Blind Reality

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Joey.” His voice is quiet, sexy.

  My fingers find their way into his hair and his eyes close. Yes, the attraction is definitely there, he just needs to act on it. I wet my lips and place them on his chest, moving my way to his ear. “You’re my husband. I’m entitled,” I whisper as I tug lightly on his earlobe.

  Joshua’s hands grip my hips as he growls. If that’s meant to discourage me, it’s not. I kiss along his jaw to his other ear where I flick my tongue and his hands respond by pulling me closer. His hand slides up my back until his fingertips are touching the clasp of my bikini.

  My head is screaming, Yes, yes, yes. I’m winning.

  I’m afraid to pull away and look into his eyes. I don’t want to see hesitation or regret. I trail my nose along his cheek and when my lips are in perfect position, I make my move. He has two options: let me kiss him like I did before, or push me away.

  He chooses the former and plunges his tongue deep into my mouth, giving me what I’m asking for. I grip his hair tighter and grind my body against his. I’m pulled against him when he cups my ass earning a righteous moan. Joshua moves us toward the bed and I have to keep myself from pulling away and fist pumping out of happiness.

  Everything about Joshua is just how I fantasized it would be. We don’t plop on the bed, but glide down gently. He never lets go and our mouths continue to work against each other. Part of me wishes this were being televised so his fans could see that he’s serious about me, but the other part is thankful this is being done in private so when he rejects me, only he can see my disappointment.

  Joshua grinds his hips into mine making me gasp. He uses this moment to break away and lavish me with the most sensual kisses I have ever experienced. His hips move against mine as we rock into each other. My back arches when his tongue licks along the swell of my breasts. The tie of my bikini top falls away, the cool air making my nipples pucker. My hand moves the waistband of his shorts, pushing inside. He moans and I take that as a green light to continue. My hand moves up and down his shaft as my body teeters between reality and a stupid wet dream. In every fantasy I’ve had, we’ve done this, except we weren’t drunk.

  Drunk.

  “Joshua,” I say breathlessly as his tongue moves in and out of my mouth.

  “I know. I want this, too.”

  Before I can come up with a coherent rebuttal, Joshua is pulling my bikini bottoms off and tearing open one of the thousand colorful condoms sitting on the nightstand, and as much as I want to gawk at his body, I can’t. I’m afraid that this is just another moment in the insanity that lives in my head.

  [Roll intro]

  “I’m Patrick Jonas, and welcome to another episode of Married Blind.”

  [Theme music plays]

  “It’s time to crown another master couple this week and check in with our reigning couple. This week, the couples will compete for their first luxury competition. Tonight one lucky couple will win a date out, away from the other newlyweds. We’ll find out more after this commercial break.”

  [Stagehands enter the house and adjust the microphones of the contestants]

  [Break over]

  [Audience applause]

  “Welcome back. Now let’s check in with our houseguests and see how their relationships are developing. I know I’m a little curious to talk to Joshua and Joey.”

  [Audience oohs]

  “And find out just how things are shaping up for Cole and Millie and Gary and Amanda. I think it’s time for Gary and Amanda to make a splash, don’t you?”

  [Audience cheers]

  “I have a feeling they’re playing it safe, but is there a need to?”

  [Switch to the live feed]

  “Hello, newlyweds.”

  [All respond]

  “Well, the first thing the viewers want to know; Joshua and Joey, how is married life?”

  I look at Joey, sitting next to me like a doting wife. When I woke up this morning … well, let’s just say I was very confused. She was sound asleep on the couch and I was buck ass naked except for my … and he was snuggled up with a blue raincoat that was sticking to my leg. After a painful attempt to remove the sleeve, in which I lost a few leg hairs in the process, I hopped into the shower and tried to remember the activities from the night before. I want to say everything came flooding back to me as soon as the water hit my face, but only red cups, laughter, and a bottle of tequila gave me a glimpse of what we did. One thing is for certain—Joey and I had sex last night and now that awkward “is he going to remember” moment is happening.

  Joey is cool as a cucumber and if I didn’t know any better I’d say she’s done this a million times. I’m supposed to be the actor, not her, and yet here she is poised and ready to take on the most invasive question possible in front of a live audience. I’m not sure what she’s going to say. I mean, we had sex last night and even though I don’t remember it, I felt pretty damn good when I woke-up this morning and I have no doubt that’s because of her. I hate that we had to be drunk for it to happen, but my subconscious knew what I wasn’t willing to admit. I want her. I just can’t have her. Not like this and not in this house where our lives are dictated by time slots and ratings.

