Second Chances: A Lesbian Romance

by Mia Archer

  9: Claire's Invite

  I took a seat at the bar and pulled my phone out. Set it on the bar and swiped to open it up. Stared down at the invitation.

  Had it really been five years? I couldn’t believe it. Five years since graduating high school. Five years since that night at the lake. Five years since everything that happened with Allison. Things I’d tried my best to forget while I was off at college.

  Well apparently I hadn’t buried those feelings deep enough if all it took for them to come bubbling back to the surface was an invitation to a class reunion on social media. I thought I’d put all of this behind me, but apparently that was a dream shattered just as surely as Allison had shattered my dreams that night.

  “Damn Claire, who died?”

  I looked up and tried to smile as Felicia made her way down to where I was sitting. It’s not like there was much else to keep the bartender occupied at this time of day anyways. It was still a good hour before the after work contingent would start arriving. I’d ducked out of my own job a little early as soon as I saw the invite, and my boss had let me go without question when she saw the look on my face.

  Maybe I really did look like somebody died. I’d take it if it got me out of work early.

  “No one died,” I said. “I just got an invite to my five year class reunion.”

  “Really now?” Felicia cocked an eyebrow. “So by my math that means I was letting you into this bar at least a year before you were actually old enough to legally drink.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her. “You never wondered when I had two twenty-first birthdays?”

  Felicia shrugged and started polishing a glass that didn’t look like it needed polishing. I suppose that was a nervous habit of bartenders the world over. Either that or it was something they did to try and put people at ease.

  Not that there was much that could put me at ease right now. Not with that invitation looming large in my imagination.

  “Besides,” Felicia continued. “I’m always willing to look the other way for a pretty face or a nice body.”

  I rolled my eyes. “If that’s your best pickup line then you need to work on it.”

  “Hey, can’t blame a girl for trying. So seriously, what’s bothering you? A five year reunion isn’t supposed to be a big deal. You’re not supposed to worry about those until you hit twenty years. Believe me, I know from experience.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t think I’m going to this one.”

  The bar was filled with traffic noise from outside for a moment. I looked over to see Tiffany making her way in. Felicia didn’t seem to think it was out of the ordinary for Tiffany to be here this early so I just rolled with it. I usually didn’t make it to the bar until well after the workday was over so I had no idea who usually got here first.

  Tiffany stopped when she saw me at the bar and the smile disappeared from her face. I rolled my eyes and put my head down in my hands. Did I really look that dour? Why was everyone looking at me like there was a death in the family.

  At least she wasn’t like Tiffany from back home. That girl didn’t know when to shut the fuck up.

  “You’re here early,” Tiffany said.

  “She’s come to drink away worrying about her class reunion coming up,” Felicia offered. “I guess seeing her own mortality staring her down is too much or something.”

  Tiffany snorted. “So which reunion is this? Ten? Fifteen? Twenty? Come on, you can let us know.”

  That was at least enough to get a laugh out of me, even if it wasn’t much of a laugh. It was also at least worth a quick flip of the bird which Tiffany took in stride. She put a hand on my shoulder and held it there reassuringly.

  “So obviously this is bothering you. How about I get you a drink?”

  “A drink is good,” Felicia said. “You want your usual?”

  I shook my head. No, I was going to need a hell of a lot more than my usual tonight with the memories swirling in my head. The sound of a song that hadn’t been popular for five years. The sight and smell of a bonfire burning merrily off in the distance. Waves lapping against the shore of a lake as people splashed around off in the distance. The feel of a warm body I never thought I’d have a chance with pressing against me in the single most deliciously electric sexual moment of my life then or since.

  Yeah, that warranted getting rip roaring drunk.

  “Forget the beer. I’ll have a whiskey,” I said.

  Felicia paused for a moment. She looked to Tiffany then back to me, and for the first time that evening her smile was replaced with something else. Worry.

  “You sure about that? Want me to mix it with soda or something?”

  “Straight. And leave the bottle.”

  “Damn,” Tiffany breathed. “So you want to tell us what’s going on here? Because that drink is way too strong for just a five year reunion.”

  Felicia set the bottle down and poured the first drink. I held it up and inspected it, though to be perfectly honest I had no idea what the fuck I was looking for in a good whiskey. I was usually a beer drinker. Good beer. Not the keg shit they served at those parties. Right now, though, all I cared about was that it burned going down and that it would get me drunk enough that I wouldn’t have to think about all the confusing emotions that were threatening to break free and really ruin my night more than it had already been ruined.

  I downed a shot. It burned sufficiently. When I’d finished coughing and wiping the tears from my eyes I looked from Felicia to Tiffany.

  “It was a girl. What else?”

  “The bitch,” Felicia said.

  “Seriously,” Tiffany chimed in. “Fuck her.”

  “But you haven’t even heard what she did to me!”

  “Had to be pretty damn bad if you’re downing whiskey like that after being a lightweight beer pussy for so long,” Felicia said.

