Finding My Way Home

by Green, Vicki

  “You still watching the snow?” Hutch says as he brings in a tray full of breakfast food, and sets it down on the nightstand. He picks up a small table and places it in front of me. He brings over a blanket that was lying across the recliner and wraps it around me, and then proceeds to bring the tray and sets it on the table. Did I not say he was a gentleman? Sigh, the best. Bringing another chair over, he sits down beside me. “What? Are you ok? Do you need a pain med?” He reaches over and lays his hand on my forehead. “You look a little pale. But you don’t feel like you have a fever. Baby, what’s wrong?” He looks so worried, shit!

  “Hey, no I’m fine, sorry. I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking while watching the beautiful snow.” Now he looks even more worried. “I want to talk to Kathryn. I want to heal from the inside out and be myself again.”

  He takes my hand. “I know you want to talk to Kathryn and I’m so glad. But…”

  I turn in my seat and face him better and squeeze his hand. “No, I mean. Can I call her? Will she talk to me over the phone since obviously I can’t go to her in this weather?” His smile grows wide on his face, his dimples coming out in full force. “I want to start healing now, for you and for me. For us.”

  He leans over and kisses me. “I’m sure she won’t mind. But first, eat.” He picks up my fork and places it in my hand. “You also need to feel better from last night. You still look a little pale to me. Eat, please?” I nod, smiling and dig into my eggs.

  I eat everything on my plate and while he cleans up, I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and hair, and now I’m trying to put my hair up in a ponytail, one handed. “UGH! So frustrating!” I say to myself in the mirror. Hands grab mine and when I look up, I see Hutch standing behind me, so I let go of my hair, and he continues to wind the hairtie around it. When done, his arms wrap around my waist, pressing me against him. Damn, I can feel how hard his cock is up against my bottom. And, it feels really huge. I feel my pussy start to throb as his lips kiss my neck, and his free hand comes around my front, trailing from my stomach down to where I want it the most. Turning my head, my lips find his. My hips buck into his hand as he cups my pussy through my pajama pants. Shit, he’s getting me so worked up. The heat of my desire starts to boil. I turn quickly, my arms going around his neck and my mouth presses against his. I am lifted as he puts his hands under my bottom and sets me on the counter.

  He breaks our kiss and presses his forehead against mine. We are panting, and I sit there as we try to catch our breaths. “Baby, I cannot stop wanting to touch you. I can’t stop wanting you, even though I know we need to move slowly. Damn, girl. You take my breath away.”

  My breath evens out a little, and I chuckle, which moves both of our heads. “Oh, I’m right there with you, babe. Seriously, we may have to kick up our slowly a pinch. Not sure how much more I can take.” He begins laughing too.

  “I’ll tell you what. You talk to Kathryn and ask her what she thinks. I’m all in for when you’re ready.” His cock, still huge and hard, bucks against my pussy. “See what I mean? Does that tell you anything?”

  I reach down between us and slowly pull down his zipper on his pants. While staring into his eyes, I put my hand in his pants and take his cock in my hand. Yep, he’s freaking huge. Will that even fit? His eyes close as I squeeze and then stroke him, and I swear I can feel it growing as I continue. Is that even possible? He moans and places his mouth on mine, his tongue seeking entrance. As his tongue swirls with mine, I continue to massage his hard cock, his hips pressing it into my hand and his cock twitches.

  He surprises me by releasing my mouth and taking a couple of steps back, his hand’s up in the air. “Ok, um, I have to…” He runs out of the room and bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Well, I guess I do have an effect on him. I love that!

  By the time he returns, I am back in the chair watching the falling snow again. His face is gleaming as he walks towards me. He sits in the chair beside me, takes my hand and leans in for a kiss. “What you do to me.” Kiss. “I want more. So much more.” Kiss. “But when you’re absolutely sure you’re ready.” Kiss. Damn! Can he get much sweeter? And he really needs to stop turning me on, or I won’t be able to wait much longer!

  I sit up straight and get serious. “Do you have Kathryn’s number? I’m ready,” I say, determination on my face.

  He hands me a piece of paper. “I know you are. I stopped and got it from Bailey on the way back here. I’ll just leave and give you some privacy. But know I’m not far away and can be here in a second, if you need me.” He kisses me, gets up and leaves the room.

