Wayward Soldiers

by Joshua P. Simon

  “Still, Big Brother. You were the only unit leader who ever got his hands dirty.”

  “It’s a harder decision to make when I know I have to do it myself. I give it to someone else and it will become habit. When to cross that line will get easier and fuzzier.”

  A moment later, Ira had enough waiting around. “Well?”

  “Obviously, he talked. I know we’ve tried to mostly stay off the main roads which has helped us avoid trouble. However, it’s also ensured we haven’t kept up on the latest news. Apparently, there’s someone up north leading well over a thousand men down this way. Former military. Someone who was once pretty high up apparently. Small raiding parties like this one,” I said gesturing, “are trying to impress this idiot, hoping that they can join him and earn a decent spot in his command. They figure this guy will eventually be running whatever is left of the Turine kingdom. The raider couldn’t give me a name.”

  “I wonder who it is,” said Dekar.

  Ava spat, gazing out at the dead land. “I say if he wants Turine, he can have it.”

  “Those were my thoughts too. We’ve got quite a lead on this army, but they are heading south, though more westerly. My hope is by the time he swings our way, we should be out of Turine.” I took a sip. “Still, no reason to get comfortable. Tomorrow, we increase our pace.”

  A small groan came back from the trees where I had left the raider. It was low, barely audible to us, so I wasn’t worried about anyone by the wagons hearing it.

  “You want me to go finish him off?” asked Dekar.

  “No. He confessed what he did in the raid of Uman. Finishing him is what he wants. I told him I’d let him live for what he had done.”

  He’d suffer a lot over the next couple of days.

  Ira grunted. “I approve.”

  But Lasha wouldn’t.

  I drank the rest of the wine. “Let’s get out of here.”

  CHAPTER 24

  Before the attack, there were still a few people who hung onto the idea that I was an agent of the gods. A day later, most everyone was on board with the concept that others had worked out on their own. I wasn’t an agent of any god. Just a man. Full of faults. Full of weaknesses. Someone trying to get through life without screwing things up too badly for others and myself along the way.

  Sometimes I succeeded. Sometimes I failed.

  Sometimes I had no idea which side of things my actions fell on.

  We pitched camp several miles up the road near a twisting scar marring the land. It once held a river more than eighty feet wide. The water that remained between banks was only a quarter as broad.

  I glanced up to the orange sky.

  We would eventually need rainfall to survive. So far, we had managed to keep our casks full by coming across several small ponds or finding abandoned wells.

  Zadok’s pep talk from days before came to mind, and I decided not to completely abandon his youthful wisdom. I looked at the positive. Water might become an issue in the future, but at least for now, even with the river at its current levels, we had enough to survive.

  I walked near the original embankment of the river. Plant life still benefited from its proximity to water as much of the vegetation that had survived the eruptions remained surprisingly green. I looked up and it seemed that even the orange sky had paled after all our time on the road. Of course, I could be just imagining things, hopeful for even the slightest of good news. Maybe the green plant life was a sign of better things to come, though likely not.

  Water casks, canteens, and skins were topped off. People took the opportunity to wash clothes and themselves. Many of the women had disappeared behind a bend shielded by more than a dozen maple trees for privacy.

  A flock of children surrounded Ira in the middle of the river. They played happily, inventing games in the process. Ira launched several into the air.

  The laughter did wonders for everyone’s mood.

  I went in search of Dekar, and found him waist deep in the water. He held a fishing net. His arms shot out, casting it. It struck the river and sunk. He pulled it in quickly while edging to shore.

  When he emerged, the net held a bunch of fish.

  “Where’d you learn to do that?” I called.

  He glanced my way while gathering in his haul. “At the Golgoth River. Had a lot of fish to bring in then, remember?”

  Of course I remembered. When the Geneshans used sorcery to destroy a bridge to slow our advance against them, they killed most of the fish living in the river. While the fish were still fresh, the army hauled them in for food.

  I stepped down to give him a hand unloading the net into a nearby basket. “If I recall, those fish were all dead. Much easier to bring in.”

  “The principle is the same.”

  “Where’d you get the net?”

  “Boaz.”

  “Why would he have a fishing net?”

  “He bought one from the feed store when he first moved to Denu Creek a few years ago thinking he’d be able to keep fresh fish on the menu at the inn. Then when he saw the size of the creek, he realized a net would be useless because of its depth.”

  I snorted. “Well, the name should have given him the hint he needed. The town was named after a shallow creek, not a river.”

  He gave a rare smile. “Regardless, he brought it along in case we came across deeper water, so I thought I’d give it a go.”

  He threw the last fish into the basket. I counted twenty-three. That was some “giving it a go.”

  “I need to pick your brain,” I said switching subjects. “I’m losing my bearings a bit with where exactly we are given how much the land has changed. If we follow this river, is it going to throw us off our planned route south?”

  He tilted his head, thinking. “Worried about water?”

  “Yeah. It could be an issue if we aren’t careful.”

  “I think we’ll be all right staying near the river for a couple of days. After that, it starts to twist some, which will slow us down. Eventually, it drifts more toward Bozrath. At least it did. Not sure if it has shifted any since the second eruption.”

