I Hope You Find Me

by Trish Marie Dawson

  “Why not? We don’t know what we’ll find at this lodge of yours. At least here we’re inside, there’s power and cots. We can leave first thing in the morning if you want.” He kept his arms around my back as he waited for my answer.

  “You’re right. It doesn’t make sense to drive over there in the dark.” I smiled at him and we both looked outside. The only thing I could make out clearly through the large window was the outline of each of our vehicles. The lot was almost completely shrouded in darkness; even the trees blended into the night.

  “You know, a few years ago I got my car stuck in the mud out here with a friend. It took us nearly an hour to walk back to the highway from a little mountain road we were exploring. We were freezing and thought we might have to stand on the side of the road for hours while we waited for a friend to pick us up.” Connor leaned gently into me while he listened to my story. “We flagged a car down, since cell phone reception was sketchy, and asked the driver to send the nearest Ranger to wait with us. A fire truck came down the mountain instead. I was mortified, totally embarrassed, but the guys were great. They brought us back here, gave us coffee and made sure we were warm.” I swallowed hard and pulled away from Connor’s grip so that I could look behind me at the wall of framed faces. “I still remember their names…Ty, Joe and Joel. I wonder where they are now.”

  It seemed every memory of every person I knew was stained with an overwhelming feeling of guilt that I had survived this global viral killer and they hadn’t. I closed my eyes and images of friends, family, coworkers, students, neighbors and even grocery tellers started flashing through my mind like an old-fashioned flip book. I opened my eyes and rubbed the back of my neck before one of those images became my daughter or son. Connor stood awkwardly before me, his hands shoved deeply into his jean pockets, waiting for me to speak.

  “Let’s bring some things inside before it gets too cold,” I suggested. He nodded at me silently.

  Later, I offered to make dinner while Connor showered. Zoey was passed out on one of the couches, and by the time Connor re-emerged from the bathroom I had thrown together a modest meal for all three of us. After we ate, Connor turned the big screen T.V. on and put in a DVD and both of us fell asleep on the couch half-way through the movie.

  ***

  At first I thought I was dreaming as the voices of Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler bantered loudly with each other from somewhere nearby, until I felt my shoulders gently shaking and my head lolled to the side. My eyes snapped open and I sat upright so quickly that my forehead struck Connor’s chin.

  “Ouch!” He leaned away from me, holding his hand to his mouth.

  “I’m sorry! Was I asleep?” I rubbed above my eyebrows where my head collided into Connor’s.

  “I nearly bit a hole through my tongue.” He laughed and stood up from the couch, turning off the T.V. “Didn’t mean to startle you, I was trying to wake you, thought you might want to sleep on the bed.” He stretched backwards slightly, with his hands on his hips and glanced down at me. “I’d offer to help you up, but I’m afraid you might punch me in the nose next.” He smiled at me.

  I laughed and apologized again while I stood up to copy his stretch. Connor walked around the room, shutting off the few lights we had turned on. By the time he made his way to the beds I had claimed one of the lower bunks, and was already curled up under the covers half-asleep. Zoey cuddled herself up around my feet and sighed deeply.

  Beneath the blankets I felt warm and comfortable but outside the breeze whistled through the trees and around the doors, threatening to force the cold air inside. The front window shook in its frame as the wind pulsated against the single paned glass.

  “Good night,” I murmured.

  “G’night,” Connor replied softly. I felt the slightest whisper of his lips graze along my cheek before Connor’s mattress squeaked beneath him as he settled into his bunk.

  I sleepily punched the lumps out of my pillow and opened my eyes just enough to see the edge of the covers so I could tug them up to my neck. Something on the far side of the room caught my eye and I looked up to see the inky shadow of a man standing in the corner facing us. My breath stilled in my chest as I blinked, hoping the figure was a figment of my over-worked mind. But as my eyes adjusted, I could make out the standard issue over-sized fire protective pants with the reflective strip around the ankles, a long sleeved dark top and a dark knit cap on the man’s head. I stared at him wide-eyed, and jumped when Zoey let out a long whimper in her sleep. I broke my gaze from the fire fighter and glanced quickly down at the dog but when I looked back up, the room was empty…the corner uninhabited of dark shadowy figures.

