Cowboy Edition EBook

by Maree, Kay

  “Yes, we have, and I hope we always will be.” He hoped they would still be friends if this conversation didn’t end the way he wanted it to. “What I mean is that I really like you.”

  “Oh.” Callie looked o Adam’s face, her blue eyes sparkling in the bright sunlight. “Like, like?”

  “Yeah, like, like,” he answered.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, really.” He was determined to go slowly with this so he didn’t spook her. “I guess I have for a long time, but I didn’t realise it until lately,” he admitted.

  “Oh.” Callie lowered her eyes and thought for a few moments.

  The longer she thought, the more worried he became. Was she thinking of a kind way to tell him she wasn’t interested, or was she taking his admission seriously? Adam hadn’t given much thought to how they would carry on living in such close proximity to one another if she rejected him. He didn’t want to think about how humiliating it would be each day and every time he saw her or had to work near her on the farm. Since his friends had virtually forced him to acknowledge his attraction to Callie, Adam’s dreams and spare moments had been filled with images of her and what a future with her could look and feel like. He didn’t think he could go back to thinking of her as just a friend or as a type of sister.

  “So…” As Callie spoke, Adam realised he’d been holding his breath.

  “So?” he asked, needing to know what she was thinking.

  “So, what happens now?” she asked. “What do you want?”

  “Well, I’d like to be your boyfriend,” he answered. “I’d like to hold your hand and kiss you some times when we’re alone…not around our parents though, ‘cos that would be way too awkward.”

  “Ah-ha…it sure would.” She stopped for a moment and obviously had more on her mind. Adam thought it best to stay quiet and let her speak when she was ready – it didn’t take long. “What else?” she asked as she looked at him from beneath her eyelashes.

  “What else?” Of course, he knew what she meant, but he wanted her to voice her concerns out loud.

  “What else do you want?” she asked, sill not saying the words.

  “Callie, I’m not going to push you into anything more than that, for now,” he explained. “For starters, we’re both still young – especially you. We’ve got our whole lives to get serious, but when you’re ready I’d like it to be me that you choose to be with.” It was Adam’s turn to stop for a breath. “Of course, I’d like everyone at school to know that you’re going with me. I don’t want any of the other guys thinking they can put the moves on you – I wouldn’t want to have to hurt them.”

  “You’d really do that? You’d hurt someone?” She seemed shocked by this.

  “If it meant keeping you from getting hurt, I wouldn’t hesitate.”

  “And you’re okay about waiting to…you know?” Her cheeks blushed flame-read as she thought the words she didn’t say.

  “Absolutely…I don’t want to rush into anything that neither of us are ready for, Callie. If that means waiting a while until we go all the way, it’s fine by me.” Adam reached over and took one of Callie’s hands in his. “There’s no rush and no pressure – we can take this at our own pace and nobody else needs to know what we do when we’re alone…okay?”

  “So, you won’t be telling Shane and Darren what we do or don’t do?” she asked, seemingly quite concerned about that prospect.

  “I especially won’t be telling Shane and Darren. Those two might be my best friends, but that doesn’t mean they get to live my private life with me…Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure they’ll be pushing for details once they know that we’re together…just know that I won’t be sharing anything private with them, or anyone else.”

  “Okay, I’ll do the same with my friends. I don’t want anyone looking at us funny or spreading rumours about us around town. The less they know, the less they can try to make up a story.”

  “I’ll do my damnedest to stop that from happening, Callie, you can trust me,” he assured her. He felt her hand tighten its grasp on his and looked down. Somehow the rest of the world around them ceased to matter as he noticed how their hands fitted together perfectly. He was sure this must be some sort of sign.

  “Adam?” Callie’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.

  “Yeah,” he answered without shifting his focus.

  “I think I need to get dressed before I get sunburned,” she giggled a little as she spoke.

  “Oh, god, I’m sorry, Callie.” He quickly stood and helped her to her feet. As they hastily dressed, he was aware that they were both taking covert glances at each other and he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. She really was quite beautiful, in every way…how had he missed that for so long? He had no idea how he’d slept through her changing, but he was thankful he’d woken up in time, and that she hadn’t rejected him outright.

  After dressing and checking over their horses, it was time to head back home before it started to chill off. As Callie made ready to mount Xena, Adam decided to push today’s luck just a little further.

  “Callie?” He caught her attention. “Could I ask you for something before we head off?”

  “You can always ask.” She smiled as she looked at him over her shoulder.

  “Can I kiss you?” He sounded very unsure as he spoke.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” she replied, a cheeky tone laced through her words.

  He stepped toward her and she turned into his arms. He placed one hand on her hip and with the other he tipped her chin upwards, as she rested her hands on his chest. Although he was vaguely aware of the small birds they’d been watching earlier twittering in the trees nearby, time seemed to slow down as he leaned toward her. As Adam’s lips were about to touch hers, Callie lifted herself up onto her toes and closed the distance between them.

