The Spaniard's Kiss

by Nina Croft

She’d known that, and underneath she’d loved him as well; she’d just never been able to forgive him for not wanting her. And all the time she’d been wrong.

  “Holy crap. I was so bad. And I led Gary astray. I made him get a tattoo and—”

  He laughed. “Maybe you’d better not tell me any more. I don’t want to lose my rosy image of my son.”

  “You wouldn’t. Gary was one of the good guys.”

  “I know.” He was silent for a moment and then released his breath on a sigh.

  Bella sipped her wine and thought about what he’d told her. Her childhood had shaped who she was and what she wanted out of life—a home and a family. Now she realized those needs were based on an interpretation of facts that weren’t true.

  Had she been wrong about everything?

  Rafe’s way of life was different from anything she had ever known, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t adapt. But then there was still the fact that he didn’t want a long-term relationship—he’d been brutally honest about that. They never spoke of the future, but she presumed that hadn’t changed.

  “What are you thinking about so seriously?” Mark interrupted her thoughts.

  “Do you think I made a mistake mixing myself up with Rafe?”

  “Well, I’m certainly not going to tell you not to continue seeing him.”

  “You’re not?”

  “If I remember rightly, telling you not to do something was a guaranteed way of getting you to do it.” He grinned. “Sam used to say it was the only way to get you to do anything he wanted. He just had to be careful not to use it too much.”

  Bella’s eyes narrowed.

  “With regards to Rafe—to be honest, I don’t know. But Rafe is an honorable man.” He patted her hand. “I guess just try not to get your heart broken.”

  “I won’t,” she said. Though she wasn’t sure that was the truth. She suspected her heart was already in dire danger. She went still. That was the first time she’d admitted to herself that her heart was involved. Rafe had been right—underneath, she still wanted the same things—a home and a family—and he wouldn’t give her that.

  “There was another matter I wanted to talk to you about,” Mark said.

  “There was?”

  “It was something I was discussing with Gary at that last meeting we had.”

  Bella frowned. “He never mentioned anything.”

  “I’d told him I was releasing his trust fund. He was planning on buying half the farm from you. He always felt bad that you’d put up all the money.”

  “He shouldn’t have.”

  “Maybe not, but he did, and I was happy to help him. I worried when you married, but you’d been together for four years, you had a baby on the way, and I realized I’d been stupid to think you wouldn’t stick it out. You might have been flighty, but once you set your mind to something you were committed the whole way. Then he died before the paperwork went through, and for a while I just couldn’t think about it.”

  “Gary asked you for this?”

  He shook his head. “No. I offered. It was Gary’s money, though—left to him by his mother. He just couldn’t get to it without my releasing the trust fund. I’m going to do this, Bella. It’s what Gary would have wanted. I should have done it before now, but as I said—I wasn’t thinking straight after Gary died, and then I just let it slide.”

  “So why now?” she asked. “What’s changed?”

  “Nothing. That’s the point. Gary was your husband. He should have put as much into the marriage as you did, and you’d have been left with a nice little nest egg to help you survive when he was gone.”

  “I’ve survived all right. And I’ve actually just been offered a job. A good one. Well, it won’t pay much for the first few years, but it has prospects.”

  “This will give you something to tide you over for those first few years.”

  She bit her lip. The money would help.

  Sitting back in her chair, she thought about Mark’s offer and her future. Deep down, she suspected no one else would ever rouse the passion she experienced with Rafe. She had a hunch that what they had together was unique. But even if he didn’t tire of her, if he never offered her anything more, would it be enough?

  Somehow, she’d find the strength to move on, get a life, and for now, a career. Mark’s offer would help her do that, and he was right—Gary would have wanted her to have the money. It would also mean she could keep the farm. She’d been ignoring how much the thought of selling it, losing all those happy memories, hurt because she had no choice. This gave her one, and it would also pay for a better place to live, with a garden for Toby, and a dog walker when she was out all day.

  She’d allow herself the weeks until she had to move to San Sebastian, and for that time she’d work to find a way they could be happy together. But while there were things she’d compromise on, there were other dreams that she wouldn’t surrender. An image of that beautiful blue-eyed baby flashed through her mind.

  “I can almost see your brain working.” Mark’s words interrupted her thoughts, and she glanced up. “So, have you come to any conclusions?”

  Lines of tension settled around his eyes as though he’d geared himself up for a fight. She smiled and reached across the table for his hand. “I’m thinking…thank you.”

  Some of the tension left him, but he frowned. “That was too easy.”

  “Maybe I’m mellowing in my old age.”

  “That must be it. I’ll finalize the paperwork tomorrow and probably drop round with some things for you to sign.” His head cocked to one side as though debating something in his mind. “You know, I always thought you might join the army—like your dad.”

  “What?” She hadn’t expected that suggestion. Not from this man. “You know how crappy I am at taking orders.”

  He grinned. “You were always pretty good at giving them, though. You could consider officer training. I’d put in a good word for you.”

  “You would?” She still reeled from the notion of her being in the army. It was a stupid idea.

  “The army is a home of sorts—it gives you a place to belong, and I know you’ve always needed that. Anyway—think about it.”