  There was nowhere for a man to go in merely two seconds time. The only explanation was one I didn’t want to consider. What I saw hovering in the corner wasn’t a man at all. At least, it wasn’t a man anymore…but an apparition. I lowered my head onto my pillow and let my breath out nervously. I could hear the change in Connor’s breathing, which meant he was asleep, and the dog was snoring softly beside me but I lay rigid…paralyzed in the bed, with only my eyes moving from one object to another, peering into each dark crevice until my head hurt. When I couldn’t force my eyelids open any longer, I drifted into a restless sleep.

  In the early hours of dawn I woke before Connor, my back cramped from sleeping in a tight ball, my arms numb from spending hours crossed tightly at my chest. I was facing the corner of the room the man had been standing in the night before but with the morning light it simply looked like two white walls meeting together, a normal corner. Nothing more, nothing less, and surely nothing sinister stood before me.

  It wasn’t until we had packed up our things and began to leave the station later in the morning that I walked by that corner on the way out the front door. Connor led the way, with Zoey rushing outdoors ahead of us. As I walked through the doorway I looked down at the floor, and there in the corner, were two dirty boot impressions facing the sleeping area. I felt the blood drain from my face as I slammed the door shut behind me and I turned around to quickly read the message I had taped to the inside of the glass window.

  1/15

  We made it in one piece! I left a long range radio on the counter. It should be charged, but if you need more juice the station has a generator. We’ll be listening for you every night at sunset on channel 7. Call and you’ll find me. – Riley

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  We left the station the way it was when we arrived. The temperature was slowly rising with the sun but it was still cold enough to stay bundled up in our coats. I turned onto the highway ahead of Connor and watched in the mirror as his truck pulled out behind me. The lodge was less than five miles ahead of us but I kept a slow pace, unsure of when the resort would come into view.

  In my mind, I replayed the message we had left at the station. Our goal was to keep the lodge location private, and if, by some slim chance, someone followed my messages, we would be able to choose who to disclose our exact location to. It seemed like a good plan but the further away we got from the station, the more nervous I became.

  With just a few more miles to go, I told myself that leaving the city was the right choice. We should be safer in the mountains, away from strangers and the…unknown, and we had enough resources to last a while. Plus, we had the option of going back to Alpine or further north into Julian for more when we ran out. I was anxious and excited when I saw the sign that said Big Laguna Hideaway Lodge, One Mile and I tapped my breaks to warn Connor that I was slowing down.

  The fresh morning sunlight broke through the tree line as we turned down the gravel road that had the lodge’s name printed in bold, white letters on a wooden sign and then we passed through an open metal gate. While we slowly eased the vehicles down the gravel road, a solid shape began to appear through the trees ahead of us.

  After passing through a dense grove of tall pines, we followed the driveway around a giant oak tree and our headlights flashed across a modern, cabin-styled structure. Th
e grandiose building that stood before us was flanked by massive pine trees and an uneven row of short Manzanita’s that lined the building. The lodge fit so well between the trees that I wondered if it had sprouted from the ground as a seed itself. I parked in front of the entryway steps and jumped out of the Jeep. Connor stood beside me as I took in the rectangular shape of the stylish building with anticipation.

  Movement from the second story caught my eye. One of the sheer curtains fluttered slightly behind a closed window and I inched closer to Connor before whispering, “I don’t think we’re alone.”

  ***

  A high-pitched screech reverberated through the tall trees around us, followed by a muffled fluttering sound. I looked into the sky just in time to catch a glimpse of an owl flying overhead. I leaned down and clicked Zoey’s leash into her collar without taking my eyes off the dark shadow as it circled us once before it flew into the cover of the forest. I doubted it was considering the dog for dinner, she was more than three times the bird’s weight, but owls weren’t the only thing to worry about in the country.

