Denim and Lace

by Diana Palmer

  “Thank you,” she said self-consciously. She smiled back at him, but with reservations. He was quite obviously flirting with her, and she wasn’t sure how to handle it. She didn’t want to cause any more trouble than she already had, and she knew instinctively that Cade didn’t like Robert paying attention to her.

  Her big problem was that she had to discourage Cade from getting too close. He was already jealous, even though it was probably just sexual jealousy. She didn’t dare let herself give in to him. Would it be wise, though, to encourage Robert’s feeling for her just to keep Cade at bay? She didn’t want to hurt Robert.

  “Why the big frown?” Robert kidded. “Don’t you like ham biscuits?”

  “I like them very much. Thank you,” she said. Her dark eyes lifted to his. “Robert...”

  He drew in a steadying breath. “It’s a no-go, isn’t it?” he asked, searching her face. “It’s still Cade.”

  She sighed miserably and dropped her eyes to the tray. “It’s always been Cade,” she confessed. “I must be a glutton for punishment. I know there’s no future in it...”

  “Isn’t there?”

  The deep, quiet voice at the doorway startled them both. Cade was lounging against the door, apparently drinking in every word. He wasn’t smiling, and the look he was giving Bess was as possessive as the bridled anger he directed at Robert. Bess felt her heart shaking and wished she could get under the bed. She hadn’t dreamed that he was nearby when she’d made that impulsive confession to Robert.

  “I brought her breakfast,” Robert began.

  “So I see. Thank you,” Cade replied politely. He didn’t say another word, but his face spoke volumes.

  Robert sighed. “No harm in finding out how things stand. I’ll just wander along and jump off the barn.”

  “Don’t be an idiot,” Cade murmured, slapping the younger man affectionately on the shoulder as he passed him. “Try hanging out in church instead of bars. There are plenty of nice girls around if you look for them.”

  “But not Bess,” he mused with a smile in his brother’s direction.

  “Bess is mine,” Cade said, his eyes steady and covetous on Bess’s shocked face.

  “Your gain, my loss. Well, anyway, Bess, I smoked him out for you,” Robert said, winking at her as he left them together.

  Bess was red faced and confused. She met Cade’s eyes with determination. “It wasn’t fair to tell him that,” she said. “I’m not your personal property.”

  “You’re going to be,” he replied calmly. “I’m sick to the back teeth of having to watch him moon over you.”

  “But he doesn’t,” she protested weakly.

  “Yes, he does,” he said seriously. “He’s sensitive and he’s already halfway in love with you. Is it worth hurting him to avoid me?”

  She groaned. “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true. Besides they all know how it is with you,” he added, his eyes narrowing. “You’ve been my shadow for years. Even if you’ve convinced yourself that your feelings have changed, you won’t convince them without some work. You won’t convince me either,” he added, his eyes full of dark fires as they held hers. “I’d have to be blind not to know that you want me, and how much.”

  Her face flamed. She couldn’t even deny it. “You yourself told me that desire didn’t have much to do with caring about people.”

  “Sure I did,” he agreed. “And it’s true. But I don’t think what you feel is purely physical. I never have.”

  She buried her face in her hands. He was stripping her soul naked, and she didn’t have a comeback. She had to be strong, she had to!

  He watched her, frowning. “Is it so embarrassing to talk about it, for God’s sake?” he demanded. His gaze slid over her possessively, and she felt like her heartbeat was visible against the demure rounded neckline of her blue Juliet gown. “There was a time when you’d have given blood for my mouth on yours, and it wasn’t that long ago. Now you’re sitting there trying to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  “You don’t want any kind of a relationship with a woman like me, remember?” she asked in a ghostly whisper. “All you can offer me is an affair. You said so.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CADE REGISTERED THOSE painful words with a sense of bitterness. He felt bad about the things he’d said to her. He’d been striking out at her because of jealousy, and yes, he’d said he couldn’t offer her marriage for all kinds of noble reasons. But when he’d come so close to losing her, reality had settled on him like a vulture. And now he felt more than a need to protect her. He wanted Bess. He especially wanted children. He was getting to the age where settling down wasn’t so frightening a thing. Money would be scarce with the family to think of, but they could manage. Anyway Gary and Robert were pulling their weight, and the ranch was pulling into the black. He could afford to start thinking about marriage now.