  What followed was a gentle and tender first kiss which left them both breathless and clinging to each other when they broke apart. They stood there, just holding each other for a few minutes before they silently mounted their horses and rode back through the paddocks. It had been just the first of many trips back to their secret place, and they didn’t share this spot with any of their friends…it was just for them and their times together.

  The happiness that his changing relationship with Callie spun around him over the months that followed was spoiled as his parents’ marriage unravelled. Each argument and hurtful comment picked and pulled at the fabric of their family like pulling on the threads of an old jumper. As the weeks passed, holes started to show, and it wasn’t long until the only thing left to do was admit that their family was now broken beyond repair. Adam felt the shift from anger and resentment to sadness and resignation as his parents accepted the inevitable. After that shift, things settled into an odd time where they tried to live separately together, but they all knew that wouldn’t work for long.

  Being as young and preoccupied with his own life as he was, Adam didn’t give any thought to how his parents’ failing marriage would impact his own life. He just assumed things would stay pretty much as they were, and continued on with what he was doing.

  Looking back now with the benefit of a combination of ten years of distance, maturity, and hindsight, he shouldn’t have been blindsided by this mother’s announcement that she was leaving Macquarie Downs to forge a new life of her own. However, Adam still remained shocked by her decision to take him with her, and that his father had agreed, seemingly without any protest. When his parents told him over dinner one night, he had certainly protested enough for all of them.

  “You’ve got to be kidding?” Adam slammed his open hands onto the table and launched himself to his feet.

  “Calm down, son,” his father spoke in a calm tone as he put a hand on Adam’s forearm.

  “How can I calm down, Dad?” He looked from one parent to the other. “Have either of you actually thought about what this means fo
r me?”

  “Of course, we have, Adam,” his mother replied. “This is the best thing for you.”

  “Really?” Adam turned his full attention to his mother. “So, tell me how packing me up and dragging me to the other end of the state a few weeks before my final Year 12 exams is going to be the best thing for me, ‘cos I’m not seeing it.” The reality of his mother’s plan hit him harder as he said each word.

  “I spoke to your school, and the one in Mt Isa this afternoon, and it’s all taken care of… you’ve got nothing to worry about.” She sounded very sure of herself.

  “What do you mean, it’s all taken care of? How can it be taken care of if I’m not here to complete my classes or assessments? This is a disaster for me, Mum!” Adam couldn’t remember ever being this angry with his parents, or raising his voice at his mother. “Can’t you see that?” He looked at his father, hoping for him to take his side.

  “Hear your mother out, Adam,” he instructed. “They’ve come up with a plan that we all think will work out well for you.”

  “What plan is that? All I’m seeing so far is that my teachers and all my work will be here in Pittsworth and I’ll be over a thousand kilometres away in Mt Isa… How is that supposed to work out?” Adam’s mind was spinning. The longer he tried to think, the further he felt he was getting from any positive outcome.

  “Sit down, Adam, and let me explain what we’ve come up with,” his mother spoke gently, attempting to calm him down. “Just listen.”

  Adam took a deep breath and tried to focus his attention on what his parents were saying. In the back of his mind, questions started rattling around and he found it hard to concentrate. From the long list of plans and contingencies his mother was laying out in great detail, it seemed that she’d been working on this for much longer just this afternoon. To Adam it appeared that she’d put more effort into planning to leave, and take him with her, that she had into trying to save her marriage and their family…and worse still, his father was just going along with everything she was suggesting.

  As his parents’ words swirled around, seemingly chasing themselves around inside his head, Adam stopped listening and instead began to think about everything they were expecting him to give up because it suited his mother. His friends, his studies, graduating with the classmates he’d been with for ten years, his plans to find work in the area – the list just grew longer and longer until it ended in an abrupt halt on Callie and his heart sank into the pit of his stomach. They’d just settled into a comfortable rhythm with each other, growing closer and sharing dreams for the future they planned to spend together. How could they continue to grow their relationship if they lived over a thousand kilometres apart? How could he convince her that they’d be okay if he was struggling to believe it himself? He latched onto his father’s assertion that he could come back often to visit and pinned his hopes on he and Mr Saunders offering him a station-hand job at the end of the year so he could move back.

  Adam and his parents went back and forth for hours, but in the end, he had to accept their plan for his immediate future and hope that everything worked out as well as they were promising him they would, even though he had serious doubts.

  He spent that night tossing and turning, and trying to anticipate how Callie would react when he broke the news to her. By the time the morning dawned, Adam had worked himself into quite a state about his impending departure from the only life he could remember and the life he’d planned on having. The only thing he could think of to do to try to calm himself down was to go for a ride. For most of his life, he’d been at his best on the back of a horse. He could be free and fearless, and sometimes felt like it was the only place he belonged. Galloping a speed across the paddocks was an adrenaline rush he was sure he’d never get any other way, and the sense of accomplishment he got from working a mob of cattle had always made him feel like a real man, even as a teenager.

