His True Purpose

by Danica Favorite

  “The Petersons are staying with her sister in Denver until they can rebuild, and Connie is missing her horses. She wanted some pictures and updates. I thought it might be fun for you to visit the horses, too.”

  He’d never thought of himself as much of a horse guy, but seeing the horses he’d saved running toward him brought an unexpected joy to his heart.

  Lady came right up to him, and when he offered her the treat, she nuzzled him like she remembered him.

  “I think she knows you saved her life,” Janie said softly.

  Not this gratitude again.

  “I’m not the hero you think I am,” Alexander said.

  Janie moved closer to him. “Maybe you’re not who you think you are, either. We’re the poorest judges of our own character.”

  She hesitated for a moment, then said, “You’re a good man, Alexander, whether you want to admit it or not.”

  He turned to look at her. “I didn’t say I was bad. But I’m also not the man you think I am.”

  Lady nudged him, like she wanted another treat.

  “She’s being disrespectful,” Janie said. “Push her away when she does that.”

  Alexander gave Lady a small push, but she nudged him again.

  “Harder,” Janie said. “You have to show her who’s boss.”

  “I don’t want to hurt her.”

  Janie groaned. “You think a hundred-something-pound man is going to hurt a thousand-pound horse with a little shove? You’re too much of a softie.”

  No one had ever accused Alexander of being a softie before, at least not until coming here. He’d always managed to separate emotion from fact, priding himself on letting facts drive him.

  Janie stepped between him and the horse, giving Lady a big shove when she tried to nudge Alexander again.

  “Manners!” Janie said.

  Lady whinnied at him, like she wanted Alexander to step in on her behalf. Funny, it was just like when he was growing up. He and William had known that if Mom said no, they could always ask Dad. This seemed to be what Lady was doing here.

  Alexander held out his hands. “I don’t know anything about horses, Lady. So if Janie says so, you’ve got to do what she says.”

  Crazy how naturally it came to talk to the horse like she was a person.

  The other horses crowded around, but Alexander didn’t know them like he knew Lady.

  Still, they acted like they remembered him and how he’d saved Lady.

  “Should I give them a treat, too?” he asked.

  “Only if they mind their manners,” Janie said. “Watch.”

  She reached into the bag and got out a treat. But before offering it to the horse closest to him, she said, “Stand.”

  The horse was obviously standing, so it seemed funny to Alexander for her tell it to do so. But something in the horse’s demeanor calmed, then Janie offered it a treat.

  “Now you do it,” she said.

  He took the treat and held it out. “Stand,” he said.

  Janie snatched it out of his hand before the horse could. “No. Be firm. And wait for the horse to give you its attention. Then offer it the treat.”

  This time, when he tried again, he did as Janie said, and he was surprised at the difference in the horse’s demeanor.

  “Better,” Janie said. “See how much easier it is when you make them mind their manners?”

  The encouragement in her voice brought a lightness to his heart. Janie was such a good woman, capable of so much. She would do an amazing job running the community center. She’d been so patient with him here, and he’d seen her heart for others the entire time he’d been in Columbine Springs.

  Janie handed him treats for the other horses, and as he gave them each a treat, he felt a peace in his heart he hadn’t known before. Strange, considering everything in his world seemed to be so unsettled. He still had so much to accomplish, including the mission with Janie.

  Watching Janie pet one of the horses and whisper things to it, he didn’t feel the same level of dread he often felt around her. The piece of his heart that wanted to like her, to know her on a deeper level, didn’t seem to be as afraid.

  He’d offered some prayers, not knowing if they did a bit of good, but maybe hoping they’d do something. Could they be the explanation for the peace he felt?

  Alexander turned to Janie. “I was wondering about the stuff you told me about God.”

  She gave the horse another pat. “You know I’m always happy to talk about God. What’s on your mind?”

  The gentleness in her voice made him feel safe. But in the same moment, it also made him hate the way she’d told him what a good man he was. Did a good man plot to hurt a good woman, then ask her for ways to get God on his side?

  No, this wasn’t about getting God on his side.

  But he did long for that peace Janie once talked about.

  “I’ve been praying. I don’t know why. I guess it feels like the right thing to do. But since I don’t know that I really believe in all this stuff, do you think God is listening anyway?”

  Janie came over and gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “I know He is. Prayer is really just about talking to Him and sharing your heart with Him. I think it’s good that you’re asking questions and choosing to pray anyway. God hears you.”

  But Alexander knew that just because God heard you didn’t mean God was going to give you the answer you wanted. After all, despite people’s prayers, the town had been ravaged by fire. Yet part of it was spared.

  So what did that mean for all the prayers Alexander had made on Janie’s behalf? Was there a way out of this mess?

  Chapter Nine

  The more time that had passed since the fire, the fewer people were camped out in Ricky’s great room. Tonight, as Janie entered the house, she realized there weren’t any more cots and sleeping bags piled up in the room. It had been returned to its former glory, and she wondered whether that meant more people had found places to stay, or more had given up.

