to drive back to Virginia, and their mother was making herself comfortable in the room she’d vacated.
“Probably because it didn’t.” Cass shrugged in an attempt to convey it was no big deal, but her brother knew her too well to fall for the cavalier attitude.
“You’ll talk to her when you go over there later and work things out, right?”
“There isn’t anything to work out, Daniel,” she said, knowing how much he hated being addressed by his given name. It had been their father’s name, and as soon as Danny had reached an age where he understood what a prick their old man was, he insisted on being called Danny. Anything to distance himself, right? Which was why Cass had been surprised he’d even entertained naming the baby Daniel too.
“She’s looking for forever, and I’m not. Does that sound like something we can work out?”
“You never know until you try, right?”
“She deserves more. She deserves someone who isn’t going to try, but who’s committed to making it work.” Damn it, what didn’t he get about this? Yes, she’d wavered in her own mind, and had even seriously considered it after the talk with her mother earlier. But she’d never said out loud what she was thinking. And more importantly, she’d come to her senses and realized it would probably never work.
“You could be that person, Cass, and you damn well know it,” Barb said as she walked into the kitchen. Cass wondered how long she’d been standing outside the door listening, but didn’t give voice to the question. Cass watched in silence as Barb poured herself a cup of coffee then refilled Cass’s cup.
“I’m sorry about what happened with your mother last night,” Danny said with a quick kiss to his wife’s cheek.
“I’m not,” Cass chipped in. When Barb shot a glance her way, Cass shrugged. “What? Okay, I’m sorry because I’m not sorry about what happened last night. Better?”
Barb shook her head, but Cass saw the amusement in her eyes. Cass tried not to smile as she lifted a cup filled with fresh coffee to her lips. Barb leaned a hip against the counter but didn’t look away from her.
“My mother said, and I quote, Cassidy’s dyke girlfriend got in my face,” Barb said, waiting for some kind of response, no doubt. Cass just watched her. “I told her by implying Erica was your girlfriend, it would be assumed she was a dyke, and therefore her statement was redundant. She wasn’t amused, because she thought she was using the word as an insult.”
“Erica is not my girlfriend.” Cass hoped her tone indicated the subject was closed, but this was Barb she was talking to. Barb was the queen of getting in the last word. She was just happy no one had brought all this up during breakfast with Judy and her mother both sitting at the same table.
“You could have fooled me.” Barb took a sip of her coffee, and Cass took the opportunity to look at Danny, pleading with her eyes for him to rescue her. The coward turned away from them and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Because the way you two look at each other borders on scandalous.”
“Yeah, well, lust and love are two very different things,” Cass said, setting her cup down.
“So it’s just lust?”
Cass started to answer, but she closed her mouth and shook her head. Damn
it. It wasn’t just lust, but there was no way she was going to admit it to Barb. She also wasn’t about to admit, even to herself, that she was feeling more for Erica than she ever had for anyone before. And no matter what she did, she couldn’t stop thinking about Erica. She hoped the flush she felt warm her cheeks at the image of her stripped naked in front of a fully clothed Erica wasn’t visible.
“Ha! I knew it was more than lust,” Barb said. She smirked before pushing away from the counter and walking over to take a seat at the table with Cass. She lowered her voice, and Cass was grateful because she really didn’t want to be having this conversation in front of her brother. Or her mother, who could very well come walking in at any moment. Barb placed a hand gently on Cass’s forearm. “Love is precious, Cass.”
“I haven’t known her long enough to be in love,” Cass said.
“Is there a handbook I’m not aware of that states you have to know someone a certain length of time before realizing you love them?” Barb squeezed her forearm. “When you find it, you have to hold on to it with both hands. Because,” she glanced over her shoulder and smiled at Danny, who still had his back to them, “things might get tough at times, but it is so worth it.”
Cass sighed. She was tired of everyone trying to tell her she needed to find someone to settle down with. If there was anyone she wanted forever with, it would be Erica, but…what the hell? Where had that thought come from?
“You look like you just had an epiphany,” Barb said, looking proud of herself.
“More like a wake-up call,” Cass answered. She stood and grabbed the jacket she’d hung on the back of her chair. The look on Barb’s face stopped her from explaining, but she probably wouldn’t have anyway. The “epiphany” she’d had wasn’t what Barb thought. It was simply the realization she’d let her defenses down, and Erica had managed to find her way in. All she had to do now was distance herself from the situation, and she’d feel like her old self again. Cass kissed Barb on the cheek and said her good-byes before rushing out the door.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Taking a Gamble Page 9
