Blind Reality

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Joshua is a pretty sweet guy,” she says as she bows her head shyly. I pull her to me and she allows herself to be cradled. It’s all for show and we both know this. The pads of my fingers rub small circles on her arm. Her goosebumps are instant, but she doesn’t ask me to stop.

  “Now to the question on everyone’s mind … Cole and Millie?” Patrick’s voice trails off as he says their name. It’s his job to get the audience riled, and he does. There’s a bunch of sick bastards wanting to find out if they did the deed or not. I know it’s going to be worse when Joey and I win a week in the master suite, but I’m ready for it.

  I glance at Millie who turns red and Cole stares at the television. I can see the tension in his jaw as he clenches his teeth together. You don’t realize how invasive this show is going to be when you sign up. Well I did, but I’m assuming the others hadn’t really thought that through. Sadly, everyone wants to know. He blindly reaches for her hand, a gesture that I find telling. If they didn’t want the viewers to know, surely he would’ve kept his hands to himself. I turn my attention toward Patrick Jonas. He’s smiling and likely imagining the show’s ratings going up. The first couple to win the master suite wasted no time getting down and dirty. Three cheers for ratings.

  Cole clears his throat and Millie glances at their joined hands. When he looks at the screen, he’s smiling. “One of the benefits of the master suite is that the cameras are off, so I guess whatever Millie and I did or didn’t do is our business. I can say this though; Millie and I are getting to know each other as husband and wife and hope to keep doing so when the show is finished.”

  The audience ahhhs at Cole’s words and I find myself nodding. I’m not looking forward to Joey and me sitting in the hot seat after we spend a week in the master suite. I don’t know if it will be to our benefit or not. On one hand, my fans could get pissed, especially if Joey hasn’t worked her way into their hearts. On the other hand, it gives us an advantage if people see that we’re connected and truly in love. Joey already has a crush on me and I’m an actor, so that bodes well for us. Plus, Joey is hot. Hot as in if we weren’t stuck in this house I’d want to know her. Sadly, we’ve met under the wrong circumstances.

  “Newlyweds, your next challenge will begin in an hour.” The screen goes blank, and it dawns on me that I don’t have a clue what just took place after Cole gave his answer. I must’ve zoned out. Millie is the first to stand, quickly followed by Amanda. I can’t see Millie’s face, but I’m gathering that she’s upset.

  “Are you going to go with them?” I ask Joey, as she pulls away from me. The screen is off and the audience can’t see us anymore, there’s no need to pretend. Except sometimes I feel like I’m not pretending. I do enjoy having her in my arms.

  Joey looks at me and back to where the other girls went, then back at me. She hesitates because Amanda in particular hasn’t been all that nice to her. Millie has made an effort, but Amanda has been snide with her comments about Joey being married to me.

  This past week we’ve all been able to hang out. The producers are giving us a chance to really get to know each other before they throw us into the depths of competitions. Gary, Cole, and I have lifted weights, run a few laps, and spent hours watching the women sunbathe. At one point, I caught Gary drooling. I didn’t ask him which girl had his attention because I didn’t want to punch him in the face for staring at my wife.

  Joey confides in me at night—which makes me believe we’ll maintain a great friendship once we’re outside the house—that Amanda feels as if she were robbed and that Joey isn’t worthy of a guy like me. How Amanda knows that about Joey is beyond me. It’s not like Joey chose who she would marry, the producers paired us up. It’s a crapshoot and all about how you match up on paper.

  Nights have been my favorite time in the house. I get to be me, and even though Joey has that crush, it doesn’t define her. I’m fairly certain that the Joey I get at night is the same Joey I’d get outside the house. My favorite part is when she sneaks into my T-shirts when she thinks I’m not looking, or when we’re about to go to bed and she comes in make-up free and even more beautiful.

