Chapter Twenty
Sacha poked me in the side. "Stay awake."
I didn't even bother covering my yawn as I eyed him sleepily, the television a steady hum in the background. The last time I'd looked at the clock, it showed that it was after three in the morning. Eli had woken me up early to explain that our flights had been cancelled and that we'd be leaving the following afternoon instead.
I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t just told me at a normal hour in the day instead of at the crack of dawn, but then again, I didn't know why my brother did half of the things that he did.
My gray-eyed, self-proclaimed best friend was lying on my bed, shoulders pressed against the headboard while I sat cross-legged next to him, nodding off. "I'm sleepy, but you can stay," I told him with a yawn again.
"Come here," he murmured, patting the empty space between our bodies.
What do you do when a man like Sacha Malykhin wants you to lie down next to him? You do it. Preferably naked, but I was too tired to even think anything more suggestive than that. So I settled for a tired smile and untangled my legs to scoot into the designated spot. I stretched out next to him while he moved to lie flat against the bed, extending his right arm out for me to lie on top of. He curled his arm as soon as I settled in, pulling me over so until I had my head on his chest.
I may have draped my arm over his stomach as nonchalantly as possible.
"You're warm," I mumbled against his black T-shirt. I yawned again and blinked, trying my best to stay awake and enjoy our closeness. “I never told you,” I yawned. “You look just like your mom.”
“You think so?”
I nodded into him. I hadn’t told him what his mom had said. I didn’t see the point. Then there was also the fact that I wasn’t sure what the hell she meant by ruining my life, so… I was going to let it go and blame it on her being a diva. “Girlish features and everything.”
His chest rumbled under my head. “You always know what to say to make me feel like a million bucks.”
“You can thank me for my friendship later.”
He laughed again. “I’ll remember to do that.” It was his turn to yawn. "Sit with me tomorrow?"
"As long as you—," I let out another long yawn, "let me sleep on your legs, and I'll let you nap on mine."
"Deal."
I pressed my forehead closer to his smooth jaw.
Sacha squeezed me to him with a sigh. "Go to sleep, Princess," he said in his quiet voice.
"Okay," I mumbled.
Sacha stroked my arm with his fingers, once, twice, three times. "Frère Jacques, frère Jacques, dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? Sonnez les matines, sonnez les matines, ding ding dong, ding ding dong," he sang softly.
I smiled against him, tilting my head up, up, up. "Goodnight, Sassy."
He stroked my arm once more before I felt him shift beneath me, my head tucking deeper into his chest. The moment was sleepy, and warm, and sweet, and it was perfect. He pressed his lips against mine gently just for a moment, and then he kissed my nose.
He’d kissed me.
Even in my nearly delirious state, I recognized that sinking feeling deep
in my chest. No eclipse could overshadow the fact that I was absolutely in love with this guy, and it was the easiest and simplest thing in the world.
* * *
"You look comfy," Sacha drawled with a smile. He was sitting on the bench in front of the one I was on, with his bright red hoodie sleeves pushed up to his elbows. God, he was so cute.
I glanced down at the two men sleeping on me. My brother had his head on my lap, drooling, while Mason had his head on my shoulder, also drooling. Despite the fact that it was two in the afternoon, the pair were apparently exhausted over whatever craziness they'd experienced the night before. All I understood from their rambling babblings was something about a strip club, New Zealand girls and a banana.
I didn't want to know anything more. I could live without becoming scarred for life.
So now they were passed out on top of me, soaking my hoodie and jeans with their saliva, but I didn't have the heart to push them off. The drive to the airport was a little less than an hour, and they were busy taking full advantage of it.
"I've been more comfortable," I smiled at him, thinking about when I'd woken up that morning.
Sacha had been wiggling under me, trying to ease me onto the bed as gently as possible. He'd pressed a kiss on my cheek, told me he had an interview and that he'd see me later, then he blew hot morning breath on my face and left. Only I would think that was charming.
