Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2)

by Shey Stahl

  Cheering around us, a touchdown scored, brings me back and I pull away from him. Tyler’s body shifts as he makes a sound I know means he’s smiling.

  My cheeks heat. I’m almost embarrassed I just did that. “What?”

  His long fingers trace idle patterns along my back, his eyes on mine. “I’m not complaining, but what was that about?”

  “I have no idea. I guess I have a jealous side when it comes to average looking blondes.”

  Tyler utters a short laugh. Slowly, his hand eases from my back along the dip in my side and he squeezes, once. “Well, you won’t hear me complaining.”

  I guess not.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  TYLER AND I are intently watching the game, the final five minutes of the third quarter approaching when I notice Holden walking toward us. Last year I remember cheering for him from this very spot. Now I just want to hurl his body over the rail. “Wow, did hell freeze over? What brought you to a game?” he asks, smiling at me as if I should be happy to see him.

  “Thought I’d get in the team spirit,” I tell him, huddling into my coat. It’s fucking cold today and I wish like hell Tyler would wrap his arm around me again, but he doesn’t. We’re standing near the rail, the team just below us along with about a hundred other college students chanting “Go Ducks!” at the tops of their lungs.

  It’s hard to hear much else but I do hear when Holden talks to Tyler.

  “You don’t have anything better to do today?” Holden asks him. I can already tell he’s had way too much to drink. Holden isn’t exactly the best drunk, but neither is Tyler, who’s holding a beer in his hand too.

  Tyler’s brow lifts a little and it seems he’s struggling not to punch Holden. He then moves his eyes back to the game, leaning into the rail, closes his eyes, giving his head a sharp shake. “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta watch out for Raven since you can’t,” he says to Holden; the lines around his mouth are tight. His eyes shift to mine and stay there.

  Crap.

  Holden becomes defensive, scowling at me, and then Tyler. “Who the fuck do you think you are accusing me of not looking out for her?” he asks, stepping toward Tyler with a new confidence. I’m in between them, and then suddenly I’m not. I’m pushed aside by the two of them, maybe intentionally.

  Tyler laughs softly setting his beer down on the ground. Standing, he runs his hand through his hair, and I know where this is heading. His jaw twitches, and he doesn’t back down to Holden. I’ve never seen him back down to anyone, not even Red. “If you were looking out for her, why did I get a call to pick her up at one in the morning because you fucking got her drunk and left her?” There’s an arrogant edge to his voice, relatively civil despite the murderous expression he’s holding onto.

  Oh God, I know where this is going. Shit.

  Holden lets out a disbelieving laugh, looking at me with his next comment. “Dude, I get it. It’s cool. I know what it’s like to have her moan your name while your dick’s in her mouth.”

  How is that possible if your mouth is full of dick?

  I give Holden a what the fuck look but then I watch Tyler.

  Tyler freezes when the words hit him. His jaw twitches, unstable breaths attempt to calm himself down, but there’s no use. Not now. His stare sweeps to Holden.

  Tyler lunges for him at the comment and it becomes a frenzy of fists and elbows and I’m not even sure who’s hitting who at one point.

  “Tyler!” I shout, pushing him back away from Holden though I know it’s stupid to wedge myself between two men throwing punches. “Knock it off. Stop!” I scream at the two of them when a security guard gets in between them.

  Tyler and my stares meet for a split second, a fiery angry look I’ve never seen before flashing in his. Stepping around me, his glare returns to Holden. “Don’t you ever fucking talk about her like that again!” And then he’s right back in Holden’s face.

  Holden shoves back, hard. “Fuck you! She was my girlfriend for four fucking years!”

  People begin to stare, their eyes wide in disbelief when Tyler hits Holden again, this time landing a right hook on his jaw that makes me cringe with the sound it makes.

  Given we’re in the middle of the stadium, they’re pushed apart by security guards and we’re told to leave, along with Holden, but pushed different directions.

  Wiping blood from his lip with the back of his hand, Tyler’s eyes meet mine but there’s no emotion, at least none I can make out.

