She reached out and gently touched his knee. “I’m not lost anymore.”
He stared back at her. “No, you’re not.” He grasped hold of her hand, held on tight.
“Please, God, at least tell me that the man who came after Bobby treated you gentle. That you told him you’d been attacked and he took the time to care for you.”
She avoided his eyes.
“Daisy? Jesus, please,” he practically begged.
“There hasn’t been anyone else,” she whispered.
“What?”
She forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’ve never been with anyone. Those first few years, there was no way I could even think of it. Not without losing it. And then I had no real desire to when all I’d ever wanted was you.” She shrugged helplessly.
“You mean you’re. . .”
“A twenty-seven-year-old virgin. Yep. Pretty pathetic, huh?”
A fierce look crossed his face. “I never want to hear you call yourself that again, understand?”
“Call myself worse,” she whispered.
He reached forward, cupped her face between his hands. “And that’s gonna stop. Whatever words you call yourself, whatever you hear him say to you, none of it is true. And I’m gonna replace every bad thought with a good one. Got it?”
She nodded.
“You ever talk to someone about what happened?”
“Not really. Brad knows it all. Sylvie just parts of it. She was too young. As she got older, well, I didn’t want her to know.”
“You’ve never talked to a professional about any of this?”
“No.”
“Kent gave me the name of a therapist. She knows the lifestyle. She’ll do sessions online. She’s good.”
She stiffened. Talk to a stranger? “I can’t.”
He studied her for a long moment. “Whether you do this or don’t do this, it’s up to you. No matter what I’m still going to be here for you. I’ll be supporting you with whatever you need. I just want you to be happy.”
“You’re not gonna make me go?”
“Babe, ain’t no point to it if I make you go. You have to want to do this.”
“I want to do this. Or, I mean, I want to fix this. Fix me. But I’m scared to talk to a stranger.”
He gave a fierce look. “First of all, you aren’t broken. Hear me? Your head got messed with by an asshole who I have the misfortune to be related to. The things he said to you are unforgivable and I hate that his words still have the power to hurt you. But you ain’t broken. You just need some help to put that voice to rest. If you don’t think this woman can do that for you or you’re not ready, then I’m not going to force you.”
“I thought you might be mad.”
“Baby, never. I just want you to be free of those demons, of this power he has over you. I definitely don’t want you hurting yourself anymore because that’s the only way you know how to free yourself of him.”
She’d stared up at him, this wonderful man who was vowing to do whatever it took to help her and she knew she had to be brave. She had to be as strong as he seemed to think she was. She had to do whatever it took to free herself.
“I’m going to do it.”
Light filled his eyes. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. What about you? Will you talk to her?”
“I will do whatever needs doing to help you.”
“But to help you.”
He dropped his hands then widened his legs. “Come sit here.” He patted the floor between his legs. She turned and backed her way in. He wrapped an arm firmly around her chest, surrounding her with him.
“Not real big on talking to a chick about this.”
“A chick!” she protested.
“Yeah, a chick.” She heard the smile in his voice. Knew he was teasing her. “But if I need to talk, I got Bain.”
“Bain?”
“Yeah, Bain.”
“Does he know how to talk? Without growling?”
He let out a surprised laugh. She smiled, relaxed against him. “Not really. But he knows how to listen.”
“Okay then.”
“Okay then,” he repeated. Still with amusement in his voice. They sat there for a long moment.
“I’m mad that he’s dead. That he’s beyond my anger. Everything he took from you—”
“He took it from you as well, Jed.”
“Never forgive myself for not trying to find you,” he whispered.
“Honey, you have to. You have to let it go.”
“Don’t fucking know how to do that.”
She turned to him. “Together, we do it together.” She leaned her forehead in and touched it against his.
“Together,” he whispered.
18
The nightmare screamed through her, dragging her from sleep. The way it had every night for the last three nights. Ever since she’d told Jed the truth. Having it all come out was almost as bad as having to live it again.
Almost. Because this time she had Jed. She wasn’t alone.
And yet, she didn’t have Jed. This was a different Jed than the one she’d had before. This Jed was quieter, most people would probably argue he’d never been much of a talker, but he had been with her. This Jed was gentler. He watched her. All the time.
This Jed hadn’t once scolded her. Hadn’t given her so much as a stern look. Admittedly, she’d walked around in a haze of exhausted shock for those first few days. She felt fragile. She didn’t like it. Discovering she had a stalker, knowing he’d been watching her, feeling scared in her own home she figured it was enough to unnerve the strongest person. Without all of the stuff from the past coming up as well.
Yeah, she was a different Daisy, but she felt a bit more like herself each day. Today, her Little had even surfaced for a while when she’d found the coloring-in books he’d bought her the other day. And Daddy had even helped.
A subdued daddy.