  “I don’t know if I should,” Joey replies with trepidation. Last year when I watched the show, catfights were a regular occurrence. It’s not easy living with six people, especially when you’re all fighting to be the best. Each of our competitions means something. We’re vying for that elusive master suite or for cash and other household prizes. But when you get women together, who are trying to impress their new husbands, the gloves come off. I think Joey is trying to avoid situations like that even though they make for great ratings.

  “I think you should go. The cameras are rolling and the more sympathetic you are the more my fans will become yours. We want those votes at the end of the show.” I see her face fall before she can look away. She doesn’t say anything as she stands and walks away. Everything in me is telling me to go after her, to tell her I’m sorry and I didn’t mean it, but I can’t become attached. It’s only been a week and I’m already thinking about her outside the house. She’s a distraction that I can’t afford.

  “What do you think they’re doing in there?” Gary asks as he nods toward the back part of the house where the women disappeared. I want to say something sarcastic like making out, but I fear that he’d become overly excited and rush back there. I’m all for women having their time. Guys have it. We just don’t like to admit it. There’s many times where Rob and I sit around and discuss women. Mostly it’s me trying to dissect my relationship with Jules and why we can’t seem to make it work. I’m not even going to try once I’m out of this house. I have no doubt she hates me right now. I didn’t give her a warning and I’m sure her image is taking a hit.

  “I’m sure they’re probably consoling Millie,” Cole adds.

  “I don’t think any of us expected such invasive questions. I watch the show and even that question took me off guard,” I say, hoping to put Cole at ease. I’m used to questions like this and the more popular I become the more personal they’re going to get. You learn to shrug it off, or avoid the questions altogether, but sometimes you can’t. Everyone here, aside from me, is not used to hiding what they’re thinking. Most people wear their emotions; it’s what the vultures of Hollywood strive on. Actors learn to act at the flip of a switch. When we’re being asked about the week Joey and I spent in the master suite, I’m going to smile coyly, bow my head, and give them just want they’re looking for without admitting it. Let them assume. It’s what everyone is good at.

  “I don’t know how you do it.” Cole leans back into the couch. Sighing, he runs his fingers through his hair before his hands move roughly over this face.

  “I get it.” I kick my legs out in front of me and almost mirror his relaxed state except my arms are behind my head. “It’s not always easy, especially when they’re talking about someone you care about. One thing to remember is that you don’t care what they think. You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to, and most importantly it’s your job to protect your wife.” I point to the area where the girls disappeared. “She’s your priority now, not the show.”

  “He’s right,” Gary adds. “We each need votes to win, so you have to show those women out there that you’re a good guy.”

  Cole looks at Gary and shakes his head. “We’re battling for votes and you’re telling me to show the voters how sensitive I am?”

  Gary shrugs and looks at me for guidance. I have none. I’m solely counting on my fans to come through for me. For all I know they could be hating on Joey and my plan could backfire. I’m praying that they love her, and find her a perfect match for me. It’d be nice if they hold off on the hate until after the show when I tell them all that marriage wasn’t for me and that Joey is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, that she and I will remain best friends. I can’t let the media drag her through the mud. It wouldn’t be fair.

  “I just think … hell, I don’t know what I’m thinking. We�
�re about to go into a competition and I’m thinking of throwing it so Amanda and I don’t win. I’m fairly certain the thought of me repulses her.” Gary’s frustration with Amanda is very evident when we’re all hanging out. He’s a clinger, and she’s got eyes for me even though she knows I’m happy with Joey. It’s all about how you act in front of others.

  “You know the microphones are on and the producers will likely replay this for the viewers, right?”

  Gary sighs heavily. “My wife is hot. I’m not. I know I have a lot to do to catch her eye, but three months isn’t enough time to change this.” He motions down the front of him. He’s not out of shape, but compared to Cole and me, he’s a bit portly. He’s a guy who sits in front of a computer all day and most likely eats there; he could probably use a gym buddy.

  “I can always help,” I volunteer before I realize what I’m saying. I want to take it back because I don’t want to be committed to helping him, but it’s too late. Gary’s eyes go wide with surprise and I know he’s going to accept my offer. I would if I were him.

