by Mia Archer
The only thing I could hope for was that we’d get to the house and we really would just talk things over. That things wouldn’t go beyond that. I found myself both relieved and disappointed at the thought that nothing might happen.
Yeah, talk about a fucked up and confused jumble of emotions I was having to deal with tonight.
I had to know though. I had to know what was happening with me and Claire. I had to confront these feelings head on, even if it did turn out I was only confronting them for one night and then I’d go back to my nice safe existence in the apartment with Kyle leading the nice safe life everyone told me I should be leading.
Why did that suddenly feel like a prison sentence though? Why did I find myself looking in the rear view mirror and thinking about the future with a sense of hope for the first time in years even as I was thinking of going back to my safe life with Kyle?
Like I said, confused and fucked up jumble of emotions.
I was shaking by the time I pulled into the driveway. I put the car into park but I sat there shivering. We were here. We were at my parents’ house. We were at the place where this all started five years ago and suddenly the enormity of what I was doing inviting her back here to the scene of the crime was almost too much for me. It was overwhelming.
Claire’s car pulled up next to mine. I didn’t look over to her. That would be too much. No, I needed to look forward and concentrate on my breathing. I needed to look at the house that had been home for so many years, ever since that summer when we moved out to the lake and I started to lose contact with Claire. Odd how the house that had pulled us apart would also be the place that had brought us back together in the most insane way possible.
I jumped as I heard a tap on the window. I looked over and there she was smiling down at me and looking gorgeous in the meager light reflecting off of the house from my headlights. I looked over to her car which was sitting dark and turned off and realized I’d been so off in my own little world that she’d had time to get out and come around to my window without me noticing.
Yeah, talk about really being off in my own world. I needed to pay better attention to things, damn it! I needed to stop losing myself in a fantasy world.
Only it was so fucking difficult not to lose myself in that fantasy world as I looked up at Claire through the window. As I saw the way she was smiling down at me with a mixture of hope and hesitation. I could only imagine how she was feeling right now. Probably a twisted mirror of how I was feeling. Hope that something might happen but worry it would end up like last time.
I suppose she had more to worry about on that score than I did, though at the same time I couldn’t help but feel I was as much a victim of my confused feelings as Claire was. Damn it. Why couldn’t I just figure out what I wanted?
Then again I suppose the better question would be why couldn’t I just get over my fears and take what I wanted? From the warmth that went coursing through me as I looked at Claire my body already had a pretty damn good idea of exactly what I wanted.
“You going to get out of the car?” she asked.
I hit the ignition and the car died. I forced myself to open the door. To stand and stare out at the lake beyond the house. To look over to Claire who was still looking at me with that same mix of hope and fear.
She held out a hand almost hesitantly, but it was there. I looked down at her hand as though I was regarding some sort of snake trying to bite me, but then I closed my eyes and reached out.
Claire’s hand closed around mine. It didn’t send sparks running through me like I might have expected, but it felt nice. No, it felt right. That moment with her hand around mine wasn’t anything momentous or world changing, but there was a subtle shift. All the fears I’d been dealing with, all the worries I had about people finding out about the two of us, started to fade into the background.
Feeling her hand around mine like that made me feel at peace. It made me feel like everything was right in the world, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. From the way she closed her eyes and sighed it seemed she was feeling the same way. It was weird how for all the high-strung emotion I was dealing with all it took was a bit of simple human contact to make everything suddenly seem all right.
Maybe it would only be for that moment, but what a moment.
Ten minutes later we were in my dad’s rec room. It was where he entertained when we had parties down at the lake, which used to be just about every weekend though they’d slowed down since they joined the snowbird population going south to Florida for the winter. Still, the place was just as I remembered it, including the booze in a bar running along one wall. A bar that was probably more well stocked with more expensive stuff than what they had on offer at the bowling alley back in town.
We sat at the bar drinking in silence and in the darkness. The pool was out there beyond large windows that ran the length of the rec room, and the lake was beyond that hidden by the darkness. It seemed like we were the only two people in the entire world.
It was weird, but just like holding hands this felt right. It felt like sitting there next to her, close enough that I could feel her body heat but not so close that I was touching her, made everything okay. I was enjoying this in a way I hadn’t enjoyed spending time with Kyle in, like, ever.
I suppose that should’ve answered any lingering questions I had about what Claire meant to me, but every time I got close to thinking along those lines I couldn’t help but get a little scared and pull back.
“Y’know I almost thought you might call me and tell me to forget about it on the ride out,” Claire said.
“I didn’t have your phone number,” I said.
Claire turned and stared at me for a moment and I could’ve kicked myself. Sure that was the truth, but it was a truth that really didn’t need to be stated in the moment. Claire shook her head and then she giggled.
“I’m going to go ahead and pretend that was a joke even though I’m pretty sure it wasn’t.”
“Fair enough,” I said.