He hadn’t been back to work, hadn’t mentioned going back and the truth was, she wasn’t ready to be left here alone.
Don’t be such a wimp, Daisy. He’ll have to return to work at some stage. You can’t rely on him forever.
She knew it. But her sense of safety had been rattled and she wasn’t sure how to get it back.
She also knew that she missed her Jed. Wanted him back.
He slid his arm around her waist. Carefully. As though afraid she would shatter. That was how he touched her now. Like she might break. There had been no spankings. He hadn’t once put his hand in her back pocket of her jeans to guide her around. And there had been no orgasms.
“Bad dream, baby?” he murmured.
“Yes,” she whispered.
The first words of the song hit the room. She started to relax. She’d been shocked after her first nightmares, when the dregs of it were still clinging to her, to hear him singing to her. Always the same song. Always low and soft. Always it washed away the nightmare like nothing else could.
He had a gorgeous voice. Soft yet husky, he hit every note of Amazing Grace perfectly. There was nothing more beautiful than her fierce dragon, singing her back to sleep in the most tender voice imaginable.
Tears dripped down her face, but she tried not to let him sense them. She didn’t want to explain the reason for them. Wasn’t sure she could. Wasn’t sure he wanted to know it was because she’d never had something as beautiful in her life as him singing to her.
Gradually, the tears dried. Her body relaxed and sleep overtook her.
Jed slid away from her, lying on his back. He placed his arm over his eyes as he reminded himself that she was fragile. That she needed care. She’d just woken from a fucking nightmare, for God’s sake. The last thing she needed was to know that he was lying there with a freaking hard-on.
Only an asshole would think of his own needs now. But he couldn’t stop himself from imagining how good it would be to roll her under him and drive himself deep. On the tail of that thought came another. Of Bobby trying to rape
her. His grandfather threatening her.
His hard-on died.
She needed gentle loving care. What she did not need was to know how much he wanted to fuck her. She did not need his brand of Dominance. She needed soft and gentle. Not stern and bossy.
And he would give her whatever she needed.
* * *
“Tell me you found that fucking bastard.” Jed stepped out onto the porch of Daisy’s place to where Kent, Bain and Macca stood.
Kent looked behind him. “Daisy around?”
“She’s having a nap. She’s not sleeping well.” She was having fucking nightmares. About an hour ago, he’d seen her yawning and fighting to stay awake as she’d been playing with her Legos and decided to put her down.
Surprisingly, she hadn’t argued. Which had told him just how much she needed the nap. He hadn’t made her take one since he’d returned. He needed to change that.
“Fuck,” Macca muttered. “She messed up over that asshole stalking her?”
He gave a short nod. “That and the past. Just tell me you’ve got him so I can take my fury out on someone.”
They gave each other a look. And a knot formed in his gut.
Kent stepped forward. “I’m real sorry, man. We found him, but he died five years ago. Car accident.”
Fuck. Fuck!
“I know this has got to hurt, mate—” Macca started.
“Hurt! Hurt? It doesn’t fucking hurt!” He turned to the other man. “My woman, the woman I have loved for ten years was fucking attacked by that asshole! She still has nightmares. She has to fucking hurt herself to try and cope with the memories. To try and wipe away the shit my grandfather said to her that has clung to her for ten years! And both of those fuckwits are dead and beyond my rage!”
“But your woman is still here and she needs you,” Kent said quietly.
“And how am I supposed to help her! She doesn’t even feel safe in her own fucking home!”
“Bring her back to yours,” Macca said.
“That’s not a home! It’s a place where I sleep. It’s weeks away from being somewhere that’s worthy for her. It needs to be perfect.”
They all looked at each other again.
“Mate, I don’t know Daisy all that well, but she doesn’t seem the type of girl to worry about perfect,” Macca said to him.
“You’re right, you don’t know her,” he said coldly. “If you did, you’d know she’s never had special. She’s never really had a home. She’s taken care of her siblings pretty much since they were born. She never had a chance to be a kid. She’d settled in here. Nestled. She’s a homebody. And that bastard took that feeling of safety from her.”
“Then give it back,” Bain said quietly.
“What?” He turned to the big man with the warm, cocoa-colored skin.
“Give her that sense of safety back. That’s your job, right? As her man.”
It was. He let out a breath. How to do that, though?
“Jed?” Kent asked quietly. “Anything you need?”
“Time,” he said quickly.
“You got it,” Kent replied.
Something else occurred to him. That might work.
“Actually, there’s something else I need your help on.” Leaning in, he laid it out for them.
19
She plodded down the stairs, not really noticing where she was going. Blankie was under one arm and she was wearing her favorite Eeyore nightie. Okay, maybe naps weren’t her favorite thing in the world. But with how little sleep she was getting at night now, they’d become a necessity.
