“You are alright, then?” Edward yawns through his words and then I quickly ask him for some cash.
“I am fine, I have lost my handbag and I need some cash to pay for my cab.” Edward reaches into his pocket and he pulls out two twenty pound notes. I briefly smile at him and then I grab the money from his hand. I stride down the steps and I thrust the money in through the window of cab.
“Keep the change,” I say as I run back up the steps. I rush into the house and then I head for the kitchen. I begin to rummage in the drawer until I find some money, I shout on Edward and he comes walking into the kitchen.
“Your money,” I say as I throw the money into Edwards’s hand. He rolls his eyes at my rudeness and then he carefully folds the notes and slides them back into his pocket. He walks over to the breakfast bar and he takes a seat as he begins to question me.
“Where is Adrian?” I don’t make eye contact with him as I begin to pour myself a glass of water. “He is at the hospital, your daughter was shot.” Edward’s eyes bulge out of his head as my words ring in the air. He looks devastated and I roll my eyes at his reaction. Edward has been keen to bond with Adrian, but I can’t say the same for Emma. He hasn’t tried to meet up with her or to get to know her in any way and I feel that’s disgusting behaviour. I don’t understand why he would want to be in Adrian’s life and not in Emma’s. She is his daughter yet he ignores the fact that she exists. I have never heard him talk about her –except for when I first met him. He told me that he didn’t have a chance to bond with her, but that is just a lame excuse. Emma is his child and he should do everything in his power to get to know her. He should be tormenting her into seeing him and he should feel a lot more remorse than he does. Instead, he focuses all of his energy into getting to know Adrian. He arrives early in the morning and he rushes up to his posh, office. He sits around all day –pretending that he is working, living the high life and driving around ina fancy car –not giving his daughter a second thought. I have held back in getting to know him as I don’t like his attitude or his decisions. There is something about him that I don’t trust and I feel uneasy in his presence. I have to excuse myself every time that he comes to our house and I know that my actions frustrate Adrian so I haven’t told him exactly how I feel about Edward. I feel that Adrian is happy to have his father back in his life therefore, I don’t want poison his relationship with him so I keep my thoughts about Edward to myself and I suffer in silence.
“Is she alright?” Edward says as he runs his fingers through his hair –another habit which Adrian has inherited from his father. “Emma had to have surgery to remove the bullet and she lost a lot of blood, but the doctors seem to think that she is going tobe fine.” Edward smiles at my words and then he switches the subject back to Adrian.
“How is Adrian? He left to come and find you, what happened with Michael?” I scowl at Edward as his words turn my stomach. I have just told him that his only daughter has been shot and he doesn’t seem as if he is bothered by this. I don’t understand him –why is he so heartless towards Emma?
“Adrian is …fine, Michael has left for good and Chad is dead.” Edward shakes his head at my revelation and I watch his green eyes shift as he tries to process my words. I look at him and then I think of William –where is he?
“Where is William?” I ask in a firm tone. Edward shakes his head and then he informs me where William is. “He is upstairs sleeping,” I frown at him as I can’t believe that Adrian asked him to look after his son. Edward is in no fit state to look after a child and he is the last person on earth that I would have thought Adrian would have asked for help.
“Okay I have to say something,” I say as I take a large gulp of my water. Edward nods at me and then waits for my next words. “Why are you so heartless towards Emma?” Edward’s eyes intensify as he takes in my insult.
“Excuse me?” Edward says as he begins to shift around nervously in his seat. I take another sip of water and then I tell Edward exactly how I am feeling. “I don’t get why you want to be in Adrian’s life and not in Emma’s.” Edward rolls his eyes at me and then he slowly rises fromthe seat. “It’s time for me to leave now.” Edward walks over to the door of the kitchen and I shake my head at him as he looks back me. Edwards’s eyes have deepened and I recognise his angry stare. He staresat me as he stands motionless and then he briefly smirks at me as he leaves the room –without answering my questions.
