by Wu Cheng-En
“That wasn't childbirth,” said Pig, “just a miscarriage: nothing to worry about. I want a bath to clean up.” The woman then boiled some water for them to wash their hands and feet. The Tang Priest could only manage two bowls of porridge while Pig downed a dozen or so and still wanted more.
“Idiot,” said Monkey with a laugh, “don't eat so much. It wouldn't look pretty at all if you got a big belly like a sandbag.”
“No problem,” said pig, “no problem. I'm not a sow, so I don't need to worry about that.” The women then went out to cook him some more rice.
“Will you give me the rest of the water?” the old woman asked the Tang Priest.
“Have you had enough of the water?” Monkey asked.
“My stomach's stopped hurting,” said Pig, “and I'm sure the pregnancy's completely finished. As I'm fine now I don't need any more.”
“As they're both better now we'll give you the water,” said Monkey. The woman thanked him and buried the water in a glazed jar behind the house.
“That jar of water will be enough to pay for my coffin,” she told the rest of her family, who were all delighted. A vegetarian meal was prepared, tables and chairs were set out, and the monks dined. They took their time over the meal then retired for the night.
The next morning they thanked the old woman and her family and left the cottage. Sanzang mounted the horse, Friar Sand shouldered the luggage, the Great Sage Monkey led the way, and Pig held the bridle. This had been a case of
Rinsing away the evil and leaving the body pure,
Dissolving the mortal foetus to restore the natural self.
If you don't know what else happened in that country listen to the explanation in the next installment.
Chapter 54
The Buddha-Nature Traveling West Enters Womankind
The Mind-Ape Makes a Plan to Escape from the Beauties
When Sanzang and his disciples left the cottage they headed West, and about a dozen miles later they entered the country of Western Liang. “Wukong,” said the Tang Priest on his horse, “there is a city not far ahead, and I can hear a great hubbub of voices from the marketplace. You must all be very, very careful and on your best behavior. Do not make nonsense of the teachings of our Buddhist faith by running wild or becoming infatuated.” The three disciples were determined to obey his instructions.
Before the Tang Priest had finished speaking they reached the street leading in from the Eastern gate. Everyone they saw was wearing a skirt and a woman's jacket, a powdered face and oiled hair. All the people, young and old, were women. When those buying and selling in the street saw the four of them coming they started to applaud, laugh and say with smiles all over their faces, “Men, men!” Sanzang was so alarmed that he reined in his horse, unable to go any further forward. In a moment the streets were packed and the air was ringing with happy voices.
“I'm a gelded pig, a gelded pig!” yelled Pig in a panic.
“Stop that nonsense, idiot,” said Monkey. “Just show them your face the way it used to be.” Pig then shook his head a couple of times, stuck up his ears shaped like reed fans, twisted his bristly, dropping snout and give a roar that made all the women collapse with fright. There is a poem to prove it that goes,
The monk came to Western Liang on his way to the Buddha;
The streets were a feminine world where males were not seen.
Peasants, scholars and artisans, merchants and fisherfolk,
Woodcutters, tillers and stock-raisers-all were women.
The beauties poured into the streets to welcome the men;
Young women come in crowds to hail the handsome groom.
If Wuneng had not made full use of his hideous face,
The pilgrims could not have withstood a siege by the ladies.
The women were then all so frightened that they dared not approach.
Clutching their hands, stooping, shaking their heads, chewing at their fingers, trembling and shaking they blocked the streets to look at the Tang Priest. The Great Sage Monkey also pulled a hideous face to clear a way for them, helped by grimaces from Friar Sand. Leading the horse, pig stuck out his snout and was flapping his ears. As they moved forward they saw that the buildings along the city streets were well-built and the shop fronts imposing. There were grocers and corn-chandlers, bars and teahouses, multi-storied shops where everything was sold, towers and fine mansions with well-draped windows.