His phone started ringing for the fourth time since we'd gotten into the van, and he sighed. Again. It wasn't my business to ask whom he was avoiding but… the curiosity was fucking killing me. Isaiah, who was sitting next to him, grunted in frustration.
"Answer the phone, man. I'm sick of hearing it ring," he complained softly.
I could see Sacha roll his eyes before pulling out his phone and shifting his position to face forward. I immediately got a little wary of his action. There'd been a handful of times that his parents or his sisters had called while we were together, and he'd answered their calls without a second thought. He didn't care if I heard what was said but his hesitation at answering that call right then, told me there was something he was trying to avoid.
I trusted him. A lot. He hadn't given me a reason to doubt that he cared for me or that he was honest. On the other hand, we had only known each other a little over two months. It had taken Brandon three years to fuck up.
"Flabby," Eliza groaned as his hand started patting around my knee before landing on his face. He wiped at his lips and then touched the spot of drool he'd left on my pants. "Ahh fuck."
As much as I wanted to eavesdrop on the conversation that Sassy was having in front of me, my brother had decided to start yapping right then. What a useless ass.
"Is that drool?" he mumbled.
"No, it's Kool-Aid, dumbass," I snickered, brushing my hand over the short ends of his hair that had just barely began to curl after more than a month.
Eli smiled against my leg, making a noise that sounded like a low, sleepy chuckle. "Drink it later, then." He blinked twice before closing his eyes and going back to sleep.
Gross.
The faint conversation from the seat in front of ours made me stop breathing so I could listen better. What's funny was that everyone else awake in the van had lowered their voices when Sacha started talking. It had only taken me a few weeks to learn that these guys were worse at gossiping than teenage girls. Even though they tried to play off their interest, they ate up anything that caught their attention.
Like the time Isaiah got propositioned by a fan, who offered him five hundred dollars to sleep with her.
Or the time that a fan had asked my brother, Gordo and Miles if he could lick their shoes.
Then there was the time that Mason—
There were a lot of things that had happened that the guys had been all too excited to talk about.
Obviously, there was something about this conversation that caught their attention.
"I already told you… Lizzy, I'm not changing my mind…" Sacha spoke into the receiver. Lizzy? The fuck? Before I could ponder it much longer, he kept going. “No, there's no one else. I don't want to get back together because it's my choice. Just like you decided you didn't want to be together, I don't want to pick up where we left off…" I felt like I was being stabbed as he talked. "I care about you. You know that. You mean a lot to me, but that doesn't mean I want to be with you. I'm done explaining this to you over and over again."
I could see his reflection in the glass. His eyes were closed and his forehead was pressed against the cool window. My heart was beating frantically even though I know it shouldn't be. Nothing that Sacha was saying was technically wrong. Technically. It was his choice that he didn't want to get back together with his ex. He did care about her. I mean, they'd been together for a while.
But—
But—
&nb
sp; But—
I felt sick. Sacha cared about me too. I knew he did. Every vessel in my blood knew it. But maybe that's why he hadn't put more of a move on me? Because he didn't want to be tied down to anyone? A simple kiss wasn’t a promise ring or anything. It didn’t have to mean anything romantic. And… there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I knew that.
My realization and acceptance from the night before was strangling. I was in love with a man who maybe loved me according to others, but maybe didn't love me the way that I wanted. Maybe he didn’t want a relationship. I had men in my life that loved me in a platonic way. What was one more? And why did I feel betrayed that he still cared about Ariel Number Two? Sacha was a nice guy. Hell, he was the nicest guy I had ever met. It was probably just in his system to care for people, but…
I reached over Eli's big body to grab the backpack he had on his lap, and fished out his expensive studio earphones, plugging them into my phone as quickly as I could as I zoned out the man on the phone. Flicking through the albums I had saved in my library, I chose the one at the top of the list and raised the volume as loud as tolerable.
