Falling for the Geek

by R. Cayden

  A couple hours later, my pity party finally ended with Cass’s voice, calling up the stairs. “Hey, Shawn, you up there?”

  I put the pillow over my face, sighed, and then tossed it aside. There was no way to hide from him forever. With my hands slightly shaking, I forced myself down the stairs. Cass had put on a clean white T-shirt, and he had the same relaxed, casual look on his face as always.

  Should I apologize right from the start? It only seemed right, unless he hadn’t spotted me, in which case it would be much better to never say anything.

  Maybe I should let him bring it up?

  “You still want to make dinner with me tonight?” he asked.

  After spiraling out so hard, I had totally forgotten. “Right,” I said. “It’s strawberry shortcake night, isn’t it?”

  “I’ll make those veggie dogs you picked up in town if you’ll make your grandma’s dessert,” he said with a nod.

  “Sure,” I answered cautiously, my hands flitting behind my back. “If you still want to, that is.”

  Cass smiled softly, his lips parting. “For those strawberries?” he said. “Sure.”

  His nature put me more at ease, and I managed to talk like a normal person while we set ourselves to work in the kitchen. The anxious feelings from before were still there, but as the minutes passed, I was shedding them. Cass stood at the counter, chopping vegetables as the veggie dogs sat in a marinade, and I gathered together the strawberries, cream, sugar, and other ingredients I needed, Grandma’s recipe coming back so easily I didn’t even have to look it up. I didn’t say much while we worked, and neither did Cass, but somehow, the rhythm of cooking together felt right, like confirmation things were okay between us. Like maybe he didn’t see me after all.

  I bent down to open the drawer beneath the stove and fetch the baking tray, and when I did, my butt bumped against his hip. “Oh, sorry!” I said quickly, the baking trays loudly clattering as I fumbled, then jumped back to full height.

  Cass’s hand landed on my shoulder, sending a shiver down my spine. “No problem,” he said. “I’m used to a small kitchen.”

  My cheeks burning, I nodded, then flipped on the oven to preheat. “What’s your apartment like in Nashville?”

  “Just a studio. I liked to be outside when I could, and more often than not, I slept over at Monica’s anyway.”

  Right. Because that was what people did. They dated someone appropriate and slept over at that person’s house. Very unlike me, who preferred to creep at people while hiding in the trees.

  “How about your place in Atlanta?”

  “About the same. I had a little studio in student housing, but I wasn’t home that often.”

  I grabbed the butter, and when I turned back, Cass was right behind me, so close I could practically feel his heat on my skin. “I’m just grabbing this skillet,” he said, reaching above my head to the hanging pots and pans. I pressed myself back against the stove as his body teased close and the suggestion of his touch vibrated straight through me.

  I sucked in a breath and grabbed the handle on the oven to steady myself.

  “Got it,” he said, lowering the skillet. I let out the shaky breath and stepped aside so he could use the stove.

  “I bet you I can imagine it.”

  I swallowed. “Excuse me?”

  Cass laughed, then sat back on the edge of the counter. “Your studio apartment. There were probably maps of the stars all over the place, right? And books and notes piled up on every surface, like it was here that first night I got into town.”

  I adjusted my glasses. “That’s right. I guess I forgot that you saw that.” It was probably more like I had forced myself to selectively erase that memory, but whatever. “I had a lot of houseplants, too,” I added, like an afterthought. “My friend Audrey got me into keeping them.”

  “Let’s not talk about the decorating scheme at my place,” he said with a crooked smile. “Unless crates of records and old drum equipment counts as interior design.”

  “You’d have to ask Leo. He’s the stylish one.”

  Cass glanced me up and down. “I don’t know. You had a pretty nice cardigan on the other night.” He reached out, then tousled my hair playfully. “Hot stove,” he said, turning his attention back to the work.