  I sit and stare at the number for a little bit, biting my lip. Am I really ready for this? I sigh and then think about Hutch, our near sexual explosions and how sweet, kind and gentle he is. I pick up my cell phone and look at the signal. Thank goodness I still have one in this weather. Looking at the number, I dial.

  “Hello?” Says Kathryn’s strong voice. I take a deep breath. “Brennan, is that you?” Is everyone psychic here?

  “Um, yes. Kathryn. Sorry to bother you…” I don’t get anything else out when she begins telling me it’s no bother, and that she told me I could call whenever I needed to. “Is now a good time? I could call back.”

  “No! This is a perfect time. No one can really get out in this snowy mess. Please, its fine.” She says talking really fast. I sit there for a minute unable to know where to start. My thoughts are jumbled but startled when she speaks. “Tell me, Brennan. Just talk about whatever you want to, to get you there. It’s ok.”

  I begin talking, really like no one was there. It seems much easier over the phone. I told her about how Darrin and I met in college and how we fell in love instantly. Well, I thought it was love. I went on to explain how he changed after we were married, how the abuse started and everything that happened. Everything. I was crying by the time I was done. She didn’t say a word through the whole thing. An occasional ‘Yes’ and ‘I see’. She just listened and listened for a whole hour.

  Finally, when my crying died down, she spoke, “Brennan. First of all, I am so sorry that you went through everything you did. That must have been so hard, the fear, the pain and being alone throughout all of it. As a psychiatrist, legally you should report this to the police.” I stiffen in my seat immediately. “However, I am not licensed. I have taken all the required classes but I never did anything with it. I found Sterling twenty years ago. Like many, I had my reasons and things that I needed to escape. I needed to find a new life somewhere, and I have found that here. People need me here.” I let out a deep breath in relief. “What I would like to ask you to do is to write or type everything that happened, every feeling you had while it was all going on. It’s really therapeutic and then we can discuss it whenever you’re ready. How does that sound to you?” Wow, that sounds easy enough. There must be a catch. “It’s not as easy as it sounds, sometimes,” she continues. Hmm, another mind reader. “But, I find it really does help.”

  “I think I would like to do that. I did bring my laptop,” I answer eagerly. I really do think this will be good. Who knows, maybe I will turn it into a book someday and see if it will help others. “Um, Kathryn? Hutch and I… well, we have intense feelings for each other. I… I think I’m ready to be with him, you know. But should I be? I mean, after everything. I dunno, it just feels like I shouldn’t want to be with someone so… so soon.”

  “Brennan, unfortunately, only you can make that decision. It’s not unheard of to get into another relationship after an abusive one. Hutch is very sweet and kind. It’s no wonder you would feel safe and loved by him. The question is, do you trust him? Are your feelings strong for him, not just sexually but for him as a person?”

  I sit still for a minute, but I don’t have to think long. “Yes! Yes, I do. With all my heart and soul.” I’m sitting there with a big smile on my face, thinking of our jogs, our playfulness, holding hands walking down the street and how sweet he is to me.

  “Great,” she answers qu
ickly. “One more thing.” I knew it! “Brennan. Are you in danger? You said you escaped, so he doesn’t know where you are? I’m only asking for your safety, honey. I want to make sure you’re safe.”

  I think for a few minutes, my mind remembering the sneaking out of the house late at night and the fear every step I took until I got to the train station, always looking over my shoulder. I swallow hard. “Yes, I am in danger. He doesn’t know where I am, yet. I don’t know if he could find out where I am. Only one person knows and we have only talked through email and on the phone once.” I swallow again. “Kathryn. Brennan Michaels is not my real name and I’ve changed my hair color and style too.”

  Silence. I shouldn’t have told her. My fear is starting up again. “Honey, I thought as much. As I said, my concern is for you, for your safety, nothing more. With your permission, since the weather is so bad and God knows when we will be able to get out and about, I would like to call my friend Jake Morris who is our town’s police officer.” My hand starts shaking as it tries to keep holding my phone. “Now, again, it’s only for safety. He won’t do anything but protect you. You’ll find there are a lot of people in this town who came here for safety reasons. Many of them don’t need that type of protection anymore as they have been here for years now. He is the legal police but we have our own justice system here and we protect everyone in this town.”