Master and disciples turned one corner to come up against a female official standing in the street and shouting. “Envoys from afar, you may not enter the city gates without permission. Please go to the government post station and register your names so that I can report them to Her Majesty. When they have been examined you will be allowed to proceed.” Hearing this, Sanzang dismounted and saw that the words MALE-WELCOMING POST STATION were written on a board across the door of the official building.
“Wukong,” said the venerable elder, “what the village people told us was true. There really is a Male-welcoming Post Station.”
“Brother Pig,” chuckled Friar Sand, “you'd better look in the Pregnancy-revealing Spring to see if you have a double reflection.”
“Stop trying to make a fool of me,” said Pig. “I aborted after drinking the water from Miscarriage Spring. What would I need to look for?”
“Watch your words, Wuneng, watch your words,” said Sanzang, turning back to give Pig his instructions before going forward and greeting the official.
She led them into the main hall of the post station, where they sat down and tea was sent for. Here too the staff all had their hair in bunches and wore skirts. There were many smiles as the tea was brought. A little later, when it had been drunk, the official gave a slight bow as she sat there and asked, “On what business have you emissaries come?”
“We are envoys sent to the Western Heaven by the Great Tang emperor in the East to worship the Buddha and fetch the scriptures,” Monkey replied. “My master Tang Sanzang is the Tang emperor's younger brother. I am Sun Wukong, his senior disciple, and these two are my fellows, Zhu Wuneng, Pig, and Sha Wujing, Friar Sand. If you count the horse there are five of us altogether. We are carrying a passport with us that we beg to have inspected so that we may be allowed to continue on our way.”
When the woman official had finished writing all this down she dropped to her knees to kowtow to them and said, “Forgive me, my lords. I am only the superintendent of the Male-welcoming Post Station and I did not realize that you were gentlemen from a superior country who deserved to be met at a great distance from here.” She rose to her feet and ordered the staff to provide them with food and drink. “Please make yourselves comfortable, my lords, while I go into the city to report to our queen. Then your document will be dealt with and you will be seen on your way West with rich presents.” Sanzang was happy to sit there.
The superintendent neatened her clothes and went straight into the city to the Tower of Five Phoenixes at the palace entrance, where she said to the gate officer, “I am the superintendent of the Male-welcoming Post Station and I would like an audience with Her Majesty on a certain matter.” The gate officer reported this to the queen at once, at which the superintendent was summoned straight to the throne hall to be asked what it was she had come to say.
“Your humble subject,” she replied, “has received in her post station Tang Sanzang the younger brother of the Tang emperor in the East. He has three disciples called Sun Wukong, Zhu Wuneng and Sha Wujing and a horse, making five of them altogether. They wish to go to the Western Heaven to worship the Buddha and fetch the scriptures. I have come especially to submit a memorial to Your Majesty asking whether they may be allowed to submit their passport for approval and proceed on their way.”
The queen was delighted at his report, and she said to her civil officials, “We dreamed last night of a gold screen shining with colours and a jade mirror full of light. They must have been good omens of what has happened today.”
The women officials cr
owded round the steps of the throne and said with kowtows, “Your Majesty, how can you tell that they were good omens for today?”
“This man from the East,” the queen replied, “is the younger brother of the Tang emperor. Since primal chaos was first cleared we have never seen a man in our country under all the queens who have reigned here. The fortunate arrival of the Tang emperor's younger brother must be a gift from Heaven. I have decided to use our country's wealth to persuade the emperor's brother to become king with me as his queen. Then we can unite the male and the female and produce sons and grandsons to pass the throne on to. So weren't they good omens?” The joyful women officials all performed dances of obeisance.
“Your Majesty's idea of passing the throne on to future generations in an excellent one,” the superintendent of the post station further submitted, “but the three hideous disciples of the emperor's younger brother are not at all attractive.”
“What does the emperor's brother look like,” the queen asked, “and how are the disciples so unattractive?”
“The emperor's brother has a handsome face and an impressive bearing,” the superintendent replied. “He really does look like a man from a great country ruled by a heaven-sent dynasty, a son of China in the Southern Jambu continent. But the three disciples look thoroughly vicious with faces like demons.”