  “Really?”

  I nod, albeit reluctantly, but have no choice. He already follows me around like a puppy when the women are doing whatever it is they do. I’m the movie star and to him that means fast cars, lots of woman, and tons of cash to throw around at him. Two of the three I’m lacking. Women aren’t the issue. “Sure, why not. I work out anyway, so you might as well join me. You have to change your diet, though. Don’t be guzzling beer and eating chips all the time. If you don’t take this seriously, it won’t work. Watch what you eat, don’t sit around so much, and be proactive. Amanda will start to notice.”

  Gary leans forward, clearly excited about our newfound friendship. “Do you think you can help with her?”

  “I have my own issues to take care of.” Rising, I stretch, hoping that the cameras are panning around. I rub my abs for good measure.

  He scoffs. “Joey is so into you.”

  “That may be, but we’re still getting to know each other.”

  I walk into the kitchen, grab a glass, and pour myself some water from the pitcher that is sitting on the counter. Gary and Cole follow. Cole goes for the water, while Gary grabs a soda. I tsk and he looks down at his hand and puts it back. He opts for the water, too, and while I know this may backfire, the fact that he looks up to me is a bit comical since he’s supposed to be competing against me.

  “Newlyweds, your next competition begins in ten minutes. Please change and meet out back.” The voice clicks off and we stand there in silence. After downing the rest of my water, I take off toward the bedroom Joey and I have been staying in. Within the next half hour, everything is going to change and she and I will be in the master suite playing husband and wife.

  The computer voice tells us it’s time for our competition. I’m not sure if I want to win after witnessing the monumental breakdown Millie just had. Through blubbering tears, Millie confirmed what we all assumed—she and Cole had ‘done it’. Her words, not mine. Amanda told her that she was lucky that she trusted Cole enough and she just wasn’t there with Gary. I think she would be if she gave him a chance, but then again if he’d stop belching and rubbing his ever-growing beer gut, she might give him the time of day.

  Not that I care.

  I see her watching Joshua when he’s working out. I don’t blame her, but she should be focused on her husband, not mine. It’s annoying when she prances around in her tiny bikini and asks him to rub lotion on her back. He looked at me one time for approval. He didn’t and she didn’t get his soft hands on her back. I probably would’ve cried if he had touched her.

  He’s mine.

  For three months, less one-week, and then I have to give him back. Amanda has charted out our days, telling us how many are left, and I hate her for it. I don’t want to know the end is near, that I have one less day to be his wife. I want to continue living in this fantasy world where nothing else exists. He doesn’t leave me on a pre-determined date. We continue to be blissfully happy, sans sex, and I’m the only one he has eyes for.

  “We should go,” I say as I head for the door. We’ve been cooped up in the pantry for what feels like an hour. Millie chose this place because aside from the master suite, there isn’t a camera in here. The producers can still hear us through our mics and will no doubt air all of what we discussed, but they won’t see Millie crying.

  As soon as I open the door, my heart jumps. Cole appears, scaring me half to death. He looks over my shoulder at Millie, and I turn just in time to see her sad smile appear when they make eye contact. He cares for her, it’s written all over his face. He brushes past me, not even giving me a sideways glance, and goes to her. I long for that connection with Joshua. I want him to be the one to comfort me in my time of need or distress. I want to be able to hold him, cry on his shoulder when life is getting to be a bit rough and have him understand.

  I have that now, plus the stolen kisses and stealth handholding. Most of that happens under the covers and I’m okay with it. I know the viewers can see when he’s kissing me. Part of me hopes it makes them jealous while the other part of me wishes they could never see anything happen between us. The divorce, annulment, the end of my life as I know it will be messy. Joshua’s fans are going to slay me on social media. I’ll be branded the gold-digging whore the moment we step out of the house. I’m sure that’s what I’m being called now, and it’s probably a good thing all electronic devices have been taken away from us. I want to hope that Joshua will protect me, but like he’s said, he’s here to win the money. My feelings likely don’t register with him.