  I’m really nervous about this, but I agree. She tells me she will call him tonight, and that she also heard about my accident, and I’m to take my time starting my ‘journal’ of what happened. We hang up with me feeling completely drained but also somewhat relieved that others know what happened to me, wanting to protect me. Oddly, it made me feel safer.

  I took a pain pill really just to help me sleep, got into my pajamas and crawled into bed. I don’t even have the energy to talk to Hutch, yet. I think a nap will do me a world of good.

  Chapter Eight

  I left Bren alone for a couple of hours, but I’ve been pacing the floor in the family room until Bailey finally stops me. “Hutch, sit down, dear. You’re making my head spin. She’s fine. Kathryn will take care of her. She will give her the help she needs.” I start pacing again. She looks at the clock on the wall and then back down at her knitting she was working on. “Go to her. She’s done talking.” Seriously? How in the fuck does she do that?

  I race up the stairs, go into her room and stop abruptly. There’s my baby, snuggled on the bed and shivering. She didn’t get under the covers, probably exhausted from her talk. I quietly shut the door and walk to the bed. I lift her legs and pull down the covers, then tuck her in. Brushing away the hair from her face, I can tell she had been crying as I see the dried spots from her tears on her cheeks. I turn to leave her alone, and her hand grabs mine. “Stay,” she says, her voice full of sleep and her eyes half open.

  I lean down and kiss her nose. “There’s no other place in this world that I would rather be.” Her eyes close, her hand drops from mine, so I quickly go over to the other side of the bed, get under the covers and wrap myself around her. She sighs and backs up into me as close as she can get. I am the most comfortable I have ever been. I can even say, in my life. I loved Jodi, with all my heart, and she will always remain there, but now Brennan Michaels is filling it.

  I awake to find my baby still asleep. Her arm is through mine and holding my hand. I kiss the back of her hand, remove my arm slowly and get out of bed. I make quick use of her bathroom, take one look at her and head downstairs. Walking into the kitchen, I find Bailey sitting at the table.

  She looks up at me and smiles sadly as I walk over and sit across from her. “What’s up, Bailey. Why so sad?”

  She takes a drink of her hot tea, sets it down and cups it with her hands. “Do you know what Brennan’s real name is?”

  My eyes go wide. “Real name? What do you mean, real name?” What the fuck?

  Her sad smile shows again. “Hutchinson, do you really think someone who is running from an abused relationship would use their real name?” She shakes her head. “I know you know better.” Damn! I hadn’t thought of that. I must be all kinds of stupid. But it makes sense. I wonder what her real name is.

  “I guess so. I hadn’t really thought about it, but that would make sense. I have no idea.” I shake my head and give her a serious look. “But you know. Don’t you?”

  She chuckles a bit and then sighs. “I was watching the evening national news and there’s a reward of a million dollars for the disappearance of Zoey Carmichael.” My eyebrows rise, my eyes are wide. What the fuck? A million dollars? Someone wants her back badly, and I don’t think it’s because he misses her.

  “Wow! A million dollars. I think someone wants to find her to keep her quiet.” Bailey nods her head. I lean on my elbows, my hand rubbing my chin. “So, what do we do?”

  She looks out the sliding back door and then at me. “Well, I think she’s safe enough for the time being. No one will be able to get into Sterling anytime soon, if the weather keeps up the way it is now. And, with the town not being on the maps, it’s not easy to find anyway.” She places her elbows on the table, folds her hands and raises an eyebrow. “Does anyone know where she is?”

  I think for a minute and then frown. “I have no idea. But I’m gonna find out.” I’m startled by a noise and turn to see Bren standing in the doorway. Fuck! Did she hear all that? She walks over to the table and sits in between Bailey and me, looking at each of us in turn. She clasps her hands on the table and smiles.

  “His name is Simon. He lives with Chris, his partner of more than five years. We’ve been friends since college, and he always had a feeling about Darrin. And, before you ask, he was afraid of Darrin, as much as everyone else. However, he was also afraid if he stepped in I would get hurt worse or killed.”