  “Married life isn’t what I thought it would be.” She looks at me and shrugs. My stomach bottoms out with dread. “I mean, Joshua cleans up after himself, does his own laundry, and makes his own food. Aside from the ring on my finger …” Joey pauses and holds her hand out. My eyes close, I don’t know what she’s going to say, but it isn’t going to be pretty or in my favor. “Well, let’s just say things are different.”

  I’m suddenly angry and I don’t know why. What the hell kind of questions are these and why is she being so coy? Patrick Jonas chuckles and for some reason I want to reach through the television and strangle him. My anger, for what it’s worth, should be focused on Joey for not following our plan … my plan. I need to talk to her about last night and find out just how things got out of control. I know we were both drinking, but I didn’t think she was that drunk and by all accounts she and I shouldn’t have had sex, but we did and I think I liked it. No, I know I did because I have the urge to pick her up and carry her away so we can do it again, but this time sober. I want to know exactly what she feels like pressed against my body without the cloud of tequila being in the way. What happened last night or early this morning can’t happen again.

  “Are you saying that Joshua Wilson is a diva?”

  Joey blanches, but recovers quickly, yet another feature that would do well in Hollywood. I don’t know why I can find all these amazing things about her, but not give in. Apparently only my brain is the logical one since my dick has a mind of its own.

  “Absolutely not. My husband is very kind and I’m a lucky woman for all the reasons I listed above.” Joey glances over and smiles; her eyes light up and everything seems happy. When Patrick starts talking, her face tells a different story. She’s acting, and I just bought it, just like I’ve been asking her to buy into my bullshit. Oh God, what did I do to her last night? I need this segment to be over so we can talk. It’s the dreaded “this shouldn’t have happened” talk that I never pictured myself having with her. She’s going to be hurt and probably kick me in the nuts, and I deserve that, but I was drunk and the fact that I only remember bits and pieces of the night does not bode well for me. I can’t even tell her that I enjoyed myself. I mean … it looks like I did and my body feels great, but I just can’t remember.

  “Gary, Joshua has taken you under his wing of sorts. How are you feeling with your new workout?”

  All eyes are on Gary, and the man he was a few days ago is not the man sitting here now. He’s taken my advice and is doing everything he can. I haven’t seen him pick up a beer in a week and he’s been pushing himself with training.

  Gary smiles and he should be. He looks at Amanda, who has a small lift to her lip. There has been no mistaking her attitude toward him, but she seems to be warming her icy stance on them being a coup
le.

  Amanda is much like me. She’s just a bitch about it. I have my reasons for keeping Joey at arm’s length. It’s better for both of us if I do it this way.

  “Josh and Cole have been a great support system and I do believe my wife is enjoying the fruits of my labor.” Gary runs his hand down his chest and over his stomach, a slimmer one at that, but still a bit portly. Amanda blushes and the audience does their usual prompted oohs and aahs.

  Cole starts clapping and I join in. Any confidence that we can give him is a boost. I meet a lot of people in my line of work and know that even the slightest amount of confidence can make someone feel as if they matter.

  “Okay, newlyweds, you’ve been in the house a few weeks now, what do you miss the most about the outside world?”

  “I actually miss my job,” Millie answers first.

  I don’t. I’m happy for the vacation, but am afraid of what my bank account will look like when I’m out of here. I’m going to need to book back-to-back jobs just to catch up. I already have one set up in Alabama starting a week after we finish our press tour. That is going to be a good excuse as to why Joey and I can’t work out once we’re done with the game. We’d never see each other, and she needs a man who is going to worship her and be everything to her that I can’t. I want to kick my own ass for thinking of such a lame ass excuse, but it’s the best I got right now.

  “Privacy,” Joey says.

  “Starbucks,” Amanda adds.

  “What about the guys?” Patrick asks.

  “I miss my gym,” I answer.

  “My computer,” Gary says.

  I want to add his porn channels, but don’t.

  We all turn to look at Cole, who is staring at Millie. It confuses me as to why he’s looking at her when the question is about what we all miss from the outside world. Millie whispers something and he smiles. A gesture that pains my heart a little, reminding me that I could have something similar with Joey if I weren’t so damn stubborn.

  “I miss the ability to take my wife on a date.”

  We can hear the audience members as they all audibly sigh and with one sentence he’s put him and Millie in the lead. He’s smooth; I’ll give him that. And now I need to up my game. I can’t have him stealing votes from my fans. The producers make sure we can hear the audience and their elation.