  Joshua is in the room when I walk in. I catch him pulling up his shorts and stifle a laugh when he yanks them a little too hard. His pained expression tells me everything that I need to know.

  “I thought you were Amanda.”

  I pause and look at him. “Why would she be in here?” I don’t want to be possessive, but damn it, he’s my husband right now.

  “She shouldn’t be, but I can usually tell when it’s you coming down the hall.”

  “How?” I ask, hoping that he can dig himself out of the hole he’s starting to bury himself in.

  Joshua doesn’t tie the board shorts he’s put on and it takes everything that I have in me to not pull him closer by those flimsy strings. He slides our door shut and comes over to me. We’re almost chest-to-chest, the closest we’ve been all day.

  “It’s your perfume. I can usually smell it a mile away, figuratively speaking, and I’ve been waiting for you to get done with Millie. So when you walked in and I didn’t smell you before you got here, I automatically assumed it would be Amanda.”

  Nice story, but not buying it, buddy. “Why was the door open if you were changing?”

  “I’ve noticed that if it’s shut, you won’t come in. I’m not sure why, but sometimes I think you’re afraid to interrupt me.”

  As I cross my arms over my chest, his eyes fall to my cleavage. He licks his lips, an act that I find enticing and sexy. Sometimes I think he’s attracted to me and then other times I think he’s a guy and probably horny. But he’s right. If the door is shut, I’ll go find something else to do and wait for him to open it. I don’t want to bother him.

  Joshua pushes my hair behind my ear and leans in. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

  When I don’t answer him, he kisses me just below my ear. “Since we woke up, I’ve wanted to do this,” he says in between kisses. My arms fall to my sides, giving him the opportunity to step closer. “I wish you’d open up to me.”

  “I can’t,” I cry out as my heart breaks a little bit more.

  Joshua stands tall and places his hand on my neck. “Why not?”

  Sighing, I look him square in his beautiful brown eyes. “It’ll hurt when it’s over.”

  He can’t hide the frown that takes over his face. The words I just said hurt, not only me, but him as well. It’s the truth and there isn’t anything I can do to change it. He’s said it from day one. I’m
just reminding him that when this is over we go back to reality.

  Reality sucks.

  “You’re right, but in here you’re my wife and a wife walks in on her husband changing or when he’s looking for a few moments of peace and quiet. A husband probably wants his wife to walk in, come lie in his arms, and pretend that we’re not in a house with TV cameras following our every move. I may be an actor, but every now and again I need an escape.”

  I lean into his hand and fight the urge to kiss his wrist. It’d be so easy to give myself to him, but he doesn’t want that. No sex, just kissing. My body is screaming for it, and even though he’s not rejecting me, it still feels the same.

  “We have a competition.” I have to break up the sexual tension in the room. He’s usually the first one to pull away, but today it’s going to be me. I’m going to be strong enough to resist him.

  “We have a game to win,” he says as he places both his hands on my cheeks and kisses me full on the lips. His tongue grazes my lips, but before I can open and allow him in, he pulls away.

  He wins.

  He’s always pulling away.

  The six of us stand at the back door and wait for it to open. We see what our competition is at the same time so that no one has an unfair strategy. The door opens automatically, giving us each our own vantage point. When I see what’s before us, today’s outfits make sense. The guys are dressed in board shorts, each a different color, and only Cole and Gary wear T-shirts. My husband, of course, has opted not to put one on; either that or the producers didn’t give him one. Amanda, Millie, and I are dressed in board shorts, much shorter than the ones the guys wear, and bikini tops. We color match, with Joshua and I being in Navy blue.

  Outside, the backyard has been transformed into a mud pit. The guys rub their hands together when they see this and I can only imagine what is going through their minds right now. Mud wrestling is not something I’ve ever wanted to try.