Second Chances: A Lesbian Romance

by Mia Archer

  And that more than anything pissed me off. All those stunts might seem nice, it might seem like the sort of thing that came right out of some cheesy romantic movie or something, but all those stunts were all about him. He couldn’t care less what I thought. No, all he cared about was that he looked like a cool guy in front of a bunch of people, and it was infuriating that he was treating what should’ve been an important moment in our relationship, if you could call the tattered emotional remains of what had been a sham all along anyways a relationship at this point, as an opportunity to score brownie points in front of a bunch of strangers I hadn’t thought about for half a decade.

  “Allison?” he prompted, and I promptly ignored him.

  Claire. Kyle. I’d been with Kyle for a couple of years now and he just didn’t do it for me. I’d been with a couple of other guys before and felt no fire. Derek definitely hadn’t done anything for me. Not in the way Claire did. I projected myself into the future. A dark future where I was with Kyle and there was no passion. A future where I didn’t enjoy Claire or another woman. Where I wasn’t who I truly was.

  Who I truly was might not be “normal.” At least not by the standards that people in this town used to judge things. Then again it seemed like most everybody who stayed in town was pretty miserable, or at the very least they didn’t seem happy. Meanwhile Claire came breezing in with her wonderful life in the city looking so confident and beautiful.

  I knew which life I wanted for myself.

  And for the second time in the past twenty-four hours I found something change inside me. That wasn’t the life I wanted to lead. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where there was no passion because that’s what was expected of me, and really there’d never been any chance that I was going to say yes to his proposal. On any level. I’d been completely over Kyle’s bullshit, but I was finally over it to the point that I was ready to do what needed to be done, no matter how messy it got.

  I turned to Claire and flashed her a fleeting smile. Somehow I was able to gather strength from her being there, as silly as that sounded. Why should I be drawing strength from a girl who probably hated my guts? I was pretty sure I was either imagining that she was coming over to patch things up or at the very least it was one hell of a case of wishful thinking.

  I turned back to Kyle. I took a deep breath. This was going to suck even if it needed to be done. Like knowing you had to get a cavity filled in but you dreaded it and put it off because the solution was going to be almost as painful as the problem even if it was only temporary.

  I glanced around one last time and I was surprised to realize that everyone was staring at me. How long had I been standing there thinking all this over? Sometimes I could get so far into my head that I forgot the outside world, and it was weird coming out of that head space and realizing the whole party was looking at me.

  Though surprisingly enough I didn’t feel any pressure. Why did I care what these people thought? If I was ready to tell them how I felt about Claire then giving Kyle a little dose of reality, finally and probably too late, was nothing.

  “Allison? Everyone is watching…”

  “No.”

  “What?”

  “I said no. You haven’t been listening to me! I didn’t want you to come out here. I definitely didn’t want you to propose to me in front of everyone. Haven’t you noticed how distant things were?”

  “Well yeah, but I thought if I…”

  “You thought if you proposed it would make things better? That’s the opposite of making things better! No! I am not marrying you. In fact, I’m breaking up with you.”

  Kyle stood there for a moment, his mouth working silently, and he looked around. He suddenly looked mad when he realized that everyone was now staring at him. All the attention was on him, just like he wanted, but I’d be willing to bet good money this wasn’t the kind of attention he was hoping for when he put together this scenario in his head.

  No, this had never been about wanting to marry me. He’d as much as admitted it when he said he’d realized how distant I was. This was about the gesture, and it had just blown up in his face.

  I looked around at everybody surrounding us. I really didn’t want to be here right now. I had an overwhelming urge to be anywhere but here where Kyle was.

  It was weird. I felt like I should’ve been crying or something. That there should’ve been some reaction other than relief and wanting to get out of here. Thankfully it was easy enough to indulge that second desire. And so without a backwards glance at Kyle I turned and walked down the beach, leaving silence behind me.

  It wasn’t until I was beyond everybody and the music started up again that the tears came, but rather than tears of sadness they were tears of joy. I’d finally done what needed to be done with Kyle, and it was such a relief. The last vestige of my old life, a life where I’d been lying to myself and everyone I knew, was gone.

  What a fucking relief.

  25: Consolation

  I don’t know why I was walking down the beach like this. Allison just told her boyfriend she wasn’t interested in promoting him to fiance. That seemed like the sort of thing that would leave someone wanting to be alone for awhile, but something was pulling me down the beach.

  It occurred to me that I didn’t even know where the hell she would be. She could’ve continued walking down the beach until she was on the other side of the lake for all I knew, but then again at the same time the very feeling that was pulling me down the beach was also telling me exactly where she was.

  The same spot where all this started five years ago. I don’t know how I knew. It was just a strong suspicion that turned out to be absolutely correct as I rounded the bend in the beach and saw her sitting there on one of those lounge chairs, though it couldn’t possibly be the lounge chair from that fateful night. Surely they would’ve replaced the thing by now.

