“That’s you, Mrs. Rollins. Because you’re pretty like a princess, but you’re strong like a hero.”
Now if only I could live up to how Annie saw me. With a little sigh, I reached for my phone and texted Sandra.
Delia: Are you around? Could I stop by for a few minutes? Need to chat.
Her response was almost immediate.
Sandra: I’m stuck at home folding mountains of clean laundry. Please, come and talk to me before I lose my mind!
I grinned, picturing my friend drowning in an avalanche of clothes.
Delia: On my way.
It had been a while since I’d driven onto Fort Lee. I realized that I hadn’t been on post since I’d begun seeing Shaw—begun training with him, I corrected myself. Although, if I were going to be brutally honest with myself, what had started out as all-business, serious training had been slowly morphing to something else for a while now. At some point in the process, we’d become friends. And yesterday, sitting in his Jeep, kissing each other with a quiet desperation and burgeoning hunger, we’d become something else. What that turned out to be was in my hands now.
For the first time in five years, though, I realized I wasn’t avoiding looking at the places on post that might remind me of Dane. Instead, I was glancing around, wondering if I might catch sight of Shaw. I wanted to see him in this environment, in the surroundings that so much defined who he was. Because over these past three weeks, I’d also realized that while Dane had been in the Army, Shaw was a soldier. There was a difference. My late husband had been willing to be part of the military because he’d committed to it to pay for college, but the Army was ingrained into Shaw’s life. It was part of him.
And I knew I could never ask him to give it up or expect that it would become less important to him. I wouldn’t want to, because it would make him less Shaw. It was an important piece in the irresistible Shaw package, and I didn’t want to alter a single iota of that.
When I pulled to the curb in front of Sandra’s house, she was sitting on the front porch with a mug in her hand. I got out of my car and climbed the steps to join her.
“What happened to Mount Laundry?” I dropped onto the wicker chair opposite hers. “I thought I’d give you a hand with it.”
She shook her head. “Colin and his buddies came inside to watch a movie, and I couldn’t stomach one more viewing of Power Rangers. Once was good, twice was all right, but the thirty-eighth showing begins to wear thin, you know?” She nudged the small table between us closer to me, pointing to the cup there. “I made coffee for us, though. That one’s yours.”
“Mmmmm.” I lifted the cup and sipped. Sandra ordered her coffee beans from Hawaii, and she made the absolutely best brew. “Thanks. This is perfect.”
“Of course, it is. So, spill girlfriend. Have you made up your mind?”
I glanced up, surprised. “How did you know? I mean, about what?”
She laughed. “Let’s not play coy. You’ve been dancing around this deal with Shaw for almost a month now. He’s leaving for Air Assault school on Tuesday. What’re you going to do?”
I settled back in my chair, sighing. “He talked to you?”
Sandra shrugged. “He always talks to me, but lately, it’s what he’s not saying that speaks louder than what he’s telling me. Dee, the guy is gone over you. He’s completely ga-ga. I’ve known Shaw Kincaid for a long, long time. He and Jeff went to OBC together, and I used to feed the both of them when they’d come in from the field, filthy and ravenous. He’s always been a great friend and an awesome soldier, but I’ve never seen him interested—really interested—in any female. He got plenty of tail, don’t get me wrong, and the dude definitely took advantage of that, but never the same girl more than once.”
I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Is that supposed to make him more appealing to me? The lack of commitment?”
“Lack of commitment to the random girls—yeah. But he hasn’t so much as looked at another woman since the afternoon he met you. He’s spent every single afternoon with you, right? Who does that, if he’s not digging the chick? When he comes over here, all he says is Delia this and Delia that. He glows when he talks about you. Sweetheart, I’m telling you, Shaw is head over heels for you. There’s no question. So how do you feel about him?”
