I Hope You Find Me

by Trish Marie Dawson

  “Really?” Matt asked. He glanced around the large suite, taking in the jugs of water and canned goods piled up around the kitchen. “Are you two planning on staying here then?”

  Connor and I exchanged a look. “We were just talking about that actually.” I paused, deciding to hear their story before sharing our plans. “What about you? Did you meet in the City?” I aimed the question in Mariah’s direction but she was busy rubbing the dog’s head and ears and wasn’t looking at me.

  “Oh, no…we didn’t meet in the City. Mariah and I are twins.” Matt leaned into the counter, clearly enjoying the hot drink. His oversized USCD sweatshirt hung off his muscled upper body but he filled his jeans perfectly, accentuating his lean hips and long legs. I stared at his backside, wishing for a moment he wasn’t sitting.

  “Wow.” I said, “What are the odds of that?”

  “Pretty well in our favor when you think about it.” Mariah spoke for the first time. She looked up from the dog and glanced at Connor before resting her soft gaze on me. “You know…same genes and all.” She smiled.

  “Thanks for leaving that message. We were starting to freak out wondering where we would be sleeping tonight,” Matt said, his mouth hovering over his mug.

  “You’re welcome, I guess.” I laughed softly. “I left it for family or friends, in case anyone is left. I didn’t really think about anyone else reading them.” I suddenly felt foolish.

  “Well if you hadn’t we would still be wandering around downtown right now.” Matt slid off his stool and handed the second cup of coffee to his sister. “Mind if we crash in one of the rooms down the hall, and maybe chat again in the morning?”

  Connor replied, “Not at all, in fact I have the key to the suite next door, it’s a single bedroom but it has a comfy couch.” Connor smiled at Mariah. She smiled back at him as she raised her hand up to brush a curly section of hair away from her neck. I wasn’t sure, but the stirring in my stomach felt almost like jealousy.

  “Yeah, I think we can figure it out.” Matt winked at me, and asked if they could return the mugs in the morning. After Connor assured them we had plenty, and not to worry about it, we walked them to the door. Mariah seemed truly sad to part with the dog, and made a point to lean in to Connor and touch his arm as she said goodnight.

  Connor seemed genuinely happy to see Matt go. I was genuinely happy to see Mariah go. I went to my room that night with the overwhelming feeling that the next day was going to be a long and possibly unpleasant one.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Connor was awake the rest of the night, listening to the sounds of the hotel. He didn’t trust Matt; there was something about the way he looked at Riley that disturbed him. He understood how Riley must feel, having the dog with her. Zoey wasn’t just her companion but she was a reliable, walking and barking, alarm system. He left his door open, wide open, and if he shifted to the left side of his king size bed, he could look across the sitting room and see unobstructed into Riley’s room. They had agreed to leave the doors open so Zoey could freely move about the suite during the night, in case their visitors returned. Zoey seemed to sense the difference because she didn’t sleep much either. She wandered between the two bedrooms, sniffing around Connor’s bed and then returning to Riley’s room.

  He lounged, completely still, on top of the comforter and imagined meeting Riley under different circumstances. He let himself close his eyes for just a moment and pictured her happy somewhere, perhaps with family, or with friends, carefree and without the emptiness in her eyes he saw when he first met her. He envisioned a light burned there once and she had the kind of smile that could truly bewitch most men, the straight ones at least. The shape of her body was alluring but she didn’t flaunt it. In fact, she seemed to go out of her way to hide it - covering her curves with jeans and loose fitting sweat-shirts or baggy tops, but Connor had still noticed. She had an inner strength that pulsated through her personality, marking her as a damaged woman, but a woman who would never give up, which also made her extremely attractive to him.

