The look he gave her boosted her heart. “Of course you can do it. You’re a natural. No one in this community works harder than you, except maybe your father.”
Janie shrugged. “Maybe. But there’s a lot more to the job than just caring about people. I have to manage the finances, apply for grants and do all the administrative work. I’ve never done anything like that before.”
As she spoke, it seemed like an even more daunting task. Over the years she’d applied for other jobs, but many of them had rejected her based on her lack of a college degree. Even though that wouldn’t be the case with this job, she couldn’t help worrying about whether or not it would be counted against them if she applied for grants.
“I have faith. You can do it. And if you want help with the grants, I’m your guy. I’ve done my share of grant writing in the past, and I’m pretty good at it. Let me know when you have some time, and I can go through the paperwork with you. It’s not as bad as it looks.”
She had to admit, she and Alexander made a good team. With the help from her mom’s bunco group, they had everything they needed for the town Thanksgiving celebration at Ricky’s the following week. The menu had been planned, people were lined up to cook, the food was organized, and the dining hall, usually full of Ricky’s guests, was being decorated and prepared for the town.
Working with Alexander had hardly seemed like work. And with his encouraging smile, she knew she would probably be able to easily navigate the paperwork for the job.
But what would happen when Alexander left?
“Sounds great,” Janie said. “We’re having dinner at the main ranch house tonight so I can spend some time with my dad, but I’m sure he won’t mind if I sneak away for a bit to go over the paperwork with you. He’s the one who encouraged me to do this in the first place.”
“I look forward to it,” Alexander said. The tone in his voice and the light in his eyes told her that he meant it.
As he walked off, carrying the box to find Sue, Janie couldn’t help wishing once again that he was staying.
But at least he hadn’t made promises he couldn’t keep. Except for the one he’d made to Sam, but somehow, she had a feeling that if Sam ever chose to make good on the promise stated in the paper he carried around, Alexander wouldn’t hesitate to keep it.
It was just frustrating that all the things she liked about Alexander were all the reasons she knew he wouldn’t stay. He had commitments back home, and he was the kind of man to keep them, which she respected. But he said he’d be back, and maybe over time, they could...
What? It was crazy to even think about some sort of future with him. She’d once been that starry-eyed girl with dreams of forever. And look where that had gotten her.
She went to put her folder in her backpack, then returned to the main sorting area, where volunteers were processing donations. When she’d left earlier, Sam was there with Rachel and Katie, but now Sam was missing.
“Where’s Sam?”
Rachel looked up from the box of clothes she was sorting. “Alexander stopped by to say hi, and Sam asked if he could go with him. Alexander said he didn’t mind, so I let him. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it’s okay,” Katie said. “Alexander is going to be Sam’s dad.”
Not this again.
Janie closed her eyes and counted to ten before opening them and looking over at Katie. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that’s not going to happen. Alexander has to return to Denver to his job and family.”
“We moved here from Denver,” Katie said.
Janie looked over at Rachel, hoping her friend would bail her out.
“That’s different,” Rachel said. “I’m able to do my job no matter where I live. Alexander might not have that luxury.”
Katie looked puzzled for a moment, then said, “Then he needs a new job. I’ll ask Poppa Ricky, and he’ll give Alexander a job.”
It was always so simple for children. Even though Alexander had told her a little bit about his job, she still didn’t know exactly what he did, or if he could find something here. And anyway, it was none of her business. If Alexander wanted to move to Columbine Springs, it had to be his decision. Not because a couple of kids had decided to make it so.
“You’ll do no such thing, Katie Lynn. This is a grown-up matter and you need to stay out of it.”
At least Janie and Rachel were on the same page. But sometimes, the way Rachel would ask Janie to help Alexander with something or vice versa, Janie had to wonder if Rachel wasn’t trying to do a little matchmaking of her own. It seemed like everyone was pushing Janie and Alexander together. On one hand, Janie didn’t mind. But on the other, it was frustrating to have growing feelings for him when he’d already made it clear they didn’t have a future.
“I’m going to go see where they got off to,” Janie said. “If you see them before I do, tell them I’m looking for them.”
She wandered through the center and finally spied Alexander and Sam sitting in a beanbag chair in a quiet corner in the back. Alexander had his arm around Sam, and he was reading her son a book. At first they didn’t notice Janie, but when Alexander turned the page, he looked up and smiled.
“I hope you haven’t been looking for us long,” he said. “When I brought the box of animal supplies to Sue, she handed me a box of books that needed to go to another area, but the bottom broke open, and when I was picking them up I found one of my childhood favorites.”
He held up the book and smiled. Thomas the Tank Engine, a series Janie knew well.
“It’s one of Sam’s favorites, too.”
“I know,” Alexander said. “He told me.”
Then he put his finger to his lips and pointed down at Sam. He had fallen asleep in Alexander’s arms.