  I still haven’t caught my breath once we’re in the parking lot and Tyler’s stalking through, no mind to anyone around him. He’s bumping into people, his intent on getting away from the stadium, maybe even me.

  He doesn’t speak to me the entire way back to my dorm.

  When we’re in the car just outside my dorm, he finally talks to me and I kinda wish he wouldn’t have.

  He’s looking at me with a hardened face and vacant eyes. “I didn’t want this. This is exactly the fucking drama I didn’t want. I got enough shit in my life.”

  My pulse races, pounding in my ears with each word. “I didn’t know Holden was going to be there.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he says immediately. “I’ve got no place in my life for this shit. I’m twenty-six. I don’t need this.”

  I’m never more aware of my age than I am right now. My eyes squeeze shut and I know he sees the pain those words give me before I deny him the sight. “Why are you always reminding me of your age? I don’t want this shit either but welcome to my life.” I flip my hand up and then flop it down on the steering wheel. Still sitting in the parking lot, there’s drops of water hitting the windshield now. “I’m so sorry being in my life is so unbearable for you.”

  He swallows heavily, his eyes full of hurt. “Have you been with him? Since we started… have you been with Holden?”

  I’m surprised he’s asked and I’m not sure how to answer it. Moments pass, and he presses again. “Have you?”

  “I can’t believe you’d even ask me that. I told you earlier this morning I haven’t been with anyone.”

  His eyes pierce through the car, steady on mine. The heavy thudding in my ears drowns out the rain hitting the top of my car, each pop more distinct than the last and fogging up my windows. “Just answer the question. Are you fucking him?”

  “I’m not and I just… I can’t believe you’d ask that, Tyler.”

  “Kinda like you doubting me with Berkley?”

  My mind scrambles to provide some sort of justification to the words, but it won’t do anything. It won’t mean anything. He’s made it pretty clear to me.

  He blows out a breath, as if the next part is painful for him to say. “I don’t want to be this guy,” he tells me, suddenly seeming angry, or at least angrier. He brings his hand up and covers his mouth, air rushing through his fingers when he releases the breath.

  I flinch at his words, having never been on the receiving end of his anger before. At least not like this.

  His posture stiffens. “I thought you knew how I felt, regardless of what was said. I don’t want to be this guy sitting around all week wondering if the girl he’s having sex with is fucking someone else.”

  I’m shocked by his words. I didn’t think he cared for one.

  Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. “Then don’t be him.”

  Tyler’s hand cups my cheek but he doesn’t say anything. The guarded side takes over, and I know my next set of words have the possibility to end this, or see where it goes with us.

  “Tyler, what is this about? This isn’t like you. I don’t understand what’s happening between us. One minute we’re cool and the next we’re arguing. I’m tired of it. Just be honest with me, what do you want from me? Because if it’s just sex, you have no right to be acting like this.” With every word, my legs shake in the seat and it’s a good damn thing I’m sitting down because if I had been standing, I would have fallen.

  He’s quiet for a long time, longer than I would exp
ect. Sighing, he rests his right arm against the window sill in the car, running his hand through his hair. “Nothing. I’m just overreacting.” His voice is low but I know I heard him right. I just don’t understand why he’s acting like this.

  He turns to look at me, pain evident in his features by the tightening of his jaw and the pull of his brow. “I should go.”

  “Tyler.” I reach for him, my hand on his arm as he’s getting out of the car. “Don’t you fucking dare get out of this car after acting like this,” I warn, my glare so focused on him I could have burned a hole in him. “Get back here and explain. You will not treat me like I’m your fucking doormat. Talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you and let me help you through it.”

  He doesn’t listen to me, the slamming of the door just as harsh as his words.

  Scrambling to get out, I run after him as he stalks to his truck, my feet splashing in puddles as I do so.

  “Don’t, Raven.”

  He’s warning me but I’m not listening.

  “Tyler, please don’t leave like this.” I’m pleading and I know I sound desperate, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t want him leaving like this.