Closing my eyes, I let my head drop back to the seat and put a hand on each of the guys beside me.
Chapter Twenty-One
I slept my way to Dubai, and somehow managed to make it to London without speaking more than twenty words to Sacha. Most importantly, I didn’t fall asleep on his legs and he didn’t nap on mine. When we caught our connecting flight, it turned out that he was sharing a seat with a stranger so I sat with my brother and Gordo instead. Gordo—who had heard the same conversation I had—didn't say a word. It was the red Starburst he gave me later on that really showed his sympathy.
When we finally landed in London, the promoter for the tour drove us in a Sprinter van to a hotel where we'd be staying for the night. A new tour bus would be picking us up the next day.
I made an effort to stand and sit away from my gray-eyed friend. My mood was pretty rotten, and I felt pretty groggy from the jetlag. As excited as I'd been about going to Europe, I didn't feel like doing a freaking thing on our first day off. Everyone was so relieved to be on land again, and I definitely wasn't going to be the party pooper in the bunch bringing everybody else down.
If my good mood were a raft named Gaby, it seemed like it was on the verge of sinking.
Eli had waved me off when I got settled in my room and said he'd be back for me later, regardless of whether I wanted to go somewhere or not. He knew something was bothering me, but he was smart enough to know not to ask about it until later. Even though he'd inherited the Barreto temper from our mom, bits and pieces of it were still etched into my chromosomes. He was well aware of what to expect when I was in a slump.
What I didn't take into consideration was that Sacha had gotten to know me as well.
When a knock sounded on my door a couple of hours after we'd been dropped off, I didn't bother asking who was there because I'd assumed it was Eliza. Only it wasn't.
"You didn't ask for the password," Sacha said with a frown when the door was opened.
I shrugged and held it wider for him to come in. "I thought you were Eli," I answered him simply.
"Oh." Sacha eyed me critically as he stepped into the tiny room. He'd showered since the last time I'd seen him, dressed in jeans and a white V-neck. He dropped his long body onto my bed, propping himself up with his elbows. "What are we doing today?"
Closing the door, I turned to look at him while attempting to ease the thunder going on in my heart. "I was planning on staying in."
"I thought you wanted to walk around?" He raised a dark eyebrow.
Another shrug. "Maybe tomorrow, I'm tired. I'm sure someone else can go out with you."
Sacha just blinked at me. “I want to go with you.”
No, no, no, no, no. I smiled at him. “I’m sure you’ll have just as much fun with someone else.”
He stared at me for so long in silence I wasn’t sure he was ever going to respond until he finally did. His question cool and controlled. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Gaby."
I gave him the weakest smile in existence. "I'm just pooped and groggy, and my head really hurts."
He blinked again. "When did it start hurting?”
My shoulders went up. “Earlier, before the first flight.” Right after I heard you tell another woman you cared about her.
He grumbled rolling up to sit on his bottom. He rubbed his hands up and down his pant legs. The look on his face was enough of a warning. “Tell me what's wrong. You're being weird."
"I'm fine," I pleaded. "I just want to be alone right now."
Those pale eyes twitched in disbelief and possibly hurt. "Don't do this to me again."
"What?" I asked him even though I already knew what he was trying to hint at.
"You're pushing me away. I don’t like it."
"Sacha, I'm not—" Damn it.
He grimaced. "See, you never call me Sacha." He pushed off the edge of the bed to stand. "Tell me what's wrong."
I shook my head and averted my eyes to the ceiling. Sure I’d teared up for a split second, but I'd swiped at them and that was it. "It's nothing," I muttered.
"You're lying," he replied.
I was, and I hated it. I wasn't a liar. Maybe sometimes I left things out by omission, but I didn't enjoy doing it. I was terrible at it. But what would I tell him? The truth? Hey Sassy, I realized I was in love with you last night, and then you told your ex that you care about her but that there isn't anyone else in the picture. Right. That sounded like the worst idea ever.