“In that case,” said the queen, “give presents to his disciples, return their passport, and send them on their way to the Western Heaven. Keep only the emperor's brother here. Is there any reason why we should not?”
To this the officials bowed low and replied, “Your Majesty's ideas are completely right and your subjects will respectfully implement them. The only difficulty is that we have no matchmaker to arrange the marriage. As the old saying goes
Marriage and mating depend on red leaves;
A matchmaker ties the threads between husband and wife.
“From what you suggest,” the queen replied, “the royal tutor should be invited to be matchmaker, and the superintendent of the Male-welcoming Post Station will be the mistress of ceremonies. Go to the post station and ask for the consent of the emperor's younger brother. When he has agreed we shall go out of the city in our carriage to greet him.” The tutor and the superintendent left the palace to carry out their instructions.
Sanzang and his disciples were just enjoying a vegetarian meal in the hall of the post station when someone was heard outside announcing the arrival of the queen's tutor and the superintendent.
“Why is the queen's tutor here?” Sanzang asked.
“Perhaps it's an invitation from the queen,” said Pig. “It's either that or a proposal of marriage,” said Brother Monkey.
“But if she tries to force me to marry her and refuses to let us go what am I to do, Wukong?” Sanzang asked.
“Just agree, Master,” said Monkey. “I'll find a way to cope.”
Before, they had finished their conversation the two women officials entered and bowed low to the venerable elder, who returned their courtesies and said, “I am a humble monk. What wonderful powers do I have that you should bow to me thus?”
The queen's tutor was discreetly delighted with his noble bearing, thinking, “Our country will indeed be very fortunate if this man is to become our queen's husband.” When the two officials had finished bowing they stood on either side of Sanzang and said, “Imperial brother, many, many congratulations.”
“I am a monk,” Sanzang replied, “so what good fortune is there to congratulate me on?”
Bowing again, the queen's tutor said, “This is Womanland of Western Liang, and no man has ever come here before. As Your Excellency the emperor's brother has graced us with your presence I am here on the orders of Her Majesty the queen to propose marriage.”
“Good gracious!” said Sanzang. “I have come to your distinguished country with no children apart from my three boorish disciples. Which of them is it that Her Majesty wishes to marry?”
“I have just been to the palace to report,” the superintendent of the post station said, “and our queen was very, very happy. She said that last night she had an auspicious dream in which a golden screen shone with many colours, and a jade mirror was full of light. When she learned that Your Excellency the emperor's brother was a man from the great land of Tang she decided to offer you all the wealth of our country to persuade you to stay here as her husband and sit on the throne. Her Majesty would become queen consort. The royal tutor was commissioned to act as matchmaker and I was made mistress of ceremonies. We are here to ask for your hand.” At this Sanzang bowed his head in silence.
“A true man does not throw away his chance,” the queen's tutor said. “There is nothing unusual about a man being asked to marry a woman and live in her house, but rarely does it happen that one is offered the wealth of a state to do so. I beg the emperor's brother to assent quickly so that I may report back to Her Majesty.” The venerable elder seemed to have been struck dumb.
Pig, who was standing beside them, put his hands to his snout and called, “Tutor, please report back to Her Majesty that my master is an arhat who has long cultivated the Way. He's not interested in your country's wealth or in Her Majesty's great beauty. Hurry up and return our passport and send him on his way to the West. You can keep me here to be her husband. What about it?” The suggestion made the tutor tremble. She was speechless with shock.
“You may be a man,” the superintendent said, “but you are much too ugly for Her Majesty.”
“You don't understand,” said pig. “Thick willow twigs make dustpans and fine ones make funnels. There's a use for everything. There's not a man in all the world who's really ugly.”
“Idiot,” said Monkey, “stop that nonsense. Let our master decide. If he agrees the wedding is on, and if he doesn't it's off. Don't waste the matchmaker's time.”
