Outlaw

by Amanda Lance

  The safe house was an old farmhouse that hadn’t been lived in since the ’80s. It was two stories with fiber cement siding that had survived a couple of explosions and more than a few house parties. Most of the windows were long gone, and you could see how all kinds of kids had taken to it with spray paint, but all things considered, it was still in good shape. Hell, I had certainly lived in worse places. The slate roof was half caved in out in the back, the chimney long gone, but with a generator in the basement we could still get heat in the winter when we needed it, so it was as good a spot as any to regroup.

  Maybe the sight of the house spooked her ’cause she started screaming again, real loud so that even Yuri started looking around like he was afraid some hiker was gonna appear from the woods or something. I saw him nod towards the house, and I nodded back. I’d put her inside the safe house, and hopefully keep her and the guys outta harm’s way.

  “Knock it off, already.”

  I tightened up my grip around her legs but got mad at myself that I liked it so much. People like me shouldn’ta been allowed to go near a girl like her, let alone touch her. Yet I moved on, and the guys started unloading some of the pallets that would go with us. I knew I shoulda been helping ’em but I also knew that keeping her outta sight was a priority.

  Just when I thought I had everything under control, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Reid pull in. She must have seen it too because this chick decided to start screaming again, and it occurred to me as we got near the house that she probably thought Reid was somebody else, somebody not with us. I smiled to myself and hoisted her up against me. Go figure.

  Even though it was morning, it was still almost dark when I opened the back door, and while my eyes adjusted, I felt her flinch in my arms from the loud noise the door made. It was only another reminder of how afraid she must have been.

  Well, of course she’s scared, idiot. What do you think you’re on—a date?

  If I was, I might have never’ve known it. Growing up, I had never stayed in one place long enough to do much else but flirt with a girl, and other than a couple of one-nighters straight outta prison…well, needless to say, my experience with girls ain’t much to write home about.

  But I didn’t wanna hurt her. If nothing else, I knew that much.

  I kicked some cobwebs out of the way and glanced around. Though I’ve never been much of a thinker to begin with, I’ll admit it wasn’t easy tryin’ to figure out what to do with her screaming like that. Was it possible to bust a vocal cord? Could you go hoarse even with your mouth taped shut?

  “Holy hell, will you stop that!”

  Like she hadn’t even heard me, she kept right on screaming, muffled cries through the duct-tape I was now real grateful we had. And since she had made it more than clear she wasn’t gonna stop, I thought it best to tie her up in the kitchen—other than the basement, it was as far away from the road as I could get her.

  I toppled her down on the floor next to the radiator, knowin’ full well she coulda gotten loose anywhere else. The second she was down, though, she tried to get back up, and I had to try real hard not to smile at how angry she was. How could somebody be so angry and scared at the same time?

  “Take it easy there, Vicious.”

  That’s what she was, I decided: vicious. Real vicious, like one of those puffer fish that are real small until you try to hurt ’em, and then they blow up and spike out. Even sharks don’t go near those things ’cause they know how dangerous they are.

  I bet a shark in its right mind wouldn’t go near her, either.

  Any slower and I wouldn’t have been able to get her arms to the radiator at all. She was giving me a damn hard time, screaming and pulling, squirming, and still trying to hit me with her head. Had she been a guy, she might have even given me a run for my money, but then again, had she been a guy, she probably woulda already been dead.

  She kept right on struggling until she saw what I was wearing around my chest. When she did, she got real pale, and her green eyes looked even more green as they went wide. A girl like that probably didn’t even know what kinda guns they were, but she was still terrified of ’em. I hated myself for scaring her like that; I wished right away that I had kept my jacket on—heat or no heat. It was too late now, and she was more afraid of me than ever. Probably more disgusted too, I guessed by the way she stared at my unemployment stamp.

  I think I did it ’cause I didn’t want her to be scared, wanted her to know that I would help her out if I could. I like to think I didn’t do it ’cause of all the other parts of me that just wanted to be close to her. Anyway, she was shaking like a leaf when I reached out for her, eyes shut tight; she pulled away like she thought I was gonna hit her or something, but I never coulda done that—no matter what I threatened.