“That’s strange,” Janie said. “He usually doesn’t take naps.”
Alexander gently brushed the hair off of Sam’s forehead. “It’s been a busy season for him. I’m sure if we could all take a nap, we would, too.”
Janie nodded. “True. I hope he’s not coming down with something.”
Alexander felt Sam’s forehead, then shook his head. “He hasn’t acted sick, and he doesn’t seem to have a temperature. I think he’s probably just worn out.”
Could her heart melt any more at the tender way Alexander cared for her son?
“You’re probably right,” Janie said. “But I feel bad that I haven’t had the chance to spend time with him recently the way I usually do.”
“Are you kidding?” Alexander asked. “He thinks he’s having the world’s greatest adventure. But even adventurers get tired. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing a great job.”
He hesitated slightly, then said, “I don’t mean to sound critical, but has his teacher said anything to you about his reading? I know he’s only in first grade, but I was surprised at the words he struggled with. He seemed embarrassed about it, and I don’t think he believed me when I told him he wasn’t stupid. I’m sure that’s not how you raised him. Any idea what might be going on?”
Janie sighed. “He struggles with reading. His teacher says he’s at the top of the bottom, which means he doesn’t qualify for extra help.”
“The top of the bottom? What does that even mean?” Alexander raised his voice slightly, and Sam shifted in his arms.
Janie put her finger to her lips.
“Right. Sorry.” Alexander lowered his voice. “But that’s a ridiculous thing to say about a child. What kind of crazy person would do that?”
“It’s fine,” Janie said. “I’m just trying to figure out a way to afford a reading specialist to help him.”
It was the first time she’d admitted this to anyone, and doing so made her feel a little less alone.
“I’m sorry,” Alexander said. “Maybe it’s another reason to take the offer.”
This aga
in. It was easy for someone like Alexander to view it as a financial transaction. But he didn’t understand everything Janie had gone through, all the reasons why it felt like blood money, and why she couldn’t feel good about it.
But he also had another point. One he didn’t press now, but one Janie kept thinking about. What if the money was God’s answer to her prayers?
She’d always been afraid to talk to others about this because she feared the judgment she’d been under when she first came home, pregnant and unmarried. But maybe her father was right—that people weren’t judging her for that anymore. That she was the only one judging herself. And maybe, if she talked to her trusted friends and sought their advice, they wouldn’t judge her either.
Alexander hadn’t, and it had been a relief to know that she wasn’t as alone as she thought.
“I’ll think about it,” she said. “But it still doesn’t feel right to me.”
Alexander nodded. “Good. And if there’s anything I can do, let me know, because I’m here for you both.”
“For now. And then you return to your other life,” Janie said.
She hadn’t meant it unkindly, merely as a warning to him why she couldn’t let herself get too close. But the hurt expression on his face told her he hadn’t liked hearing it. She wouldn’t take it back though. He had to understand why it was so important for her to protect her heart.
“I wish things could be different,” he said quietly.
So he’d been saying, and while she wanted to believe him, she also wondered what was so permanent in his life that he couldn’t change. While part of her felt it was unfair that she’d shared so much of her life with him and he didn’t seem to be doing the same, she also knew that it wasn’t fair of her to have that expectation when she hadn’t told him everything, either.
“I’m going to get back to work,” she said. “Let me know when Sam wakes up.”
It was probably good that Sam was sleeping so they couldn’t carry on this conversation. It felt like all they were doing right now was going in circles. Everyone wanted them to be together, but no one seemed to understand how they were both in such different places in their lives.
But as Alexander shifted Sam in his arms and her son snuggled closer to him, she couldn’t help praying that whatever was keeping Alexander away would somehow change.
* * *
Alexander had never known the peace of having a child sleep in his arms the way Sam did. Once again, he marveled at how Bucky could have been stupid enough to turn down the love of a good woman like Janie, and turn his back on such a great kid.
He closed his eyes briefly, but the sound of two women talking forced him to open them once more.
“What do you mean there’s no money for the Thanksgiving turkey?” one of the women asked.
“The store that usually donates them said they’ve already given so much free food to our town that they weren’t going to give us turkeys.”
He recognized the second voice as belonging to Shelley, who had been helping them plan the Thanksgiving festivities. She just told him yesterday that all the food was taken care of.
“What are you going to tell Janie? If we don’t have turkey, we don’t have Thanksgiving.”
“I know,” Shelley said. “I’m still figuring that out. If we could go around and get everyone to give us a couple of bucks, we could buy all the turkey we need, and Janie would never know.”
Though he appreciated that the women were trying to spare Janie’s feelings, he also knew that Janie would be disappointed they didn’t tell her the truth. It was important to Janie that no one had to pay anything for this dinner. She had said it was tradition.
He shifted the sleeping boy out of his arms and onto the beanbag, then approached the women. “You can’t lie to Janie. She’d be crushed. There’s got to be a way we can get the turkeys without having to ask people in the town to give money.”