  Allison looked up and there was worry in her eyes. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to seek her out even if I did feel like there was some higher power pulling me towards her. Maybe she really did want to be left alone.

  Only that angry look quickly turned to relief when she realized it was me. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she’d thought I was her boyfriend or something. Either way she was glad to see me, or at the very least she wasn’t upset to see me.

  With the way things had been going lately I’d take it.

  I looked her up and down. She looked beautiful even though it looked like she’d been crying. That was weird. I figured after breaking up with that guy she’d be relieved or something, but I wasn’t going to push her about it. No, this seemed like a moment when I just needed to be there.

  I sat down on the lounge next to her. I figured I’d just be here for her if she needed me. I didn’t think she’d actually take me up on the implicit offer, but no sooner had my butt gotten situated than she was leaning into me in something that was a mirror of what I’d done with her five years ago at the bonfire.

  I sighed. This felt nice. Just sitting here on the beach listening to the water coming in and out, though it was nothing on the sound of the ocean. Listening to the sound of the party starting up again off in the distance. Feeling her warmth pressing against me. Once more I found myself overwhelmed with the feeling that everything was right with the world.

  I seemed to get that feeling a lot with Allison. At least when we weren’t at each others’ throats.

  I wrapped an arm around her. I figured her leaning against me was one hell of an invitation, and besides I was done being hesitant. I was done walking on eggshells when it came to Allison. I knew what I wanted and I was going to take it.

  “I can’t believe he did that,” Allison finally said, breaking the silence.

  I took in a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah, that was a little heart pounding there. For a minute I was afraid you were going to say yes.”

  Allison pulled back and fixed me with an incredulous glare. So incredulous that I could
n’t help but giggle.

  “What would ever make you think something like that?”

  I shrugged. “You just seemed to care a lot about what other people thought. I wasn’t sure how you’d react with everyone looking at you like that.”

  Allison sighed. “I suppose I deserved that, but I’m not like that anymore.”

  I felt hope rising. We hadn’t even talked about what happened earlier today, but with the way things were going I was pretty sure that wasn’t really necessary anyways. The apology was unspoken as we held each other. After all, she’d just dumped her boyfriend in a pretty public manner while I was standing watching in disbelief. If that wasn’t a rousing endorsement of our future then I don’t know what was.

  “So what are you like now?” I asked, still hesitant to really let hope take hold. I knew the answer I was expecting, the answer I desperately wanted to hear, but everything seemed to have a habit of going wrong just when I thought it was going right and so I wasn’t going to make the mistake of getting my hopes up too much this time around right when I was on the verge of the ultimate moment with Allison.

  She turned to look at me. Held my eyes in her gaze. I felt hypnotized. I felt a warm shiver run through my body. I felt fires that had been burning bright last night then quenched this morning roaring back to life as she licked her lips and leaned in closer. Closer. So very close. Close enough that all I would have to do is lean forward an inch and our lips would be brushing together.

  “I was thinking that I don’t give a fuck what those people out there think,” she said. I squeezed my eyes shut as her voice washed over me. As the smell of her breath, of her, wafted towards me. It was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, I was actually thinking that there’s only one person in our entire class whose opinion I really care about.”

  “Who would that be?”

  Allison didn’t answer me. Not in so many words. Instead she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. I opened my eyes in surprise but then I closed them as hers closed. As we melted into each other. As I felt her body pressing against mine and everything was perfect.

  Not only was everything perfect, but for the first time it felt like things were going to be perfect moving forward. It felt like there was nothing that could come along and ruin things for us. Nothing that could come between us now that I was sitting here making out with her on a lounge chair for the second time in five years.

  Of course I should’ve known better than to think that sort of thing. Every time I started to think everything was going well was exactly the moment things went to shit. My attention was pulled away from that kiss by the sound of someone coming towards us from down the beach.

  Reluctantly I opened my eyes and looked to the bend in the beach. Wondered who the hell could be coming. Whoever it was, Allison hadn’t heard anything yet and there was a selfish part of me that wanted to keep the kiss going for as long as possible. If something was coming along to ruin this moment then I was going to get everything I could out of it.

  Kyle rounded the bend and stopped. Stared at the two of us kissing with our arms wrapped around each other. Stood there staring in disbelief for a moment.

  Allison must’ve noticed something was up because she stopped kissing, but she didn’t pull away from me. We were in a weird situation where our lips were still pressed together, our arms were still intertwined, but she followed my gaze and blinked when she saw Kyle standing there.

  “Well this explains a whole fucking lot,” Kyle said, and then he was storming past us and up the stairs. Presumably around to the front of Allison’s house where I’d seen his car parked that morning.

  I turned to Allison. I waited for her to go after him, but nothing like that happened. She stared at me again, looking shocked for a moment, but then a smile came to her face. That smile turned into giggling, and then the two of us were sitting there laughing at how ridiculous the whole scenario was.

