Mermaid Fins, Winds & Rolling Pins

by Erin Johnson

  "Look!"

  I squinted and scanned the crowd. Look at what? Then I saw it. A clear, rectangular pillar stretched up from the dance floor, about ten feet high. Inside, an eel undulated and pulsed with a mesmerizing display of electric-blue lights along its body.

  And right in front of the tank, dancing with the eel, was Sam. With arms clapped to his sides, he did body rolls and undulations, which the eel mimicked. My jaw dropped.

  "Even Sam's got a girlfriend." I grinned.

  K'ree lifted a shoulder. "Or boyfriend."

  "True," I conceded.

  We watched for another minute.

  "It's like he has no bones," Iggy breathed. K'ree lifted Sam’s Long Island iced tea and took a sip.

  "Well, I don't think he needs any liquid courage, and I don't feel like battling the crowds to get to him."

  I shook my head. "Yeah, he's clearly enjoying himself." I nodded toward the stairs. "Shall we?"

  We pushed through, climbed the rough steps, and then found ourselves high above all the madness. Something in my chest relaxed. The music wasn't quite so brain-rattlingly loud up here, and the air felt cooler and fresher. I turned my back to the pulsing crowd on the dance floor below and realized why.

  "Oh wow." The upper level had a view on both sides. One railing looked out onto the club, while the opposite side opened to the sea. Here, round tables lit by candles in hurricane lanterns dotted the wood-planked balcony, more light coming from the candles tucked into little crevices in the cave walls.

  K'ree and I moved to the opposite railing, and a huge grin spread across my face. The sea stretched out to the horizon, and straight below us, down the sheer cliff face, white waves crashed against sharp rocks. The sounds of those waves drowned out some of the house music. The full moon reflected on the rippled surface of the sea.

  I sighed. If only a certain someone was here for me to enjoy it with. Not that K'ree and Iggy weren't great, but the upper level of the grotto definitely gave off a more intimate, romantic vibe.

  "I could stay here forever." K'ree closed her eyes and let the wind whip her scarf back from her face.

  I nodded. "Me too." I patted the railing. "But unfortunately, we have some friends to find."

  We turned around and passed couples snuggling up at the cozy tables. We crossed to the opposite railing and looked out over the dance floor. I spotted the eel pillar and found Sam still wiggling and gyrating with his new pal.

  Then I scanned toward the VIP alcove and found the pirate king's throne and the giant clamshell. Queen Winnie sat and danced with the blue-haired mermaid she'd called Valonzy. They threw their arms in the air and pumped them while swaying their heads side to side.

  Behind her, handsome Chuck, her pirate fiancé, chatted with Bubbles. They leaned their heads together and whispered. I squinted and leaned forward against the iron railing. It was hard to tell from here, in the darkness and the flashing lights, but it looked like Chuck's face darkened into a scowl.

  And then another pirate, tall and older, with a bald head, appeared at Bubbles's side. She'd sprouted legs since we left and now she and the bald pirate went off together, hand in hand. While Queen Winnie and Valonzy continued to dance, oblivious to all else, Chuck folded his arms and kicked over a bottle of rum, sending it smashing to the ground below. Pirates and mermaids alike jumped out of the way.

  I knitted my brows together. That was interesting… though I wasn't sure what to make of it.

  I peeled my eyes away from that little drama and kept scanning for Maple and Wiley. I spotted someone that made my brows jump. I pointed. "Hey, isn't that what's-his-name?"

  K'ree leaned forward and followed the direction of my finger. "Where?"

  "Just past the tall guy with the dreads, behind that glowing blue pillar. There! See, he's slinking along to the right."

  "Oh. Yeah." K'ree nodded. "Glaucus, right?"

  That's right, Glaucus, the surly old merman who'd first greeted us, if you could call it that, upon arriving at the kingdom. Last time I'd seen Hank, he'd been with him. But Glaucus appeared to be alone.

  "He slinks well for an old guy." Iggy bounced by my shoulder.

  I nodded. Glaucus moved about in human form. "Those legs were made for slinkin'."

  Glaucus looked this way and that, and clung close to the rough rock wall. He darted from shadow to shadow. I frowned. Odd that he'd be here at all—it seemed like a noisy club full of raucous youths would be his own personal hell. But he looked like he was up to something.