  After grabbing a piece of toast and a bottle of water, he left a note on the kitchen table telling his parents that he’d gone for a ride to clear his head and would be back later. He’d gotten up early enough that he’d avoided having to speak to his parents and his plan was to get Damien out of the barracks before anyone else was out and about. The thought of facing people he’d have to talk to while he was so conflicted made him anxious.

  Damien seemed to sense Adam’s inner turmoil while he was saddling him and was even more compliant than usual. They’d forged a close bond over the last eighteen months and the prospect of leaving him behind, even for a short time, caused Adam’s chest to tighten uncomfortably. As they rode out of the yard, Adam wondered in an off-hand kind of way why he and his father always gave their horses human names, and why his father had always referred to what others would call stables as barracks. It didn’t take long to decide that these were just small ways of humanising their equine friends, for friends they truly were, so much more than a tool to help them get a job down. Adam had strong memories of his father teaching him how important it was to treat their horses with respect, and if the result of that was the way they worked together it was well worth every moment spent doing so.

  While Adam and Damien enjoyed the quiet of the early morning on what would be one of their last days together, at least for now, the cattle in the paddocks and the wildlife all around them were waking up and beginning their days. Adam knew he would miss morning rides like this for as long as it took him to come home to Macquarie Downs. No matter how impressive the place he was moving to was, or how long it took, this place held a place in his heart and he knew he’d come back.

  Admitting that he would come back also meant admitting he was leaving, and that realisation hit him like a blow to the stomach. He would be leaving this beautiful part of the country and that meant he was leaving Callie behind, too. Although that hurt, it made him even more determined to return. He had no choice. When it came to Callie, there was never a choice.

  Adam had been sitting under a tree on the edge of the clearing that had become his and Callie’s special place, staring at nothing, barely aware that time had been silently passing, for what must have been hours when he heard the steady beat of approaching horse hooves announce Callie and Xena’s arrival. He hadn’t decided how he was going to tell her that he’d be leaving in just a week’s time, what words would make her believe he’d be back soon and that they’d be okay until then, but he couldn’t put it off now.

  Looking at her as she dismounted and walked toward him, he could tell that she knew something was going on. The easy way she usually carried herself had been replaced by a tension that radiated from her. Her head was lowered and she watched the ground as she walked, but Adam could see her eyebrows were drawn together. He hated that he was going to add to what she was already feeling, but had to hold on to his parents’ promises that he’d be back often and that there was still a chance of him getting work either here with his father or on one of the neighbouring properties – surely that would be enough.

  “Callie,” his voice cracked as he said her name and looked up into her face.

  “Adam, what’s going on?” she asked as she sat opposite him. “Things are really weird at home this morning…your mum barely spoke to me when she came over to the house…and she’d been in the office with Dad for ages when I decided to come and talk with you.” The confusion in her voice cut into Adam like a knife slicing into his flesh.

  “I’ve been out here trying to work it all out in my mind,” he started. “They laid this on me last night and I still haven’t wrapped my head around how it’s going to work, or be for the best.”

  “You’re not exactly making any sense,” Callie said, a hint of impatience in her tone.

  “Sorry.” Adam glanced down at his hands, willing the right words to come out of his mouth when he spoke again. “Well…you know my parents have been having trouble for a while now, right?”

  “Yeah, it’s been pretty tense lately.”

  “Well, they’ve c
ome up with a solution that works for them…actually, I think it’s Mum’s plan and Dad’s just going along with it, but it’s not my place to judge.”

  “It doesn’t matter who’s plan it is, Adam, as long as it means they can sort things out and we can all get back to normal.” She sounded so hopeful that Adam almost wished that could be true.

  “That’s the problem…things will never be normal again.”

  “What do you mean? What’s the plan?”

  “Mum’s leaving. She’s actually going to walk out on Dad after all the years they’ve been together.”

  “Oh, Adam, that’s sad.” Callie shuffled a little closer and put her hands over his. “I know you would have wanted them to stay together and work things out.”

  “It seems they’ve done all the working out they’re going to do.” Adam sounded sad now.

  “And they just told you last night? So, when is this happening? Where’s she moving to? Not too far away, I hope.” Callie was full of questions which Adam didn’t like the answers to.

  Here goes nothing, he thought to himself as he suddenly stood up, causing both horses to raise their head and look at him in surprise. Deciding not to beat around the bush and just pull the proverbial band-aid off in one go, Adam took a deep breath and blew it out again.

  “She’s found another job as housekeeper on the property where one of her school friends has been working for a few years.”

  “Oh, I thought she might be able to stay on here and just live in town.”

  “I did, too, don’t worry.” Adam took another breath before continuing. “Hear me out for a minute, okay? There’s a lot to take in.” He watched as Callie looked up and nodded for him to continue.

  As Adam explained the details of his mother’s plan, he watched Callie’s expression change with each new revelation. When she heard that he would be leaving with his mother next Saturday, the look she shot him took his breath away.

  “So, because your parents are breaking up, you’re breaking up with me? Just like that?” She sounded like she was going to cry.