“What about when I let him kiss me and how I always stuck to him as if he was my missing piece. You knew that I leaded him on and remember when you asked me why I needed Michael in my life? Do you remember what I said to you?” Adrian rolls his eyes at me and my anger builds as he isn’t taking me seriously –again. “I will refresh your memory, I said that I loved you but I needed Michael as my friend and that he saved my life and that I owe everything to him.”
“Shut up, I can’t listen to your madness any longer. You are going to put this out of your head and never think of it again, do you understand me?” I roll my eyes at him as he firmly holds my hands together. I can feel the warmth of his hands heating up my skin and I crumble and I breakdown into tears –again. Adrian exhales and then he loosens my hands as he takes me in his arms. He gently holds me as he strokes my hair. I inhale the scent of his cologne as I try to make a memory of him. I have put Adrian throughso much and I feel so guilty for not being there with him last night. I need to do what’s best for him – I need to leave him before I hurt him again. I pullaway from him as I wipe my tears away from my eyes. I look up at him and thenI alert him on my heartbreaking decision.
“I need some …space.” Adrian nods his head at me.
“Okay, I will go and see to William,” I sigh as Adrian didn’t understand me. “That’s not what I meant,” Adrian’s eyes deepen and his face drains white when he realises what I am saying.
“Then what did you mean?” Adrian snaps. I nervously push my hair away from my face as I try to respond.
“I can’t believe that I am saying this, but I think that we need to take a … break.” Adrian snarls at me as he pushes me away from him. “Out of the question, I have lost you once before and it am not going through that again.” I frown at Adrian as I hate that he is making this so hard for me. He needs to realise that I am not good for him and if I leave now then he maybe he will.
“Things are too …messy around here and maybe a break will do us some good.” Adrian lunges towards me and he grabs me firmly. I look up at him and I can almost see tears forming in his green eyes –what am I am doing to you baby?
“What is with you Americans and your breaks?” I laugh at his reply. “It’s not because I am an American that I want to take a break, I just feel that we need some …space, to think and move on from everything.” Adrian shakes his head violently at me.
“We can’t take a break, we are married and you are pregnant. Alanna this is ridiculous.” “It’s not and my mind is made up, I am leaving, today.” I break free from Adrian and I march into my closet. I quickly throwa few things into my overnight bag as Adrian hovers at the doorway. He notices that I am packing and he rushes towards me and he snaps the bag from my hands. I look at him and he begins to let his anger show.
“Why do you think that I don’t let you pack when we go away on trips together?” I frown at him.
“I don’t know, Adrian why does this matter?” He throws the bag down onto the floor and then he leans against the wall as he locks his eyes on mine. I feel so sorry for him as I watch him in despair –but I know that it’s for the best. We need to take some time apart to revaluate our lives together. I need time to accept my guilt and possibly move on from it, but until Adrian lets me go –I can’t.
“It matters because it’s how I feel about you. I never let you pack your stuff because I don’t want to see you packing your life into a bag. I have had nightmares about you leaving me and in every one of them you were packing your things and leaving me. I never wanted that dream to become a reality so I didn’t allow you to pack –ever. Now my nightmare has come true and my biggest fear has come to life –you are leaving me and there is nothing that I can do to stop you.” I burst into tears as Adrian’s words ring in my ears and I lunge forward and I hold onto him as if he is the air that I need to breathe. Adrian wraps his arms around my waist and then I whisper.
“It won’t be forever, just until I get my head sorted out.” Adrian pulls back from me and he looks down at my stomach. My eyes follow his as he stares at my belly. I tingle when he reaches out and gently places his hand onto my stomach. I cannot stop crying and my heart is breaking –why am I doing this again? My head is spinning and I almost give in to Adrian’s wishes and stay with him, but as soon as that thought enters my head my guilt takes over and I am reminded of how much that I have hurt Adrian and that if we are to be together and regain our normality, then I must leave and allow myself and Adrian –space to heal.