I march into the hallway and I see that Edward is heading towards the front door. I briefly watch him as he reaches for the door handle, but before he pushes the door open and leaves, I shout after hm.
“Edward…wait.” He turns around to face me and then he urges me that he isn’t in the mood for my games. “Make it quick,” I exhale as I walk over to him. I stand in front of Edward and I stare up into his green catlike eyes. He is holding onto the door knob as he impatiently waits for me to speak. I try to clear my mind as I need to string my words together in a –subtle manner. My brutal honesty didn’t seem to work before so now I have to re-think my words.
“I have noticed that you haven’t spent any time with Emma and I have sensed that there might me a reason for that. If you tell me then perhaps I can help you.” Edward exhales and then he pulls his hand away from the door knob, I smile as I feel that my words are getting through to him.
“I would love to get to know my daughter, but I can’t.” I frown at him.
“Why not?” Edward deeply exhales at my question and then he bites his lower lip as he tries to explain.
“Because I am terrified of her mother,” I gently laugh as an image of Maggie enters my mind.
“You expect me to believe that you’re scared of Maggie?” “Adrian has told me that Emma and her mother are very close and there is no way that Maggie is going let me in Emma’s life. I would rather just put my daughter to the back of my mind because I know that I will never get to see her.” Edward is crazy, Emma is her own woman and Maggie couldn’t stop her from seeing Edward. I stare at him and I feel that there is more that he isn’t saying.
“That’s a stupid reason and come on I am not buying it. Tell me the real reason that you don’t want to see Emma.” Edward frowns atme –in the same way that Adrian does. I close my eyes as I can’t escape Adrian’s face as I look at Edward. I am feeling so bad that I ran out of the hospital and left him there to deal with everything –on his own. Adrian needed me, but again I was too selfish to stay with him and now I am dreading the moment that those green eyes look at me.
“I do want to see her; it’s because of Maggie that I can’t.” “Do you still have feelings for her?” Edward blushes at my words and now everything is falling into place –Edward loves Maggie. I stare at him as he begins to look uneasy and awkward as he leans against the front door. My head is rushing with new thoughts about him, but Ican’t escape one thought – why did her leave Maggie?
“Of course I do, I have always had feelings for her. When we met she was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen and she made me feel –iconic. I loved her so much, but I was scared of commitment and once Emma was born things for me completely changed. I felt trapped and I started to go out for days on end because I couldn’t stand to be home. I hated the feeling of settling down and being with one woman for the rest of my life.” I scowl at Edward and then I take back my rude gesture as I begin to feel for him. I can tell that his insecurities come from someplace deep inside of him and I want to get to the root of it. I get the feeling that he is damaged –just like his son, but the question is, why? What has made him the way he is and what has triggered him into abandoning two children. I need to get to the bottom if this and I need to know more about Edward Black.
“That’s doesn’t make any sense, you say that you loved her so how could you leave her?” Edward nervously plays with his grey tie as he thinks of his reply. “I am not like Adrian, I don’t talk about my feelings and I am not the family orientated man that he is. All I know is that I did love Maggie
and I think that I am still in love with her to this day. But it’s toolate and I have to accept that I have lost the only woman that I have ever loved.” Now we are finally getting somewhere –Edward does still love Maggie and this is crazy. Maggie was so in love Edward and she was devastated when he left her. Maggie stopped believing in love because her one true love abandoned her and their baby. I remember how stunned she was when she saw Adrian for the first time –she looked at him and she saw Edward and I saw that she still loved him –oozing from her eyes. But Maggie had to move on and that’s exactly what she did with Ryan and as I look at Edward I can’t help but wonder if he knows that Maggie is with someone.
“I am sorry I didn’t realise that’s how you felt. I hate that I have to tell you this, but Maggie is with someone.” My words choke out from my lips and I feel awful that I have had to break his heart like this.Edward’s green eyes fill with water and I am stunned by his sensitive side. He seems so different to the Edward I know and if I am honest I kind of like this new side to him. He seems softer and more approachable, not as smug as before and not a total douche bag. Oh crap, am I starting to fall for Edward’s charm?