  “Turine was never Bozrath’s enemy, but they weren’t exactly our friends either.” I dipped a hand in the cool water and rubbed the back of my neck. “I doubt they’d be too pleased with a party our size creeping across their border.”

  “If there’s anyone organized enough to still care.”

  I thought of the anarchy Turine had delved into. Were other nations as bad? How far had the artifact’s effects spread?

  “True. We’ll follow this for a couple of days, fill up our water supply again, then straighten our course.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  He grunted. “Hard to say.”

  I said nothing. Silence was often the best encouragement to start a conversation with Dekar.

  He gave a heavy sigh. “I’m all right, I guess. Taking things day by day. It’s probably hardest when I’m driving the wagon, especially when it’s just me up there by myself. Not much else to do when I’m on the road except think. It isn’t long before I think about Adwa marrying someone else.” He paused. “This may make me sound like an awful person, but the best I felt since I found out about Adwa was when we were fighting raiders.”

  “Your brother echoed similar thoughts before we left Denu Creek.”

  We let the silence linger as I recalled my own mind in both attacks. In neither case did I feel confused, lonely, scared, or even angry. “I’m right there with you too. Lasha didn’t cross my mind once. I was too focused on the moment and unlike all this mess,” I said gesturing to the dreary landscape, “I have little doubt of my ability to handle a fight.”

  “Seems like someone is playing a cruel joke on us, doesn’t it? I spent ten years wishing I could leave the army and return home. But after making it home, I almost wish the war had never ended.”

  I wasn’t quite that bad off in my thinking, but then aga
in I had Myra and Zadok whom I would never have seen had I stayed in the military. The only family Dekar had left was Ira who would have stayed in the army had Dekar asked him to.

  “I’m sorry,” I once again uttered the two words that when said with sincerity offered more than perhaps anything else that could take an hour to say.

  He smiled again. It was a tight smile, lined with pain. But there was something other than pain there, an appreciation confirmed when he clapped me on the arm.

  “Thanks, Tyrus.”

  * * *

  I walked among our group, saying hello to everyone. I didn’t speak with others nearly as often as I should, and truthfully, I had no excuse not to. I resolved to make up for lost time when we set out the next morning.

  However, Reuma was one person I didn’t want to wait to talk to.

  I managed to catch her alone as she sat on an old log under one of the maple trees near the river. She had just come from around the bend where the other women washed. Her clothes clung to her limbs and torso in places where her skin had not completely dried. She busied herself combing out her long red hair. I noticed she kept watching Ira and the children play.

  She laughed as several of the bigger kids ganged up on Ira, finally managing to bring him down under the water. I laughed too, as much from the sight as from her amusement.

  I startled her. She sat up fast as her gaze swung toward me.

  “Sorry, am I disturbing you?”

  “No. Not at all,” she answered quickly. “I just . . . you surprised me.”

  “Do you have some time to talk?”

  “Sure.” Reuma scooted over. “Do you want to sit?”

  I chose a spot on the other end of the log. “I have a couple favors to ask.”

  “Anything you need.”

  “Careful.”

  She grinned. “All right. I can’t thank you enough for saving my life twice though.”

  My mind turned, searching. “Twice? I only recall pulling you clear of the Soiled Dove after the second eruption.”

  She continued combing her hair. “That was the first time.”

  “And the second?”

  “When you gave me my own squad.”

  She saw my bewildered expression and explained. “A lot of people might find it hard to believe, but I actually chose to work at the Soiled Dove.”

  She eyed me, as if waiting for a lecture or ridicule. I didn’t give her either. In light of what had happened to Lasha, I swore never to judge anyone for that line of work again. In truth, it would probably be wise not to judge anyone in any position, but I doubted I could keep to that standard.

  “I eventually regretted that decision,” Reuma continued. “But after a couple of years of whoring, what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t go back home and pretend like nothing had happened. I was stuck.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She smiled. “Thanks. After all the stuff with the artifact, I was more lost than ever. The town was gone, and so was the Soiled Dove. When you made the offer to the town to come along with you, I thought I could join to give me time to figure things out. Then I saw the looks of the townspeople, especially the women. I almost changed my mind. But I thought of all the things your wife used to say about you, and I knew that if I went with you something good would happen. Even if it didn’t, I figured as a worst case scenario I could stop at some new town along the way and pick up where I left off in Denu Creek.” She paused, jaw clenching in what looked like determination. “My attitude changed when the raiders came.”

  I furrowed my brow. “Why?”

  “I knew I could help defend the town. My father taught me how to hunt, and I still remembered those skills. I figured I could put them to use.”

  I remembered the conversation I had with Ira who oversaw her contributions to our defense of Denu Creek. “You did well.”

  She gave me the eye. “I did better than well.”

  I chuckled.

  “That gave my confidence a boost. I still wasn’t sure what I would do in the long term, but I felt like I could at least contribute in some way on the road. Then you started training us, and you actually put me in charge of my own squad. Not a squad of women who sat back in the bushes protecting children either, but of men who’d get their hands dirty.”

