Three Thousand Miles - Forever, (book #3 of Three Thousand Miles, Series)

by Deila Longford

  As I pay for the zoo tickets I catch the boy staring at me. His chubby cheeks are rosy and I can’t stop looking at his eyes. I know that they are like mine and the more I look at him the more I believe that I am his father. He smiles at me and I am surprised when he reaches out for my hand. I don’t want to offend him, but at the same time I don’t feel that I am ready to be affectionate with him. Therefore, I pat him on his head as I gently push him through the gates of the zoo. I watch his excitement build as he takes in his surroundings. He hobbles from one side to another as he informs us on what animals he wants to see first.

  “Mummy I want to see the penguins.” Zara frowns at him as she pulls him towards her. “Don’t start, you will see what I want you to see, alright?” The boy’s smile instantly fades from his little round face and I am annoyed by the tone that Zara has used with him. I scowl at her as I stride forward and I loosen her grip on his arm. I take his hand as I pull him to my side, I quickly smile at him and he beams back at me. I look at Zara and I can tell that she isn’t happy with my actions, but I really don’t care. I nod at her as Ibegin to walk in the direction of the penguins. William’s hand is hot as we glide along the pathways of the zoo. His smile is happy and his excitement is growing as we are nearing the animals. We reach the railings and William stands on his tiptoes so that he can see over the railings, however he is too short and he soon alerts me that he isn’t happy.

  “I can’t see,” he says firmly. I look around for Zara and I can see that she is standing behind us – grinning wickedly. I make a gesture with my hand as I want her to come and lift William up so that he can see, but she ignores my signal and I can feel my anger building. Zara is playing mind games with me; she wants me to bond with the boy so that I won’t ask her for a DNA test. Although I can’t deny that I do feel oddly connected to him and that thought worries me, but I also have to keep my head on straight and I need to find out for certain that the boy is mine. I gently pat him on the shoulder as I swallow my pride and lift him into my arms. His face is close to mine and he frightens me when he wraps his arms around my neck. I want to pull back, but something about his actions feels right. I know that it sounds crazy, but William feels right in my arms. His soft brown hair is tucked into a warm red bonnet and his blue coat is zipped up to his neck, but somehow he feels ice cold in my arms. I want to warm him up so I pull him closer to me. I gently rub his little back as I transfer heat into his bones. He smells like shampoo and pancakes and I inhale his scent as I hold him. I briefly close my eyes for a moment and an image of Alanna comes into my mind. Her huge brown eyes and blonde flowing hair are swirling in my head. Her full, pink lips and her Chanel No 5, I can’t almost smell her and I wish that she was here with me.

  “William, go and play.” Zara says as she ushers over to us. I hate the way that she speaks to the boy it’s as if he is a hassle to her. I have to control myself as she pulls him from my arms. “Go and play,” she says again. William exhales as he runs over to the other side of the pathway. He gently grips onto the railings and he leans down onto the ground so that he can see into the fish pond below. I can hear him laughing as he spots a fish. I want to run over and join him, but Zara is blocking me with her sour-face.

  “We have a lot that we need to discuss.” I roll my eyes at her and then I signal for her continue. “I don’t know where to start, but I guess that child support would be a good place.” I frown at her words – is money all that she cares about?

  “Excuse me?” “William is your son and you owe me five years of child support!” I am stunned at her forwardness. I always knew that she was a bitch, but I never expected that she would stoop as low as this.

  “Are you honestly saying that I owe you money when I didn’t even know that the boy existed?” Zara laughs at me and now my blood is boiling. How dare she think that I wouldn’t pay child support?

  “Come on Adrian we both know that’s not true. You knew that I was pregnant when we were together, so why are you acting surprised?” “You told me that you got rid of the baby and then you left. How was I supposed to know that you lied to me?” Zara rolls her eyes at me and I can feel my temperature rising – if she wasn’t a woman then I would punch her right now.

  “Because it was so obvious, I lied to you and I left you, but Adrian that was the biggest mistake of my life.” Zara moves closer to me and she tries to catch my hand. I bat her away from me as I take several steps backs from her. I run my fingers though my hair as I check to see that the boy is okay. I briefly smile as I see him sitting on the ground - gazing down at the fish pond. I turn my attention back to Zara.