  More sound from the outside world intruded on the fortress of solitude I was trying to construct in my favorite bar by downing as much whiskey as possible. Which reminded me that I was overdue for my second drink, so I did just that. The kick wasn’t quite as bad the second time around. Whether that was because I was getting used to it or because my insides had been good and numbed by the first bit of whiskey making an expedition down to my stomach was anyone’s guess, but I’d take it.

  “Damn. What’s going on with Claire?” a third voice intruded on my attempt to sit and drown my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey. That sounded like Sierra. I didn’t realize she got to the bar this early. Not that I was one to talk considering how early I was out and about today.

  “Claire’s five year reunion is coming up and she’s not happy about it,” Tiffany said.

  “I can tell,” Sierra said as she took a seat on my other side. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it. I had a hell of a time at my five year reunion!”

  “I’m sure you did,” I said as I poured myself another drink. I got the distinct feeling that we were about to be treated to one of Sierra’s stories, and if that was the case then a stiff drink was definitely in order.

  “I remember it like it was yesterday,” she said, sure enough launching into a story. “Turned more than a few heads that night, and why not? Small town, goody-two-shoes cheerleader goes off to college where everyone assumed I’d meet a nice husband and settle down and instead I come back with a girlfriend!”

  She barked out a quick laugh and slapped the bar. Felicia and Tiffany both laughed, and even I couldn’t help but smile just a little. Sometimes her stories were worth it even if most of the time they were distinctly on the miss side of hit-or-miss.

  “Needless to say it caused the scandal I was hoping for, and I ended up running into one of my friends from the cheer squad who was looking just as good as she did back in the locker room when I was terrified the world would find out my secret. Turns out she was a little curious as well and I proceeded to have the hottest night of my life with my girlfriend and my old friend!”

  “You�
�re so full of shit Sierra,” Tiffany said.

  Felicia shrugged. “If that’s the threesome she had with Connie then I can back her up on that one.”

  “None other than,” Sierra said. It seemed like I’d been forgotten for the moment, but they quickly returned their attention to me.

  “So seriously, what’s the big deal?” Sierra asked. “Are you still in the closet back home or some bullshit like that?”

  “Nope. I let the world know about that as soon as I figured it out my junior year even though it caused me some grief. Small town America. What can I say?”

  “You can say goodbye on your way to the city, is what you can say,” Felicia said. “And good riddance.”

  “Hey, it can’t be all that bad. Some of those small towns are pretty charming!” Tiffany said.

  “Spoken like a city girl who never had to deal with the small town mentality towards anyone who’s different,” Felicia said. “Trust me. Been there, done that, vowed to never return unless it was for family stuff or the holidays.”

  “She’s got a point,” Sierra said. “But if you’re already out then what’s the big deal?”

  “A girl broke her heart,” Tiffany said.

  Sierra leaned forward and put a hand on my back. Started rubbing in a way that was probably meant to be reassuring but was mostly just annoying. I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to snap at her to take her hand off me. She was just trying to help, and the last thing she needed for her trouble was me snapping at her because I was pissed off at another woman entirely. A woman I hadn’t seen in five years and who I’d done my best to forget.

  Allison.

  Even thinking the name sent a shiver running through me. It reminded me of that night by the water. It reminded me of her feel, her taste, the heat radiating off of her body. It made me lightheaded, though some of that might very well be the whiskey.

  I stared into the whiskey bottle. This really wasn’t a story that I wanted to relive tonight, but from the way it was all crashing down around me and prompting me to crawl into a bottle it seemed that it wasn’t quite as forgotten as I’d hoped. I took in a deep breath and let it out in a long low sigh.

  I suppose there was no getting around it. Not with the girls surrounding me and expecting me to tell them everything. There was no getting away from that unless I got completely and totally shitfaced to the point that I couldn’t think to form a sentence. That didn’t seem like a good idea either.

  Besides, it might be a good idea to get some of this out. To talk it over with my friends as well as a bottle of whiskey. Talking it over would probably be a lot more productive than crawling into the bottle of whiskey too.

  Yeah, I’d kept this bottled up for far too long. And if there was a group anywhere who could appreciate small town crushes and being crushed by them it was this group of girls. So I took one final deep breath, grabbed the bottle and took a swig from it rather than bothering with pouring a drink, and launched into my tale of woe.

  I certainly had their complete and undivided attention as I went through my story. Girls kept streaming in as they got off work and by the time I was finished I had a good sized group, most of the regulars at the bar, gathered around me hanging on my every word.

  Heck, I actually found myself getting into the story more than I figured I would have. Instead of pain I felt righteous indignation at how I’d been treated all those years ago. I’d had five years to get comfortable in my skin and I wasn’t the girl from that night who was unsure of her sexuality and still trying to find her place in the world.

  I mean I was still trying to find my place in the world, but I was definitely secure in my sexuality now in a way I hadn’t been five years ago. And with the girls surrounding me providing support, some girls I’d dated but all of them friends, I started getting good and pissed off.

  “And so she basically told me to get lost. Said that it was a mistake and no one could ever know about it,” I said, putting the final shit cherry on top of the steaming pile that was me getting dumped in the single worst romantic experience of my life.

