Wayward Soldiers

by Joshua P. Simon

  I can only think of a handful of times I nearly said a prayer to the gods. Most of them were admittedly in times of extreme stress or danger. That was usually when most people conveniently found religion. However, a few instances of almost-prayer came from joy. This was one.

  I had my daughter back.

  CHAPTER 29

  Though it took longer than probably either of us would have liked, we eventually got ahold of ourselves again.

  Then we talked. A lot. About everything that had happened to her in my absence. About my time in the army. It was quite a different experience speaking to her about the war. Zadok wanted to know about the battles. Myra wanted to know about the details that led up to the battle, the reasons decisions were made, and the way those decisions affected people.

  Zadok was a sharp kid, but Myra’s extra years were obvious in how she handled new information.

  We touched on our concerns about what our future held in the new world. The emotions ran the gambit, but there was no tension, no anger, and none of the discomfort that had plagued our previous conversations.

  I soaked up every moment.

  After some time, we ran out of nearby sticks for the fire. We quickly found more and I sat beside her, stoking the flames.

  She cleared her throat. “How did you know it was me coming to see you tonight?”

  “The space between your steps and the weight on each step matched your stride.”

  “How can you hear that kind of detail?”

  “Lots of practice. Half our missions in the war involved us paying attention to those sorts of little things that most people never notice. After a while, it becomes habit.”

  “I want to know how to do that.”

  “I can teach you.”

  “Really?” she asked, more excited than I had seen her become since my return to Denu Creek.

  “Sure.”

  She smiled and I smiled back. It was like talking to a totally different person.

  I glanced at the night sky. Three small flashes of white light lined with purples, barely noticeable unless you knew what to look for, winked in the distance.

  I frowned. “We really should be heading back to camp. Long day ahead of us.”

  “I want to talk to you about something else first.”

  “Anything.”

  “It’s about Damaris.”

  Except that.

  I swallowed hard. This wasn’t going to be good.

  “She likes you. A lot.”

  “You picked up on that?”

  “A lot of people have picked up on it, Pa. She’s not very good at hiding it.”

  A faint grin tugged at my mouth. She said Pa again. Just like that. An easy transition. No pause. No almost-saying-Tyrus. It was completely natural.

  “I didn’t know until Ira and Ava mentioned it to me.”

  She grunted. “That’s funny coming from someone who is so good at reading people.”

  I laughed. “It is, actually.”

  “Do you like her?”

  “She’s nice. Intelligent.” I grinned. “And funny.”

  “Pretty too,” added Myra.

  I nodded. “I like her well enough, I guess. But you don’t have to worry, I don’t like her in the same way she wants me to.”

  “You know, Ma’s been dead for over a year.”

  “For me she hasn’t. To me she’s only been gone for a few weeks. Besides, a year or a decade still might not be enough time for me to be ready for any sort of relationship.”

  “It’s nice to know that even after all that time away you still love Ma.”

  “I’ll never stop loving her.”

  “I had wondered if you avoided Damaris out of guilt, but it sounds like you did it more to prevent any misunderstandings.”

  “Both really,” I said.

  “I don’t think its working. You should talk to her. She deserves for things to be made clear.”

  “You sound concerned about her.”

  “I am. I’m not saying I want you to find someone else, or even anytime in the near future. I don’t think I could handle that right now. But one day, if you should change your mind and Damaris is still around, well Zadok and I agree you could do far worse.”

  That caught me off guard. “You talked to Zadok about Damaris and me?”

  “He actually brought it up. Like I said, a lot of people know.”

  “All right. I’ll talk to her. Let’s not talk about my love life anymore though. It feels a bit weird.”

  “Only if you promise to do the same when it’s my turn.”

  “I can’t. I’m your father. I’m supposed to look out for you.”

  “I’m your daughter. I’m supposed to look out for you too.” She stood, bent down, and kissed me on the cheek. “Good night, Pa.”

  “Good night,” I said as she walked away.

  I turned back to the dwindling fire, amazed.

  I started the night with a mountain of sorrow on my heart and ended it floating.

  Molak-be-damned, something good happened for a change.

  I put out the fire and headed back to camp, worried that if I stayed out much longer I might get bitten by a snake or some poisonous insect out of irony and spite.

  Even though it was late, I really wasn’t all that tired. Yet, I knew that if I laid my head against my pack, I’d fall asleep fast. And I needed sleep.

  “Tyrus, that you?” a soft voice hissed in the night.

  I recognized it immediately. I wouldn’t be going to bed any time soon.

  I turned toward Damaris. She stood just on the edge of camp, near a tall pine. Starlight found her through the haze, reflecting off her blonde hair. I walked over.

  “What are you doing up?”

  “I drew second watch.”

  Myra had reorganized the watch so all single women were forced to take part in the rotation as they did not have children to look after in the morning.

  “Second watch? I was out there longer than I realized,” I said.