  “You leaving was the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Zara looks furious – again. “Wake up Adrian, you were devastated when I chose Chad and were mortified when I told you that I got rid of the baby. You wanted me and you wanted our baby. You wanted us to be a family and I believe that something inside of you still wants that. You just have to open your eyes, Adrian.” I lunge forward and grab Zara.

  “What planet are you living on? I don’t love you in fact I despise you. I have only agreed to see you because of the boy and I will have a family, but it will be with Alanna and the sooner you realise that the better.” Zara pushes me away from her as she marches over to William. She leansdown and jerks him forward and I can see that she has hurt him. He istrying to hold back his tears, but he can’t as Zara begins to drag him across the pathway, towards me. When she reaches me William is sobbing and my heart is breaking as I watch her scowl at him. The more I look at them the more theyremind me of when I was younger and of me and my mother, Alice. I can remember days like this when she would pull and shout at me in the same way thatZara is doing with William. I look into his eyes – the same eyes as mine and I can see myself. I feel as if I am looking back on an image of myself and it’s alarming and scary to me. I want to hold onto this little boy as I feel his pain.

  “Tell daddy how much you love him,” Zara shockingly says to William. My head is pounding and I can’t believe what she is saying. I am a stranger to the boy and how dare she torture this child like this. William looks so scared and his eyes are full of stress and worry that a five yearold child shouldn’t have. I want to scream at Zara for the way she is treating him, but I know that I can’t. I can tell that this child has a difficult life and I wouldn’t want to add to his stress by shouting at his mother –in front of him. Therefore, I will hold my tongue when he is around.

  “Mummy is he really my daddy?” William asks as he begins to wipe away his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. I feel sorry for him and I hate that Zara has told him that I am his father. It must be really confusing for him to understand all this and I feel that he shouldn’t know what’s going on –until we know for certain that he is my son. However, I do feel drawn to him and I want to make nice with Zara as I don’t want her to take him away from me.

  “How about I buy you an ice cream, mate?” I say as I take William’s hand in mine. He smiles up at me and I think that he is relieved that he didn’t have to obey his mother’s rude and inappropriate orders. I begin to lead William along the pathway of the zoo and I look back at Zara as we continue to walk.

  “Are you coming?” She rolls her eyes at me and her actions have angered me. I don’t look back her as I continue to walk along the pathway of the zoo however, I know that she is following us as I can hear her footsteps on the slabs.

  When we reach the ice cream stand I see that it’s closed for winter and now I have break the news to an already upset child. “I am sorry mate, but it’s closed. Do you want me to buy you a drink, instead?” He smiles at me and I am surprised at how upbeat he is and at how nothing – not even the crying has fazed him. He seems to haveforgotten all that has just happened and I am starting to think that he is usedto his mother’s neurotic behaviour. I lead him along the pathway again, butthis time I escort him in through the doors of the restaurant. I walk him up to the counter and I order a two teas. I let William chose for himself and I
am surprised when he chooses exactly the kind of thing that I would have chosen as a child. He asks nicely for a piece of chocolate cake and a glass of apple juice. I pay our drinks and then I march him over to an empty table – Zara follows behind us. I sit down and I give him his snack and as he begins to eat, I stare at him as I can see so much of myself in him. I feel attached to him and now I am anxious and scared to find out if he is actually my son. I am terrified that if he is then he will turn out like me. I would hate it if he grew up with the same insecurities and the same control and anger issues as I do.

  “William why don’t you go over and play in the sand pit,” Zara says nicely to her son. I let out a massive exhale at her stupid behaviour – god I hate this woman. William smiles at me and then he rushes over to the large sand pit and he immediately begins to play with another little boy who is playing with toy tractors in the sand pit. I can’t stop smiling as I look at him and Zara is quick to point out my emotions.

  “You feel connected to him, don’t you?” I take a sip of my tea as I try to hold my nerve whilst I speak to Zara. “I’m not pleased with how you grabbed him back there. That type of behaviour is unacceptable and if I am his father then I can assure you that I won’t stand for you abusing him like that. Is that clear?” Zara blushes and I feel that I have embarrassed her by confronting about her actions – but I don’t care as I am not going to stand back and watch a child be hurt regardless if that child is mine or not.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I am just not cut out to be a mother.” I laugh at Zara’s pathetic excuse. “Then answer me this, why did you keep him if you weren’t cut out to be mum?” Zara blushes again and I feel that I am making her feel uneasy – I like this feeling.