I closed my eyes. “I think . . . I think it’s the same with me. Every morning when I get dressed, I wonder if he’d like what I’m wearing. The best part of my day is when his Jeep pulls up in front of my house, and I always wish I could figure out a way to make our training sessions longer. We talk about everything and anything, and I’m completely comfortable with him.” I gnawed on the corner of my lip. “And he is a damn good kisser, too. Like . . . toe-curling, ovary-exploding, fireworks-in-your-eyes good.”
“You did kiss him!” Sandra pumped one fist. “I knew it. Shaw came over here last night to help Colin with a project for school, and he was really quiet. Shaw, not Colin, that is.” She laughed a little. “He told me about the air assault course—I didn’t know he was going until then—and that he’d discussed it with you, too. He said he wasn’t sure how you’d taken it. But when I started to push for details, he clammed up and his face went red. I knew something had gone down.” She leaned over, lowering her voice. “How far did you go? Did you two get freaky in his Jeep? Or did you let him into the inner sanctum of your bedroom? Tell me everything.”
My cheeks were pink, too, I was certain. “There’s not that much of anything to tell. We got caught in that downpour yesterday while we were running and we ended up back in the Jeep, where we made out. For a long time.” Even thinking about Shaw’s mouth moving over mine, his tongue stroking the sensitive inside of my lips, his hands on my face and his hard body pressed up against mine made me go gooey.
“Damn. How did you put the brakes on that?” She grimaced. “With Jeff away, I have to live vicariously through you, so I want to know it all.”
I chuckled. “You do know it all. We kissed . . . a lot. And then we talked, and then he took me home.” I slid her a sideways look. “He left the ball in my court. I have to decide what happens next.”
“Uh huh, and what’s the verdict?” Sandra leaned her chin on her hand. “I hope it’s full-speed ahead, no pausing for anything. That would be my advice.”
“Ugh!” I groaned, snuggling back in the chair. “Of course, it would be, because you’re brave and strong. I don’t know if I am. I don’t know if I can be like you.”
“Oh, honey. I’m not that brave and strong.” She took another sip of her coffee and then set down the mug. “Did you know that Jeff was wounded a few years back?”
“What?” Shock reverberated through me. “No. I had no idea. You’ve never mentioned it.”
She nodded. “I don’t talk about it that much, particularly when he’s deployed. But it happened. Colin was a baby, and it was Jeff’s first deployment since I had given birth. I thought I was fine with everything. But then I got that notification, and I slowly started to come apart inside. He was all right, although he had to have some recovery time at home and some physical therapy, too. But the longer he was here, the clingier I got. I didn’t want him to leave my sight. I freaked out if he was five minutes late coming home. The first assignment he had after getting off medical leave was airborne school. When I found out about that, I had a total and complete meltdown, and that was when Jeff said it was time for some real talk. He said that I was ruining our time together by worrying about our time apart. He told me, ‘Babe, if you freak every time I hit the silk, we’re never going to make it.’” She paused. “Hitting the silk is Army talk for making jumps. Anyway, he pointed out where I’d let the fear rob me of my joy. And I realized how right he was.”
“Just like that?” I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to turn it around that fast.
Sandra lifted one shoulder. “Not totally—I mean, I still had to deal with my feelings, and I did. I got some help with that, and I started going to a support group for Army spouses, t
oo. We’re all struggling with the same things, and that made it easier. But ultimately, I had to make the choice to be present whenever we were together and not let my fear ruin that time.”
“How did you do it?” I frowned. “Was it just putting on a happy face while Jeff was around?”
“No, because that wouldn’t be honest. It was . . . putting off the fear until another day. I’d tell myself that I’d be afraid later, when he wasn’t here. For now, I could be happy, because I’d have time to be scared tomorrow. Or the next week. Pretty soon, I realized that I wasn’t so frightened anymore. I had moments, sure, but they were fewer and farther between.”
“Do you think I can do that?” I wanted to think I could.
“Of course, you can. Let me ask you something, Dee. If you could go back in time, knowing what you do now, and make key life decisions again, would you choose not to fall in love with Dane?”
I shook my head. “Absolutely not. I wouldn’t give up the little bit of time we had together. I loved him, Sandra. He was my whole world.”