  “I will.”

  “Are you aware your boyfriend has arrived?” Mark asked.

  “He has?” She stiffened as a tingling ran between her shoulder blades. She turned slowly.

  …

  Rafe sat on a stool at the bar nursing his drink and trying not to make it too obvious that he was staring at Bella across the busy bar like some lovesick idiot.

  But idiot just about described him. He hadn’t been entirely sane since he’d kissed Bella all those months ago.

  God, he’d missed her. He’d almost cut his travel short and come home.

  Now she turned to look at him, and a smile of welcome curved her lips.

  Without hesitating, he rose to his feet and strolled over. He placed his glass on the table and sank into the seat next to Bella. Leaning over, he kissed her lightly on the mouth. “Hi,” he murmured and searched her face. Had she missed him?

  She wore a black suit and black high heels. He’d never seen her looking so smart. Was this for her father-in-law?

  “Mark was just suggesting I join the army,” she said.

  Mark? Since when had Gary’s father become “Mark”? And join the army? Over his dead body!

  “It was just an idea,” the colonel said. “But think about it if you decide against that job. Now I’ll leave you alone, but I’ll drop those papers at the hotel tomorrow morning.”

  “She’s not at the hotel,” Rafe said. “She’s living with me.”

  The colonel raised an eyebrow. “In Belgravia?”

  Rafe nodded.

  “Okay, I’ll drop them off there.” He rose to his feet. “Have a pleasant evening.” He turned to go, then paused. “Look after her,” he said to Rafe.

  “I will.”

  “Why does everyone think I need looking after?” Bella as
ked as he disappeared. “I have actually managed quite well on my own, you know.”

  “He feels responsible for you.”

  “Well, he shouldn’t.”

  No, he shouldn’t, Rafe silently agreed. Bella was his responsibility now. But he wisely kept the words to himself. “So what is this job?”

  “I’ve been offered a management training position with an international company where I can use my languages.”

  “Which company?”

  “SA International. You know it?”

  He nodded. The company was solid. So why didn’t he like the idea of Bella working for them?

  “I’ll be based in Spain for a year.”

  She said the words so nonchalantly that at first they didn’t sink in. “What?”

  “In San Sebastian.”

  “When?”

  “I start at the beginning of September. I have a month’s orientation in London, then I move.”

  Never going to happen. The words hovered on the tip of his tongue, but he bit them back. Being with Bella was giving him a crash course in thinking before he spoke.

  “And what’s this paperwork?”

  “Mark is releasing Gary’s trust fund to me.”

  “He is? About time.” But he felt a niggle of unease at that bit of news as well. It was as though she were distancing herself from him. He should have felt happier about that; instead he felt disconcerted, off-balance.

  “It means I won’t have to sell the farm.”

  “I’m glad.” But was he? Maybe she needed the break from the past in order to make a new start.

  “Toby missed you,” she said.

  He didn’t want the goddamn dog to miss him. He wanted that from Bella.

  Suddenly he needed her alone. In his bed. The one place he knew he could reach her. He raised his gaze to her face and found her watching him. Her cheeks flushed as she held his stare, and he knew she wanted the same.

  It was enough. For now, it had to be.

  She rose to her feet and held out her hand. “Let’s go home.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Rafe rolled onto his side and glanced sleepily at his watch. It was ten o’clock in the morning, and he was still in bed. His body felt heavy and sated with too much sex. Though he doubted there was such a thing as “too much” where Bella was concerned.

  Out of bed, she was guarded, edgy, often sharp-tongued with quick comebacks. But once in bed, the sharp edges smoothed away and she was all soft, sensual woman. He’d never met a woman who gave in to sensuality with such abandon.

  She was out of bed now, though. Wrapped in a fluffy white robe and sitting cross-legged in a chair, she studied him out of half-closed eyes.

  He came up on one elbow. “What are you doing over there?”

  “I was watching you sleep.”

  He shifted, uncomfortable with the idea. “You were?”

  “Hmm. Shouldn’t you be at work? Aren’t you a ‘busy’ man?”

  “Work can wait.”

  She raised a brow. “I was going to paint my toenails. But I can’t decide on the color.” She picked up two bottles, one a lurid neon orange, the other bright banana yellow. “What do you think?”

  “Nice colors.” Not.

  “I think so. I went shopping with Sally yesterday at lunchtime. She wanted me to get this scarlet stuff. She tried to tell me it was sophisticated, but really, it was just tarty. She said it would go with the stilettos you bought me.” She studied the bottles. “I think I’ll go with both, but should it be one foot each or alternate nails?”

  He didn’t have a logical answer to that one. Instead, he watched as she rested one bare foot on the edge of her seat and applied the polish, the tip of her tongue poking out between her lips as she concentrated.

  “Bugger. You know, there’s more on my toe than there is on my nail. Who would have thought the whole nail polish thing could be such hard work?”

  “Come here, querida.” He patted the bed next to him. “I’ll do it.”

  “You will?” She tilted her head to one side. “Okay.”