  I stood there composing myself from the puddle I had turned into. Just the feel of his hand through my hair was enough to undo me. Was Cass so oblivious that he didn’t notice the effect he was having? I was lucky if that was the case, but weirdly, it was like I wanted him to notice, too.

  Like I was disappointed he hadn’t seen me that afternoon. It didn’t make any sense, but standing there in the kitchen, I couldn’t deny that it was true. I wanted him to know how I felt about him, even as the thought horrified me. Especially because those feelings kept growing, like my crush was blooming into something even bigger while the summer stretched on.

  We finished getting the food ready, our hips and shoulders brushing together as we worked. Once everything was prepared, I tossed the shortcake in the oven. The veggie dogs were delicious, from the toasted buns to the caramelized onions and slices of crisp dill pickle. They were so satisfying I ate three, just like Cass did, but it was nothing like the pleasure I got from serving him the warm strawberry shortcake after and listening to his satisfied moans as he ate.

  When we were all finished, I gathered the plates. I was more than ready to clean up and retreat to my room and to stop torturing myself every time Cass smiled my way. After I dropped the dishes in the sink, though, he appeared behind me.

  “What do you say?” he asked. “Want to play around with that telescope of yours tonight?”

  Chapter Eight

  Cass

  All afternoon, working on the studio, I hadn’t been sure if I had actually seen Shawn out in the woods or not.

  Maybe I just thought I saw him because about thirty seconds earlier, with my eyes closed and my fist working my rod, I was picturing him right there at my knees, working my cock with those pretty lips. Maybe I was so into that fantasy I actually hallucinated Shawn standing there.

  Maybe I wanted him to be close.

  When he came down to help with dinner, though, I was pretty damn sure it had been real. He and I had found an easy way of talking to each other, but all of a sudden, it was like when I first showed up again. Shawn’s hands were flying around nervously, and whenever I tried to catch his eye, he’d turn away with an anxious laugh.

  It was cute, and just like when we were young, it made me want to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight.

  And maybe some other things, too, I was beginning to realize.

  That’s what I got, anyway, for jerking off in the open like that. The sun had just felt so good on my skin, and after a few weeks of saying Shawn should come back and visit me, he still hadn’t taken me up on it. I got the inclination and figured what the hell? I couldn’t do that kind of thing back in the city, jerking off with all of nature spread out before me, so I might as well do it when I had the chance.

  I rummaged around in the fridge for a couple of bottles of beer, then headed toward the side of the house. Shawn was there already, arranging his telescope. With the garage door partially open, there was a dim light cast on him. He was bent over slightly, and his jeans hugged his ass in a way that I didn’t not notice.

  Before I said anything, I paused, then looked up at the sky. I had never learned the names of any stars before, but I took a second to find the blue star Vega that he had shown me the other night. Smiling, I nodded, then approached him.

  “Seeing anything good?” I asked.

  “I’m just getting it lined up,” he answered. “It will take me a couple minutes.”

  I twisted the top off my beer. “What were you writing about today?”

  “The Andromeda Galaxy,” he answered. “I’d show you that if it were in a good spot right now, but it won’t really be back in our sky for a few months. It’s my favorite thing to look at, actually.�
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  “A galaxy,” I said.

  “Like I showed you the first night,” he said, then paused. “A shit-ton of stars,” he added, and we both laughed.

  Shawn stood up, then turned to me with a smile. “Do you want a beer?” I asked.

  “Oh, sure,” he answered. He stepped forward to take the bottle from me, and when his body came close, I felt a flush of warmth over my skin.

  “No galaxies tonight, then,” I said, and my fingers slid across the cold glass as he took the bottle.

  We stood there, and Shawn looked at me with a funny smile. Half of his mouth was turned up, and his one cheek curved toward a dimple. He was holding his gaze to mine but still turning his face down a little, shy.

  “You still got some writing done?” I asked, breaking the silence.

  “Yeah,” Shawn answered with a deep exhale, then turned back to the telescope. He started to mess with it again, the beer dangling from one hand. “I think I’m finding my pace.”