  Her hair was just as soft as I thought it might be, and though I tried extra careful not to touch her skin, it bothered me for some reason I didn’t understand that I couldn’t see her so good. Being real slow, so as to not scare her more, I tried to fix some of her hair back behind her ear.

  I shoulda known she would have been even more pretty up close. Even when she was scared, she looked like a girl out of a magazine, and for a second I was reminded of the women in the Red Light District or maybe the cocktail waitresses in Vegas. She wasn’t like them, though, for a lotta reasons. She had the sort of young, innocent face that told me she had probably never even left her hometown, was definitely naive enough to go wandering off by herself in the middle of the night. At the same time, though, she was smart—maybe a boarding school shut-in or a book junkie.

  Takin’ off my sunglasses to get a better look at her, I watched her expression change. Her eyebrows softened, and so did the frown on her pink lips. Naturally, it left me wondering what she was thinking. But then I saw her eyes wander from my nose back to my eyes. Was she smiling? What kind of crazy chick was this? She looked even more crazy, more beautiful, more wild by the tears that had melded onto her face, but I was glad to see that other than that, she didn’t appear to be bruised or marked up in any way. I wouldn’t have known how much worse I woulda felt had I hurt her.

  My relief got the better of me, and I reached up one more time to peel an old eyelash off the side of her cheek. Maybe her crazy was catching on, but I could have sworn she didn’t flinch away from me that time and instead just stared at me, looking angrier and angrier by the second.

  I wanted to ask her ’bout why she was so mad, but I heard Reid calling out from the front porch, sounding pissed, and I knew he probably needed to be dealt with. Sighing, I stood up and stretched my legs but immediately rethought myself. Checking to make sure she was still good and tied, it was easy to picture her chewing her arm off if she got the opportunity.

  Somehow, she seemed like the type.

  “Ain’t nobody gonna hurt you,” I said low, in case one of the guys was closer than I thought. “Just keep quiet.”

  She looked at me like she wanted me dead.

  ***

  “Nice nose, jackass.” Reid tested his weight against the porch pillar before leanin’ up against it. “Real classy-looking.”

  “Yeah,” I said, reaching for the smokes I forgot weren’t there. “That’s what I was going for.”

  He smiled but shook his head. In truth, I hadn’t thought ’bout her head-butting me since the initial pain wore off. As I reached up for it now, I could feel how much bigger the bridge was, and as I tried to breathe through it, I had some trouble.

  “Don’t worry.” He laughed. “You’re still pretty.”

  “Well, as long as you think so.”

  “There you are, Hillbilly!”

  “Damn.” Reid chuckled. “Here we go.”

  Wallace came stomping around the corner, trying to act all macho or something with his military hair and ’roid rage-shrunk testicles that both me and Reid couldn’t help but laugh. We looked at each other, and Reid just kinda sighed like he does when he’s real annoyed—then again, he’s always real annoy
ed.

  “What in the hell are you doing?” The little veins on Wallace’s neck were sticking out, and his eyes were all bugged out like his arms—a couple of stuffed pigs.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” Reid asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, crouching down to sit on a broken stair.

  Not getting it, Wallace’s head moved back and forth between the both of us like a dog, and from the corner of my eye I saw Reid laugh again.

  “He’s sittin’ pretty.”

  “You damn bunch of smartasses! You’re out here, dicking around when you still haven’t taken care of that problem?”

  “Problem?” Reid asks, not laughing no more. “What problem?”

  “I told you about the girl.” Coming up from the drive, Yuri had his arms over his head and it reminded me that they had been doing all the heavy lifting for the last couple of hours. I pulled at the weeds by my feet, feeling Reid’s pissed off eyes on me but too tired to care much about it.

  “I thought that was just your retarded sense of humor.”