  She hadn’t told him anything of her life before the day they met, but he knew on the pier she was fascinating, and it wasn’t because she was the first live thing he found amidst all the death festering around him. There was something about her that made him forget what he had lost. When he sat near her, he almost felt like he would be okay. He wanted that, needed that feeling, but it came with a sharp pang of guilt. Because across the land of the country he was now marooned on, and over the vast expanse of ocean water, there was a little boy, his own little boy, and he was probably dead, as was his mother.

  He couldn’t force the images of his innocent little Roan and his ex out of his mind. He rolled onto his stomach and punched his pillow until his face was efficiently buried in it and he wept silently for the son he would never see again.

  ***

  The day started when Zoey jumped onto the bed, whining at my feet. I had curled up under the covers but was unable to fall back to sleep after Matt and Mariah left. The curtains were drawn tightly closed so the only clue that it was daytime was the faint line of light along the ground below the window. I rose from the bed slowly, and it took a considerable amount of force to make my feet move. The blur of the last few days had clouded up my mind. I was afraid to sleep; for fear that nightmares would haunt me. I felt secure with Connor but at the same time confused about how I felt about him, and now there were two new people down the hall.

  I decided to shower before taking Zoey outside. She gave me a displeased look and forced a sneeze when I passed the bedroom door and went straight into the bathroom, shutting myself inside. Fat droplets of water burst from the silver showerhead, pelting the glass doors with a sort of rhythmic and excited frenzy as I draped my clean clothes across the long marble counter top. I brushed my teeth while the steam from the shower began to fill the large bathroom. The hot water was something of a gift, but I kept the shower short, and dried my hair again before dressing. When I opened the door, the steamy smell of my shampoo filled the bedroom and almost covered up the stench of fresh dog shit.

  The offender was nowhere to be seen. But in the furthest corner of the room, just in front of the draped windows, there it sat, one little dog turd.

  “Zoey!” I hollered loudly at her, forgetting that Connor had gone to sleep just hours before. When she didn’t come, I stalked out of my room, ready to scold her.

  “Zoey, come here.” I said sternly to the empty sitting room. I walked to Connor’s room and looked inside. The bed was empty and the master bathroom was dark. I realized he must have taken her outside himself and guilt washed over me. I rushed back to my room and pulled my converse over my naked feet and shoved the extra keypad into my back pocket. I yanked the door open and stepped into the hall, turned to my right, and walked straight into Matt’s chest.

  “Shit!” I gasped, into his cotton t-shirt. He smelled freshly showered and his face was clean-shaven.

  Matt had gripped my arms when I stumbled into him and slid his hands down to my elbows to steady me. When I looked up he had a big goofy grin on his face, but the darkness of his eyes unnerved me.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, “I didn’t see you.” I leaned away from him but his grip stayed firm on my elbows.

  “Where are you off to, so early in the morning?” He asked in a teasing voice. “You aren’t doing the walk of shame are you?”

  My mouth dropped open, and he smiled at me. I saw that his eyes were full of mischief and something else…desire, maybe? I snapped my mouth shut so hard that I bit the tip of my tongue.

  “What? No, no…it’s not like that.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. I had to straighten my spine, and shake my head to regain my composure.

  I yanked my arms from his grasp and took two full steps backwards. “Connor and I just met a few days ago, besides, even if we were…whatever, it’s none of your business.” I shifted on my feet and pointed behind him. “Do you mind, I was on my way downstairs.” I said it even as I
moved past him.

  “Whatever. I mean, it is what it is, right?” He said from behind me. I didn’t bother to look at him but I could tell he was following close behind me.

  “What does that mean?” I challenged him.

  “You and Connor,” he said simply.

  “What about me and Connor?” I asked, a little too innocently.

  “Like I said - whatever.”

  We had reached the end of the hall and I pushed open the stairwell door. I turned to face him, and put my arm up to block his passage.

  “What’s downstairs?” He asked as he peered past my shoulder into the empty stairwell as if the answer would be hovering in the air behind me.