  He stops, turning to face me. I stop, too, because the anger in his eyes makes me. Icy-blue eyes pin me in the moment. “You don’t get it. You’re twenty years old and you shouldn’t have to deal with this.” His voice breaks and I’m left wondering what the hell he’s talking about.

  “Understand what?”

  He doesn’t say anything. Nothing. And then he begins to walk away and I watch him, rain pelting my face, blurring my vision of him walking away from me.

  As though he knows he’s made a mistake, he pauses, hesitation in his step and turns to face me wearing the same expression he wore in the car... sadness... confliction... I can’t place it.

  He jogs back to me, rain blurring our vision but his eyes are alive with regret. Crying, I wrap my arms around his neck tightly. He pulls me snug against his chest. His strong arms wind around me, pressing his face against my neck.

  His lips brush across my skin as he speaks softly, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” The low resonance of his voice sends shivers down my spine.

  “Tyler, just tell me what’s going on with you.” Raising my hand up, I touch the side of his wet face, my other hand wrapping around his neck.

  He takes my hand in his and kisses my palm after pulling it away from his face. “I don’t even know what’s going on with me anymore.”

  Taking in his words, I’m not sure what to say to him when he pulls away further but stares at me.

  My heart is beating so loud I fear he can hear it. Slowly, I reach out and wipe a drop of water from his nose. His eyes close tight, a sigh leaving him, and he bites the corner of his lower lip. “It’s not you though.”

  My hand drops away and I take a step back. “Okay.”

  For a moment, we simply stare at each other. I’m not sure what to say either. I want to know what’s going on with him but if he’s not ready to tell me, or can’t, what am I supposed to do? Maybe it’s something Holden said, or maybe it’s my college drama he can’t handle.

  “I’m gonna go,” he says, nodding to his truck, rain drops dripping from his hair.

  I nod, unable to say anything else.

  I know Tyler well enough to know he’s not going to tell me. Not now.

  Fuck, I’m the biggest piece of shit around. I can’t believe I said those things to her. I had no right to treat her the way I did.

  I hated this. Being an asshole wasn’t working out for me.

  For a while, pretending as though I didn’t care and acting like I’m a cold-hearted prick worked, but I never wanted to hurt Raven.

  Watching from my truck as she walks through puddles back to her dorm room, my mind scrambles with apologies I should have said to her, or need to say. Mostly because of fucking Holden and one of the many reasons why I hate him so much is because he can give her a life I can’t. That’s exactly what it comes to. Plain and simple.

  I send her a message when I make it home.

  Me: I hope you believed me when I said it but I’m sorry I reacted like that.

  I hope she’ll reply but I know she won’t. I keep overreacting, which is the norm for me. I react and then have to clean up my messes. It’s not a good trait to have, but I’m stuck with it.

  I’m not really sure what to do with myself when I get back to Lebanon, mostly because it’s a Saturday night and I wanted to be spending it with Raven, not here, alone in my apartment.

  Just when I’m thinking of breaking out the whiskey, I get a text from Red.

  Red: Wanna go to Murphy’s with Lenny and me?

  That sounds way better than drinking by myself. Mostly because I do really stupid shit when I drink alone. Like shopping at Bath and Body Works.

  Me: Sure. Meet you there.

  I’m actually surprised he asked, and that’s part of the reason I get up off the couch and go to the bar. Maybe it’ll get me out of my funk.

  SOMETIMES WHEN I walk into Murphy’s, I have flashbacks from the night Raven and I were here. They’re good flashbacks but it makes me wish my situation was different.

  I’ll never forget that night and what she did for me by just being Raven.

  Walking through the doors, I see Lenny and Red at a table to the left of the bar. Red nods to me holding up a glass of beer and I walk over to them. There’s a pitcher of beer on the table and an extra glass.

  “Hey!” Lenny yells over the music, smiling at me. She knows I went to the game today and I mentally count down the seconds before she’s going to ask me how it went. “Did you have fun today?” And then she sees my lip and cheek. “Oh.”