  “Oh no.” Wallace laughed. “I wouldn’t kid about something that stupid.”

  “Wanna talk ’bout stupid?” I strained, my arms at my sides, focusing on the muscles that tensed up there and my teeth grinding back and forth against one another. I bounced up, ready for the fight if there was gonna be one. If that worthless muscle-head wanted to start throwing out names, I was more than willin’ to start throwing punches. “Let’s talk ’bout stupid. You doing that driver where everybody and their mother could see was pretty goddamn stupid!”

  Reid swore under his breath and kicked the side of the house. “What are you asshats trying to do to me?”

  “He was just a meth head!” Wallace shouted. “The cops would have thought he was a deal gone bad! But you can’t nab a girl—”

  “What in the hell would you have done?”

  “I told you to take care of it!”

  “Who do you think you are, tryin’ to tell me anything?”

  “Shut up, both of you!”

  We both looked back at Reid, who was busy trying to dial something into his phone and rub his temple. I had to admit, I had a headache, too, though whether it was from the lack of sleep or getting my nose busted, I wasn’t too sure.

  Suddenly, before I could even have another thought, Reid opened his mouth and I felt like my insides were getting chewed up with barbed wire. “We gotta kill her.”

  I said no, but Wallace’s yeah at the same time jammed mine up.

  All of the sudden, she started screaming again, and the timing couldn’t have been worse. If Wallace needed any convincing, that was it. Before I could get up, he stomped inside, screaming at all of us as loud as he could:

  “What did I tell you? What did I say?”

  Time moved really slowly between here and there, so I could see everything we tore up on the way to the kitchen. Reid musta called for Yuri ’cause he was right behind us, too; whether he went to stop me or Wallace didn’t much matter. In my head, if they weren’t gonna help me keep her safe, then they were against me, and I couldn’t have that. Best friends or no best friends, I suddenly knew I wasn’t gonna let them get between me and her—no matter what that meant.

  She was pulling hard against the ropes, and I was regretting that I had tied her so good. Anybody with half a brain—Polo included—could see she was scared, shaking and all that, when Wallace came and rushed her. When I saw his arm fly out towards her I probably never moved so fast in my whole life, grabbing his elbow and taking out the back of his knee with a good kick. I was a little aware of the guys backing away as he tried to swing around and hit me in the ribs but mostly there was just the anger—The Red—takin’ over all the thoughts in my head and sealing up all the questions I might have had about what I needed or wanted to do.

  But then something amazing happened. Above The Red, I heard her whimpering, and as I slammed him against what was left of the stove, I could see how bad her whole body was shaking. Something about it, about her, made me not want to hurt him anymore.

  She made me not so angry.

  “I said no.”

  I steadied myself in front of her, though I don’t think she noticed on account of she had her eyes shut tight. At least, though, Wallace seemed to have the right idea. I stared at him even as the guys tried to talk both of us down. As much as I wanted to finish bashing him up, I wanted even more not to scare her, didn’t want to risk her getting hurt—especially on account of me.

  “Charlie’s right, Wallace,” I heard Yuri say. “Let’s just wait to hear what Ben says.”

  Polo joined us then, shovin’ his way up to the front, and it was the first time in a few cold seconds that I took my eyes off Wallace. “Did I miss something good?”

  Reid and Yuri laughed, but I was quick to see Wallace stand back up and give her this evil look like she was something gross or ugly. I always knew Wallace was real stupid, but I never had a good example of it until I saw him look at her like that.

  “Yeah,” he said. “All right, then, boys—whatever you say.”

  I kept my mouth shut while he gave me this smartass smile, practically threatenin’ that I was gonna be sorry for having everybody ganging up on him later. I didn’t give a damn, though. As long as she was still in one piece, I could deal with him later. The fellas didn’t hesitate clearing the way for him, and though none of ’em said it right away, I got the feeling they were real annoyed, too.

  As soon as he was outta sight, Yuri sighed and lit up one of those black cherry smokes he likes to roll himself. I think those things are ’bout as nasty as anything else, but in a pinch I think I’d smoke almost anything.