  Bringing her bottles, she came and sat on the bed facing him. Rafe lifted her foot to his mouth and kissed the inside of her ankle, his hands stroking the silky skin of her calf, the sensitive spot behind her knee. For a second she lay back, her lashes drifting closed, then she came up on her elbows and eyed him.

  “Hey, you’re supposed to be working.” She pushed the bottle into his hand, and he took it from her and rested the foot on his thigh. Her feet were beautiful, with high arches and slender toes. He painted each nail carefully.

  “You’re good,” she said. “Do you do this often?”

  He grinned. “No, it’s a first.”

  When he’d finished, she changed feet and handed him the second bottle, the yellow. For a moment, he thought about arguing, then shrugged. As he unscrewed the top, his cell phone rang from the bedside table. His heart tripped a beat as he recognized the number. He glanced warily at Bella, then put down the bottle and picked up the phone. “Professor Erskine?”

  “I have the information you asked for.”

  Rafe’s mouth went dry, and he swallowed. “And…?”

  “Would you like me to come in tomorrow and talk you through it?”

  “No. Tell me.”

  The professor was silent for a moment. “It’s not good news, I’m afraid. There are no options right now, not if you want absolute certainty.”

  His chest tightened, and he realized how much he’d been holding on to hope. “Thank you for letting me know.”

  “Don’t give up—we’re making huge progress in this field.”

  “I won’t. Send me a full report.”

  He ended the call and placed the phone back on the table.

  “Is something wrong?” Bella asked.

  He shook his head and forced a smile. “No. Just work.”

  After all, the news was nothing he hadn’t expected. He wouldn’t give up, but he would put it from his mind and concentrate on the present.

  He picked up the yellow polish and carried on. After the last toe was painted, he put the bottle on the table and sat back. “It’s my mother’s birthday next week,” he said. “She’s having a party.” His words surprised him; he hadn’t intended to mention his mother’s annual, totally over-the-top party. “Will you come?”

  A frown flickered across her face. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

  “Well, you’ll have time to get something.” As he spoke, he realized how much he wanted her to accompany him.

  “I’m not sure. I was sort of thinking that if I stay under the radar, then your sister might forget all about me and, you know, the whole…‘I’m having your baby’ thing.”

  He’d avoided thinking about the encounter with his sister. He’d also avoided his mother’s calls and his stepfather’s, and anyone else from the family who’d phoned. Gina would have told everyone, and he didn’t want to answer the questions bound to follow. “I doubt that very much.”

  “Well, I don’t want to cause you any more trouble with your family.”

  “You won’t. And my mother was fond of Gary. She’d like to meet you.”

  “Hmm. So why do you want me at this party?” she asked.

  “Because I enjoy your company?”

  “Won’t your family think it odd?”

  A small frown flickered across his face. “Why?”

  “Well, it must be a close family affair.”

  “A close family affair for five hundred.”

  “Five hundred people! Your mother invites five hundred people to her birthday party?”

  “Give or take a few.”

  “Wow. There I was thinking we’d be sitting around a table stuffing ourselves with birthday cake.”

  His lips quirked. “Not quite.”

  He wished they could hide away from the world for the foreseeable future, but he couldn’t avoid his mother’s birthday celebrations, and he wanted Bella with him. He had a strange feel
ing time was running out, and the call from Professor Erskine had only intensified that feeling. In the week since he’d been back, Bella hadn’t mentioned the job again, and he didn’t know whether she’d accepted the position. He didn’t want to ask. Didn’t want to find out she was leaving him.

  But how could he ask her to stay? He had no claim on her. He’d told her that was how things had to be. Nothing had changed, but maybe it was time to rethink his position, to confess his motives for avoiding marriage and children and see where they went from there. His guts clenched at the thought. No doubt once she found out, she would leave him, but the uncertainty was driving him crazy.

  After the party. He’d give himself another week.

  Bella sat deep in thought, her lips pursed. “I’ll think about it.”

  He decided not to mention that the party was in New York. He’d tell her later. After she’d said yes. “Are they dry?” he asked nodding toward her toenails.

  “I guess.”

  “Good.” Clasping a hand around her ankle, he tugged her up the bed toward him.

  …

  As the frantic pace of her heart slowed, Bella rolled onto her side so she could study the man at beside her. Rafe sprawled on his back. One arm was flung over his face, hiding his eyes, and his olive skin gleamed with a fine sheen of sweat. His lovemaking had been fierce, wild, exhilarating, and with just a hint of desperation.

  Her body was sated, boneless, but a niggle of worry prodded at her mind. He’d changed after that phone call, though he’d tried to pretend it wasn’t important. She hated that he felt he couldn’t share. That he kept huge parts of his life from her.

  She’d made an effort not to think about the future. But she only had two weeks until her job was due to start. Then another month until she’d have to leave for San Sebastian.

  So many times she’d considered talking to him about what would happen when she left. Every time, she had backed off, scared of where it might lead. And each night he made her forget her concerns. He could make her forget everything. It was only when they ventured outside that life intruded, so she tried to keep those times to a minimum, content to spend their evenings at home. But she was quite aware she was hiding from real life, and that couldn’t last forever.