  As she crossed the foyer, Sam took off running up the stairs to the guest suite where his grandfather was staying. Alexander stepped out of the study.

  “Where did everyone go?” she asked.

  “A couple families said their houses are now habitable enough to go back to, and others were going to go spend Thanksgiving with family out of town. We were able to rearrange things so that no one is sleeping on the floor anymore. I’ve got the couch in the den.”

  Only someone who had been spending over a week sleeping on the floor would be excited about sleeping on the couch. This was not something he could have planned on, and yet, he’d taken it all in stride.

  “Hopefully, with everyone gone now, you’ll get to spend more time getting to know Ricky and Rachel,” Janie said. “I feel bad that you spent most of your time with me, when you could’ve been working on projects with them.”

  He gave her a smile that made her tingle all the way down to her toes. “Don’t be. I enjoy our time together. I’m just glad you still choose to spend time with me, even though I can’t be who you want me to be.”

  The sadness in his voice whenever he said that made her heart hurt for him. She wanted to tell him that it didn’t have to be that way, that he could open up and trust her, but it would mean she would have to do the same for him. And she wasn’t sure she was ready to risk her heart like that.

  Still, it felt like something had changed between them earlier, when they’d visited the horses. Alexander’s heart was changing, even if he wasn’t ready to admit it yet.

  “I don’t need you to be anyone but yourself,” she said. “And I like spending time with you, too.”

  He gestured at a nearby sofa. “Did you bring the paperwork about the director position? Sam will probably be up with your dad for a while. We should have time to go over it.”

  She
should be getting the message by now. Every time she tried to talk to him about something personal, he always changed the subject. On one hand, she appreciated that he was trying to guard her heart. But on the other, it only made her more curious.

  What did he think he was protecting her from?

  She’d already put herself out there, multiple times, and he kept closing the door. She’d learned from the past that forcing a relationship where it wasn’t wanted was destructive. Everyone had told her that Sam’s father was a player, and that leopards didn’t change their spots. But he told her she was beautiful, made her feel special, and she’d bought all his lies. However, after he’d gotten the one thing he wanted from her, his tune changed, and she had to chase him.

  She wasn’t going to chase Alexander.

  When they started going over the paperwork, the romantic thoughts quickly disappeared as Alexander began explaining what a lot of it meant. Though he said many of the things listed were what she was already doing, it sounded like a lot more. Overwhelmingly so.

  She’d seen the stack of paperwork on Ellen’s desk, and it would take her hours to get through it. Even Ellen had admitted that the paperwork alone often kept her from interacting with their clients, which was what Janie loved the most about her job.

  Though she knew she should be paying attention to what Alexander said, her mind drifted to the question of whether or not she was willing to trade the parts of the job she loved for a paperwork nightmare that would be paying her less than what she’d barely been getting by on.

  “As for the grants,” Alexander was saying, “I don’t mean to knock Ellen, but she didn’t do a very good job of researching the programs out there. I did a quick internet search of a few ideas that I had, and at least fifty different grant programs popped up. I see the potential in what the resource center can do, and there isn’t any reason why you couldn’t get the grant money to fund an executive director position, like the one you’re considering, at a higher rate, as well as staff to help.”

  He stood. “I could get my laptop out of the other room and show you.”

  He’d done all that work already?

  “You put a lot of thought into this. Why do you care so much, when you’ve already told me that you’re leaving?”

  Alexander shrugged. “Just because I can’t stay doesn’t mean I don’t care. I came here not knowing what to expect, and I met a community of generous, loving people who accepted me with open arms.”

  He gestured at the door to the study. “I have more hand-knitted scarves and blankets than I could use in a lifetime. I’ll keep them, because I know the ladies went to a lot of trouble to make them for me as a thank-you for what I did to help them. I have enough promises of home-cooked meals once people get settled that I could probably go a year without cooking for myself.”

  That sounded a lot like the town Janie knew and loved. “But remember, you did a lot for them, too. That’s what being in a small town is about. You probably don’t get a sense of that in a big city like Denver, but I hope you know that the love you feel here is genuine.”

  Alexander looked thoughtful for a moment, then he nodded. “I do. But that’s not why I did any of this. I saw a need, so I jumped in to help. I know people keep saying it’s not what anyone would do, but that’s how I was raised. My mom and dad would be furious with me if I turned my back on people needing my help. And I would feel bad about it, too. I’ve been given so many privileges and gifts others don’t have. It’s only right that I share what I have.”

  Then he gave a quick shake of his head. “Anyway, I’ll grab my laptop and show you what I found.”

  When he left the room, it gave Janie the chance to think about what a good man Alexander truly was. And maybe what she liked most about him was that he didn’t put on airs or think he was someone special. When she dated Bucky, he’d made a big show of taking her to a local homeless shelter to serve a meal. He’d been so puffed up about how he volunteered and gave back to the community, but it had all been an act. He’d done it for the recognition and admiration of others, and looking back, Janie should have seen that as a warning sign about the state of Bucky’s heart.