  I suppose Kyle finally figured out that he was worried about the wrong person when he was acting all tough with Derek. Oops.

  “Is that the end of the roller coaster ride?” I asked. “Because I’d really like to know we’re done with the craziness.”

  Allison giggled again. “Trust me, this has been a roller coaster for me too.”

  I thought about what Amy had told me. Thought about how I probably hadn’t been the most supportive person this weekend. How I’d been worried about myself rather than worried about what Allison was going through. How she must feel.

  “I’m sorry Allison,” I said.

  Allison blinked. “What are you talking about?”

  “You were hurting. That night five years ago. Last night. I wasn’t there for you, and I’m sorry,” I said.

  “Hey, if anything I’m the one who should be sorry for jerking you around. Sorry for not telling you about Kyle. And I should be grateful to you for giving me the push I needed even if it did kinda suck.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her again, though this time it was a quick short kiss.

  “How about we both agree that we’re very sorry and call it even?”

  “That sounds great to me!”

  We fell into another kiss. Our arms and legs were intertwined once more. We fell back onto the lounge chair and I felt a rush of adrenaline coursing through me. My blood was pumping and more than anything I needed to take this further. I needed a repeat of what happened last night. I needed to have even more fun in her bedroom, in this lounge chair, in the pool.

  Only there was something pulling me away, no matter how hot this was. I could hear music pumping in the distance. The party. It wasn’t as bright out as it had been when we arrived. Pretty soon they would be starting the bonfires, and oddly enough I found myself actually wanting to go to a beach party for the first time ever.

  Now that was a weird feeling. Almost as odd as feeling Allison against me and knowing she wasn’t going to disappear.

  I pulled away from the kiss again, much as I hated to. Allison stared at me like I was crazy. Her hair was wild, flying everywhere, and she was breathing heavily. She looked like she wanted to head upstairs as much as I did.

  “So I figure we have two choices,” I said. “We can go back to your place and let what happens happen.”

  “Or?”

  “Or we could head back to the party and make a splash. I find myself actually wanting to go to one of those stupid lake parties for the first time in my life…”

  Allison grinned and pulled me into a hug. Damn it felt wonderful having her body pressing against mine. I’d never get tired of that.

  “The house will be waiting for us,” Allison said. “Much better to go back to the party and introduce the world to my girlfriend.”

  Butterflies fluttered through my stomach. Damn that sounded nice. Her girlfriend. My girlfriend. I had a stupid grin on my face. I couldn’t help it. That felt so nice. So hot. It was getting me more worked up than any amount of making out had. Way more than anything we’d done the night before had.

  I took Allison’s hand and we stood. It was time to go to the party with my girlfriend.

  26: Girlfriends

  I felt a confusing mix of emotions as we walked back towards the party. Back towards the bonfires that had been lit while we were away. There was still plenty of sunlight to see by, but that had never stopped the drunks from starting a fire before it was strictly necessary.

  At least the confusing mix of emotions was a welcome confusing mix of emotions this time around. I felt giddy because everything felt right with the world now that Claire was at my side. Now that we’d declared a sort of unspoken relationship bankruptcy on all the bullshit that had come before. Sure we hadn’t said it in as many words, but the meaning was clear back there on the lounge when we were alternating between giggling and making out.

  I also felt a sense of satisfaction mixing in with that giddiness. This is what I should’ve done five years ago, and that went ha
nd in hand with that feeling that everything was right with the world at long last. Maybe I took the wrong path with Claire that night out of fear, but I was back on the right track now and it felt fucking great.

  Was there a little bit of regret that I’d wasted five years? Maybe, but maybe I needed five years walking the wrong path to truly know the right thing when it came knocking.

  The one thing that finally wasn’t in that mix of emotions? Fear. It was gone. I was at peace. This is what I wanted and I didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought. No, I was absolutely telling the truth when I told Claire that the only person I cared about was her now. It was liberating. It was so freeing. I wondered if this is how she felt all those years ago when she came out even if it had been a difficult process for her.

  I glanced over to Claire as we approached the bonfires. As people were starting to turn and look at us. I saw a couple of people elbow the person next to them and they turned to stare as well. And after the show Kyle just put on in front of everybody why wouldn’t they be staring? I was sure people were going to be talking about this for years to come.

  And I didn’t give a fuck. Like I said, it felt really liberating to not care about the rumor mill anymore.

  “Are you ready?” Claire asked as she gave my hand a squeeze.

  I grinned. “Fuck yeah I’m ready!”

  Was I still a little nervous? Maybe, but I suppose that was to be expected after so many years of trying to avoid this. It was sort of like friends who were crazy enough to start having kids talking about how it felt weird to finally go for something after so many years of trying desperately to avoid it. I was starting to have a new sympathy for that feeling because it was hitting me in a major way.

  “So how did you deal with it the first time?” I asked.