What Dreams May Come (Berkley Sensation)

by Sherrilyn Kenyon

  The seat was unexpectedly comfortable.

  He surveyed the glen, truly appreciating the beauty of the surroundings. There was green, but also many layered colors of autumn that soothed his soul. Nature. Peace. Somehow one had become the equivalent of the other. To the old Jake, peace had meant a nice soft bed and pillows. Or the peace of unthinking exhaustion after a workout.

  But he had felt uneasy in his bed since he’d broken off with Shauna, and the workouts hadn’t helped.

  Now he’d learned to still his mind. Meditate, he guessed. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Scents of fall, of leaves about to turn tickled his nose. Another long inhale—the only sound was his soft breathing.

  His mind fell into calm rhythms. He opened his eyes and let them rest on the pretty scenery. A little path led away from the copse, overgrown with ferns. Not at all like the wide, golden Road of Adventure Boris had always projected. Jake smiled.

  As his mind settled, he was able to separate his feelings from his thinking. He wasn’t a loser like his parents—like the guy who’d shot him or the man he’d killed.

  Looking at it logically, he’d made a great success of his life—especially lately. He’d had it all. A promotion, a rising career, the respect of others—

  “A Cat,” Boris said, appearing on a thick branch above him and to his right. “Two Cats, counting the feral.”

  Jake ignored him. Most of all, he’d had a loving woman.

  Shauna loved him. She’d said it several times and he’d thrust it away, uncomfortable with the feelings that little phrase engendered. Gray had been right. Deep down he didn’t think he could be loved, because the losers in his life hadn’t loved him.

  But he was a success. Shauna was a success. They were good people. Strong people, emotionally.

  “And spiritually,” Boris pointed out helpfully.

  Jake winced.

  “Of course you are human and not as superior as Cats, but you are good for humans.”

  “Thanks a lot,” Jake panted.

  They were loving people. Shauna loved him. If Shauna loved him, he must be lovable. A simple, logical syllogism that his feelings had stopped him from seeing before. His heart lightened.

  “Not as lovable as Me,” Boris said. “But you will do for her since I will be gone on My Road of Great Adventure.”

  “Will you shut up, Boris?” Jake asked. “You can’t be seen. You don’t exist.”

  Boris snorted. “Like love. Can’t see it, so it doesn’t exist.”

  “Wrong,” Jake said and stood. Conversation with Boris wasn’t conducive to good meditation. He needed to let the conclusions he’d come to simmer, make sure they were right. His mind said so, but he wanted them to feel good in his gut in the morning. If they did, he’d take the next irrevocable step that would change his life forever.

  Shauna lay in bed, Prima on one side of her, Jimbo on the other. The nights were getting colder, and the cats liked the warmth of the bed and her.

  She missed Jake’s warmth. Her body was hot and throbbing and aching for Jake’s hands and mouth. She wanted him with every fiber. Had she been stupid in thinking they were meant to be? She shook her head. She knew he was the only one for her. She was absolutely sure that she could fulfill him like no other woman in his life—if he ever let another woman into his life as much as he’d allowed her in.

  Was she delusional, one of those poor, pitiful women who couldn’t give up on a man? Couldn’t see that the whole relationship was bad?

  She thought and felt and moaned and thought some more until her brain ached. Finally it simply came down to the fact that she had died. She’d died and met Jake and Boris in the Atrium, and the luminescent angel had told her that they were mates.

  The angel said Jake, that stubborn son-of-a-gun, had free will to break her heart and his own. She wondered if Jake suffered. She really hoped so.

  The angel had also scolded her for not taking risks. Not accepting the greatest challenge life had given her. At the time she’d thought it was not believing in herself, not taking the chance on her business. That had been her greatest flaw, not taking risks, always following the secure path.

  Since coming back, she’d tried to change. She’d started the business, put herself out to find clients, do advertising and promotion far outside her comfort zone. And the business had taken off, would show a profit this year, and she had a solid schedule set up all next spring. She’d won in that area of her life.

  On a personal level she’d risked her heart with Jake. She swiped away tears. She’d been herself, not hiding her idiosyncrasies, and unwilling to accept less than she wanted, less than she was sure he could give her. She’d rushed him, but she had needed the commitment.

  She’d lost.

  Or had she given up? Was this one more challenge that she should rise above? One more life problem that she could face and solve? If she risked again.

  She wanted Jake, the life they could have together, the children they could make. Was she going to let it go?