  “That’s good. You’re smart. I’m not surprised.”

  He laughed and waved his hand. “I’m not that smart.”

  I cocked up my eyebrow. I appreciated that he wasn’t someone who bragged, but I didn’t like him discounting himself, either. “You’re writing a book, and you just finished a graduate degree, Shawn. I think that qualifies as smart.”

  “I guess that’s right. I just mean I didn’t do the really hard kinds of astronomy. And the kind I did study, it took everything I had to learn the math that I needed. I made it through, but I wasn’t valedictorian or anything like that.”

  “So you’re smart and hardworking?” I clicked my tongue, then wiggled my eyebrows at him.

  Shawn laughed. “I guess so.” He nodded up toward the sky. “Want to check something out?”

  “Sure,” I said and took a small step closer.

  Like the other times he’d shown me what he was up to behind the telescope, Shawn lit up when he started talking. “Do you see that smudge there?” he asked, pointing really carefully. From the way he was glancing between me and the sky, I could tell he was figuring out my perspective. “It’s kind of like a small white blur.”

  I squinted, totally lost as I stared at the countless stars. “I don’t think so.”

  He took a couple of steps closer, then pointed again. “Do you see those four stars that are kind of in a row? Right at the edge of that cloud?”

  Still unable to see where he was pointing, I gestured. “Come here. Show me.”

  Shawn hesitated before he took a few steps. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, exactly, except that I wanted to see what he was pointing at, and the idea of being close to him again felt good.

  For fuck’s sake, I figured, he’d already seen me jerking off. There wasn’t much reason to be shy.

  “Where?” I asked, looking up.

  Shawn leaned in the rest of way. He was standing behind, a little to the side, and I could feel the heat off his slim, compact body. When I leaned back, his outstretched arm came into my vision, pointing straight ahead.

  I could feel my heartbeat, steady and strong. “Right there,” Shawn whispered, and I followed the line of his arm to a white smudge in the sky.

  I extended my own arm, pointing at the spot. Our hands brushed together, and neither of us moved. “Right there,” I repeated.

  That moment, it suddenly felt like Shawn and I were the only two things rooted to the ground in that whole universe. Like that little bit of dirt we were standing on was solid while everything else spun and crashed around us, my relationship and my drumming career and all those asteroids. It reminded me of a really good set, beating the drums onstage and getting lost in something bigger than just me.

  “That’s it,” Shawn answered. He lowered his hand and stepped back, and I felt a wave of disappointment as the moment ended.

  I shook my head and tried to ignore the feeling rumbling behind my ribs. “What’s that smudge around it?”

  Shawn smiled at me, then turned to the telescope. “It’s called the Beehive,” he said. “Now come here, take a peek through this.”

  When I peered into the telescope, I saw more stars than I could count, blue and yellow and white, tight and close together, all glittering against the dark sky. For a few minutes, I was entranced just by looking at them. In that one little bit of a sky, I felt like I was seeing as many stars as I did glancing up at the sky on a normal night. And they were bright, too, brighter than I thought a star could shine.

  When I got my fill, I turned back to Shawn, who was watching me with an expectant, happy look on his face. “That’s the same thing?” I asked.

  “It’s a star cluster,” he answered. “One of the closest ones to our planet. You can’t see all the stars with my telescope, and more are being born all the time, but there are over a thousand right there, all spinning together. That’s why it looks like a smudge usually, because of how bright the baby stars all are together.”

  I turned back to the sky, casting my eyes around until I found the blurry white spot. It still looked the same, but my imagination filled in all the other details. “Star clusters,” I repeated.

  Shawn laughed lightly, his voice soft and musical. “It’s pretty common. Most stars exist in big clusters like that. Our sun is kind of weird. We’re floating through the universe all on our own. Even when we do fly close to another star, eventually, we fly away again.”