  Bailey and I give each other a look and then return to Bren as she continues. She looks directly at me with a sad look on her face.

  “My real name is Zoey Carmichael and I actually have very blonde hair.” Her hand moves up to her hair, her fingers threading through it. “Simon and Chris got me a fake ID, a train ticket, brown hairwash that I used on my hair and eyebrows, and they got me out of Florida.” She takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

  I reach over and take her hand that was still in her hair and hold it to my chest, over my heart. “Hi, Zoey. I love how you look now and I am sure I will love how you look once you can go back to blonde.” I bring her hand up to my mouth and kiss the top of it.

  Tears form in her eyes. “How did I get so lucky?” She whispers. I kiss her hand again, placing it back over my heart and I lean closer to her.

  “I’m the lucky one.” I move towards her and kiss her lips quickly.

  Bailey coughs and then smiles at us. Zoey giggles and turns to her, giving her best smile. “Zoey, have you talked to Officer Morris yet?” Zoey’s smile leaves and she shakes her head. “It’s ok, dear. He will help. Remember what this town is about, dear.” She looks at me and raises her bushy brows. “Call him. Let him know what’s going on. We need to make sure that if her husband finds out that there is protection. Not only for Zoey but for the town.” She looks back at Zoey. “You don’t know what he is liable to do. Abusers know no bounds when they are determined.”

  Zoey nods and looks at me. “Actually, Kathryn was calling him after we spoke.” She looks at Bailey. “But I will call about the news. I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me. I’ll leave first,” she says with determination.

  I sit up straight, nearly jumping out of my seat. “No! You can’t leave!” She jumps when I speak a little too loudly. I relax and shake my head. “Sorry, sorry.” I take her hand again and squeeze gently. “Please, don’t do anything rash. Please, don’t leave me. The town will help you, trust me, and trust them.” She smiles, the tears now falling down her beautiful face. I rub some away with my finger and cup her chin “But if for some reason you feel you must, I won’t stop you. However I will follow you if you don’t take me
with you. I won’t stop following you until you’re safe and we can be together.” Her tears are now flowing heavily down her face and she begins to wipe them away as quickly as they fall. “I won’t lose another love in my life. I can’t.”

  She stands up and sits on my lap, her mouth finding mine. When she stops kissing me she holds my face with her small hands, her eyes searching mine. “I don’t want to leave here. It’s my home now. But if I had to leave, I wouldn’t go anywhere without you. You’re my home now too.”

  My heart swells with life and my mouth can’t help but press against hers. Coughing erupts in the room and our eyes move towards the sound, our lips still locked together. We both start laughing and so does Bailey.

  I get up, moving Zoey with me, take her hand and start heading for the kitchen door. “We, um, we… Need to, um, talk.” I turn my head to Bailey. “Excuse us, please.” As soon as we are through the door, I push Zoey against the wall, holding her hands above her head and my mouth zones in on hers. She moans and squirms against the wall as my tongue invades her mouth and my cock presses against her pussy. Fuck! I want her so bad!

  A coughing sound is loud and we both turn our heads towards it, our lips still locked. I see Bailey standing in the doorway, her smile wide on her face. I look back at Zoey, remove my lips and my cock from against her and release her hands. I pull down and straighten her shirt and then mine, take her hand and pull my giggling girl to the family room. Shit! We are gonna have to find some privacy and soon!

  We sit on the couch, and I get Jake on the line. I haven’t had to deal with him on a professional level before, but he’s a good guy, and I know he will protect my girl. “Yeah, that’s right. Oh. You saw it? Great! Then you know what we are up against. Oh, ok. That would be great and much easier on her,” I say as I look at my girl chewing on her fingernail. “Ok. Thanks, Jake.” I put my phone in my pocket and take my girl in my arms, kissing the side of her face. I love how I affect her as I notice her breathing begins to increase with my touch. I look at her beautiful face and kiss her nose. “Jake says he’s on it. He will be running a background check on Darrin and see what all he comes up with. He will also be alerting his guys to what’s going on. She stiffens in my arms. “No, no. It’s ok. They’re all good guys, Zoey. They’ll help.” I feel her relax and take a deep breath.