  “He needs to relax.”

  “Really?” Reid asked. “I think his Charles Bronson impersonation is getting pretty good.”

  I didn’t say nothing to neither of ’em, ’cause I was trying to control what was left of the rage. I could feel it coursing through me like a bad trip—rushing from my chest to my head till there wasn’t nothing else left. And even though I wanted to talk to her, wanted to joke along with the guys, I couldn’t, it had me trapped then—pulsing in and all around me.

  “Hi, my name is Polo. That’s Yuri and Reid!”

  Captain Oblivious strikes again.

  He pointed out each of the fellas, but he got so close to her to introduce himself that she pulled away real hard, striking her hands up against the radiator by accident. It was strange to think that Polo could hurt somebody—except himself, anyway. But then I reminded myself that she didn’t know that, and for all she knew, he was going to smack her around, too.

  I slapped his hand away and gave him a look, so he would know not to do it again. Polo mighta been just joking before, but at the rate we were all going, I was starting to think that maybe we were gonna end up scaring her to death.

  Catchin’ on, Reid laughed and shook a finger at him. “Bad Polo! That’s a very bad Polo!”

  “What?” Livin’ up to his stupidity, Polo looked around at all of us like he didn’t get it at all. I made a mental note to try and explain it to him later.

  I shook the hair out of my face and tried to remind myself to breathe. Yuri musta been stressed out ’cause he was already lighting another one up—granted, Polo bouncin’ around him and Reid couldn’t have helped a whole lot, neither.

  “What, guys? I don’t get it. Did I miss it again? What did I do?”

  Trying not to look at her, I hoisted myself up on the hold for the wood stove. A text from Ben was already waitin’ for me when I got out my phone, and like I figured, he was on his way.

  “What time is Ben supposed to be here?” Yuri asked

  “Soon enough,” I snapped.

  I could see her looking around at all of us and her face goin’ kinda soft as she did. What if she figured out that we were only a bunch of jackasses? That we needed to practice everything we did through and through to make sure it went okay? Honestly, I wasn’t too sure whether or not I wanted her know we were
almost harmless, that most of us had a conscience. If she did, then maybe I could talk to her like a regular guy, pretend like I was worthy of somebody like that. On the other hand, if she did know how incompetent we could be, then she might try to get away again. And if I wasn’t ’round, I wasn’t sure the guys wouldn’t just go right on ahead and do her in. Yeah, I decided. The quieter and stiller she stayed, the easier it would be to keep her safe.

  I never even realized Ben had rolled in until the guys started scrambling outside, all trying to be the first one to give their side of what happened. Normally, I woulda been the one who would have been doing the reporting, but part of the screw up was mine. Sure, Wallace shouldn’t have gone and capped that driver, but I sure as hell shouldn’t have grabbed the girl. He had started the mistake, but I had just gone ahead and made it way worse than it had to be.

  When it was just the two of us, I had no idea how I was s’posed to be. All I wanted to do was look at her and ask if she was okay, but I knew I shouldn’t, that it’d probably just scare her more. So instead, I stared out the window opposite me, trying to look at the woods outside, trying to think of something, anything else.

  When somebody is tryin’ not to do something they want to do, they only want to do it that much more. It’s all they can think about or imagine. That’s at least been my experience. Without the guys to distract me, it was hard not to give in to what I wanted—especially when she kept looking at me.

  Persian blue, violet, plum, eggplant, lavender… In my head I named all the shades of purple I could think of and then went to blue. It was one of those few times I was grateful for the couple of art books the joint had. But as much as I tried to, I couldn’t get my mind off of it, off her. Pulling out a smoke, I saw her lean her head against the radiator. I took a few quick puffs, but it wasn’t doing as much good as I had hoped. That shiny blonde hair of hers was getting hit by the morning light just so and could be seen real easy from the corner of my eye, so it was like even if I didn’t want to see her, I didn’t have no choice.