  “I thought you’d been sleeping with Ryker,” he said after a minute. “I was jealous as hell and hurting. I lashed out because of it.” He saw her startled expression and he smiled faintly. “Shocked? I’ve always been jealous of you. Even now, having to watch Robert with you tears me apart.”

  Her breath caught. So close to heaven, she thought, and she didn’t dare let herself be caught in that sweet web.

  “Robert’s just being kind,” she said huskily.

  “Hell. Robert’s halfway in love with you,” he said shortly. “Thank God Gary’s engaged. At least I don’t have to worry about him.”

  She searched his face and almost smiled at the irritation there. “I’m not going to have an affair with Robert,” she promised.

  “I’m glad, because an affair is out of the question,” he said shortly. His eyes narrowed. “Even with me.”

  Her heart jumped. “You said in San Antonio that an affair was all you had to offer. That you wouldn’t ever want to marry someone like me.”

  He sighed angrily. “Oh, I was eloquent, wasn’t I?” he muttered. “And you’ll never forget a word I said.” His dark eyes swept over her body in the gown, settling on her full, soft breasts, their tips suddenly hard where he was staring. His body echoed that hardness, and he clenched his teeth at the unexpected shock of pleasure before he forced his eyes back up to hers. “Look, you’re wearing that on your ring finger already,” he pointed out, indicating the silver ring he’d given her. He took a steadying breath. “So why don’t you just consider yourself engaged for a bit, and let’s see where we go from there?”

  He said it a little clumsily, and she realized that he’d probably never asked a woman to marry him before. Her heart was in her eyes as she looked at him and dared to dream for a few precious seconds. He was asking her to marry him! Her pulse raced wildly as she stared at him, wishing. Wishing!

  But she knew she couldn’t. Why he’d made the proposal puzzled her, unless it was out of guilt or to keep Robert from her. Probably, she thought miserably, it was the latter. He wouldn’t have wanted Robert marrying a woman he wanted. He did want her, she realized, even though he felt nothing else for her. Even in her innocence she knew that men were sexually jealous sometimes, and Cade considered her his private property. He’d even told Robert she was, and he’d been angry when he’d said it.

  “You don’t have to get engaged to me to keep me from Robert,” she said, and then watched the shock that momentarily rippled over his features. It made her wonder if she’d accidentally hit on the truth, but surely he wouldn’t ask her to marry him just for that reason! Or would he? An engagement wasn’t a marriage after all. An engagement could be broken when she was back at work and out of Robert’s orbit.

  “Bess...” he began, uneasy at her statement. He hadn’t meant it that way at all.

  She sighed. “Anyway I don’t want to get married right now. I’m only twenty-three, and I’ve ju
st had a taste of freedom. I don’t want to settle down yet. Now that I’ve started, I want to prove that I can make my own way in the world.”

  He scowled and his eyes narrowed as he looked around the room. It was neat and clean, but nothing disguised the age of the furniture or the worn spots in the rug or the faded curtains and the quilt. This room, like the others, had a single lightbulb suspended on a cord instead of light fixtures or chandeliers.

  “Your barn back at Spanish House was more luxurious than this room,” he said quietly. “It would be a long drop from Spanish House to Lariat, wouldn’t it, honey?” he demanded, furious because he’d never proposed to anyone before and Bess was acting as if he’d offered her a cup of coffee or something. “You wouldn’t have elegant dresses or go to dinner parties or entertain rich people here, and you couldn’t afford diamonds.”

  It might be the easy way out, to take advantage of the differences between them and play Miss Ingenue to his Rugged Cowboy, she thought. But she was too softhearted to hurt him that much.