  “My dog.” I didn’t like how close he was leaning towards me. I gave him a blank look. “Look, I’m not a morning person, and I just got up. How about we meet up with the others, in say, half an hour?” I hoped this would keep him from following me down the next twenty flights of stairs.

  He didn’t answer me right away, but he backed off and nodded. “Okay, whatever you say Boss Lady.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes in response as I moved away from the door and let it slam hard in his face. I jogged down the stairs, pausing every few landings to listen to the hotel around me. Twice I risked leaning over the rail to look above me and make sure Matt wasn’t in silent pursuit.

  When I opened the door to the lobby, I whistled for Zoey. I pushed the heavy glass doors open and walked over to the grassy spot that I had been taking Zoey to and it was empty. I frowned and turned around, whistling. I called out for Connor but got no response. The horizon was dark to the north, but thankfully the wind was still pushing the smoke away from us. The grey clouds above the distant skyscrapers gave me an ominous feeling and I tried to rub the chill from my arms. The sky seemed to be teasing the earth with the prospect of a storm, for days I thought it would rain, but the clouds always ended up parting and allowing the sunlight to filter through. This day was different though, the static in the air ran through my hair and along my skin, and the clouds looked heavy enough to dump a year’s worth of rain onto me at any moment. I felt exposed, standing in the front of the hotel, alone, and though it made no sense at the time, I was certain I was being watched from the apartment complexes and businesses across the street.

  I headed back the way I came and reached out to open the doors once again but a reflection in the glass moved just above my head, stopping me. I looked up, startled, and saw my face but also a man, standing behind me. The view I had of him was murky, almost cloudy in the glass, but it was easy to see that he was tall, shirtless and had blood dripping from his nose. He reached out to me with his hand and I spun around, flattening myself against the door. The air twirled around me furiously, lifting my hair from my shoulders and whipping across my face, nearly blinding me and I shrank back from the man in horror. Where his eyes should have been were only empty holes, and the sick color of old blood covered his face from the nose down. His mouth was moving but I heard nothing he said, because my own screams were so loud they vibrated through the glass behind me and echoed down the street. Just before his outstretched fingertips grazed the front of my shirt, I clamped my eyes shut and screamed for Connor. I waited for the man to touch me, but the air stilled instantly and my hair dropped back down to my shoulders in fluffs.

  When I opened my eyes, there was no one there. I looked all around the front walkway; it was wide open so he couldn’t have disappeared that quickly. I realized I was holding my breath so I let it out in one long exhale and watched as the vapor clouded before me as I felt a chill pass through my body and I frantically fumbled with the handles until I had pulled one of the doors open enough to squeeze through. Once inside the lobby I bolted for the stairwell door.

  I ran up three flights of stairs before I heard the squeak of a door somewhere above me. I shrank away from the railing but I was certain that if I hadn’t been seen yet, whoever was there would be able to hear the thumping of my heart rebounding off the walls. There was a soft shuffle of feet, and a clicking sound, and I slammed my hands against my mouth to keep from screaming. When Connor’s voice reverberated down the staircase I nearly broke out in tears with relief.

  “Riley?” He called.

  “Oh, thank god.” I said to myself.

  I moved close to the railing and peered up. Connor was two flights above me, and Zoey was standing next to him, her tongue flopping out of her mouth. When she saw me, she rushed down the stairs to greet me with a series of her customary wet slobbers.

  “I’m glad we found you.” Connor said, as he descended. He smiled down at me and I struggled to keep myself from rushing up to him and throwing my arms around his shoulders in relief. Instead, I kneeled down and bear-hugged Zoey till she squirmed away. Before she got too far, I tugged on her collar and brought her face level to mine.

  “You do not poop in the house.” I said it sternly, emphasizing each word clearly, but even the dog knew it was a moot point.

  “Yeah, she came out of your room after you got in the shower and circled around my feet till I agreed to take her out.” He smiled at me, and reached down to stroke the top of Zoey’s head. She glanced up at him and sneezed. Connor and I both laughed.