  She would have if it hadn’t been for that time in the Atrium. She believed in the angel, what he had said. She believed in herself and in Jake and her love for him. She believed Jake was close to loving her.

  One more time. She’d try one last time to convince him that she loved him, then suck up the hurt and the rejection and get on with her life. In any event, she would have tried her hardest. Knowing that, she could find some measure of peace.

  After a night of tossing and turning, Jake rose and dressed carefully. He went to his bedroom closet and reached up to a shoebox he’d stashed on a shelf many years ago. The little, dark green velvet jewelry box that held the ring wasn’t even dusty.

  It had been his father’s mother’s engagement ring and had come to Jake on his dad’s death. He’d heard his grandfather and grandmother had been very much in love. They certainly had died together, sailing on a small boat back East, when his dad had been a kid. Maybe there was some tradition of love in his family after all. He flipped it open and studied the square-cut emerald. The stone wasn’t big, but it had a deep, rich color.

  “Shauna will like that,” Boris said in great satisfaction.

  For Jake, holding the box in his hand was like holding his future. He wanted Shauna so much.

  The doorbell rang and he stuffed the box in his jeans pocket.

  “A present!” Boris called.

  When Jake walked into the living room, the cat hovered near the door, wings quivering with excitement. Jake checked the peephole only to see a huge mass of flowers, then opened the door.

  “Jake Forbes?” asked a man’s voice.

  “That’s me.”

  With a grunt, the guy shoved the three-foot vase at Jake. “Flowers.”

  Jake stared.

  “Take ’em, will ya?”

  Jake grabbed the light green vase as it tilted. It was heavy and he grunted himself as he balanced it on the way to the kitchen, where he set it on the table.

  The florist guy, round face red, wrote up a slip. “Sign here.”

  Jake did, but the guy didn’t move.

  “You give him money!” Boris said.

  Duh. Like pizza delivery. Jake felt stunned. He fumbled a couple of bills from his wallet and shoved them at the man. He couldn’t wait to get back to the flowers and look at them. Flowers came with a dinky card, didn’t they?

  “Thanks,” said the guy and left.

  Jake slammed the door and hurried to the kitchen.

  Flowers! It was such a female thing to do. Leave it to Shauna to do something like send him flowers. The bouquet included leaves and grasses, and the last summer blooming flowers.

  His mouth dried. What if it wasn’t from Shauna? Nonsense, it had to be. She worked with flowers, after all. And he hadn’t been seeing anyone else.

  No one had ever sent him flowers. It had to be Shauna.

  Had to be. His heart started pounding.

  The angel cat had already retrieved the card and circled the
room with the little white square in his mouth.

  “Give it to me, now!” Jake ordered.

  A tiny envelope fell into his outstretched palm. Jake was glad angel cats didn’t slobber. With trembling fingers he pulled out the little card. “I love you, Shauna.” Her handwriting, big loops, slanted upward. His head went dizzy and he let the note fall to the table.

  Shauna loved him. Still. She put it in writing. Somehow that made it all the more real. In writing.

  He snatched up the card again and scrutinized it. Turquoise metallic ink. Only Shauna. He hadn’t been able to forget her, probably never would. He’d had no wish to see any other woman.

  He had to have her. But he also intended to do this scenario right. He picked up the phone and called Mrs. Freuhauff at her Cherry Hill estate.

  An hour later, all his plans rolling along, he left his condo.

  As he drove away, he was unsurprised when yellow aspen leaves whisked across his windshield, even though there were no aspen around. Some of the weight lifted from his heart.

  Jake found Shauna sitting on the iron bench in the middle of the clearing. The whole place was beautiful, but it was Shauna who made his heart clutch. He touched the little box in his right trousers pocket, Shauna’s little flower card in his left. Good-luck charms. Talismans, the dreamy-minded like Shauna would call them, and boy, did he feel better for having them.

  She looked sad and he knew it was his doing and his breathing tightened. He hadn’t ever wanted to cause her pain, but he had, maybe as much as the suffering he’d done himself, though he didn’t think that was possible.

  Just watching her was a pleasure. How he’d believed he could ever live without her, he didn’t know. He’d lied to himself. But he’d lied to himself about a lot—that people wouldn’t see through his charming mask, that his childhood hadn’t mattered.

  That Shauna didn’t love him.

  But she did, and he’d hold on to that truth forever.

  “Shauna.”