“What will I tell William?” Adrian says as he continues to graze my stomach with his long, thin fingered hand.
“Tell him the truth and tell him that he is going to be a brother.” Adrian nods at me and then he looks into my eyes. “Baby please don’t go, I am begging you not to leave me. We can work things out, I promise you. Please say that you will stay?”I hold back tears as Adrian tries to plead with me. I can’t do this any longer,I need to go now because if don’t then I never will and our marriage will never stand a chance of surviving if I don’t. I place my hand onto Adrian’s and I gently close my eyes at the feel of his skin and then I pull his hand away from my stomach. I reach up and I kiss him –like I never have before. He grabs onto my face and he holds me tightly, his lips are stuck onto mine and I can’t breathe from his passion. I somehow manage to drag myself away from him as I ask him for a favour.
“I need to use your airplane,” Adrian’s eyes bolt from his head at my request and then he nods as he agrees.
“Where will you go?” He asks as he searches his contacts for his pilot’s number. “New York, I haven’t seen my parents in forever and there is nowhere else for me to go anyways.” Adrian nods again and then he holds his BlackBerry to his ear. My heart is racing as I await his words.
“Hello mate, I need you to fly my wife to New York … immediately.” Adrian listens intently and then he thanks his employee and hangs up the phone. He turns to look at me –with sadness filling those green eyes.
“Your flight is in an hour, would you like me to drive you to the airport?” I frown as I couldn’t put him through that.
“No, I will take a cab.”
“It’s really not a problem for me to drive you?” I shake my head at him. “It would be too hard if you did.” Adrian nods and then he rolls his eyes at me. I take a deep breath as I lean over and lift my bag from the floor. I brush past Adrian and then I stomp into the bedroom and make my way over to the night stand. I pull open the drawer and I take out my passport, I shove it into my bag and then I search for my phone –but I remember that I have left it in my car. I scowl at myself as I really wanted to bring my phone with me –just in case I have the urge to call Adrian.
“Crap,” I say out loud and Adrian comes barging into the room from closet with his face like thunder. He stares at me and then heasks me what’s wrong. “What is the matter?” Adrian says in a frim, annoyed voice. “I don’t have my phone, it’s in my car and my car is at …Michael’s house.” “No it’s not. I had my assistant collect your car and if you look out the window you will see it. I took your bag into the lounge, but I have your phone in my pocket.” I narrow my eyes at him –why does he have my phone?
“Can you please give me my phone?” Adrian rolls his eyes at me as he strides over to me. “Do you really think that I would let you leave me without a phone so that I can reach you?” He says smoothly as he slides my white Blackberry out of his pocket. He hands me the phone and I pout my lips at him as I grab the BlackBerry. He shakes his head at me –again and then with my over-night bag draped at my waist and my phone in my hand I slowlymake my way out of the bedroom. I march along the hallway until I reach William’s room, I stop and I peak in through his half-open door. He is playing with his toys as he sits on the floor, he is so cute in his little blue and white stripped pyjamas and as I look at him I can’t help but feel bad about leaving him. He and I have bonded in so many ways and I have grown to love him as if her were my own, but I can’t shake the feeling th
at all of our bonding is going to be over shadowed by me leaving him. I watch him for a few moments and then I gently let out a tear as I am going to miss William so much.
I make my way down the stairs and when I reach the front door I stop to look back Adrian who is standing looking down on me as I prepare to leave him. His hair is messy and his eyes are captivating in the morning light, my tears gently pour from my eyes as I smile at him. He doesn’t return my gesture, but inside I know that he is beaming, I feel that he understands my reasons for leaving. Although his heart is breaking at the sight of me standing at the door –leaving him and returning to New York, I feel that he knows that it’s for the best. I turn away from him and I push open the door –crying as I step out into the cold street of London. My cab is waiting for me and I rush down the stairs as the driver jumps out of the car to greet me. He takes my bag from my hand and he places it inside the cab, he holds the door open for me and he alerts me jump in. I look back at my wonderful house that I sharewith Adrian and I sigh as my world has shattered around me. I remind myself that I need to leave and I leap into the car. The driver closes the door and he jumps into the driver’s seat, he turns to look at me and he says.