  “I saw Myra walk by a few minutes ago.”

  There was a question there she didn’t know how to ask.

  “We talked. For a while.”

  Her face softened, genuine happiness and relief shone just as bright as the stars. “That’s good. I take it that everything went well.”

  “Better than well. It went great.”

  “Good. That makes me happy. Truly.”

  I could tell it did. She really was a good woman.

  “Something came up I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Oh. Do you want to find some time on the road tomorrow to do that?”

  “Actually, I was thinking now would be good if you don’t mind the company during your shift.”

  “Won’t you be tired tomorrow?”

  “I’ll manage.”

  Her brows furrowed. “What’s on your mind?”

  Where was I to begin? I had no idea so I decided to just lay everything out there.

  “I know we haven’t talked specifically about this, but it seems like you might have some feelings for me . . . feelings that go beyond us being friends.”

  I paused, seeing if she might deny that statement. It would certainly make my life easier if she said that what others had picked up on was a big misunderstanding. However, she simply just stared and waited as if she had wanted the conversation to happen. I took the lack of denial as confirmation and continued.

  “I’m flattered. Really. I come with a lot of baggage and the fact that you’d even think of me that way is surprising.”

  “I don’t care about your baggage, Tyrus. I know what kind of person you are. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have my own baggage as well. Would someone’s past stop you from pursuing them?”

  Though the question was worded in a way that tried to keep it ambiguous, it was obviously meant to get me to confirm the feelings she hoped I had for her.

  “No. It wouldn’t.” She smiled and I could see the hope showing on her face. I charge
d forward before that hope blossomed. “However, there is something else, someone else that would prevent anything from happening between us.”

  She deflated some. “Lasha.”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry. I know it might be hard to understand.”

  “No. It’s not hard to understand at all. She was your wife,” she said.

  I frowned. “So you don’t find it odd that I’m having so much trouble moving on from a woman I haven’t seen in more than a decade, a woman who’s been dead for over a year.”

  “Of course not. If anything, I think that speaks more of the kind of man I know you are.”

  I looked away, embarrassed. I knew the conversation between us wouldn’t be easy, but I certainly didn’t expect it to go this way.

  She cleared her throat. “Do you think that you might one day be ready to move on from her?”

  I faced her again. “I honestly don’t know. I wish I did. Moving on would certainly ease some of my worries. But I love her still, and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t miss her.”

  She smiled again. “You really are a remarkable man.”

  I felt myself redden and looked away again. Silence stretched between us.

  After a moment, I asked, “Where do we go from here?”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, looking honestly confused.

  I gave her a look that said I was equally confused by her question.

  She laughed. “Tyrus, I know our situation might not be ideal, but there’s no reason for us to make this anymore awkward than it already is. In fact, putting everything out there like this might make things less awkward, right?”

  I laughed with her. “That’s one way to look at it. We are supposed to be adults after all.”

  “Absolutely. And adults should be able to have conversations regardless of their feelings, right?”

  “I would have to agree.”

  “So let’s do that.”

  “All right. What do you want to talk about?”

  “How about what do you want out of life?”

  “You mean the one that might end at any moment?” I asked while gesturing at the sky.

  She frowned. “Pretend that isn’t there. What would you want out of life if we’re able to all get through this?”

  I grunted. “Be careful. That’s a question that could lead to a very long answer.”

  She smiled again. “I’ve got all the time in the world.”

  CHAPTER 30

  I had told Damaris that I’d manage talking to her on a lack of sleep and I did. I stayed up all through the second watch.

  It was odd how easily it was to talk to her after I had laid everything out. We ended up discussing just about everything, wants and desires, what makes a good mate, and so on. There was a lot of overlap.

  I enjoyed every minute of what I thought I’d dread. The more I learned about Damaris, the more I ended up liking her. A part of me even wondered if one day I could see myself with her.

  Then I thought of Lasha and those thoughts faded. I went to sleep with my wife on my mind and in my heart.

  I managed to wake before dawn, though it took a kick in the side from Ira to do so. Who needed a crowing rooster when you had a friend who could be far more annoying?

  I managed to eat breakfast without growling at anyone despite my fatigue. A large part of that came from the joy of knowing all was right between me and Myra.

  I also managed to put one foot in front of the other, keeping pace with Dekar as we set out that morning when the sun was still nothing more than a promise.

  However, I probably wouldn’t have managed much more than that without my kids.

  For the first time since we set out from Denu Creek, both Zadok and Myra walked beside me together, rather than only my son. We stayed that way all morning, making small talk, telling funny stories, and rereading the letters Lasha had written me while I was in the army.

  A part of me felt guilty for being so happy only a day removed from the men we lost in the fissure. However, I didn’t let that guilt grow. The relationship with my kids was too important to dwell on things I could no longer control.

  At least this once.

  Abigail and the boy that Ira had saved from the briars made several appearances throughout the morning. Since Boaz and Dinah had begun taking care of the boy, he and Abigail had become inseparable. That meant both nipped at my heels.