Earlier when Jed had decreed it was time for a nap, she hadn’t argued. She’d let him put her to bed, with the pillows arranged around her body so she was all tucked in. Then he’d given her blankie before kissing her forehead and massaging her back until she fell asleep.
He hadn’t noticed that her binky was missing. Or pulled her thumb from her mouth. Or reminded her not to get up without him.
Unease had filled her as she’d drifted off, but she’d pushed it aside. He’d had less than a week to come to terms with everything. He didn’t have Molly, her amazing therapist, to work things through with. Although she wished he’d talk to someone about it.
Things would get better.
She yawned as she walked into the living room to find him sitting on the couch. Jed turned, pausing what he was watching on TV as she entered the room.
“Hey, Daddy.”
“Little girl, did you walk down the stairs alone?” he asked in a deep voice.
Her tummy danced with nerves and excitement. Maybe she’d been worried about nothing.
“Sorry, Daddy,” she mumbled. She waited for him to tell her off. To maybe even take her over his knee and give her a few smacks.
Instead he just shook his head. “Don’t do that again.”
Disappointment flooded her. She walked over and sat next to him on the couch and plonked her feet on the coffee table. What did a girl have to do to get a spanking around here? Worry and frustration as well as broken sleep were making her grumpy.
“Disney channel, Daddy,” she demanded.
He turned to her, raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“Wanna watch the Disney channel.”
“There’s a game on, baby.”
She stuck her lower lip out. That sucked. She sighed. Long and loud. “Gonna go make my special ice cream.”
“Make ice cream?”
“Yep. Hope we got all the ingredients.” She got to her feet and stomped her way into the kitchen. She knew she was behaving like a brat.
Fingers crossed he did something about it.
To her surprise, he did follow her into the kitchen. But that was only to watch her, arms crossed over his chest, resting back against the counter as she lined up her ingredients.
First, out came the tub of vanilla ice cream she’d bought a few days before this all went down. She ran some hot water in the sink then dropped it in to melt it slightly. Didn’t have time to wait for it to melt on its own.
“What are you doing?”
“Making my special ice cream.” Next, she lined up the other ingredients. Gummy bears. Mini Reese’s pieces. Mini marshmallows. Chocolate-covered Turkish delight.
“What are you doing with all of that?”
“It’s going in the ice-cream. Mix it all up, put it back in the freezer for a bit to refreeze. You can also put nuts and maraschino cherries in. You know, if you want to be healthy.”
“I don’t think maraschino cherries are considered healthy,” he rumbled.
“They’re a fruit, aren’t they?”
He shook his head.
“Just you wait.” She expected him to say something about all that sugar. Nothing. That unease grew in her gut.
He watched her assemble everything then pop it back in the freezer. “I’m gonna do some work while you watch the game.”
“All right, baby,” he said gently, kissing her forehead. “Got a surprise for you later.”
“A surprise?”
“Yep. Be about two hours away, though.”
Well, now she wasn’t going to get much work done wondering about the surprise.
* * *
A few hours later, Jed placed his hands on her shoulders. “Time to finish up, baby. Your surprise is ready.”
She saved the work she was editing. She stretched, aware of the nightie rising up. And the fact she wasn’t wearing any panties. But his eyes didn’t drop. He didn’t pull her close and squeeze her ass with his huge hand.
He didn’t want her anymore. Disappointment and regret blended together into a huge ball of pain as he took her hand. He wrapped the blanket he’d pulled off the sofa around her and led her outside onto the back porch.
Twilight was here. This was actually her favorite time of night. And she started to relax.
“What’s the surprise?” she asked as he pulled her in front of him and wrapped his arms around her. Ooh, that was nice.
“Watc
h.”
As the last of the sun faded, she watched with her mouth wide open as the trees around the house came to light. Lit with hundreds and hundreds of fairy lights.
“What. . .how. . .”
He rested his chin on the top of her head. “That asshole made you feel unsafe here. He watched you. This is your special place. I wanted to try to give it back.”
Oh God, that had to be the kindest, sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.
“Boys came and helped me while you napped,” he explained how he’d managed this. “They pretty much bought all the lights they could find at Walmart. Came here with ladders, set up as much as they had time to do before you woke. Lucky you slept three hours.”
“It’s magical,” she whispered. The day after everything happened with Moany Mike, a guy called Liam had come and installed a security system complete with cameras everywhere. She’d objected to the expense, but Jed had simply told her it was covered. When she’d asked Ellie about it, the other woman just told her it was all sorted.
This wasn’t the same as the alarm or cameras. It was better.
“Want you to feel secure. Want you to have beautiful. To be happy.”
She leaned into him, trying to hold back her tears and wished she could give him the same.
* * *
“Daisy?”
She avoided looking down at the concerned face on the laptop screen. Instead she paced back and forth across the dining room. She was trying to gather her thoughts.
“Daisy. You want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
Daddy’s Lost Love Page 18