When he gripped my wrist with his warm fingers, I sucked in a breath. "Gaby baby."
Eli had told me once a very long time ago that you weren't living unless you took risks. The thing he never mentioned was that risks were scary. I didn't deal with rejection well. But what was four more weeks? It'd be easier for me to ignore him for that time than it would be for me to lie and pretend that I was fine when I wasn't.
"Tell me, Princess," he said with a squeeze to my wrist.
I'd never really considered myself very brave before. Usually I found my strength from my brother, who didn’t care enough what people thought to worry about consequences, or Laila, who wasn’t fazed of most things. My trust in others was usually the reassurance I needed to do things that made me nervous. I knew that they would never do anything to kill me.
All I had was four more weeks left.
I sighed and looked everywhere except at him. "I looked into something more than I should have and now I just feel stupid. That's all."
"What was it?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
Balls. I had invisible balls and I could do this. "I thought that someone liked me, but I realized that maybe it wasn't the same kind of attraction that I was hoping for," I told him slowly, meeting his eyes in the greatest act of bravery I'd ever accomplished singlehandedly.
His beautiful face swept into a clouded, dark expression. "Who?" His question was asked slowly.
Jesus F. Christ. I swallowed hard. "Who what?"
"Who doesn't like you?"
Oh brother. "You're a nice guy, Sassy. I know that. Everyone knows that. Hell, I think Eli has a crush on you.” I smiled at him just a little, reminding myself that it wasn’t his fault he was so likable. “It's not in your nature to be a complete dick, and that's okay. I get it. I like that about you a lot, but you don't have to pretend. At least don't pretend with me."
Sacha's eyebrows furrowed before he scowled at me, confusion marring the planes of his features. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh my God," I moaned and went to take a step back but he held my wrist tight.
Men. Idiot, idiot men.
I must have stared at him long and hard enough that it finally hit him. His hand went up to that favorite part of his skull he was always rubbing, and he scoffed in disbelief at the same time. "You think I don't like you?"
> And I wanted to die. "I think you like me in a different way than I like you, if you insist on knowing." Kill me. Kill me now.
"What?" he hissed, taking a step forward. "Why would you think that?"
My eyes went to the ceiling again. I didn't want to have this conversation. Every fiber of my being was revolting against me. "Everyone in the van heard your phone conversation, Sassy. No one special. You care about your ex-girlfriend but you don't want to get back together with her." I tugged my arm back uselessly. "I get it. It's fine."
But it wasn't.
Sacha let out a long breath. "You heard what I told Liz, and you think that what I said changes anything?" He took another step toward me. "You really think that I don't like you?"
When I didn't say anything in response, he tapped at the corner of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. "Gaby, I can tell you that I hate you. I can tell you that I think you're the worst person I've ever met. The ugliest girl on the planet. I can tell everyone in the audience tomorrow that I'm gay, but do you think that changes a single thing?
“You make me happier than anyone else ever has, and if you knew how many people I’ve met, you’d understand what that means. I know you don't know Liz, but that was the only way I knew I could get to her. If I'd told her that I thought you were the best thing on the planet, it would've made her relentless. She doesn't know what ‘no’ means. And it's no one's business but mine how I feel about you," he said quickly.
As much as his words warmed me, they weren't what I wanted. They weren't a fleck of a confirmation. They were an explanation that made complete sense to me, but that didn't ease my worry enough. "I get it. I think you’re great too," I told him with a sigh. "But that's not—"
"Is the sun the biggest object in space?" he asked me in an even, determined voice.
I had to think about that one for all of a split second before I shook my head, confused at what he was asking. "No."
"How do you explain to the sun that there are stars far away that dwarf it?" He lowered his face to mine. "I’ve liked you from the moment I met you.” He blinked, his eyebrows knitting together in surprise. “Damn, Gaby. I’m fucking crazy about you.”
Rhythm, Chord & Malykhin Page 23