  “I know that,” she said softly, her eyes involuntarily caressing his dark, hard face. “Cade...” she began.

  But he wouldn’t listen. “And I guess kids would be out of the question for a career woman, too, wouldn’t they?” he demanded, his eyes blazing. “God forbid that you should have to come home to take care of them.”

  Her knuckles went white as she gripped the coverlet, hating her body for what it could no longer give him—the sons he wanted. “I don’t know that I want children,” she said quietly.

  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d let her go to San Antonio. He’d forced himself not to do anything to tempt her to stay here. Now she’d become the independent, strong woman he’d known she could be—except that this new Bess was totally independent. She didn’t want, or need, him. She didn’t want his children. And what he had to offer wasn’t enough. He wasn’t rich enough to suit her. His pride bristled.

  He felt wild. He wanted to throw things. He wanted to pull the ceiling down around him. Maybe all she’d ever felt for him was infatuation. Because if she loved him, really loved him, she’d have said yes without hesitation. He felt a coldness inside that was like ice against his rib cage. He was too late.

  His silence brought her eyes up. He didn’t show emotion very often, and his face was unreadable just now. She’d hurt his pride and she felt guilty, but it was better this way.

  “Thank you for asking me, Cade,” she said quietly, hiding her threatening tears. “You’ll never know how much it meant...” She broke off because her voice trembled.

  Cade was too bitterly hurt to notice the betraying quiver. He turned away. “Can I get you anything on my way out?” he asked in a voice that could have started fires.

  She shook her head. “No. Thank you.”

  He strode toward the door without looking at her. “I’ll have Mother look in on you later.”

  He went out without a word, without looking at her, without even a cold glance. His straight, muscular back was eloquent, and she felt the tears raining down on her pale cheeks the second the door closed behind him. She’d deliberately let him think that she’d only felt an infatuation, that she was only interested in her career. She lifted the hand with the silver ring to her lips and kissed it with aching hunger. One little word, and she could have been his wife, his lover. She could have shared his life and taken care of him and slept in his arms every night. But it was inevitable that he’d wonder why she didn’t conceive. And when he found out the truth, that she’d deliberately concealed it, he’d never forgive her. It was better to let him hate her than to face that certainty.

  Even if it was relatively easy to make that decision, it was hell carrying it out. She cried herself to sleep that night and every night afterward. It was like being given a taste of heaven and then having it snatched away. She loved him more than her own life. But denying him the children he wanted would be more cruel in the long run than refusing him now. She had to keep that in mind.

  But she dreamed of him all night every night, of his hungry kisses at her apartment, at the tenderness he’d shown her on the way back to Lariat from the hospital. She was haunted by the images of him, by the lost hopes and dreams. Only the little silver ring on her finger was left of that time, and she hadn’t been able to remove it. Cade noticed, but he didn’t say anything. He withdrew into himself, and while he was polite, he never sought her out or tried to be alone with her again. Her refusal had hurt him as nothing else ever had. He’d been so certain of her acceptance that the rebuff had sent him reeling. He’d thought she loved him, but she hadn’t.

  Meanwhile Robert was taking advantage of Cade’s aloofness to entertain Bess. She made it clear that she had nothing to give him emotionally, and he’d accepted it with outward ease. But the way he looked at her sometimes made her uncomfortably aware that he wasn’t as lighthearted as he pretended. He was hoping, despite what Cade had said, that she’d change her mind. Everyone was aware of Cade’s animosity toward Bess. He openly avoided her when he wasn’t glaring at her, and it gave Robert renewed hope.

  Bess enjoyed Robert’s company, his stories about the ranch and his knowledge of marketing. He was the only friend she had right now and a soothing balm for the breach between Cade and herself. She only hoped Robert wasn’t going to get hurt. Ignoring him hadn’t accomplished anything, and even her blatant statement that she liked him as a friend didn’t deter him. Gary worried and Cade muttered and cursed, but the friendship went on.