“To the airport, love?” He says in his bright, cockney accent. I nod at him as I urge him to drive. The car speeds off and I resist the urge to look back at my house –it’s too hard and I couldn’t bear it. The driver navigates the car around the streets of London and then I realise that I should call my mom and warn her that I am coming home. I search my contacts until I find her number and I hit send –before I have the chance to change my mind. I haven’t decided what I am going to tell my parents yet as I never imagined that I would get this far. I thought that once I saw Adrian and he held me in his arms that all of my guilt would have disappeared, but it hasn’t and now the only chance of saving our marriage is by spending some time apart. I don’t know if I want to tell my parents about my ordeal with Michael as I know how grateful my mom and dad were to him when he saved me. I don’t feel like breaking their hearts and scaring them by telling them that I was begin harassed for months and that Michael was the one who was doing it. I have so many things to consider and so many decisions to make, but I have three thousand miles and a seven hour flight to figure it out.
The phone rings as I hold it to my ear and my heart is racing as I wait for my mom to pick up.
“Hello,” my mom says in a sweet voice. I smile at the sound as I have missed her so much that it actually hurts.
“Hello Mom its Alanna,” I say quietly.
“Yes sweetie, how are you?”
“I am …okay,” I lie. “I am calling to let you know that I am coming home for a while.” My mom is silent as she takes in my words.
“What’s wrong? Are you and Adrian having problems, already?” I frown at my mom’s question and then I compose myself as I answer.
“Not exactly, I will explain everything when I see you.”
“Okay sweetie, when is your flight?”
“In thirty minutes, I got to go just now, see you soon.” I hang up the phone and I shove it into my bag. I run my fingers along my lower lip as I re-think my mom’s little remark. She asked if Adrian and I were having problems ‘already’ what is that supposed to mean? Has my mom doubted my marriage to Adrian and does she expect it to fail? My head is rushing in so many directions and now I am nervous about going home.
Twenty-Four
I arrive in New York and I smile at the city which I used to call home. I slowly make my way down the stairs of Adrian’s airplane and I walk over to the town car that Adrian has arranged for me. I hand my bags to the driver and then I climb inside the car. As I wait for the driver to enter the car, I switch on my phone and I am little stunned when I see a message from Adrian. I slowly push open as I begin to fear what his words are going to be. The message flashes onto the screen and I begin to read it as quickly as my eyes will focus.
My dearest Alanna, I cannot believe that I have watched you leave me and that I was powerless to stop you. Since the first time that I saw you, I have loved you and you have made the last year of my life the greatest. The day that you married me was the highlight, but the day that you told me that you’re going to have my baby was the greatest day of my life. I love you so much Alanna and I hope that you will clear your mind of your unnecessary guilt and return to me soon. I cannot live without you as you are my world. I love you and I am missing you loads, love always Adrian.
I read his words over and over again –until the car stops at my parents’ condo. I push my phone into the pocket of my jeans and then the driver opens my door. I step out into the street of New York and it feels similar to the streets of London. The air has the same chill and the people that pass by have the same busy lives to get on with. The sirens and smells are also the same, but as I look around I realise that New York will never be like London because London has Adrian and New York never will.
I rush up the front steps of the building and I buzz my family’s condo to alert them that I am here. “Come in sweetie,” my mom gushes as she buzzes me in. I push open the heavy door and then I make way across to the front door of the condo. The door is already open and my mom is there to greet me when I enter. She rushes towards to me and she grips on to me so tight that I feel I am going to break in half. She pulls back from me, but she leans in again and now she is rapidly kissing my cheeks. I laugh at her and then I grab her hands as I alert her that I have had enough affection for one day.