  K'ree patted my arm. "Look, there they are!"

  I reluctantly peeled my eyes from Glaucus in human form and followed her gesture toward the bar. I spotted Maple standing with her arms crossed, a scowl on her face, as Wiley stood at her side.

  He took her arm and leaned forward. With his brows knotted and mouth turned down at the corners, he appeared to be pleading with her. Maple simply stared straight ahead, her expression never wavering.

  "Looks like that's going well."

  Iggy burst into laughter.

  I sighed and turned to K'ree. "What do you say we round up the troops and call it a night?"

  She nodded, and held the back of her tattooed hand to her mouth as she yawned. "I wasn't even up all night like you guys were. I don't know how you're functioning."

  We moved toward the stairs to go find our friends.

  I shook my head. "I think it's adrenaline. I'm not looking forward to the crash."

  10

  Tanning

  KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

  Moaning, I peeled an eye open and turned my drool-encrusted face. The messenger merguy from the day before hovered outside our sleeping room. It reminded me of the inside of a genie's lamp.

  Circular, with floor-to-ceiling windows wrapping all the way around, it provided a beautiful view of the open ocean on one side and of the stone ruins of the mermaid city on the other.

  The messenger knocked again, his raps dull thuds against the glass. The sound reverberated through our communal sleeping space. They'd placed us all in here together, men and women, and we'd formed beds from the piles of pillows and throws littering the room. Not that I cared. I would've slept on the floor of the club by the time we rounded everyone up and left.

  To my dismay, Yann and Annie, used to our early mornings as bakers, were just waking up as the rest of us stumbled into bed.

  Annie had chuckled, looking us up and down. "Oh dear, that's going to be one doozy of a hangover."

  We'd stumbled past and collapsed on our faces. And now a messenger was knocking on the glass, and it felt like he was knocking on my skull. Wiley hurled a pillow at him, and the merman darted back, frowning. "I need to speak with Imogen," he called through the glass. I groaned and buried my throbbing head under some pillows.

  "Go, Red, before I kill him," Wiley groaned.

  That startled Sam awake from his lisping snores, and he instantly turned into a snake and darted frantically around the space.

  "Sam, it’s fine." I waved a hand at him. "Go back to sleep."

  He paused and looked at me with his little snake face, his forked tongue tasting the air. He popped back to being human and lay facedown on a new pillow, almost immediately snoring again. I think I must've fallen asleep, because I woke to the messenger calling, "Imogen?"

  I groaned and pushed myself up to my hands and knees. I wore the same dress from the night before. I even still had one shoe on. "Coming." I peeled my heavy lids open and dragged myself toward the airlock. Had I gained three thousand pounds overnight?

  An hour later, I lay in mermaid form on a small outcropping of rock beside Queen Winnie and Valonzy, the blue-haired mermaid from the night before. The fiery ball of flames we called the sun blazed bright and unrelenting overhead, and cooked us so that we all reeked of alcohol. Even the Sansea Winds had quieted down—not even a breeze provided relief. I lay there panting.

  "Honestly, I'm too white for this. I'm going to be so sunburned." I turned my pink arms this way and that.


  Queen Winnie clicked her tongue. "Girl, you just gotta get a base layer, then you can get all hot and brown like us." Winnie sat taller and adjusted the starfish plastered to her bosoms. "Here come the mermen." She pulled her hair over her shoulders and arranged it just so. "How do I look? Do I look hot?" She fanned out her tail. "Are my scales shiny enough?"

  Valonzy stayed slumped over next to a pile of oysters. "Any shinier and I'll go blind."

  I covered my face with my hands and prayed I'd soon be released from this hell and allowed to sleep. I'd left the protective bubble again, which left me vulnerable to Horace. I pressed my eyes closed, too tired to care. Maybe he'd put me out of my misery.

  A few mermen surfaced in front of our tiny rock outcropping. The tannedest of the three lifted his chin. "Hey, yous girls. You liking dat rock der?"

  Winnie looked away, twirling her pink hair around one finger and rubbing her tongue over her lips. "It's like, a good spot for tanning."

  The bronzed merman nodded emphatically. "Good, good. 'Cause we tree fought off mad seals for dis spot for yous."

  I pressed my lips together. Did he just say they fought off seals?