  I shuffled my feet nervously as Connor gestured at the lodge door. It was a massive, wooden plank framed by two narrow windows. I made no attempt to leave the driveway and go up to it. Connor sensed my hesitation and started up the walkway first, glancing over his shoulder at me as he slowly went up the steps. The sunlight cast a shadow on his face that made his square jaw more angular, and the circles under his eyes more pronounced. But still, Early Morning Connor mixed with Mountain Man Connor took my breath away.

  “You coming?” he asked me.

  I nodded in affirmation and began following him. Zoey was so close beside me that she rubbed against my legs as we walked. She kept her head low and her tail tucked, ready to bolt at the slightest sound.

  Once we reached the door I wasn’t sure what to do, so I fidgeted with the end of Zoey’s leash while Connor peered through the windows. He tried the doorknob but it was locked. He suggested walking around the building, and maybe finding a way in through a window before he went back to the truck to retrieve a flashlight. When he returned to the building, he leaned against the window pane near the door and pointed the light inside. I watched the fluorescent glow arc around the room, sweeping the floor, the walls, a hallway, and several pieces of empty furniture. It appeared deserted inside.

  I sighed deeply, trying to hide the growing uneasiness I felt. “Okay. Let’s try the back door.”

  Our feet made crunching sounds in the gravel as we followed the driveway to the edge of the building. Along the landscaping we found a stone pathway leading to the back and we stopped to look in the windows as we passed them. By the time we made it around to the back door I was sniveling from the cold early morning air.

  Behind the main building a pathway trailed around a large open lawn. I gasped as I looked beyond the massive expanse of the lodge and took in the view. A narrow dirt road bordered the sloped lawn and led to an outside pavilion and picnic area. Leading deeper into the trees were a handful of smaller dirt pathways. I saw a solid form in the distance but couldn’t make out what it belonged to. The trees moved gently in the breeze, whispering ancient secrets to each other, and I deeply inhaled the fresh and clean air that smelled nothing like the city we just came from.

  We stayed along the path that led to the rear porch. It was a wide-open space surrounded by potted bushes and tiny shrubs full of skeletal-like branches. When I leaned down towards one of the rustic ceramic pots, I noticed thorns on some of the bare branches. Spring would turn the naked stumps into colorful rose bushes. Nostalgia and guilt washed over me as I imagined the abandoned rose garden at my house, but I straightened my shoulders and tilted my chin up to the sky, trying not to imagine my garden, because the last time I was there it was to oversee the burning of my dead family.

  “Riley…the door is unlocked,” Connor said quietly as he rattled the knob around in his hand.

  Before he could push the door open, Zoey rushed away from us, her leash trailing behind her in the dirt, and barked once at the building. Both Connor and I jumped, and when we turned back to the door, a man’s face was on the other side of the glass, staring suspiciously at us. For a long moment I stood there next to Connor, transfixed on the stranger’s shadowy glare. Zoey turned in circles, tangling her leash around her feet and barked repeatedly at the man behind the door. I bent down to free the dog before she panicked and when I turned back to look, he was gone.

  “Where’d he go?” I asked Connor. He shrugged at me and ran his hands through his hair nervously.

  “What do you want?” a voice from within boomed. The curtain on the door moved and the man’s face appeared again. I took a step backwards as he tapped the barrel of a handgun against the glass and then pointed it directly at us.

  Connor moved sideways, putting himself between me and the door and used one of his hands to shove me behind him. Annoyed, I pushed him aside and stepped out, in full view of the door, despite Connor’s hushed cursing. Shadows from inside cast distorted shapes around the armed man so that I couldn’t make out the features of his face. He asked again what we wanted, and I was the first to answer him.

  “Hi.” I gulped and blinked as plumes of my breath evaporated into the cool air before my face. “We aren’t dangerous…” I paused, waiting for the man to react, “…um, we’re looking for a place to stay.” My knees were shaking and I wasn’t exactly sure if it was from the cold temperature of the mountain air or the fact that we might be shot. It was probably both.