She spread out her hand. “That’s your answer, then. Even knowing the pain you’re going to face, even knowing for certain that you’re going to lose him, you’d still choose to love Dane. How can you do anything less when it comes to Shaw, when you have a better than good shot at a happily-ever-after?”
I nodded. “I know all of this. I heard Shaw yesterday. Hell, I repeated his advice today to a seven-year-old.” I rolled my eyes as Sandra giggled. “And I guess I know now what I want to do. I know what I’m going to choose to do.”
She tilted her head. “And that is?”
I let the broad grin stretch my lips. “I’m going to run . . . but this time, I’m running toward my future.”
* * *
Once I knew what I wanted to do, making it happen was surprisingly easy. With a little help from Sandra, everything fell into place.
I left her house and hurried to my own. I’d just stopped the car in my driveway when my phone buzzed.
Shaw: Going to be a little late today. Sandra needs help with something at her house.
I giggled, since this wasn’t news to me. It was my idea, after all.
Delia: No problem. Take your time. I’m going to catch up on some paperwork, so just come on in when you get here.
For the next forty-five minutes, I never stopped moving. I did a quick straighten-up of the house, which didn’t take long. I changed the sheets on my bed and folded back the covers. I scrounged up every candle I had and arranged them all strategically around my bedroom.
And then I took a bath, shaving and trimming the parts of me that needed that, and afterward, rubbing my favorite scented lotion into every inch of my skin. I dug out my sexiest lingerie, a push-up bra made of green and silver lace with a matching wisp of panties, and I slid on the matching lace shortie robe. When Sandra texted me a head’s up, I lit the candles and leaned against the end of the bed to wait.
The next ten minutes were the longest of my life. It felt as though my entire body was trembling, and I had more second-thoughts than I’d ever expected. I worried about what Shaw was going to think. Maybe he’d changed his mind since yesterday. Maybe Sandra was completely wrong about how he felt about me. Maybe he was going to laugh at my pitiful attempt at a seduction scene. Oh, God, I hadn’t done this in five years. What if I didn’t remember how to do it? What if I was horrible at it? What if—
“Delia? Hey, sorry it took me so long.”
My heart leaped out of my chest and began hammering against my ribs as my front door slammed shut. I ran my tongue over my lips and tried hard not to pass out as I raised my voice.
“I’m in here, Shaw. Come on back.”
Yup, I was pretty sure all of my limbs were shaking now. He was going to walk in and think I was having a seizure.
“Hey, are you . . .” His huge body filled the doorway to my bedroom, and his voice died away. “Um . . .” I watched as his gaze flitted around my room, taking in the candlelight, the bed and finally . . .me. His eyes went wide.
“Delia.” He whispered my name, reverence and shock filling the word. “My God. Look at you.”
I attempted a smile, but I was afraid it would end up looking like a bizarre clown parody. On the plus side, I’d stopped shaking the minute he’d appeared. It seemed Shaw had an oddly-calming effect on me . . . although other parts of me were definitely not calm.
“I made my choice.” I wrapped my arms around my middle, the lacy robe I wore rubbing against the bare skin of my stomach. “I decided to be a superhero princess. I’m choosing to be happy and brave today . . . and I’ll let tomorrow take care of itself.”
Shaw reached his hand toward me, and it gratified me on some level to realize he, too, was trembling. “Damn, Dee. When you make a choice, you go all in.”
I shrugged. “I believe in going the distance. Remember, I’m the girl who signed up to run thirteen point two miles when she didn’t even own a decent pair of running shoes.”
“I like that girl. I like her a whole lot.” He took my hand, tangling our fingers together, and drew me close to him. “Can I help you be brave today? And happy, too?”
I smiled into his eyes. “The happy part is pretty much dependent on you just now. Maybe we can make each other even happier.” I snaked my free hand around his waist to rub his back before I ventured lower to the muscular globes of that ass I’d been drooling over for weeks. “I think this is a good start.”