  The merman jerked his head toward his friend to the left. "Washboard really tangled with one." He chuckled.

  Washboard turned his right shoulder toward us and I gasped. A black circular bruise spread across the entire back of his arm. He grinned. "I got bit. Real bad."

  "Seals! Seals! Seals!" The third merman started chanting, and they circled up and rose up out of the water to do a three-way chest bump. "Ar ar ar!" They barked like—yep—seals.

  The tannedest one made eyes at Winnie. "So you ladies want some help or somethin', puttin' on your tanning oil?"

  The one suffering from a seal bite made a kissy face at me. I shook my head.

  Winnie winked. "Naw. We're havin' girl time, but thanks, boys." She wiggled her fingers in a wave goodbye, and the mermen swam off, wrestling with each other. Thank the sea goddess.

  The queen clicked her tongue. "That bruise was kinda hot, right?"

  Valonzy nodded.

  Was it?

  Winnie frowned. "Where is Bubbles?"

  Valonzy shrugged and yanked seaweed from her long blue hair. "Why should I know? I haven't seen her since last night."

  Winnie bit her lip and wiggled. "I did see her sneak off with that old guy pirate—with the bald head and the curly goatee and earrings in both ears—what's his name?"

  Valonzy’s face clouded and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Geoffrey Clarke."

  Winnie gasped and pressed her hands to her mouth. Her dark eyes darted from me to Valonzy. "Oh my gawdess. Do you think they smushed?"

  I raised a brow, curious in spite of how hard I was trying not to listen to them. I'd seen her with that guy last night, too. "Smushed?"

  Winnie cocked her head at me. "You know." She pumped her arms and gyrated her hips.

  I pressed my eyes closed tight and nodded. "Got it."

  Valonzy scowled. "Well, if she did, that's disgusting. He's like a million years old and so gross."

  Winnie giggled.

  "So what's his nickname?" I was trying, really trying to make conversation.

  They gave me puzzled looks. "What do you mean?" Valonzy scowled.

  "You know." I gestured to the queen, whose bubblegum-pink hair was piled on her head in a messy bouffant leftover from the night before. "Queen Aerwyna is Winnie the Finnie, Avalon, you're Valonzy, your fiancé, Charles, is Good Time Chuck." I rolled my hand. "So what's this pirate's nickname?"

  Queen Winnie lifted a brow. "Not everyone has a nickname, Imogen. Geez. Talk about stereotyping."

  I scrubbed my hands down my face. With the sun beating down and the hangover of my life, I wondered what I'd done to deserve this.

  "Anyway, you're probably wondering why I asked you here today. Why you're receiving such an honor, right, Imogen?" Queen Winnie leaned over and poked my shoulder.

  I nodded. "I'm wondering so hard right now."

  "Well, I'm super into humans. You know, my mom smushed with a human to make me?"

  I peeked an eye out from between my hands and turned to look at her. "You're half human?"

  She nodded. "My mom met a sailor and they fell in love, or somethin'. My grandma says it was lust. Anyway, she ran away with him to live on land, and she still does. And when she gave birth to me she sent me back down to live with my grandma." She leaned closer and opened her eyes wide. "So have you met my mom?"

  I blinked at her. "Your mom?"

  She smiled and nodded, her expression as void as a blank page. I shook my head. "No… I don't think so."

  "Oh." Her smile fell and after a little sigh, she shrugged. "I figured maybe all you humans knew each other. That's what I wanted to know about—the human lands. Like, are there lots of hot nonmagic guys, or do they all look like Geoffrey Clarke?"

  Winnie burst into laughter, but Valonzy continued to brood. She grabbed for the pile of oysters beside her, cracked one open by banging it against a rock, and then pried open the shell and slurped up the insides. A bit of gelatinous goo clung to her cheek, which she licked up. My stomach turned.

  Nothing like lying around in the blazing sun with a massive hangover, watching mermaids pick trash out of their hair and slurp down raw shellfish. Valonzy caught me staring and misinterpreted my look. She reached for the pile and held up an oyster.

  "You want one?"

  I felt faint and shook my head.

  Winnie leaned forward. "What's wrong?"

  I swallowed down the bile pushing its way up my throat. "I just—I don't feel well. I think I might be sick." I pressed my hand to my mouth.

