“I’m not sure yet,” Alexander said as he stood to join Sam and Janie. “I’ll stay at least through Thanksgiving, but I do have a life I need to get back to.”
Some life. He didn’t want to tell the pastor this, but it wasn’t much of one. Long days at the office often meant he’d go home, find something to eat, fall into bed, then do it all again the next day. Even on weekends, there seemed to be one event or another that he attended on behalf of the senator’s campaign.
Alexander had always told himself that he was doing this for the benefit of the country. Because someday, he wanted to make a difference. But in all the things he had done, in all the political campaigns he’d worked for, he’d never felt more appreciated or valuable than he did being in Columbine Springs.
They kicked the ball around for a while, and even Janie’s father joined them. For a short time, Alexander felt the weight of his troubles fall off of him.
After sending the ball past Alexander, Sam came running toward them, a wild grin on his face. “Mom says we can go eat now, and since I was a good boy, I get ice cream for dessert.”
“Is the ice cream as good as the burgers?” Alexander asked, catching the little boy’s excitement.
“Yes,” Sam said. “It’s not as good as our ice cream place, but it’s still pretty yummy. I’m so glad it didn’t burn down in the fire. This summer, I’ll use my allowance and take you to buy one.”
Alexander had seen the closed-up ice cream shop at the end of Main Street, and he’d been told it was only open in the summer. When he’d originally come to town, he thought it was a shame he’d never get to try it, but now he desperately wanted to do so.
And yet he wasn’t sure how that was going to happen if Janie found out the truth about why he was in Columbine Springs.
“You don’t need to spend your allowance on me,” Alexander said, sitting on a nearby bench to tie his shoe before going after the stray ball.
“But I want to,” Sam said. “I’m going to do so many chores for Poppa that I’ll have enough money to get the big sundae.”
How was he supposed to let the little boy down easily? He didn’t need the nudge from Janie’s father to know that the fact that Sam was willing to spend his hard-earned money on him meant a lot. Alexander wasn’t stupid. How many times had Sam tugged on his hand and asked a question or pointed something out?
He meant something to Sam. And Sam meant something to him.
Which was why this whole situation was so messed up. They’d all been having fun, playing soccer like it was no big deal, but the simple action had brought them closer together.
“We’ll see what happens,” Alexander said, trying to find a way to put some distance between them. “Remember, I live in Denver, so Columbine Springs is pretty far for me to come for ice cream.”
Sam gave him a puzzled look. “But you live at Mr. Ricky’s now. He is your poppa.”
So much for the easy way out. He owed the little boy more than just a pat answer. Alexander tapped the open space on the bench next to him. “I’m staying at Mr. Ricky’s. And yes, he’s my poppa. But I have a job and a house in Denver. As much as I love it here, I can’t stay forever.”
He looked up to see that Janie had joined them, and she gave him a small nod, like she appreciated him not getting her son’s hopes up.
“But how are you supposed to marry my mom and be my dad?” Sam asked.
Alexander closed his eyes briefly. He hadn’t been prepared for this question. Nor the expectations of the little boy who just wanted someone to be his dad. He should’ve seen it coming, especially after the sleepover question.
“That’s not in the plan, sorry, buddy,” Alexander said, wishing he had a better answer.
Sam jumped off the bench and put his hands on his hips, glaring at Alexander, then at Janie, then back at Alexander.
“I have been asking my mom for a dad for years. And every guy that I want to be my dad, Mom says that they don’t have the special feelings that moms and dads have for each other. But Katie and Ryan heard their moms talking about how my mom looks at you like a tall drink of water.”
A confused expression crossed Sam’s face. “And that must mean that she has those special feelings for you. So why don’t you have those feelings for her? My mom is the best mom in the whole world.”
Alexander stared up at Janie, whose face was contorted into an expression that looked like she wasn’t sure if she should be furious or burst out laughing, but knew that either response was going to upset her son.
And while it was flattering that Janie’s friends thought Janie might be developing feelings for him, it only made Alexander feel even worse about the situation. It didn’t feel like there was a way out. How could he break her heart? And yet, no matter what he did, it was inevitable. As soon as she found out the truth, it was over.
So he had to tell the best truth that he could, given the circumstances. “Your mom is the best mom in the whole world, after my mom.”
It was weird, making that comparison to his mom, and realizing that as disappointed as he was in her for lying to him, she had still been a wonderful mother. One lie did not negate a lifetime of caring for him and his brother. At that moment, Alexander knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he completely forgave her for her deception. She’d done everything to give Alexander and William the best life she could.
If he could forgive his mother, could Janie find a way to forgive him?
Alexander patted the spot Sam had vacated. “I know you want a dad, and if I were at a place in my life where I could have a son, I would want one just like you. But sometimes, things don’t happen the way we want them to, and we have to learn how to be okay with that.”