“Wukong,” said Sanzang, “you decide.”
“If you ask me,” Monkey replied, “you'd be very well off here. As the old saying goes,
A thousand miles can't keep apart
A couple that's fated to wed:
Their lives and destinies are tied
By a long and invisible thread.
Where else will you find a place that offers you this much?”
“Disciple,” said Sanzang, “if we stay here out of a love for wealth and status who will go to the Western Heaven to fetch the scriptures? Would that not be a terrible thing to do to our Great Tang emperor?”
“Your Excellency,” the royal tutor replied, “I must tell you the truth. Our queen only intends to marry you, the emperor's brother. Your three disciples will be invited to the wedding banquet, given presents, have their passport returned, and be allowed to go on their journey to the Western Heaven to fetch the scriptures.”
“What the royal tutor says is right,” replied Monkey. “We three mustn't make difficulties. We'll let our master stay here as the queen's husband. Hurry up and return us our travel document so that we can be on our way West. We will pay our respects to Her Majesty on our way back with the scriptures, and ask for some money for the journey back to the Great Tang.”
The royal tutor and the superintendent both bowed to Monkey and said, “We are very grateful to you, sir, for your helpfulness.”
“Tutor,” said Pig, “don't just talk about feeding us. Now that we've agreed, get your mistress to lay on a banquet so that we can all drink a cup of betrothal wine. What about it?”
“Yes, yes,” said the tutor, “a banquet will be provided.” The superintendent and the tutor returned in great delight to report back to the queen.
Sanzang meanwhile grabbed Monkey and started abusing him. “You're trying to kill me, you ape. How could you say things like that? Making me stay here to be her husband while you go to the Western Heaven to worship the Buddha! I'd die before I agreed to do that.”
“Don't worry, Master,” said Monkey. “Of course I know your nature. But faced with people like that in a place like this I had to play them at t
heir own game.”
“What do you mean by playing them at their own game?” Sanzang asked.
“If you had been obstinate and refused her she would not have returned our travel paper or let us continue on our way,” Monkey replied. “If she had turned vicious and called on all her underlings to slice your flesh off to make perfume bags or whatever we'd never have earned a good reward. We'd have had to use our magic powers for subduing and killing demons. You know how hard we hit and how murderous our weapons are. Once we got going we'd have wiped out everyone in the whole country. But they're people, not demons, even if they are blocking our way. And all along this journey you've been good and merciful-you haven't killed a single soul. How could you bear to kill so many innocent people? That really would be evil.”
“Wukong,” replied Sanzang, “that is a very fine argument. But I'm afraid that when the queen takes me into her palace she will want me to perform my conjugal duties. I could not possibly lose my primal masculinity and ruin my conduct as a Buddhist monk, or let my true seed escape and destroy my status in the faith.”
“As you have agreed to the marriage she is bound to treat you as king and come out in her carriage to fetch you,” Monkey replied. “You must on no account refuse. Take your seat in the phoenix and dragon carriage, enter the throne hall, and sit on the throne facing South as monarch. Tell the queen to fetch her royal seals and write an invitation summoning us to court. Stamp our travel permit with the official seal and ask her to sign it herself and return it to us. Have a banquet laid on as a celebration for yourself and the queen and to say farewell to us too. When the banquet is over have the carriage got ready and tell her that when you have seen us three out of the city you will be coming back to sleep with her. This will put the queen and her subjects into such a good mood that they won't try to keep us any more, let alone have any evil intentions towards us. When you have escorted us out of the city, get out of the carriage. Tell Friar Sand to stay with you and help you mount the white horse while I use some immobilizing magic to stop the queen and her subjects from moving. Then we can carry on West along the main road, and when we've been travelling for a day and a night I'll say a spell to undo the magic and revive them so that they can go back into the city. This way none of them will be killed and you won't have to harm your essential spirit. This is what they call a plan to 'slip through the net with a false marriage.' It works both ways, doesn't it?”