  He looked at me before asking, “Are you alright? You seem pale.”

  I nodded a bit too quickly and swallowed hard before speaking. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “You sure?” He pried.

  “Yeah, of course. So, how did you get upstairs without me seeing you?” I asked him. I was eager to change the subject to anything other than what happened downstairs.

  “Oh, we took the elevator. Have you been taking the stairs every time?”

  I blinked at him like he was speaking to me in Swahili. “The elevator works?”

  When he was done laughing at me, he nodded and said yes, the service elevator worked.

  “Then why the Hell did we climb up twenty flights of stairs when you brought me here?” I gaped at him, and smacked his arm playfully.

  “I don’t ride it often, in case it breaks down or something, plus I avoid it at night. I guess I forgot to tell you it was working.” He laughed again, “I’m so sorry.”

  “Right. Of course you are.” I smiled at him and pointed up at the nearest landing. “So we can take it upstairs from there?”

  “Yep. When we got back to the suite and didn’t find you, I figured you went downstairs looking for us.” He led the way up the stairs and opened the door.

  A solitary bloody handprint had dried on the wall just below the light switch. I hadn’t noticed it before, so I raised my hand up to it as I passed by. The whole print fit into my palm. I snatched my hand away from the child-size print and followed Connor into the hall and around a corner to the elevator. I watched him push the call button but didn’t get excited until a dim yellow light glowed…a signal of life.

  “I thought you might have been Matt when you opened that door.” I didn’t look at him.

  “You saw him this morning already?” Connor looked surprised but sounded almost irritated.

  “Yeah, he’s a bit of a jerk I think.” I slightly regretted it after I said it, but the words felt true. I snuck a glimpse at Connor and he was eyeing me carefully.

  “Why?” He asked in a low voice.

  “It’s probably nothing.” I was interrupted by the ding of the elevator as the doors opened before us. Connor went in last and pushed the button for the twentieth floor. He turned to look at me, with his hands on his hips, and a frustrated look on his face.

  “What’d he do?” He asked me carefully.

  “He didn’t do anything. Let’s just say the guy has no gift with words.” I shrugged and braced my hand against the railing. I never felt comfortable in elevators, not since I was fifteen and spent over thirty minutes trapped inside one in between the tenth and eleventh floors of my grandmother’s senior complex.

  “Well, I don’t trust him,” Connor said and turned so that all I could see was his profile. I l
ooked at him and thought his was a face that an artist would draw or paint incessantly…unable to achieve true perfection on canvas.

  “So,” I chose my words carefully. “Should we hold off on heading out east? At least, until we know more about these two?”

  “Definitely.” The word came out rushed and he looked at me after he said it. I was sure he was going to say something else, but the elevator slowed, causing the pit of my stomach to lurch, and the doors slid open.

  The only sound in the hall as we walked back to the suite was the sound of Zoey’s padded feet thumping along in rhythm atop the worn Berber carpet.

  ***

  We hadn’t been in the suite for ten minutes before our new neighbors knocked on the door. I intentionally stayed sitting on the couch with my coffee, petting Zoey, as Connor let Matt and his sister inside. Zoey flew off the couch and welcomed the visitors with wet sniffs and stretched out submissively at Mariah’s feet.

  “Awww, she’s so sweet!” Mariah gushed. Zoey rolled around on her back, wiggling underneath Mariah’s hands and allowed her to rub her belly. It wasn’t something she did with strangers, but the pickings had been slim in the attention department.

  Matt sat down at the bar, rapped his knuckles onto the counter and said, “So, Mariah and I want to head north, maybe make our way to Nevada. We have family in Vegas.”

  “Really?” Connor was the only one to respond. He set hot coffee in front of Matt.

  “Yeah.” Matt paused and then took a long look in my direction before continuing. “Of course, if you don’t have any travel plans, you’re welcome to tag along.”