Then Alexander turned and looked at Janie’s father. “Remember earlier, how I was telling you how you had a great poppa, and I didn’t get to know mine? Be grateful for what you have, because when I look at all the men in your life who love you, I think a lot of little boys would love to be in your shoes.”
The relief on Janie’s face reassured Alexander. He was grateful that she was giving him a chance to handle this, and even more grateful that he was doing the right thing.
Sam hadn’t moved from where he stood, but he did look up at Alexander. “Poppa tells me that a lot, too. Why do you think no one wants to be my dad, though? Mom won’t tell me anything about my real dad, so he is either a really bad man, or he’s a superhero. Who do you think he is?”
Sadly, Alexander knew exactly who he was. And Bucky was no superhero. But he couldn’t tell this little boy who had so much confusion in his eyes what a worthless piece of garbage his biological father was. Even though Alexander had the utmost respect for the senator as a politician, even he would admit that the senator was a lousy father and an even worse poppa. As much as Alexander hated to admit it, Sam was lucky not to have them in his life.
The thought made him want to cry. He’d spent his whole career following the senator and his work, hoping to emulate him. And, yes, he believed in the senator’s cause. But he wasn’t sure he liked the man as a human being.
None of that was going to help the confused little boy standing before him.
Alexander held his arms out to Sam. “I can’t tell you anything about your father, but I can tell you that you have a wonderful family who love and support you. And if they think that it’s not good for you to know who he is, then you need to trust them.”
Sam came into his arms, and Alexander hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry that I can’t be who you want me to be. But like everyone else who loves you, I’ll always be here for you.”
Maybe it was the wrong promise to make to someone whose mother’s heart he was about to break. But regardless of what would happen between Alexander and Janie, if Sam needed him, Alexander would keep his promise.
Judging by the expression on Janie’s face, she didn’t exactly apprec
iate it, but her father made an approving noise, like he understood Alexander did have Sam’s best interests at heart.
“Do you have a business card?” Sam asked.
Alexander looked at him, trying to figure out where that came from. He did have business cards, but he’d made sure they were hidden away in his belongings.
“What do you need a business card for?”
Sam pulled away and looked at him with a sincere, knowing expression. “Before Ty became Katie’s dad, he made her the same promise. And then he gave her his business card so that she could call him whenever he needed him. Do I get a business card?”
Great. He’d inadvertently set up this little boy for thinking that he’d eventually become his father. Worse, giving Sam his business card would be the fastest way to give up Alexander’s secret.
“I’m sorry, I don’t. But when we get back to the ranch, if you get me a piece of paper, I’ll write down my promise and my phone number so you’ll always have it.”
Wide-eyed, Sam looked at him. “You’ll write down your whole promise?”
When the dust settled, no one would believe Alexander’s word. But at least Sam would have it in writing that Alexander truly did care for him.
“My whole promise.”
Sam grinned. “Good. Now let’s go have ice cream.”
Janie shook her head. “After you eat your burger.”
Sam ran ahead to the car.
“I should get the ball,” Alexander said.
He started toward it, and Janie followed. Or course she’d want to talk to him about what he’d said to Sam. But he stood by it. Sam needed to know that he wasn’t the problem in this equation.
“I’m sorry if you felt I was overpromising. But I mean it. If Sam ever needs anything, he can always come to me. Even if it’s twenty years from now.”
Janie nodded slowly. “I get that. But Ty made that same promise to Katie, long before he married Rachel. You need to understand the hope that it’s setting up in Sam’s heart.”
He hadn’t known that, and maybe had he realized, he wouldn’t have been so strong in his promises. Except that as he looked toward the car, where Sam was standing expectantly, motioning for them to hurry, he couldn’t regret it.
Alexander picked up the ball and tossed it at Janie. “I’m trying. But I also can’t let Sam think there’s something wrong with him. He’s a great kid.”
Janie’s father approached. “It’s tough, living up to the boy’s expectations. But you’re doing just fine.”
He glanced over at the other man, expecting a warning not to break anyone’s heart. But there was none, only a warm smile.
“I hope you know I meant what I said. Even if Janie and I were to have a falling-out, if Sam ever needs anything, you can call me, too.”
To them, it probably was one of those vague, just-in-case kind of things. But the sinking feeling in Alexander’s heart told him that was probably going to happen sooner rather than later, and the closer he got to that impending doom, the sicker Alexander felt.
No, not sick. Like he was suffocating, and the walls were closing in on him tighter and tighter.
Chapter Eight
The days after their trip to Buena Vista found them busier than ever. Janie had wanted to talk to Alexander about his conversation with Sam to make sure they were on the same page, but it felt like she’d barely seen him.
With the high school needing their gym back so they could accommodate the elementary school students, the Red Cross was vacating their outpost there. The community resource center occupied an old storefront on Main Street and had been left unscathed by the fire. The smoke damage was minimal, which made it easy to transfer all the donations the Red Cross had been sorting through at school to the resource center.
But without those extra volunteers, it left people like Janie working long hours trying to sort everything into piles—what they could use, what was junk and what could be donated elsewhere.