Twenty-Three
My alarm buzzes excessively as it wakes me the following morning. I slowly open my eyes and I reach over and hit the snooze button and then I flop my head back down onto my pillow. I rest my eyes as I think of Adrian. He never came to bed last night and I am not sure if he even came home last night at all. After Edward left I went into William’s room as he had woken up and he was scared. I stayed with him until he fell asleep and then I went to bed. I never slept much as I tossed and turned waiting for Adrian to come, but he never did
–at least I don’t think. My eyes jolt open as I hear a soft knock at the door, I slowly sit up in the bed and then I hear William’s cute voice.
“Alanna,” he says as he pushes the door open. He runs over to the bed and he lunges into my arms. I grip him tightly as I seek comfort in his affection. He pulls back from me and then he plants a soft kiss onto my cheek, I gently run my fingers through his messy hair as I bid him good morning.
“Good morning sweetie,” I gush as I lean back against the headboard of the bed –huddling William into my chest as I do. He grips onto me and he stares up at me with his father’s eyes, I smile at him as I feel that he looks confused.
“Where is daddy?” He asks in a soft voice. I clear my throat as I try to explain that his daddy didn’t come home last night. “Daddy didn’t come home last night sweetie, but he is fine, don’t worry.” William sits up and he stares into my eyes –my heart is pounding, have I crossed the line in telling him that Adrian hasn’t come home? Have I confused him more? My head is spinning and I need to reassure him that everything is okay. “Aunty Emma is sick and your daddy was looking after last night, that’s why he didn’t come home.”
“Oh no, is Aunty Emma going to be alright?” William rubs his eyes as he tries to hold back his tears. I lean across to him and I lift him onto my lap. He wraps his little arms around my neck and I want to take away his fears. I want to make him smile and I want him to know that he is getting a little brother or sister. I clear my throat as I begin to tell William that I am pregnant, but I pause when Adrian bursts into the room. William leaps from the bed and into Adrian’s arms and I smile at his affection towards his dad. Adrian gently holds his son as he soothes him with his smooth English accent.
“It’s good to see you mate,” William grips onto his father as I shift nervously in the bed. The last time that I spoke to Adrian I was telling him that I need to leave and that I was to blame for everything. He was angry with me and he insisted that I forget my feelings and move on, butI couldn’t and I still can’t. I feel that I am to blame and I need time to think about everything. As I fix my eyes on Adrian’s green stare, I begin to wonder if he is mad at me. I can usually tell if he is angry with me, but today he seems –blank and I can’t read his feelings. His eyes are loose as he holds onto his son and I can’t tear my eyes away from him. I don’t know how to be around this Adrian as I haven’t had to be in a while. Since Adrian and I got back together–after I was shot, he has changed in so many ways. He has learned to share his feelings and to talk to me about his life, he has opened up to me and shared his inner demons, but as I stare at him, I see the rude, blank Adrian who I met at a year ago at the event. I sigh as I pray that he hasn’t taken a step forward only to take two steps back.
Adrian gently pulls his arms away from William and then he urges him to go and play in his room. William fist-punches Adrian and then he smiles at me as he runs out of the room. Adrian rises up from the floor and he glides over to the door, he shuts it and then he strides into the bathroom –he gently slams the door as he does. I roll my eyes at his childishbehaviour, but then I realise that I deserve it. I bailed on Adrian when he needed me and that’s not what a marriage is supposed to be about. I should have stayed with Adrian and I should have comforted him whilst he watched over his sister, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand to be in that hospital another minute and I was dreading seeing Maggie, I couldn’t handle the stress and I felt that it would be better if I removed myself from the situation. I hate that I torture Adrian and I wish that I could take back every hurtful memory that I have caused him –but I can’t. I need to try and explain to him how much I love him and how much I am sorry, but now I know for sure that he is mad at me because he has went straight into the shower –without saying hello to me first.