  Winnie gasped and turned with glee to Valonzy. "Oh my gawdess!" She turned back to me. "Are you pregnant? She's got morning sickness!"

  I frowned and spoke through my hands. "It's three in the afternoon."

  Valonzy shrugged. "It's morning for us."

  Winnie clapped. "Who's the father? Do you know?"

  "There is no father." I waved my hands and took some deep breaths, trying to quell my nausea. "I'm definitely not pregnant."

  "You can't be 100 percent sure…." Winnie gave me a look.

  "Uh, I am. It's been a long time." I rolled my eyes. "Really long."

  Valonzy looked concerned. "Like… a month?"

  "Like…." I shifted and looked away. "A couple years?"

  Winnie’s and Valonzy’s jaws dropped. They looked at each other, then back at me. Winnie blinked rapidly. "You haven't smushed in… a couple a years?"

  I nodded.

  She placed a long-nailed hand on my shoulder. "Are you like… okay?"

  I grinned and patted her hand. "I'm fine."

  Valonzy looked horrified. "There's no one you want to smush?"

  I tried not to laugh at the terminology. "Yeah, there's someone I wouldn't mind smushing, but it's complicated."

  Winnie crooked a finger at me. "Dish."

  I hesitated, but then figured, why not? I gave them the short version of me and Hank, while keeping his and Shaday’s names out of it. They sat silent for a moment after I'd finished. Valonzy slurped down another oyster and tossed the shell over her shoulder onto the rocks. A seagull swooped down and flew off with it. "So you're telling me you two want to be together?"

  I shrugged. "I think so. I mean I do… and I think he does, too."

  Winnie rolled her eyes and flipped her hand. "Of course he does, you're hot, 'kay?" She scrunched up her face. "And the only holdup is this arranged fiancée he's marrying?"

  I nodded. "Yeah…."

  They looked at each other, then at me. "You said she basically told you she's all right with it, yeah?" Winnie picked at her sparkly nails. "So shiver his timbers RSVP!" They both burst into cackling laughter.

  "You mean… ASAP?"

  Winnie rolled her eyes at me. "Whatevs."

  I cleared my throat and shifted in the hot sand that lay scattered in the crevices of the rocks. I drew l
ittle circles in it with my fingertip and mulled over what they'd said. It wasn't like that hadn't occurred to me. I wanted to be with him, and it would kind of be okay since Shaday was okay with it. But I knew it wouldn't be enough, not in the long run. I sighed. Then again, life was short, and maybe I should stop worrying so much about the future and just enjoy the present. These gals certainly had no problem with that. I looked up and shielded my eyes from the sun. "Okay. But what if it was you in your arranged marriage, Winnie?"

  She gave me a lazy grin. "Oh, my marriage isn't arranged. We're like, super into each other. He's so hot and rich. And oh my gawdess, so sweet—he always brings me treasure and jewelry and stuff." She shimmied. "And they don't call him Good Time Chuck for nothing, if you know what I'm saying." Her eyes lit up and she clapped and bounced in place. "Idea! Let's go spy on the pirates."

  Valonzy perked up and brushed the empty oyster shells off her stomach. "Yeah. Maybe we'll find Bubbles."

  I scratched my cheek. "Guys—spying on pirates? Judging by the booby traps to enter a nightclub, they seem pretty intent on security—I'm not sure this is a good idea."

  Winnie leveled me with a hard look. "Well, I don't care what you think. I'm the queen and you're in my kingdom. We're going to go spy on my fiancé."

  I gulped.

  She broke into a grin and clapped again. "Yay-ah! This is going to be fun!"

  11

  Pirates

  As we swam to the cove where the pirates had anchored their ship, a thought occurred to me.

  "Hey, girls. Have you ever heard of Monsters Rise?" I waited with bated breath as we kicked along, over an underwater valley teeming with sea life.

  Valonzy and Winnie looked at each other. Valonzy raised a brow. "Is that some kinda sex move?"

  Winnie winked. "I'll make his monster rise!" She burst into giggles.

  "All right, so that's a no then." With my arms stretched in front of me, it felt refreshing to sweep through the chilly water after baking in the sun for hours. Winnie pointed up, and we surfaced. Tucked into the half-moon bay of a rocky island sat the tall, three-masted pirate ship. Its white sails rippled in the sea breeze, and pirates moved about on deck.