“Mom, enough,” I say playfully. My mom flashes me her famous scowl and then she rushes me into the lounge. She sits me down onto the large, white leather sofa and she sits next to me as she begins to quiz me on why I am here.
“So sweetie, what has happened between you and Adrian?” I roll my eyes at her as I don’t feel like getting into details about my marriage –but I know that I have to as I can’t expect my mom to just forget about it. I have made the decision to run back to my parents so I have to give them an explanation as to why I am here in the first place. I take a deep breath as I begin to tell my mom about everything –starting with William.
“It’s a really long story, but I guess I should start by telling you about William.” My mom stares at me in confusion. “Oh please don’t tell me that you have met someone else?” I laugh at my mom’s reaction.
“Of course not, William is Adrian’s …son.” My mom’s eyes pop out of her head at my confession and for the first time ever I think that she is speechless. Senescing my mom’s shock I decide that I will save her the trouble of replying and instead I will continue to tell her about William. “Adrian had an affair five years ago and William is the result of that affair. He is the most beautiful child that I have ever seen and Adrian adores him.”
“I don’t know what to say. Is the child the reason that you left?” I shake my head. “No, I love him he is an amazing child and I have a wonderful relationship with him. I left for …other reasons.” My mom reaches outand takes my hand in hers. She looks at me with her large eyes and she tries to see into my head for answers. I can tell that she desperately wants to know my reason for leaving Adrian, but I don’t know if can be truly honest and tell her. I am scared that she will want me to stay away from Adrian once she knows the truth.
“What other reasons?” My mom is practically begging me to tell her –should I give in and confess everything to my mom? “I just needed some space away from him to think about … certain things.” My mom frowns at me again and I can tell that my answers are frustrating her. She leaps from the sofa and she informs me that she is going to make some coffee. I watch as she marches out of the lounge. She returns a few moments later and she is carrying two large cups of coffee, she hands me mine as she sits back down next to me. I take a sip of my coffee and I cringe my teeth as I remember just how strong my mom makes her coffee. I gently set it down onto the table in front of me and then I turn to face my mom as I feel that she needs more answers than I am giving her.
; “Things between Adrian and I are a little ...strained right now. I know that this is going to come as a massive shock to you, but Michael has been harassing me for months.” My mom sets her coffee down next to mine and she looks confused as she tries to process my words.
“I don’t understand, harassing you in what way?” I nod at her and then I explain –better.
“I have never told anyone this –expect from Adrian of course, I have received so many threatening messages over the last five months that I have lost count and every one of them was sent by Michael. He wanted me to leave Adrian, he wanted to hurt him and the only way he knew how was to hurt me. Michael has hurt me; he kidnapped me and gave me these bruises on my arm.” I pause as I roll up the sleeve of my jumper. My mom’s eyes fill with tears as she takes in my battered arms.
“Oh sweetie, I don’t know what to say.”
“You haven’t heard everything yet.” I say quietly. My mom nods at me and then urges me to continue.
“Go on sweetie,” “Michael and his brother tricked me into thinking that he was hurt. Adrian and I took a trip to France with Sophie and James, but we had to cut it short because Michael called me and told me that he was badly hurt and that he needed me. I rushed to help him, but when I arrived at his house he wasn’t hurt, he was fine. He had lured me there so that he could kill me.” My mom is stunned by what I am saying and as I look at her perfect face with her perfectly straight bobbed hair, I feel that she can’t absorb my words. Her eyes have popped out of her head from the shock and her lips have turned white. She thrusts her shaky hands into mine as she tries to respond.
“I don’t know what to say, this is beyond…crazy.”
“I know it’s hard to take in but it’s the truth,” I say as I gently squeeze my mom’s hand.
“But he was such a nice boy, what happened to him?” I blush at her words. “He had all of us fooled and he played us exceedingly well.” My mom shakes her head as if she still cannot believe what I am saying.
Three Thousand Miles - Forever, (book #3 of Three Thousand Miles, Series) Page 30