“I’d have to agree.” He lowered his head and whispered against my ear. “I’ve been dying to kiss you again since yesterday. But if I start now, I might never stop.”
I lifted my mouth until it was a breath away from his. “I hope that’s a promise.”
The last part of my word was lost as he covered my lips with his, consuming me wholly. I opened to him, kissing him back with wild abandon and pressing my body into his. I could feel his growing erection against my hip; the nylon running shorts didn’t hide anything, and I was grateful for that. I needed to know that he wanted me as much as I craved him.
Shaw’s hands went to the belt at the waist of my robe, fumbling as he tugged loose the knot. I shrugged it off, eager to be as close to him as I could. But he stepped back a little.
“For the last month, I’ve been looking at your body under running clothes, wanting to see every inch of you, dying to know what you looked like. You’re not going to deny me this now.” His voice was husky. “Babe, you’re fucking gorgeous.” His hands skimmed down my body, pausing to palm my breasts before they ran over the exposed skin of my stomach and down to my hips. “I can’t decide if I want to just stand here and take you in . . . or taste every fucking inch of you.”
I smiled, reveling in the heat I felt from his eyes. “My vote would be for the second.”
“Your wish, my command.” He scooped me up into his arms, making me shriek in mock terror before he dropped me onto the mattress and made as if to join me. I held up my hand.
“Take off your shirt first. I want to touch you . . . all over.”
He grinned. “Bossy, bossy. Well, if I must . . .” In one fluid movement, he reached down to grasp the hem of the shirt and tug it over his head, tossing it onto the floor. “Better?”
I quirked an eyebrow. “It’s a start.”
“No . . .” He crawled onto the bed, his eyes fastened on mine as he advanced on me. “This is a start.”
His arms braced on either side of me as he pinned me down with a gaze that was made of molten want. Every nerve-ending I had was waiting for his touch, craving his caress, and when he lowered his mouth to my nipple, I exploded, arching upwards on a cry of need.
He didn’t even pause in his assault on my senses, using his lips and teeth and tongue to draw my turgid nipple further into the wet heat of his mouth. One of my hands gripped the back of his neck, almost of its own accord holding him in place.
“Don’t stop. God, that feels . . . don’t stop, please.”
He chuckled a
gainst my boob, the vibrations of the sound only amping up my pleasure. “I’ve been waiting to suck on these sweet nipples, babe. I’m planning to take my time. God, you’re perfect.” Balancing himself on one arm, he used his free hand to move the cup of the bra out of the way, circling the aching tip with the pad of his thumb. I gasped and pushed his head back down.
“Relax. I’ve got you.” He scraped his teeth over me before shifting to lay on his side. “This is so pretty, and sexy to the extreme, but now I want it out of my way. I want you bare and laid out before me. Can you lean up so I can unhook you?”
I guided his hand to the center of my chest. “Front clasp. Easy access.”
“Now you’re speaking my language.” He flicked it open and eased it off me, tossing it away from us. “Look at you, Delia. You’re . . . exquisite.”
My face burned, but I was pretty sure it was with pleasure more than embarrassment. “I’m . . . small up top. I know most guys like more—”
“Hey.” He touched my lips with his finger. “Stop. I love every fucking inch of your body, and I haven’t even gotten acquainted with it yet. Your tits are perfect, because they’re yours. I’ve been fantasizing about sucking on them until you scream my name. Think we can make that happen?”
I thought I nodded, but I wasn’t sure because he had me on fire. He lifted the boob he hadn’t touched yet and began dropping light, teasing kisses over the skin. I made a noise of impatience, and he paused, glancing up at me.
“Tell me what you need, Delia. Tell me what you want.”
“Your lips,” I managed to choke out. “Your mouth sucking on my nipple until I scream your name. Put your mouth where your money is, dude. Like you promised me.”
He teased his finger in a circle just around where I wanted him most. “Soft and gentle, babe? Or hard and fast and wild?”
Hitting the Silk: A Career Soldier Military Romance Page 7