  “You deserved it. After what Dekar said you did against these last raiders, I’d say I made a wise decision.”

  She smiled.

  “I’m still not sure how I saved your life a second time though.”

  “By giving me one. At least one I wanted. I’m still not sure what I’ll do whenever we get to the Southern Kingdoms. I’d like to do something similar to what I’m doing now, maybe join their military if they let me. Do they have women soldiers?”

  “I really don’t know. It wasn’t very common in the Turine army. Just a few here and there, mostly specialists, or mages like Ava.” She looked deflated. “But if that’s something you really want, I can try to help you once we get there.”

  Her face brightened. “I’d appreciate it. Regardless, I’m never going back to my old life. I realize I have more options than I thought. I’ll figure something out.”

  “Good.”

  She glanced in the direction of the river. She wasn’t watching the kids as much as she was watching Ira.

  “If for some strange reason you were ever interested, you could do far worse than Ira,” I said.

  She put her head down in embarrassment. “He’s such an enigma. One second he’s cursing and joking and carrying on like some drunk in a bar. The next, he’s kissing a child’s skinned knee, or helping Boaz’s wife peel potatoes.”

  “We all have layers, some more than others.”

  She bobbed her head, then she jumped in her seat. “Gods, I just realized you came over to talk to me. You said you had some favors to ask.”

  “Two, actually. One is about Myra. This stays between you and me, right?”

  “Of course.”

  I sighed while trying to think how I should begin. “I missed too much of my kids’ lives during the war. I think things are going well between me and Zadok. But Myra, I don’t know. There’s glimpses, little bits of something there. But overall, she’s still distant and angry. I know she blames me for the stuff she, Zadok, and Lasha went through. I get that. What I don’t get is how to fix it. I want to have a meaningful relationship with my daughter, but it feels like she won’t let me. Love just doesn’t seem to be enough.”

  “I see.”

  “Do you have any suggestions? I know you two have started talking. Do I come up at all?”

  “Some. Mostly when it comes to technical things like when we discuss strategy. Not so much about her feelings for you. She’s pretty closed off when it comes to her emotions.”

  I snorted. “At least it isn’t just me.”

  Reuma clicked her tongue. “You know, I don’t think her behavior is about keeping you distant from her. It’s about keeping herself distant from you. I think she’s scared of getting close to you because she doesn’t want to lose you again. Yeah, now that I really think about it, that has to be it. I remember Lasha saying that before you left, Myra followed you around everywhere.”

  The corners of my mouth came up. “She did.”

  “Lasha said it was hard on both of your kids, but more so on Myra because she was old enough to understand you were going away, but not old enough to understand the reasons why.”

  My mind started turning. “So, she lost me, then her Ma, figuring neither would ever return. Then I did return. Now, she can’t stop worrying that it will happen again. She doesn’t want to go through the hurt again.”

  “Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?”

  “It does. Wish I had thought of it sooner. All I could see was the anger and frustration. But I guess that is her way to stop me from trying to connect with her. It also explains her overprotection of Zadok. She doesn’t want to lose someone else.” I sighed, my heart going out to her. “But the question remains, h
ow do I fix it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  We sat in silence for a minute as I mulled over Reuma’s theory, wondering how to heal my daughter’s heart.

  “Tyrus?”

  I looked back to her.

  “You said there were two favors.”

  “Oh, yes.” I set aside thoughts of Myra for later. “There are.” I took a deep breath, knowing that if Reuma did what I was ready to ask of her, my emotions would be all over the place. “Can you tell me about Lasha?”

  She gave me a startled look.

  “What I mean is the Lasha I didn’t know. The one you became friends with and worked with at the Soiled Dove. I don’t need to know the . . . details of her work there, but her personality, who she was. Since I’ve come home, I’ve been afraid to really confront that part of her life other than to think of all the things I know she had to do. I can go to Zadok and Myra about it, but I get the feeling it would be hard on them to revisit that time, so I was wondering if you could fill in those gaps.”

  She touched my hand. “I’d love nothing better.”

  * * *

  I heard quite a bit about Lasha, but oddly enough, learned nothing new. It seemed that even in drastically different surroundings and circumstances, the core of who my wife was remained unchanged. Selfless. Loving. Kind. Nurturing. Even her sense of humor never left her completely. She was just a woman caught in a bad situation, determined not to let the situation define her. That made me even more proud to call her my wife.

  Reuma and I finished talking just before sunset. I could have kept at it until morning, but Reuma needed to see to her duties. She left me at the tree, staring at the river now empty of people. Most everyone had long since dried themselves off in preparation for dinner and sleep.

  I mulled over what we had discussed, but didn’t get very far.

  “Mind if I ask what that was all about?” Ava asked, interrupting my thoughts as she walked over to me.

  “What?”

  “You and Reuma talked for hours. Lots of laughing, maybe even what looked like a few tears. Something I should know about?” she asked with a sidelong look.

  “Oh,” I chuckled, catching her meaning. “No. There’s nothing you need to know about. We just talked. Completely innocent and no intention of that changing from either of us. Besides, I believe she’s got eyes for someone else.”