  The man backed away from the door and cursed loudly. Connor turned to me and suggested we leave.

  “Just wait a minute,” I said quietly.

  “He’s got a gun Riley.” He leaned close to my ear before whispering, “We can find somewhere else.”

  At that moment the door clicked open, and the tall man inside stepped cautiously backwards. He held his pistol at his side and twitched it as he grumbled, “Hurry up, it’s cold out there.” Zoey barked several times and I pulled on her leash until she was at my side again. He glared at the dog then up at me. I assured him Zoey was safe on her leash.

  We stepped inside and closed the door behind us. Zoey cowered behind my legs as I thrust my hand at the man and said with a smile, “Hi, I’m Riley and this is Connor,” I said, gesturing behind me.

  He hesitated before reaching out and firmly pumped my hand twice. The skin of his palm felt rough and callused but warm. The cuffs of his checkered flannel shirt were folded up twice, exposing his tanned and thick wrist. After he let go of my hand he offered it to Connor, who shook it just as swiftly.

  “Yeah, hi…I’m Fin.” He stood awkwardly in front of us and slowly tucked his gun inside the waistband of his jeans. “Well, shit. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone else found this place.”

  He took a deep breath before he led us through the entryway into a larger room that had a long counter on one side, and several plush arm chairs on the other. Stacks of paperwork were neatly displayed on the nearest side of the counter. A register and a computer took up the far end. The walls were covered with a deep earthy green paint and unfinished oak planks. The lobby was rustic but the designer had obviously taken great measures to give the open space a modern flare as well.

  Connor and I stood in the center of the room and looked around while Fin watched us carefully. He was at least one foot taller than Connor and at least five years our senior, with a solid set of shoulders and bulky arms that he held rigidly at his sides. His full head of straw-colored hair was cut short on the sides and combed forward in the front, swirling in small spikes just above his forehead. His unshaven face was peppered with dark stubble; a week’s worth of growth, I guessed. And his eyes had a glassy look to them. I doubted he was sober, and that made me nervous.

  “So, is anyone else here?” Connor asked Fin.

  “No. Why?” Fin made no attempt to hide the distrust from his voice.

  Connor raised his hands up in a mocked defensi
ve posture and smiled at Fin casually. “Just checking. We weren’t sure if we’d find anyone here, is all.” He moved closer to me.

  Fin met my eyes when he spoke, “I wasn’t exactly expecting you, either.” His gaze bore into me so fiercely that I had to look away. “I’m staying down at one of the cabins. I came up here to get something before you showed up. I usually stay away from this building as much as I can.” He was still looking at me and folded his arms tightly across his chest. I felt my face warm as Fin’s eyes flicked downwards, taking me in from bottom, to top.

  “Cabins?” Connor asked him.

  “Have you ever been here before?” Fin turned to look at Connor, annoyed.

  When we told him no, he shrugged and walked away from us, leaving us alone. He went back the way we had come in, and we heard him call out to follow him. We found him standing at the open door, his hand on the knob, glaring at us.

  “Well, there are plenty of rooms upstairs but they ain’t exactly empty. And you sure as hell won’t be crashing at my place tonight.” He glowered at us as he began pulling on a large overcoat that was hanging on the wall. I didn’t know what it was he was telling us to do, and my heart sank at the thought that we might have to leave.

  I nodded at him and said curtly, “I understand, we’ll go.”

  Fin froze with one arm in his coat, the other hovering in mid-air and then he laughed. I was so startled by the change in his demeanor that I backed into Connor.

  “Lady, I’m not kicking you out, but I take it you understand why I don’t want a pair of strangers who show up at the butt-crack of dawn wanting to bunk up in the room next to mine?” He smiled at me with a bright-white toothy grin and walked out the door, urging us to hurry out so he could close it behind us. Connor shrugged at me and we moved onto the cold patio area with the dog, not sure where Fin intended on taking us.