Open Minds

by Susan Kaye Quinn

  “Practice,” he said, standing and moving away. I scrambled to my feet and wondered why he was leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said quietly. He leaned casually against the locker wall and gazed down the hall as if we hadn’t spent the last hour hunkered on the floor together.

  The final bell rang, and students flowed into the hallway, a silent stream of faces glad for the end of the day. I pressed flat to the wall, trying not to let my heart contract simply because Simon was acting like I didn’t exist. A dark-haired boy greeted him with a head nod, and Simon turned to walk with him. Two steps later, a pretty blonde sidled up to Simon. Close, but not touching, like Raf’s Pekingese fangirl. Simon left me standing outside the library without another glance.

  Tears pricked my eyes, and I told myself not to be an idiot. Of course Simon couldn’t admit we had been together. As far as anyone knew, I was a zero and he was a senior reader, too mesh to hang out with the likes of me. I stumbled upstream through the human river, heading toward the band room for practice. Practice. That was what I needed to leave my zero status behind.

  I rounded a corner and ran smack into Shark Boy.

  He looked as surprised as I was to find himself entangled with me in the hall. That didn’t stop him from running his hands over my bare arms.

  “What have we here?”

  His fingers curled into my flesh and he dragged me up flush against his chest. I tried to pull out of his grasp, but he just dug in more painfully. I jacked hard into his mind. Let me go!

  He dropped my arms like they were red-hot pokers and took a step back. He teetered, uncertain, and his hateful thoughts filled my throat with a burning sensation.

  Go to the principal’s office! I ordered him. Turn yourself in and confess to… my mind spun, trying to think of something that would pay back Shark Boy but leave me out of it. Confess to harassing a changeling on the first day of school!

  Shark Boy spun and strode purposely toward the principal’s office, my command echoing through his mind. As I pulled back, I caught his name. David. Sickness churned in my stomach. Maybe he would come to his senses before he reached the principal’s office. Maybe my command would fade. If not, he deserved whatever he got there.

  I couldn’t bring myself to regret what I’d done.

  My shaky legs carried me down the hall, and I made it to band rehearsal before the bell rang. The rich sound of our instruments vibrated through me, soothing out the tension. My fingers found the notes on my saxophone while other students tapped their feet or swayed to the music filling our ears.

  Here, I was still a zero. Everyone ignored me, like usual.

  Practice. Simon’s instructions rang in my head. The first chair saxophonist trained her eyes on the bandmaster and fluttered her fingers with perfect timing. She was Janice from math, the one that I had jacked to write nursery rhymes. I reached toward her with my mind. I could jack her, make her miss her perfect notes. Make her blow every song for the rest of practice.

  I shrank back inside myself. What kind of person does that?

  I focused my eyes on the sheet music swimming in front of me and pretended to be a zero, instead of a dangerous freak lurking in the third-chair saxophonist seat.

  I dragged myself into the house and my insides squirmed, sourness from the day’s events eating me from the inside out. I trudged up the stairs to find Mom in the kitchen. She was digging around a low cabinet and had pots, pans, and strange kitchen gadgets evicted and strewn all over the floor. She backed out of the long-neglected cabinet, her hair spotted with furry dust worms.

  A strangled laugh erupted from me.

  “Hey,” she said. “Good day at school?”

  “Um, yeah.” Part of me wanted to tell her everything—Shark Boy, jacking, Simon. Simon. He would want me to jack into my mom’s mind and control her like the students in the library, but jacking my mom summoned the same internal cringing I felt about controlling Raf.

  “How is Raf doing?” she asked, as if she had read my mind.

  “Raf?” I repeated. “Uh, yeah, Raf’s fine. Great.”

  She smiled and brushed back a strand of dusty hair that had fallen over her face. I could practice like Simon wanted, link in and mindtalk and make her think I had finally changed. But I would have to do it all the time or she would know something was wrong, and I wasn’t sure I could pull it off.

  Or wanted to.

  I couldn’t decide which was the worse lie—that I was still a zero, or that I could read minds like everyone else. Either one was better than the truth—that I was a mindjacking freak.