  “So you outed the bitch, right?” Felicia asked. “Because that’s what she was asking for treating you like that.”

  “I can’t believe someone would do that!” Tiffany said. “Using you like that and then dropping you because she couldn’t deal with what she was? Who she was? That’s low.”

  “Again, obviously you’ve never been to small town America,” Felicia said.

  “Yup. Lots of delusion going on out there,” another girl chimed in from the crowd. I didn’t see exactly who it was because I had my phone out and I’d pulled up a picture of Allison. I couldn’t see much since we weren’t friends and her profile wasn’t open to the world, but I could see some pictures she’d put up recently and that was enough to see that she was still every bit as captivating and beautiful today as she’d been on that fateful night.

  I hated that she was still every bit as captivating and beautiful as she’d been that night. It seemed unfair. People who pulled bullshit like what she did were supposed to be ugly, but instead it looked like she was enjoying life if the way she was smiling out of my phone screen and mocking me was any indication.

  “Is that the bitch?” Felicia asked.

  I nodded, and before I could react she’d snatched my phone out of my hands and was holding it aloft behind the bar so everyone could get a look. “This is her! This is the bitch!”

  There were jeers from the gathered crowd, but there were other more interesting reactions.

  “Damn, she is hot!” one girl shouted out.

  “Yeah, she can take advantage of me any day!”

  “Forget that, get in the grudge fuck! Revenge all the way!”

  I looked around at the crowd as though they’d gone crazy. I felt like I was going crazy. How did my private emotional pain from the summer after high school suddenly turn into everyone in the bar passing judgment on a moment that was both one of the hottest most sexually charged moments I’d ever experienced as well as the most dismal failure of my love life?

  “A nice revenge fuck sounds like fun,” Sierra said.

  I shook my head and snatched the phone out of Felicia’s hand. I put it back down on the bar but I didn’t move away from Allison’s picture like I probably should have. Revenge fuck? That was crazy talk. Even if I did go back for the reunion, and that was still one hell of a big if, it’s not like I was going to be able to bed Allison. It’s not like lightning was going to strike twice. I didn’t even know if she was going to be there!

  The shouting started dying down around me and I looked up. I blinked as I realized Felicia was staring right at me.

  “What?”

  “You can forget all that bullshit about revenge. It might be fun, but I can tell you’re not too big on the idea.”

  “Well…”

  To be perfectly honest I really wouldn’t mind climbing in bed with Allison and finishing what we started. I just thought it was highly unlikely anything like that was ever going to happen. Best to let the past stay in the past when it came to a painful memory like Allison even if there was still a part of my body that would be more than willing to betray me for a chance to get with her again. Get with her properly for the first time, actually, considering the circumstances of our first dalliance.

  “I think what we can all agree on is you need to go to that reunion,” Felicia said. Girls around her were nodding.

  “Why’s that?” I asked.

  “You’re carrying the flag into enemy territory,” Felicia continued. “You’re going there and showing this poor closet case that there’s life after coming out, assuming she is a closet case and that wasn’t just a one-time fling.”

  There was muttering from all around the room. Some of it fond and some of it annoyed. I think just about every girl in here had experienced a girl who was interested in a “one time fling” rather than a lifestyle choice.

  Not that it wasn’t fun, college had been particularly a
wesome for me when it came to having a little fun with ostensibly straight girls who were looking for a walk on the wild side or to turn on their boyfriends at a party, but eventually it got old. Eventually I got tired of being a fling instead of a relationship at best or a sex toy with a pulse in some straight couple’s relationship at worst.

  I’m sure most of the girls here felt the same way.

  Of course it also wasn’t entirely fair for them to come down on Allison like that. I felt ridiculous for defending her, even if it was only defending her inside my head, but lots of people had lots of reasons for not wanting to come out. I figured that was something this crowd could appreciate. There wasn’t a chance I’d ever date someone who was still in the closet, but I could sympathize with the terror that came with coming out.

  That didn’t mean I was any less angry at Allison, though. She had gotten my hopes up and then casually stomped on my heart, after all, even if she had her reasons for keeping her true colors secret. I thought they were stupid reasons, sure, but at the end of the day Allison revealing herself or keeping things secret wasn’t my call to make.

  Besides, Felicia was laying it on a bit thick.

  “Are you really going to try and hit me with all that solidarity bullshit? Look around. The culture wars are over. We won,” I said. Sometimes Felicia could get a little preachy. She owned the bar, was way older than most of the crowd, and by virtue of that ownership she liked to consider herself the grande dame of the lesbian scene ‘round these here parts.

  Felicia smacked the table and pointed a finger at me. Immediately everyone around us went silent. Immediately I took a step back both from that pointed finger and from the intense glare and frown. Felicia was slow to anger, but watch out when you hit something that set her off. It appeared I’d done just that. It wasn’t a comfortable position to be in.

  “Don’t give me that bullshit Claire,” she said. “You just graduated from that place five years ago and you’re telling us a horror story about people making your life miserable and some poor girl denying who she is because she’s afraid of what everyone back in Hooterville will think of her.”