  “When I left I was miserable and I did think about aborting the baby, but I couldn’t because he was the only part of you that Ihad left. William is your son and you know it. Please let us be in your life.” I shake my head at her. “If he is my boy then he will be a major part of my life. I will provide him with everything that he needs and I will be the best father that I can be, but there is no place for you in my life.”

  “You can’t honestly be telling me that you are happy with that little American gold-digger?” I can feel the colour draining from my face at her words. How dare she bad mouth Alanna? Zara is not fit to kiss her shoes let alone stand next to her. I will not let her off with talking bad about my wife.

  “Shut up, I can’t listen to you. Don’t you ever bad–mouth her again. Alanna is worth a million of you and you may be the mother of my child, but Alanna will always have my heart and that’s something that you will never have.” Zara holds back her tears as I my firm words ring in the air. Her hands are beginning to tremble and I know that she is just trying to play me for a fool. I am not going to fall for her absurd actions.

  “Adrian why are so mean to me when I have done nothing but love you?” “Love me? You are saying that you loved me when all you did was use me to make your husband jealous. You wrecked our family and you tore my bother away from me.”

  “Everything I did was out of love and anyway you are better off away from that family. They are poisonous and they will rip every inch of goodness that you have from you. Trust me Adrian you are better off without the Jenkins family.” My head is spinning and I can’t listen to her foul words any longer. I jump out of the seat and now I am towering over Zara as she looks up at me. “Please don’t leave.” She pleads with me to stay and I feel that I should stay as I look over and see William staring at me. I want to stay for him, but if I am to put up with Zara, then I will need a few moments away from her. I need to cool down or perhaps I will say and do something that I will live to regret. I straighten myself out as I push my hair away from my forehead.

  “I need a minute,” she smiles at me, but I don’t return her gesture as I walk away from the table. I march outside and into the zoo once again. I begin to pace around the pathways and then I march over therailing where I gaze down into the fish pond. My head is pounding and my heart is aching -god I wish that Alanna was here. With an image of her in my mind, Ireach into my inside jacket pocket and I take out my BlackBerry. I look through my contacts until I find her name. I hit send and I wait with heart in my mouth until she answers.

  “Hey doll,” she says in her sweet American accent. I feel complete as I hear her voice.

  “Baby, where are you? Are you okay?” “Yes, yes, I’m fine. How’s it going with William and the witch that is his mother?” I smirk at her words and then I fill my baby in on what’s been going on. I don’t hold anything back as I don’t want to keep anymore secrets from her – I have enough things that I am hiding from her already and I don’t want to add to the list. Her reaction is spot on as she replies.

  “I have to say that I am glad that I’m not there. I couldn’t watch her miss treat William and I couldn’t listen to her throwing herself at you.”

  “Baby, you know that I don’t feel anything for her, right?”

  “Of course I know that, but I also knew that she still has feelings for you. It’s so obvious in the way that she looks at you.” “She is nothing to me.” Alanna sighs down the phone and I bask in the sound of her breathing. “Baby, why didn’t you answer me when I asked you where you were?” The phone is silent as I await her fluid reply.

  “I went to see Michael and I am with him right now. I hope you don’t mind?” “Alanna, have you told him about my meeting with Zara?” “No, I never said a word to him. I’m outside in the garden right now and he is inside, he can’t hear me.” My heart races and then slows down again, but my mind is rushing as I think of her with him. Michael is my brother and although he has said that he has moved on from Alanna I still don’t trust him around her. Michael has the tendency to get obsessed withpeople and I am convinced that he has an obsession with Alanna. I know that she cares deeply for him and I wouldn’t want to hurt her by taking Michael away from her, but I do feel that she is yet to meet the real him. Before Alanna came into our lives Michael wasn’t in a good place. What many people don’t know about Michael is that he is a college drop-out and he fell into a deep depression when he left Oxford. It all started when he met this girl, Becky. She was in the same class as him at college and he was smitten by this girl. She had long blonde hair and deep brown eyes. Her skin was pale and she was a pretty girl and when she caught the eye of Michael she was ecstatic – at first. Becky had a deep kind heart and she didn’t like to disappoint anyone so when Michael asked her to be his girlfriend she agreed out of loyalty to him. The first few months of their courtship was normal, but by the end of the summer term things weren’t going as planned –for Michael. Becky had told him that she just wanted to be friends and that she didn’t feel strongly enough for him to be his girlfriend. So she ended things with him and that’s when Michael changed forever.