Claire looked out the windows towards the lake. “So do you still have that pool out there?”
“Sure do,” I said. “Still in working order, too. Dad made sure to pay the pool people to keep it up and running in case I wanted to come home and use it. He looks for any excuse to get his baby girl home.”
“So what would you say to a little swim so we’re not sitting here in this awkward silence?”
Awkward? I didn’t think the silence was awkward at all. I’d been thinking how nice it was. At the same time it would be nice to have something to do other than sitting here in silence.
Of course there was also a hidden double meaning to what Claire just said. Going for a swim together. That could open the door to things. I wasn’t so naive that I didn’t realize there was an unspoken invitation there. The question is was that an invitation that I wanted to take her up on?
My body was screaming at me. I was so turned on, and more than anything I wanted to go for a swim with Claire. I wanted to splash around and maybe feel her against me. I wanted a chance to pull all of the old cheesy moves Derek used on me when we went swimming together, only this time I actually stood a chance at enjoying those cheesy moves because this was Claire and not stupid Derek.
Plus it was just the two of us. Even if something did happen it’s not like anyone but us would know. This wasn’t as dangerous as having some fun in a lounge chair right by the lake where there was the potential for someone to walk by and see us, as unlikely as that seemed. This wasn’t making out with each other behind the bowling alley which was a common thing for people to do, or at least it had been when we went to school, which made it even more dangerous as far as potential for getting caught by another couple looking to do the same thing as us.
That more than anything decided me. So what if something happened? Nobody had to know. I also knew that I wasn’t going to phrase it like that with Claire considering how sensitive she seemed to be about the whole thing.
&nb
sp; “A swim would be nice,” I said.
“So do you have any suits or…”
I blushed at the unspoken implication that might as well be spoken, it was so damn clear. I had to admit that the idea of doing what she was implying sounded fun. It was certainly heating me up in a way I’d never felt with Kyle or Derek, and believe me Derek had tried that line on me on more than one occasion way back when.
Still, that would be crossing a line and despite the alcohol it still felt like a bit too much for me. Besides, I needed a chance to come down from this high, and going to find some suits might be just what I needed.
“I think I have some old suits in my room,” I said. “Do you want to come with or…”
I almost shivered at the thought of her joining me in my room. Damn my traitorous body for doing this to me! Once more I felt that strange mix of disappointment and relief that seemed to be par for the course when I was dealing with Claire when she politely declined.
“I think I’m just going to hang out here and enjoy my drink if you don’t mind. Take the edge off.”
I could sympathize with wanting to take the edge off even if all I could think about was her taking her clothes off and tossing on a sexy bathing suit that hugged her body in all the right places.
“Right. Back in a few then.”
I stepped off into the dark house, glad for a moment to catch my breath. It was only a little difficult because I was so damn weak in the knees.
15: Panic Texts
Allison made her way out of the room, a sexy shadow moving into even deeper and darker shadows. My mind filled in the blanks where her body swayed back and forth. I imagined the curve of her ass moving this way and that in her tight shorts. I imagined her tight stomach under that shirt.
More than anything I thought about how incredible she’d felt that night five years ago. It seemed that everything about this night was going back to that fateful night. If anything I found myself hoping that tonight might give me a little bit of closure so I could stop thinking about that other night, one way or another.
Of course I already had fresh memories, didn’t I? Memories of following her out to the side of the bowling alley. Memories of her face screwing up in a look that seemed to be filled with all the despair in the world right before it turned to lust and then she was throwing herself at me.
Yeah, feeling her lips pressed against mine for the first time in half a decade was more than enough to completely override my better judgment and turn me into the steaming pile of hormones I’d been the last time I found myself falling for Allison.
I turned into a hot mess when Allison got close, and it got me into situations like this where I was drinking something that was probably a hell of a lot more expensive than any of the booze I could hope to get back at the bowling alley while waiting for her to show up with some bikinis so we could go for a swim that was probably going to be anything but innocent the way the tension was building between us.
I needed someone to talk to. I felt like the situation was rapidly spinning out of control. More than anything I felt like I was on the verge of making one hell of a mistake by taking this night to its logical conclusion.
There was only one person I could think of to talk even though I knew what her advice was probably going to be before I even told her about the situation.
I pulled my phone out. I opened the contact for Felicia’s cell phone. She gave the number to all the regulars in case someone ever needed help. I knew girls who took advantage of that all the time, using her as a shoulder to cry on, but I’d never taken her up before tonight.
I tapped out a quick message to make sure she was available. I didn’t want to bother her with my problems if she was busy. Considering it was a Friday night there was a good chance she was going to be too busy tending her bar to worry about my issues anyways, but to my surprise my phone buzzed and beeped with a response almost immediately.
I bit my lip and shook my head. That quick response almost made me think she’d had her phone at the ready waiting for me to text her. Almost as though she knew what was going to happen to me when I agreed to come out to this reunion.