  I thought about that for a second. It seemed lonely, but there was something comforting about it, too. The whole planet was on our own path through the universe, and in a weird way, it made me feel like I was in the right place. We might all have been on our own journeys, but we were travelling together, too.

  “What are you thinking?” Shawn asked gently.

  I turned from the sky and realized I must have had a pretty distant look on my face. “Just appreciating this weird world,” I said. “Monica always accused me of wanting to drift away. Now I know I’m not the only one.”

  Shawn laughed. “You can’t be a total loner. Your band is on stage at least once a week, right?”

  “I left my band a couple months ago,” I admitted, almost embarrassed that I hadn’t told him before that. Maybe I was more bothered by it than I was letting myself acknowledge. “I haven’t been on stage in a while.”

  “Oh,” Shawn said. His hand danced at his side, and I could tell he wasn’t sure what to say.

  I took a swig of beer. “They just signed a contract with a major label, too,” I added with a raspy laugh. “Talk about stars. They’re about to hit the big time.”

  “Oh,” Shawn said again. He drank from his own bottle, then spun it in his hand. “How do you feel about that?”

  I considered it for a second. Monica and Leo had gone straight to pressuring me to join the band again, just assuming it was a big mistake to leave. Shawn was the first person who had bothered to stop and ask what I actually thought about it.

  “I feel okay,” I answered. “I’m a little worried about money and what I’m going to do when I get back to Nashville. But I was never trying to be a rock god or anything like that. If my bandmates want that, hell, more power to them.”

  Shawn laughed. “An astronomer who isn’t very good at math and a drummer who doesn’t want to be famous. We’re kind of misfits, aren’t we?” His eyes got wide, and if there were more light out, I’m pretty sure I would have seen his cheeks turn pink. “Not that I’m calling you a misfit.”

  I pushed my hair back, then cocked up a grin at him. “A couple of misfits,” I said. “Sounds right to me.”

  Around us, crickets chirped, and every now and then, a bird called out, cawing through the evening. Shawn toed his sneaker into the grass and held my gaze. His skin looked soft, and again, I wanted to reach out and touch him.

  Reasons to stop myself started rising up. I thought about Leo, telling me to keep my hands off his brother before I had truly considered it myself. I thought about the fact that I was straight. Even in my fantasies, I us
ually didn’t get much further than touching Shawn’s body, or tracing my hand down the curve of his backside. If I did make a move on him, I’d have no idea what I was doing, anyway.

  I’d be lost. But then again, there was something exciting about that, too.

  My heartbeat kicked up, and before I could doubt myself, I finished my drink and tossed the bottle to the ground. I took one step forward, then another. Shawn’s eyes lit up, still captured in my gaze, and his tongue darted across his lips. He turned toward the telescope. “Should we look at something else?” he asked nervously, and when he turned back, I had closed the distance between us, leaving only a couple of inches of cool night air.

  “Cass,” Shawn whispered.

  I raised an eyebrow, then grinned down. Energy sparked between us, and Shawn bounced on the back of his heels, practically vibrating with an energy so hot and raw I could taste it on my lips and feel it on the tips of my fingers. “Did you like what you saw today?” I asked, dropping my voice into a low rumble.

  Shawn gasped and finally broke my eye contact, turning to the trees. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, then stumbled backward.

  My heart tore open. I had meant to tease him, to lure him out of his shell, but the look of pain I had briefly glimpsed told a different story.

  I wanted to kick myself. Of course he would be anxious about something like that. He probably worried that I was angry or that I would tell his brother.

  Shit.

  When I noticed the tremble in his shoulders, I finally did what I had been thinking about since high school. I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around Shawn, and pulled him into a full, tight embrace.

  He gasped. I held him just like that, tight and warm, and a second later, I felt his body relax against mine. He was soft and tender in all the right ways, and I knew that holding him was the right choice.

  Shawn’s face found a crook in my neck, his arms wrapped around my side, and the sweet, floral scent of his shampoo flooded my nose. I squeezed tighter, then whispered his name.