  Alexander was different.

  It made her all the more certain that he was someone worth pursuing. So how did she pursue him in a way that didn’t scare him off or make her seem desperate? That, and she still had to figure out the distance issue. She supposed she could take it slow and let things happen naturally. Even living in Denver, he’d visit his family sometime. Maybe he’d find a reason to stay. She sent a quick prayer to God about allowing Him to pave the way and letting Him guide her steps and decisions with Alexander.

  When he returned to the room, she felt better about their relationship.

  He pointed at the screen, where he showed the search results for various grants. “This one would be perfect for you guys. It’s not very big, but I’ve met the director of the foundation at several events, and she’s great about connecting other people. If you applied for this grant and got it, you’d be invited to their annual luncheon, in which you would be able to network with other people and organizations that serve their communities. I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but I’d be happy to print out this list for you so you can take a look and see for yourself.”

  He spoke with such confidence that while Janie knew he intended to make her feel better about taking on this project, it only made her feel worse. She didn’t have the same confidence and skills that Alexander did. He would be amazing at this job.

  “You should apply, not me,” she blurted.

  Alexander shook his head. “I already have a job. Even with additional grant money, this wouldn’t pay nearly what I make. Besides, I have full confidence that with a little nudging in the right direction, you could do this. You could make the community resource center even better than it was before.”

  He was way more optimistic than she was. He scrolled down the page. “And here. You were saying that Sam didn’t qualify for any extra help from the school with his reading, but this grant is a program that gives additional money to small communities to help boost literacy in elementary-school children. So you could get the grant for the community, and help not just Sam, but other students who might be in his position.”

  The passion in his voice made her wish he was staying. He might say he had another job that he loved. But whenever she asked him about that job, he sounded nervous, afraid. While she understood that he had to comply with his nondisclosure agreement, it didn’t sound like his job gave him the kind of satisfaction he was getting helping the community here.

  Plus, he’d spent the little free time he had researching grants for the center as well as one specifically to help Sam. Alexander might not realize it yet, but he belonged here.

  Janie looked at the qualifications for the grant Alexander pointed out. It would help a lot of people. And it felt good to look at a solution for everyone, not just her. Could she make it work?

  As Alexander continued explaining the grant, she leaned in more toward him. She couldn’t help also noticing his clean and refreshing scent. He shifted his weight and put his arm around her, allowing her to get closer to the computer. It was almost like being snuggled up to him. And it had been so long since she’d been in a man’s arms.

  She could get used to this.

  She didn’t know how long they’d been working when Sam came running back into the room. “Mom! Alexander!”

  They both jumped, bumping each other, and for a moment their eyes locked. Had Sam not been right there, Janie wondered if Alexander might have kissed her.

  But that was silly. She turned away and smiled at her son. “What’s up?”

  “Poppa said that Katie is going to eat with us, too, and I wanted to go to her house to get her. But he said I had to ask you first.”

  Janie smiled at her son. “Is he going with you? I don’t want yo
u walking the ranch by yourself.”

  He looked over his shoulder. “Are you?”

  Her father laughed. “Of course I am. I wouldn’t let you go on your own.” Then he looked over to Janie and Alexander. “Are you two getting a lot of work done?”

  Janie nodded. “I didn’t realize there was so much funding available out there for some of the things Ellen and I have wanted to do but didn’t have the funds for. There are grants specifically to help with them. I feel like a whole new world is being opened up for the community.”

  She looked over at Alexander. “He’s a whiz at all of this. I wish he could stay longer to help me get it all off the ground.”

  Alexander scooted away. “I wish it were possible. But like I told you, I’m always just a phone call away. Anything you need, I’ll do my best to help you.”

  It didn’t seem like much, but it would have to be enough. No, that wasn’t giving him due credit. Someone who was as knowledgeable and talented as Alexander didn’t offer their expertise for free. He’d even admitted that his current job paid way more than anything he could get working for the resource center. He was giving them a gift. One of many he’d already given, and he was probably too humble to accept any praise.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I’m still not sure I can do this, but you seem to think I can, and you offered to help so I’m going to give it my best shot.”

  “I believe in you, too,” her father said. “You don’t have to do this alone. We’re all here to help, if you let us.”

  From the way he talked, she suspected that was what he had been trying to tell her all along. She would admit that before the fire, she wouldn’t have been so willing to receive all the help she’d been given lately. Maybe she had been too stubborn, trying to handle everything alone.

  As much as she wanted Alexander to stay, she’d also been pushing him away with her insistence on keeping her secrets. They’d both been using her secrets as a way to keep each other at arm’s length, and even though Janie said that she needed to know Alexander’s secrets before sharing hers, maybe she should be the brave one and go first. Her shame had controlled her, and if she was going to be free of the past, she needed to come clean with it all.