  Gussie watched the new development with worry, too. But despite the fact that Gussie was learning to cook and even helping Elise around the house, Bess was still wary of her. She wanted to prove to Bess that she wasn’t totally useless, but Bess simply ignored her.

  Eventually Gussie became desperate for the key to unlock her daughter’s dislike.

  “I wish you’d tell me what I’ve done, besides the obvious,” Gussie said, sighing one day when everyone else had gone to town. Gussie was dusting in the living room while Bess sat quietly in an armchair reading a new detective novel that Robert had loaned her.

  Bess looked up from the book, searching her mother’s worried face. Gussie was trying, she understood that. But knowing that her mother had been responsible for such a tragedy in the Hollisters’ past made it difficult. She couldn’t bear the thought of how much it hurt Cade to know that her mother had caused his father’s death. Cade had worshipped his father.

  “How can Elise bear to have you in her home?” Bess asked finally.

  Gussie stopped in midstride, her face white. “What?”

  “It’s an open secret, isn’t it?” Bess asked. “Cade told me, the night I wrecked the car. He said that you killed his father—that you were having an affair with him.”

  Gussie sat down heavily on the sofa. “He told you that night?” she asked. “He told you, and upset you with it and that was what made you run from him!”

  “That, and the argument we had,” Bess replied. She frowned. “How could you do that to Daddy?”

  “I didn’t.” Gussie groaned. She put her face in her hands. “My God, I didn’t.” She looked up. “Hasn’t Cade said anything to you since I took him the cake in his study? Hasn’t he told you what I said?”

  Bess closed the book. “No,” she said. Cade never spoke to her.

  “Bess, I know I’ve got my faults, but I’ve never committed adultery with anyone, least of all with Coleman Hollister,” she said, and the very quietness of her tone was convincing. “He was having an affair, yes. He had several. But never with me.”

  “Then who was he having it with?” Bess asked curiously.

  “With Cade’s girlfriend,” she replied. “That’s right, a woman half Elise’s age, and beautiful.” She laughed bitterly. “Cade had bested him on a bronc,” she continued. “So Coleman was going to get even. He called Cade to bring
him some papers, and he was going to let Cade find him in bed with the girl. She didn’t know. She was in love with him. I was at the hotel having lunch and I guessed what he was up to. I headed him off.”

  “And then Coleman had a heart attack while you were still there,” Bess said, shocked that she’d believed her mother capable of such a thing in the first place.

  “I was going for help when Cade got there,” Gussie said simply. “He made the obvious assumption, and I couldn’t contradict him without bringing the girl into it. It was Elise I was thinking of, but the girl was also the daughter of some friends of the family. It would have been a horrible scandal, and I thought it was kinder to let Elise think it was me than to hurt her like that. She’d have hurt twice as much because Cade was indirectly involved, don’t you see?”

  Bess did. Her eyes became cloudy, and she looked down at her feet. “I’ve always accused Cade of looking for the worst. I guess I’ve been doing the same thing, haven’t I? I’m sorry I believed him.” She looked up. “He doesn’t know, does he?”

  “Yes, he does,” the older woman replied. “I got tired of the pretense. He won’t tell Elise the truth any more than I will, but he had a right to know. Elise has forgiven me despite what she thinks I did. No friend could ask for more. Now I’m trying very hard to earn her respect and trust again.”

  “But it wasn’t your fault,” Bess argued.

  “I stuck my nose in,” Gussie said, smiling wistfully. “When you take on other people’s trouble, you have to expect a few blows. I love Elise like a sister. I’ve never forgiven Cade for blurting it out in front of her. He forced me to keep quiet when he accused me. The only way I could have defended myself would have been to hurt Elise more.”

  “No wonder you’ve hated him so much.”

  “Not anymore,” Gussie said. “Hatred is a waste of energy. I’ve decided to do something with all mine. I’m buying into a business, Bess,” she added, leaning forward earnestly. “I can sell what’s left of my jewelry to raise the capital I need.”