  I chuckle, peeling off my jacket to sit across from them, slouching. I’m actually a little sore. Fucker got me in the ribs with his knee somehow. “I met Holden again,” I tell them with a smile, one that cracks my lip a little more. Immediately I taste blood.

  Red laughs, shifting his weight to lean into Lenny. “Told you.”

  Lenny rolls her eyes, pushing him back a few inches with her hands gently on his chest. She’s still mindful of his injury. I think she always will after what we saw that night.

  “Told you what?” I raise an eyebrow.

  “I figured Holden would be there and you two would get into it.” Red pushes a glass my way. “I’m right once again.”

  Taking the glass, I pour myself a beer. “Yeah, well, he’s a fuckin’ pussy.”

  We relax into steady conversation about the shop and cars we’ve been working on for the last couple of weeks. I’ve got a Ford in my stall with a blown head gasket. I’ve been waiting on parts and Red tells me they’re finally in.

  Three beers in, we’re laughing and joking as we always do. It’s nice to know what happened with Raven and me didn’t ruin my friendship with Red.

  Rawley’s on stage and they’re just starting their set when Berkley walks in and takes a seat at a table with three guys. Rolling my eyes when she smiles at me, I try not to pay any attention to her, but I’m a little curious what’s going to happen with her here, and Rawley on stage.

  Berkley no sooner takes a seat when Rawley stops the song he’s singing and breaks into Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” and moves to stand near her table.

  Shaking my head, I watch Berkley’s reaction to it. I don’t think she’s paying any attention, her hand raising to tuck her black hair behind her ear.

  It’s when the music fades, he drops to his knees in front of her and repeats “crazy bitch” three or four times that she’s finally looking right at him.

  She flips him off, glaring and then turns her gaze to me briefly, after tossing her friend’s flannel shirt at him.

  I smile. I’ve already had something like four beers and I’m sorry, but it’s entertaining that she’s sucking his dick yet he’s calling her crazy. They’re both crazy if you ask me.

  Just like I expected him to do, Rawley takes the shirt she th
rew at him, puts it down his pants and then throws it at her face.

  Chuckling, I turn to Red and Lenny, his arm around her as they both sip their beer. “Where’s Nova tonight?”

  “Ma has her,” Red says, giving a nod to the stage. “What the fuck is he doing?”

  I don’t want to look but I do to see Rawley now shirtless, his half naked body being whistled at by the twenty-some girls, acting as if he’s a god up there. He’s good, I’ll give him that but he’s turned into an ass since he turned eighteen. Probably around the same time his girl fucked him over too. I’m telling you, women, they have a way of destroying everything sometimes.

  Rawley used to be a good kid. He was an amazing quarterback, could have gone to any college he wanted but he threw it all away his senior year and it’s been a downhill slide since then. Music has always been his passion. I can’t ever remember a time when he didn’t have a guitar nearby but still, he’s throwing away a lot these days.

  “He’s just having fun,” Lenny tells Red, smiling. “He puts on a good show.”

  Red raises an eyebrow at her and then flicks his hand at the stage. “You gonna go throw your panties on the stage too?”

  She scowls at him, her hand on his thigh raising higher and causing him to squirm in the seat. “No, but I’m going to shove my panties in your mouth if you keep being an ass tonight.”

  Red buries his head in Lenny’s neck, whispering to her and I turn away. It makes me miss Raven and that’s the last thing I need to see. Mostly because I’m thinking about Thanksgiving when Raven shoved her panties in my mouth.

  I miss her. I’d be stupid if I said I didn’t. Every time I see her, she lifts the weight the world is putting upon me.

  Whether I like it or not, the shell I put around myself cracks every time I see her, breaking away piece by piece. I know I’m being a fucking dick to her half the time but I just can’t get over that I can’t give her what she needs. Maybe that’s why I keep torturing myself with her. I can’t give it up either.

  I’M DRAGGING ASS Monday morning. It’s all I can do to actually make it downstairs by eight.