  “I need to study,” I said and fled to my room before she could ask me anything else. A vision of Raf, with his stony looks, chased me up the stairs.

  ~*~

  The next morning I escaped the house before Mom could grill me, using mouthfuls of breakfast and a manufactured scowl to keep her questions at bay. The empty halls of school smelled of overnight cleaning. I rounded a corner and found Simon leaning against my locker, wearing a Tactus Dura t-shirt. I was starting to think he had a collection.

  “Good morning,” I said carefully, opening my locker.

  He rained a brilliant smile on me. “Good morning. How’s your practice going? Did you link your thoughts to anyone?”

  I bit my lip, pretty sure I didn’t want to tell him about Shark Boy. “Well, no.”

  He leaned against the lockers again and studied me. “What about your parents?”

  “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right. You know, jacking into my mom’s head.”

  He let loose an exaggerated sigh. “Kira, you’ll have to jack into everyone’s head.”

  “I… I’m not sure I want to.” I looked away from his disappointment.

  “Hey.” His hand tucked under my chin. “I know it’s hard. But you’re going to have to make a choice, Kira. Do you want to be a zero your whole life?” I shook my head, my chin rubbing gently against his fingers. “Then you have to learn how to jack everyone. Even your mom. You’ll make her happy when she thinks you can read minds like everyone else. I promise.”

  I nodded, but the uncertainty must have shown in my face. Simon dropped his hand away. “It’s all or nothing, Kira. Because if you pick and choose, someone’s going to figure it out. And you’re not the only one with a secret here.” I nodded more vigorously. What would Simon do if someone found out our secret? I didn’t like the tight feeling that came with that thought.

  His voice flipped back to soft and tender. “We’re in this together, right?”

  “Right.” It sounded weak, so I backed it up with a tentative smile. I wanted Simon to trust me, and not only because his mood swings set my nerves on edge. I needed his help.

  He brushed his fingers against my hair. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

  As students began to trickle in, he turned away—before anyone saw us together. I ignored the twinge in my chest and headed to Latin with renewed purpose.

  Once there, I realized the difficulty of what I was facing. I had only mindjacked two people at the same time before. How could I juggle thirty minds at once? Instead, I stuck in my hearing aid and listened to Mr. Amando conjugate the verb to teach: doceō, docēre, docuī, doctus. I needed Simon to doce me how to jack an entire class before I attempted it on my own.

  Latin flew past, which meant English with Raf was next. The class was half full, with no Raf, which gave me a disturbing sense of relief. I took an empty seat between two students, leaving no room for him.

  A moment later Raf appeared at the door and paused to say goodbye to someone. The set of Raf’s shoulders told me he was already mad, but his jaw clenched when he saw I hadn’t saved him a seat. He passed by without a word and sat near the back of the class.

  I rubbed my face and stared ahead at Mr. Chance. His ineptitude with the mini-mic caused an annoying crackle in my ear. I crept into his mind, slow and gentle. I didn’t want to jack him accidentally, so I lingered at the edge, listening to the ear bud play a halting ec
ho of his thoughts. I took it out, shoved it into my pocket, and focused on my essay about Hester’s thoughts on the scaffold. At the end of class, I was packing my stuff and didn’t notice Raf until he stepped into my view with the oversized sneakers that were fashionable for Portuguese Soccer Gods.

  Emotions warred across his face. “Why aren’t you wearing your hearing aid?” he asked. Raf was dangerously observant. Had he seen me take notes without the aid?

  I stood and fished the tiny bud out of my pocket to show him. “The battery died.” I wondered how many lies I would have to tell today. And every day.

  “Oh.” His face brightened. “Well, you can copy my notes during free period.”

  I didn’t need the notes, but now I had to pretend that I did. “Um, that’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”

  “At least meet me for lunch. I only want to talk.”

  Lunch? I was supposed to meet Simon for lunch. “I, um, was going to go for a run at lunch.”

  “Kira.” He said my name like he was scolding me. “You can’t keep avoiding me.”