I sit nervously on our large bed until Adrian finally emerges from the bathroom
–wearing nothing but a towel. I try to focus my eyes away from his stunning body as I need to talk to him. As Adrian glides past me I reach out and grab hold of his strong arm. He pauses and then he turns to look at me. His green eyes melt through me and I can’t breathe as I take in his stunning beauty. His light, chocolate hair is wet and pushed back from his face. His golden skin is wet and his lips are curved at just the right angle. My eyes feel as if they are going to fall from my head as I stare at him, but I manage to compose myself as I begin to talk to my husband.
“How is Emma?” I say in a shallow voice. Adrian takes a few moments to respond and my heart is pounding as I await his words. I run my fingers along his arm as I urge him to break his silence, he looks at me –intensely and I am terrified of his response.
“She’s fine,” Adrian simply says and then he pulls his arm away from me and he makes his way over to his closet. I watch as he enters the large closet and I am stunned when he rudely bangs the door. I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I can’t believe how mad Adrian is with me. I feel so rejected and I want to curl up into a ball and die. I quietly start to sob as I slouch down into the bed and cover my head with the duvet. My tears are flowing as I try to think of what I am going to do. I hate it when Adrian is mad at me, but I can honestly say that I have never seen him quite as hurt as he is today. I feel that I have ruined our relationship and I don’t know what I can do or say to make it right again. All I want is for Adrian to hold me in his arms and tell me that he loves me, but as I remember his intense stare I begin to wonder if he does still love me? I have always feared that Adrian would wake up and realise that he could do so much better than me, what if today is that day? What if Adrian doesn’t want me anymore and what if he does feel that I am to blame for everything? I don’t know what to do –I can’t stay here another minute, wondering. I throw the covers from my face and I am surprised when I see Adrian hovering over the bed. My face is burning from the heat under the covers and my eyes are stinging from my tears, but none of that compares to hurt in my heart. Adrian is staring down at me and he is shaking his head in a rude manner. I sit up into the bed and then I lunge out and stride across the room and into my closet. I begin to search for the first clothes that I can see and I quickly change and then I make my way back out into the bedroom. Adrian is lurking over by the bed in his dark blue suit trousers and light blue shirt. I head in the direction of the bathroom as
I need to wash away tears. As I approach the door, Adrian reaches out and grabs me, he pulls me towards him and he flashes me his intense green stare. My tears are still flowing down my cheeks and Adrian begins to gently wipe them away with his index finger. My eyes close from his touch and my lips tremble as I want him to hold me. He slides his fingers along my cheek and then his smooth voice fills the air.
“Seriously, you’re crying again?” I gently force a smile, but it quickly fades as I reply. “How can it not cry, when I have caused you so much, torment?” Adrian’s broad nostrils flare at my words and he increases his pressure on my arm. I gently squeal and Adrian’s grip softens as he tries to reason with me.
“How many times must I tell you that none of this is your fault? Why are refusing to see that Chad and Michael are to blame for this?”
“Chad is dead, how can you blame this on a dead guy?” Adrian’s eyes bulge out of his head at my words and then he shakes me as if he trying to make me see sense –sense that I will never see.
“Stop, I can’t deal with this right now, Alanna.” Adrian shouts at me. I jump from the sudden rise in noise and then Adrian doesn’t give me a chance to respond as he jumps in again. “Chad was fucked up and Michael is a lunatic who was obsessed with you from moment that he laideyes on you. This was always going to end badly and you did nothing to encourage his behaviour.” I shake my head at Adrian as I can’t feel what he wants me to feel. He wants me to accept that Chad shot Emma and then killed himself and that none of it was because of me. Michael lured me to him with Chads help, but his actions weren’t in vain. I caused Michael so much heartache that I am not at all surprised that he wanted to kill me. I teased him and made him think that we could more than friends and that perhaps I would choose him –in the end up. But now Michael has gone and Chad is dead and I can’t see how this isn’t my fault.
Three Thousand Miles - Forever, (book #3 of Three Thousand Miles, Series) Page 29