  I didn’t mind.

  In some ways I had begun to look at Abigail as being the third child Lasha and I never had a chance to try for. Why couldn’t the boy be the fourth? My wife had always wanted a large family.

  A sigh passed through my lips.

  “What is it, Pa?” asked Zadok.

  “Just thinking about your mother again.”

  “In what way?”

  “I wish we could have finished the life we had started together. The life we talked about. I think it would have been a great one.”

  The laughing from Abigail faded, as did Zadok’s. I realized my comment had dampened the mood of everyone else.

  Way to go, Tyrus.

  A light touch of my arm made me turn. Myra stood beside me.

  “We can still make this one great for her.” She gave my hand a squeeze.

  Gods, the difference in her was startling.

  I squeezed it back. “She’d like that.”

  A pulse lit up the sky behind us in a way that illuminated the road ahead. Everyone turned. Everyone gaped. No more keeping what Ava and I had noticed from others. Many panicked, wagons stopping with people running toward me. They knew the best place to be during an eruption was at my side.

  No one wanted to feel those sorcerous effects again.

  I glanced to Ava, one, to see how she was doing, and two, to gauge her reaction. She gave me a grim nod as if saying it would be soon.

  I thought of Myra’s comment. We might not have much life left to give anything a go.

  I dropped her hand and tried to calm the group. People were scared, some more than others. The problem with a group was the overactive emotions of the minority often infected the majority. Therefore, I focused on the minority while making eye contact with my squad leaders to do the same. Within a minute everyone had quieted enough so that I could be heard.

  As usual, Rezub was pushing his way to the front. The man no longer had a town to be mayor of, but he still felt it was his gods-given duty to be the representative of the collective. So strong was his passion for the role, others who joined our group on the road quickly got into the habit of deferring to him. Many even still called him mayor.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Though I knew he meant well, and the man was not nearly as intolerable as when Jareb had pulled his strings, Rezub just had a way about him that grated.

  I gestured to the sky. “I think it’s pretty obvious. The artifact is ready to go off again.”

  His eyes widened. “How bad? What’s it going to be like?”

  “Gods if I know. I’m no expert on the subject.”

  “What do we do? Where do we go?” He gestured around. “We’re completely exposed out here. It was bad enough last time when we had a place to take shelter. Here, we have nothing.”

  “We’re all going to die!” a woman shouted.

  “Stop!” I snapped before others fed off the outburst. “Enough!” I looked at the sky. “I think we have time before another eruption. Pull yourselves together and we’ll get through this. Get in your wagons and back to your things while I work out our next step.”

  “But—” started Rezub.

  I cut him off. “Reuma!”

  The woman came forward and stopped at attention beside the former mayor. “Yes, sir!”

  I held back my surprise. Molak-be-damned, I truly was doing as Ava had said. I was creating an army, whether I realized it or not.

  Why not take advantage of it then?

  “See that Rezub and no one else disturbs me unless I specifically ask for them. If anyone is unwilli
ng to comply, make them. Understood?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Rezub opened his mouth and took half a step forward, halting when Reuma stepped in front of him, hand tickling the hilt of her dagger as if daring him to go farther. I didn’t necessarily have it in mind for her to use that sort of force, but based on his reaction, I didn’t feel I needed to object or clarify that point just yet.

  I gestured Dekar my way. “Bring that map you found in Uman,” I said.

  Ava invited herself along, as did the kids. Everyone else stayed put.

  Once we got out of earshot of the others, I squatted. Dekar opened the map. Zadok grabbed a couple of small rocks and placed them on the edges so it didn’t furl.

  “We’re about here,” I said, pointing and looking at Dekar for confirmation.

  He nodded.

  “That gives us three options that I can think of. One, we can head west to Ashkelon, a big town, probably three times that of Uman. We can also go east to Susa, which is about the size of Denu Creek from what I remember. Or we can go southwest toward the Ofra Hills, and find a cave to take shelter in until everything blows over. The area is known to have dozens of them. Thoughts?”

  “I think we should go to Ashkelon,” said Zadok. “A town that big should have more places to offer protection, and more people to help if things get really bad again.”

  Myra grunted. “I was thinking that’s the last place we should go.”

  “Why?” Zadok asked.

  “Because a town that big has more personalities to deal with. Look how hard it was for Pa to get people to work together in Denu Creek. And we know what happened in Damanhur and Kafr from Ira. We don’t know if people feel that way in Ashkelon or not. But if they do and they find out we have people that were in the military, they might want to treat them and us the same. The last thing we want is another fight, especially against numbers like that.”

  “Oh,” said her brother.

  Dekar nudged me, giving me a slight grin.

  I grinned back. Yep, that was my girl. Even though the general attitude and disposition toward us and the Geneshan War had become more positive the further south we went, it could still change and become more hostile at any moment.