  She jerked upright, stood, straightened her shoulders, and pasted a smile on her face. As she faced him, she gulped. When he walked closer, he saw behind the sadness in her gaze a desperate hope. Always hope. Yes, Shauna loved him and wanted him to love her in return.

  He crowded her against the bench; he couldn’t take the chance she’d run from him. He took her limp, cold hands in his. He wanted to remove the pain from her eyes, fast. “Shauna, I’ve been lost and lonely without you. Will you marry me? I’ll work hard to make a good marriage with you.”

  Shauna could hardly believe Jake was standing here. Her ears rang. She thought she’d heard him propose. Marriage.

  “What?” She tugged at her hands, but he didn’t let them go. She couldn’t think with him so close, could barely breathe.

  His face tightened. He pressed his lips together, squeezed her hands until they hurt, and repeated: “Marry me, Shauna. I don’t want to live without you.” He thought back to their argument. “Believing in love isn’t screwy. You don’t have screwy beliefs, and I am l-lo—” He swallowed. “Loveable.”

  Shauna thought he sure had trouble with the L word. What he said wasn’t quite enough, but it was a start, and the tenderness in his eyes took her breath. She’d never seen him so open, so vulnerable, so looking as if he might love her.

  She licked her lips. “Yes.”

  When he put the emerald on her left hand, her mind went light and her knees weak. She plopped onto the iron bench.

  Jake sat beside her, still enfolding her trembling fingers with his steady ones.

  They sat a moment in silence, breathing together, holding hands, letting the sun filter through the trees, now bright with autumn color. Connected. She tried to think, but she could only feel an incredible, huge bubble of happiness.

  He eyed the beautiful clearing around them. “This place would be perfect for a wedding.”

  “I think so, too. Mrs. Freuhauff would love to host it.” Shauna laughed. “Denver’s finest and the Friends of the Forest. What a mix.”

  He squeezed her hand and met her smile with a grin of his own. “Should be interesting to watch.”

  A shaft of light hit their feet and a triumphant growl followed. They both looked up.

  “My God,” Shauna gasped at the sight of a window opening in the clouds to a different place, with Boris.

  “Don’t give him delusions of grandeur,” Jake said. “He already has enough.”

  The scene focused and magnified. Boris trotted through a marble temple of Greek columns, a small many-pointed gold crown on his head, tilted over one ear.

  Jake gave a crack of laughter. “Must be a pretty light crown, maybe gold paper. Think they got it from a fast-food place?”

  Now Shauna did the hand squeeze and leaned against him to whisper. “It’s a magic crown.”

  Boris stopped. Sniffed. Looked down at them. Then he grinned. “You look good together. You love each other.” He lifted his nose. “I have done very well.”

  Shauna coughed, covering a laugh. “I can see that.”

  “You will both do well, also.” He scowled. “Jake, do not forget the feral Cat. Good-bye, Shauna. Good-bye, Jake.”

  Tears came to Shauna’s eyes. She let them flow over and trickle down her cheeks. “Good-bye, Boris. Until we meet again.”

  “Oh, boy,” Jake muttered.

  Boris nodded, and his crown slipped from one ear to the other. “We will meet again someday, on this side of the doors.” He smirked at Jake. “I have made sure they are good doors for you to go through here. Mostly. Now I must go on My Road of Great Adventure.” With another nod, he trotted down stairs and onto a wide, dusty dirt track, on his cat business. The window closed.

  “Looks like the temple got boring real quick,” Jake said.

  Shauna sniffled.

  Jake raised their joined hands and kissed her fingers above the engagement ring. “You okay?”

  “Yes. I love him. I love you.”

  Jake smiled one of the lopsided smiles that tugged at her heart. His eyes held only a few shadows. His vocation would bring more, some she and their love could vanquish, some that would stay, but they would face that together.

  She pulled her hand from his to frame his face, stroke his beloved face. “But Boris is wrong, you know.”

  Jake pretended stunned amazement. “Boris wrong? How could that be?”

  The last of her tears dried. “We’re the ones on the Road of Great Adventure—love, marriage, children. It may get rocky, but we’ll travel it together.”

  Jake’s eyes softened. “You’re right. I love you, Shauna, and always will.” He stood and pulled her up, grabbing her hand.

  A whirl of golden aspen leaves encircled them for a moment like a blessing, then blew away.

  “I guess we made the grade,” Jake said.

  “I guess we did.” Shauna smiled.

  “Our road waits. Let’s go!” Jake linked hands with her and they walked into their future together.

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