  I recognized his Stubborn Portuguese voice, and I felt the same tug as I had with my mom. I longed to tell Raf everything, spill all my secrets. Let him help me figure this crazy thing out before it got any worse.

  “Okay. I’ll see you at lunch.”

  How I would manage this, I had no idea. Maybe I could catch Simon and change our plans. I shuffled out of English and glimpsed Simon at the far end of the hall, hanging out with two boys and the blond girl from yesterday. As I approached, he studiously ignored me.

  An argument raged in my head. If I jacked into his friends’ heads, he couldn’t pretend that I didn’t exist. But there were three of them, and I’d have to jack all of them at once. I stared at Simon. The weight of my zero status hung on me as he refused to look my way.

  I spun and stalked off the other direction.

  The morning flew by on anxiety-hyped wings. I lingered at the edge of the cafeteria, scanning the room and hoping to flag down Simon before Raf found me. Simon was missing in action, but Raf waved from his seat in the middle of the cafeteria. I would have to explain to Simon later why I ditched him, but he wouldn’t want to be seen with me in the lunch room anyway.

  The wide circular lunch table seated ten, with chairs still sticky from last period’s lunch. Two students on the opposite side pretended not to watch as I slid into the seat next to Raf. I did a final check of the cafeteria for Simon and wondered what I could possibly say to Raf that would make any sense. Guess what, Raf? I can control minds!

  My fingers drummed the table top. Maybe I should let him go first. “You wanted to talk?” His tortured face only made me jumpier. “What?”

  He gripped his knees. “Kira, I’m sorry.”

  “Huh?” I said. “Sorry for what?”

  He dropped his voice so it wouldn’t carry over the quiet rustlings of the cafeteria. “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you in the chem lab. I thought that maybe… well, I couldn’t tell. I guess you didn’t want me to.” He was biting his lip and his pain was tearing into my heart.

  “Raf, it’s not that I didn’t…” His ink-pool eyes filled with hope. I traced the non-slip pattern on the table. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want you to…” This was impossible to say. He leaned closer, so I rushed to get the words out. “If things were different, I mean.”

  “Different?” He tipped back, his dark eyebrows knitting a frown. “Different how?”

  I looked away from Raf, and caught sight of Simon leaning against the Blue Devil mascot painted on the far wall of the cafeteria. His crossed arms and angry stare brought back his icy words. You’re not the only one with a secret.

  All thoughts of telling Raf the truth flew away like birds scattering before an approaching cat. What would Simon do? I couldn’t chance finding out. I fisted my hand on the table and then flattened it, debating which lie to tell Raf. The one where I was a zero? Or the one where I read minds? The truth wasn’t an option, and the lies were all I had. I looked Raf in the eyes and told him the only truth I could. “If I was different, Raf.”

  His nose wrinkled in disgust. “Is that what this is all about? Because you haven’t changed? I don’t care about that, Kira!”

  His incredulous tone attracted the attention of students two tables away, and his thoughts must have been rippling through their minds as well. I kept my voice quiet, but I couldn’t help being harsh. “Well you should! I’m not like you.” His mouth hung open. I balled my fists and was tempted to pummel the truth into him. Because that was the truth and he had to know it, as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise. Instead, I ground my hands into the tops of my legs. “You’re going to go to college and meet the future Mrs. Lobos Santos and live happily ever after. And I’m not. I’m not normal like you. I’m never going to be.” The bare truth of that burned a hole through my chest and tears stung my eyes.

  I tried to blink them back. Simon now stood at attention, his hands clenched at his side. Panic climbed up my back.

  “You could still change, Kira,” Raf was saying. “And it doesn’t matter anyway!” A sudden urge to move gripped me. Before Simon could do something worse than glare at us, I had to get away from Raf. I rose so quickly, I stumbled across the chair.

  Raf got up to stop me from leaving. He moved close, hovering over me, as if he could impress me with his height or sincerity, but all I saw were the puppet strings that Simon could cut in an instant.

  Raf’s voice trembled. “You’re my best friend, Kira.”

  I edged away from him. “You’ve always been my best friend, Raf.” Fear made my voice sharp. “But that’s all we can be.” The broken look on Raf’s face was more than I could stand.