She picked up a box that seemed to consist mostly of pet supplies. People often didn’t think about the animals displaced by disasters, so she was especially grateful for whoever had thought to send something for the pets. The question was, where would she put it?
Every available space was taken up with items for other needs. They’d sectioned off some of the conference rooms for people to meet with insurance adjusters or to talk to someone who could help them sort through their claims.
The large food pantry was overflowing with donated food, and people were still sorting items. They’d always had a place for those donations, since the resource center had always provided for the hungry in the community, but this was more than they’d ever received.
She paused at the door to Ellen’s office. The door was ajar, and Ellen sat at her desk, staring into space.
Janie rapped on the door gently. “Do you have a moment?”
Ellen jumped, like she was startled, but then smiled. “Of course. How can I help?”
The question sounded fake, forced.
Janie set the box down on the floor, then sat in one of the chairs. “How about you start by telling me what’s going on. You seem off.”
Ellen sighed. “I’m sure your father has told you that I want to leave Columbine Springs. I know it sounds terrible, but I just can’t stand looking at the rubble of the house Jim and I built together. And yet I feel guilty, leaving the community in the lurch.”
She gestured at the overflowing stack of paper on her desk. “There are so many donations to process, and so many letters from people offering help, it’s overwhelming. What I want to do is cry over the loss of everything I’ve held dear, but everyone is counting on me, so I can’t.”
Janie knew the feeling. But unlike Ellen, she wasn’t eager to leave. “Let me help,” Janie said. “I know most of the operations just as well as you. Let me do some of the work, and you can go back to wherever you’re staying and have some time for yourself. Just the other day I went into Buena Vista with my father, and the time away was so refreshing.”
Ellen shook her head. “I’d feel terrible asking you to do that. It’s been weighing heavily on me that I had to let you go. But we’re out of money, and I didn’t have a choice. And here you are, helping anyway, and it makes me feel even worse.”
“What else am I supposed to do? The community needs the help, paid or not. I got a severance package from the school, and since the house burned down, I don’t have rent or utilities, and while I know I’ll eventually need to find a new place to live and pay bills again, for now, money isn’t the problem.”
She felt a little like a liar saying that, considering all the expenses she would soon face weighing on her.
“You’re going to have to find a place to live eventually. Where are you staying now?”
That seemed to be the most common thing people asked each other these days. “I’m staying with Rachel and Ty. Dad said that once things settle down, Sam and I can move back in with him if I want. He’s staying at Ricky’s so the Smiths can have his house until they decide what to do, but it sounds like they are thinking about moving to Texas to be closer to her family.”
Ellen nodded. “Carol told me. I don’t blame them. I don’t blame anyone for wanting to leave. Which is why I’m glad you’re here. How would you feel about taking over for me? With the budget cuts, the pay is probably less than what you were making at the school, but at least you’d be getting paid for something you’re doing anyway. I can’t think of a better person to take over my job than you.”
Her father had mentioned this might be coming, but hearing it from Ellen made everything feel more permanent.
“I hate to keep you here if this isn’t where you want to be,” Janie said. “But are you sure I’m the right person for the job? I didn’t finish college, so I don’t have a degree.”
Ellen smiled. “But you have a passi
on for the community, and the desire to do the right thing. You’ve done just about every job there is to do here. I’d be willing to consult with you over the phone if needed. Please tell me you’ll think about it. I don’t want to leave the community in the lurch, but I dread waking up every day and looking at the devastation around us.”
“Of course,” Janie said. “Do you have a job description or list of tasks I can go over so I can make sure I’m capable of doing them?”
Ellen reached into her desk and pulled out a folder. “Here. I put this together to give to the board so they could begin a job search if you weren’t interested.”
Janie took the folder and started to leave, then remembered the box she’d left on the floor. “Oh. I was going to ask you. We have some pet supply donations, but I’m not sure what to do with them.”
“Talk to Sue. I think she was coordinating animal donations.”
Janie nodded, then placed the folder on top of the box, which she carried out of the room. When she looked back at Ellen, Ellen had the same zoned-out look she’d had when Janie first came in. The fire had taken its toll on everyone in the community.
As she walked down the hall to see if she could find Sue, she ran into Alexander.
“Where are you going with that? Let me help you.”
Before she could answer, Alexander had taken the box out of her arms and the folder slipped to the floor, its contents scattering all over the place.
“Oh,” Alexander said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t notice that there.”
Janie smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I can pick them up. Why don’t you get the box to Sue, and let her know it’s animal supplies. Hopefully she knows what to do with it.”
As Alexander stepped over the papers, he paused, bending over one to read one. “Executive director of the community center? Is Ellen leaving?”
“Maybe,” Janie said. “But please don’t say anything to anyone. I don’t think she wants anyone to know yet. She’s asked me if I want the job, but I’m not sure I can handle it. I asked for the job description and information so I can read through it to make sure.”
His True Purpose Page 10