  “Okay, please don’t tell him. Oh and Alanna, how isMichael today?” “He seems rather quiet actually and he hasn’t said anything to me about Chad. But don’t worry, I will make him see sense one way or another.” Alanna’s words alerts me into action, I can’t let her question Michael on his relationship with Chad who knows what will happen to her if she does.

  “No baby, don’t ask Michael about Chad it will only anger him and you know that you don’t want that. He will realise in time that he is making a mistake by having him in his life.” I try to convince Alanna, but I know that she will have a stubborn reaction to my demands.

  “I can’t just sit by and let Chad destroy Michael’s life.”

  “Alanna, please just don’t, okay?” I can hear as she huffs and puffs at my words, but she soon agrees with what I am asking of her. “Okay I won’t. Now you better get back to William.” I breathe a sigh of relief and then I end the call. I shove my phone back intomy pocket and I inhale a deep breath of air as I can’t get the image of Becky out of my head. I haven’t allowed myself to think about her in so long and Ihave especially tried to put what happened to the back of my mind.
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  When Becky ended her two month fling with Michael he started to act out in desperate ways. He would sit by her house every night - without fail, hoping that she would change her mind and take him back. When Becky didn’t respond to him stopping by her house Michael decided that he needed to up his game. So he started to send her flowers and chocolates and when she finally confronted him and told him to stay away from her, that’s when the threating messages started. Becky’s parents grew tired of his obsessive behaviour so they called the police and Michael was taken into custody and he was given a formal warning. Things after that started to calm down, Michael went back to class and Becky carried on with her life, but Michael’s obsession was still very much a factor in his life. I saw first-hand how hurt he was when she broke up him and I was terrified when I walked into his college room to see that there were pictures all over the walls of Becky. He must have been following her and that’s when I realised that Michael needed help. I sat him down and I talked with him for hours and he was mortified that I had found out what he was up to and he was quick to react. He assured me that he was just looking out for her and that’s why he had her followed. Of course I didn’t believe him, but I did recognise that he needed me to stand by him. I stayed with him for a few days and I called Charles who immediately came to our aid. Charles booked Michael into therapy and after a while he seemed to regain a sense of normality – or at least that’s what he led us to believe. Michael continued to harass Becky by sending her threating texts and calling her at all hours of the night. Becky’s parents grew so worried about her safety that they eventually sent her away to live with her grandparents in Spain. But Michael still found a way to get to her and in the end up Becky couldn’t cope any longer, so she took her own life. When I found out about what had happened to Becky I was, horrified. I couldn’t bear to look at Michael because I knew that he had forced her into such a drastic action. She was just a young girl who had her whole life in front of her and I can’t understand or forgive Michael for what he did to her. Becky’s parents were convinced that Michael was to blame, but because it was a suicide case and the fact that it happened outside of the UK meant that they had no case. The police didn’t question Michael, after all he is from a very respectable family and of course he had nothing to do with what happened – so Michael got away with driving an innocent girl to suicide. His family – including me stood by him. He dropped out of college and he came back to London – back to his life. He acted as if nothing had happened – at least for a while. Thing’s became too much for him and he started to slip into depression. He wouldn’t eat or sleep, he just binged his life away on alcohol and parties. Charles and Tabatha were worried thathe was going to hurt himself, but I knew that he wouldn’t. Someone likeMichael is very conscious of their own safety. He knew exactly what to say to the police so that they would rule him out as a suspect in Becky’s suicide. He has a way of manipulating people into believing what he says. I should know as I have fallen into the trap many times. Michael carried on his depression for month or so and then he surprised everyone by changing completely. He acted as if nothing had happened and this time he did return to normal. He stared to work with Charles at the company and he would make sure that he had dinner with his parents every Sunday. He even started to attend company events and that’s when he saw Alanna. He was immediately drawn to her and I watched as she became his new obsession. Michael watched Alanna’s every move that night and I was terrified for her safety. My anxiety stared to build when I saw him outside her hotel room and when she told me about the rose I knew that Michael was only getting started. He sent Alanna those Lamborghini car keys and he made out that it was a threat from the Marshalls, but as soon as Alanna told me about them I knew that it was Michael who had sent them to her. I tried to tell her to stay away from him, but I knew that it would be impossible for her do that. Michael saved her life and I will always owe him everything for that, but I will not stand around and let Alanna be Michael’s obsession.