  I left him standing in the middle of the cafeteria.

  I tore through the cafeteria door and blindly stumbled down the hallway.

  I tried not run past the few loitering students, but my legs were so strung with tension I could have sprinted all the way home without stopping. I turned a corner, but Simon caught up to me. A sudden tug at my elbow spun me to face him.

  “Well.” The glare still chiseled his features. “I understand things a little better now.”

  “Understand what?” I jutted my chin out and refused to be intimidated.

  “Why you’re so afraid to jack into your boyfriend’s head.”

  My stomach did backflips. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Not for lack of trying.” His words were biting, his smile cruel. “But you almost killed him when you jacked him. Didn’t you?”

  A tremble ran up my arms. How did he know? “You were in Raf’s head.” The accusation hung between us like a poisoned dagger.

  “Of course.” He didn’t quite sneer, but it felt like a slap anyway.

  I stifled my anger. He was in Raf’s head. From across the cafeteria. No one read minds that far. “You didn’t… did you jack him?” My mind rewound over Raf’s words. It didn’t make sense for Simon to force Raf to say those things.

  “No.” Simon’s dark look was back. “I was waiting for you to do it.”

  My shoulders sagged and the fight drained out of me. “I couldn’t.”

  The hardness on his face dissolved, and he heaved a heavy sigh. “You’re not like him, Kira. You’re never going to be like him. We’re different. Eventually you’ll have to jack into his head and control him like everyone else. That’s who we are.”

  I clamped my eyes shut. What good were crazy mind powers when they forced me to control or lie to the people I loved?

  Simon touched my cheek. “I know it’s tough,” he said. “But you need to accept it.” His fingers were warm under my chin. “You’re a mindjacker and that’s not going to change. Jacking is what you’re meant to do.”

  I drew in a deep breath. I could feel the rightness of Simon’s words, even if it twisted my insides. All those years of wishing hadn’t changed me into a reader. And Raf would never change into a jacker either. We were stuck with who we were.
/>
  Students trickled out of the cafeteria and headed for class. They had normal lives and bright futures like Raf. Simple problems like who to date and how to pass their classes.

  I will never be like them. My breath leaked out as I contemplated jacking all of them. Every day.

  Simon glanced down the hall. “It’s time for class. Promise me you’ll try. With everyone.”

  I hesitated. The last time in math class hadn’t exactly ended well. “What about Taylor?”

  “If she starts thinking trash about you again, I’ll knock her out myself.”

  I gave a short laugh. “All right. I’ll try.”

  “That’s my girl.” He beamed a smile that seemed to lift me. We walked to class, and Simon lingered close this time. We took seats in the back of class, and I knew what he expected.

  Mr. Barkley stood at the board in his starched, white shirt. I crept into his mind, just enough to hear his thoughts. Linking in, was what Simon had called it. Mr. Barkley’s mind-scent was like crisp apples on a fall day, and his whispering voice in my ear bud spoke a perfect echo of his thoughts.

  I always knew he was treating me right.

  I wasn’t sure what to do next. You can hear my thoughts, I told him. I’m saying hello. I made the command soft, closer to a suggestion. Mr. Barkley gazed across the rows of chairs and searched for my face. When he found it, I smiled. Good afternoon, Mr. Barkley.

  His eyes flew wide and he almost spoke aloud. Then a smile lit his face and filled his thoughts. Good afternoon, Ms. Moore. He continued the lesson without the whispering commentary. I slipped the hearing aid out and stuffed it in my pocket.

  I had more important things to do today than review tangents. I slowly linked into every mind in the class, first the ones nearby, then the rest, but still avoiding Taylor. I linked a mild echo of Mr. Barkley, so that each student believed they heard my thoughts. No longer a mental blank spot, I was part of the chorus of background voices that filled the classroom with mental noise.

  It became clear why the silence that made my skin itch was so essential. The cacophony of voices was almost too much to bear. Any audible sound would have been a cymbal crashing on top of the discordant symphony reverberating in my head. How much had I missed, how much life had passed me by while I was an unknowing zero?