Damn her and her meddling, and yet I was going to give her ample opportunity to meddle some more before this conversation was over.
“How’s the night going? Bedded your dream girl yet?”
I sighed and shook my head. Just on the verge of being vulgar, but not quite to the point that I wanted to reach through the phone and throttle her. That was Felicia’s style in the bar so I don’t know why I was surprised to see that was also how she operated via text.
“Not yet,” I said.
“Did she even show? That’s going to be a damn shame if I went to all the trouble of getting you to go out there and then lovergirl decided not to show.”
I took in a deep breath. I let it out in a long sigh that I really needed to gather my thoughts. There was something about chatting with Felicia, whether by text or in person, that made me feel secure while at the same time making me want to reach through the airwaves and punch her in the face. I think it was the way she always assumed she was going to be absolutely right about whatever it was she was talking about, even someone’s love life.
She was a lot like Samantha in that respect, and what made it even more annoying with both of them was how often they were right. I guess Felicia got a lot of intuition into how relationships worked from behind the bar slinging drinks at one of the more popular lesbian hot spots in the region.
“I’m over at her house right now,” I said. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should even bother to admit the next bit, then figured if I was going to get advice she would have to know the full story. “She’s getting some bikinis and we’re going for a swim.”
“In the lake? Yuck. Talk about not sexy,” Felicia responded.
“Not in the lake. In her pool.”
There was a pause. A pause that stretched on long enough that I wondered if she’d gotten busy at the bar and forgotten about me entirely. A pause that I used to listen for any sign of Allison returning, though the house was absolutely silent around me. It was actually a little creepy. I never thought a newish McMansion on the lake could seem creepy, but there it was.
Finally another response. I glanced down and then I rolled my eyes. I guess I should’ve expected something like this, but it didn’t make it any less annoying.
It was a picture of most of the girls at the bar looking into the camera on Felicia’s phone taking a group selfie. They were all cheering, whooping, giving the camera a thumbs up, and generally seeming like they were very excited about the most recent turn my love life had taken.
“I can’t believe you told all of them!” I said.
“What do you expect? We all want you to get the revenge bang with the girl who broke your heart.”
I stopped and considered that. Considered the idea of getting in a “revenge bang” as Felicia so eloquently put it. More than anything I thought about the toll it had taken on me five years ago when she pulled her bullshit. I had a chance to get a hell of a lot farther tonight than I had five years ago, but did I really want a “revenge bang” or did I want at least the possibility of something more?
A part of me still hated Allison for what happened that night even if it had been mostly subsumed by the naively hopeful part of me that thought tonight might mean I had a chance. Though as I thought about what Felicia said, as I thought about all of my friends sending me their love via the cell network, that angry part was starting to come back.
That anger returning probably had more to do with being away from Allison and the strange sexy mind control powers she seemed to exude whenever she was around me. I was torn between wanting that revenge bang and wanting something more substantial with her, but of course that wasn’t what the girls back home wanted. No, they wanted the revenge narrative, and I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything to give my audience what they craved.
I pulled my phone back up. I grinned as
I sent a response.
“Oh yeah, it’s going to be a glorious revenge fuck, and then she can go back to her closet and feel what it’s like to be the miserable one.”
Was that an entirely fair thought? Maybe not. It was just that this whole night had been one big war of emotions between my attraction for Allison and my anger towards her, and in this moment with my friends backing me up the anger was winning enough to make me send out something stupid like that. It’s not like it would hurt anything since she wasn’t ever going to see this.
Besides, I was sure in a moment Allison was going to walk back through that door looking absolutely stunning in a bikini and I was going to forget all about my anger.
I needed to hold onto something though, even if that anger disappeared. I needed to hold onto my resolve. Whatever happened with Allison tonight, I wasn’t going to let her pull me back into the closet. I wasn’t going back to that life. If she didn’t want to admit who she was or what I meant to her then she truly wasn’t worth my time.
And if I maybe had a little bit of fun tonight before she inevitably tried to pull me back into her closet and I left her high and dry? Well if that happened then I suppose the circle from five years ago would be complete, and this time she’d be the one being dropped.
My phone buzzed again but I ignored it. I heard movement from somewhere out there in the house. Presumably it was Allison, or else I was about to have a bona fide horror movie experience in the empty McMansion.
Allison appeared and it was just like I’d imagined a minute ago. I was being overtaken by the sexy. She was only wearing a T-shirt. One that ran down to her thighs. I licked my lips as I thought of what might be going on under that T-shirt. What if she was completely nude? What if she decided to take me up on the unspoken invitation from a moment ago and decided to get straight to the skinny dipping rather than playing it coy and going to get suits for us to wear?
One of her hands was hidden behind her. She pulled it out and I felt a small stab of disappointment. She had a bikini. A bikini that was barely there. I cocked an eyebrow, though I wasn’t sure if she’d even be able to see the gesture in the darkness.