The other woman shook her head. “I’ve called everyone I know. All the neighboring towns. Everyone feels that they’ve already given our town so much.”
Alexander could understand where they were coming from. In the first few days after the fire, donations had poured in. But now they had slowed to a trickle.
“Let me see what I can do,” he said. “I have some connections with some charities in Denver, and they might be inclined to help out a town that’s lost so much.”
As he spoke, he thought about the senator. He was always looking for a feel-good story where he could attach his name and show his compassionate side. Perhaps he could donate the turkeys, and when he came for the inevitable follow-up, he could see that Janie wasn’t who he thought she was—and more importantly, he would see what a great kid Sam was. Granted, he didn’t know how he would pull it off without Janie realizing his connection to the senator, but maybe if he could get the two of them in the same room together, they could find some common ground.
Shelley looked at him nervously. “I don’t like the idea of misleading Janie. And I don’t want to ask the town for the money. Are you sure you can get the turkeys?”
Alexander nodded. Even if the senator didn’t go for his idea, Alexander had worked with several charities over the years so surely he could find someone to donate the turkeys.
“If I can’t, I’ll buy them myself.”
Shelley’s friend shook her head. “Oh, no. You don’t have to do that.”
Alexander shrugged. “My mom is the ultimate sale queen. If I tell her what we’re looking for, I guarantee you she will find us the best, cheapest turkeys out there. It’ll be fine.”
Though Shelley’s friend looked doubtful, Shelley nodded. “Are you going to invite your folks up for this dinner? We’d love to meet them. They should know how much their son has come to mean to this town.”
Now that was something Alexander could not see happening, not in a million years. His brother would refuse to come, and he couldn’t see his father wanting to go to a dinner at Ricky’s. His mom would if Alexander asked, but she also wouldn’t want to anger her husband and other son. It would be a nightmare for his family.
“I’m not sure they’ve come to terms enough with the past to do so,” Alexander said. “But thank you for thinking of them.”
Shelley gave him a strange look. “You should at least ask them. Maybe they’ll surprise you.”
Even if they did come, one of his parents would surely make some boastful comment about how exciting it was that their son worked for the senator, and it would be all over.
That was the trouble with living his lie. There were so many things that could and would go wrong, and he wasn’t sure how he would ever get out of the trap.
“I’ll see what I can do,” he said. “But other than the fact that there will be plenty of turkey for Thanksgiving, I make no promises.”
The women seemed pleased by his answer, so they made their excuses and left. He turned back to where Sam was sleeping, and noticed the little boy was stirring.
Alexander gently sat next to him. “Did you have a good nap?”
Sam rubbed his eyes. “I don’t take naps.”
“I don’t know what you call that, then.” Alexander ruffled the little boy’s hair and smiled. “We should go find your mom.”
Sam got up, and as they wandered back through the center, Alexander realized that he knew every single one of the volunteers by name, and he knew parts of all their stories. Were he to remain in this town, he would call many of them friends. He’d worked in dozens of campaign offices, but he’d never had the kind of relationship with any of those volunteers that he did with these people.
Maybe he could change that when he got back to Denver.
They found Janie in the main office, coordinating schedules with one of the volunteers. She might not think she had the skills to run the place, but she didn’t realize she was already doing so. He hoped that
later tonight, as they went over the information about running the resource center, he could help Janie understand just how smart and capable she was.
* * *
As they were finishing up, the kids received an invitation to go with Rachel to a neighboring ranch where one of their friends lived, leaving Janie and Alexander alone.
“You ready to head back to the ranch?” Alexander asked.
Janie gave him a tired smile, and he wished he could do more to ease her burdens.
“That sounds good,” she said. “On the way I have an errand to run, if you don’t mind.”
The woman never stopped serving others. One more thing Alexander couldn’t reconcile with his mission. There didn’t seem to be a selfish bone in Janie’s body.
“What’s the errand?” he asked.
“You’ll see.” This time, her smile filled her eyes, and he couldn’t help thinking about how beautiful she was.
Though Alexander recognized the route they took as being somewhere on the Double R, he hadn’t been to this part of the ranch before. He was struck by the vastness of everything his family had built. Funny how the thought of Ricky being family didn’t stick in his throat the way it used to.
Janie pulled up in front of a gate leading to a pasture, but as far as Alexander could see, there was nothing around.
It hadn’t yet gotten dark, but the sun was quickly fading behind the mountains and they didn’t have much daylight left.
“What are we doing here?” he asked.
“You’ll see.”
She jumped out of the truck, then grabbed something out of the back before walking to the gate. Alexander followed.
Janie let out a long whistle, then four horses came running toward them.
Though most horses all looked the same to Alexander, he knew who these were.
“Lady!” he called out.
Janie reached into the bag and handed him a horse treat.
His True Purpose Page 11