  “Well, Cole, now that you’ve said that I’ll tell you what your next competition is. Newlyweds, tonight is game night. Outside you’ll find three booths, and a trivia board. Up for grabs to the couple who gets the most questions right is: date night! Your competition begins in five minutes.”

  I quickly take Joey’s hand in mine and all but drag her to the backyard. She and I need this date night so we can have some privacy to discuss what happened in our room last night. Short of getting into the shower with her—which I don’t think is a very good idea right now—this will be our only option. Our booth is yellow. I hate yellow. My funk needs to change or we’re going to lose this battle.

  As soon as we’re all in our respective booths, the questions start. The idea of the game is to be the first to answer, but we won’t know if we’ve got the question right until the end. We have to be fast and efficient. I step in behind Joey and cage her in with my arms. I half expect her to step away from me, but she doesn’t. Yet another reason why she’s perfect. Despite her being on the couch this morning, she’s showing the viewers that we’re solid. But the whole couch thing confuses me and I need to ask her why she was there. Hopefully I didn’t do a dickhead move and kick her out of the bed or something.

  “Do want me to read the questions?”

  “Yeah, babe, that works.”

  Joey turns her head slightly, but doesn’t say anything about my slip and it makes me wonder what else I called her in the heat of the moment. The first question pops up:

  What is the Invasion of Normandy also known as?

  “D-Day,” I whisper into her ear, not even looking at the options available to us.

  What’s the northernmost city in the contiguous United States?

  “It has to be in Maine,” I say when the options pop up.

  “Are you sure?” she asks, hesitating.

  “Positive.”

  Joey presses the button and we wait for the next question. The fact that the question is still on the board means that someone hasn’t answered. I want to win, but I don’t. I want to give her a date she’ll never forget, but leaving the sanctuary of the house scares the shit out of me.

  In which three cities can you find ‘Sea World’?

  This time there isn’t any multiple-choice answer to pick from. Joey looks at me mouthing two of the three, but I’m not sure what the last one is. The clock ticks down as I shake my head. “Just press something because I don’t know.”

  Her face falls and I know she’s thinking that we just lost. She wanted to leave the house, too, not that I can blame her.

  What does croquis painting mean?

  “This is easy,” she says as she presses the button. I don’t have a clue as to what she just answered though.

  “What’s the answer?”

  “To draw or paint a naked model.” Her answer is so nonchalant that I need to know more.

  “How do you know that?”

  Joey shrugs. “I may have done some modeling early in college.”

  My mouth hangs open, completely dumbfounded by her admission. Joey steps back, getting my attention. Only she doesn’t need to, she has it all. My eyes travel down her back and over her ass as images of her naked filter through my mind. I know I’m not doing her body justice. And damn if I don’t want to try my hand at painting later.

  “Do you know this one?” she hisses, shaking me from my daydream. I squint at the screen, even though I don’t need to, and look at the question.

  What actor plays Professor Charles Xavier in X-Men?

  I press the button for Patrick Stewart and give her a ‘what the hell’ look. “You haven’t seen X-Men?”

  She shakes her head. I mean it’s not the end of the world, but most women I know have the movies because of all the “eye-candy” as they call us men. Objectifying us every chance they get.

  “Wow, I’m shocked.”

  “Don’t be. My ex doesn’t like sci-fi.”

  “Yeah well you’re married to me now, aren’t you?” Word vomit is what I’m suffering from. Joey stiffens and I know I’ve set her off again. I need duct-tape for my mouth.

  “This is our last question,” she reminds me. At this point I don’t think we have a chance, but whatever.

  What does RB stand for in football?

  Joey pushes the button so fast I don’t have time to finish reading the question. “Do you think we got that one right?”

  “I know we did,” she says confidently. I wish she’d turn around and look at me, but I’m getting the cold shoulder. The very cold one I deserve. Finding a way to fix my mistake isn’t going to be easy. Joey wants what I can’t give her even though I want to. I was never supposed to fall in love with her, or anyone for that matter.

  Why’d she have to be so damn perfect?

  “Newlyweds, it was close,” Patrick starts. Right now I only want to win so we can have some privacy to talk. We have one more night in the master suite until our competition tomorrow, so I could man up and talk to her tonight. Or I can chicken out and hide downstairs with Gary and Cole until I know she’s asleep.

  “You’re all separated by a few seconds. In third, Josh and Joey.”

  “Shit,” I mumble. “It had to be that Sea World question.”

  Joey nods, not looking at me.

  “And tonight’s winner … Cole and Millie!”

  “That was rigged,” I say as they jump up and down, while the rest of us clap with little enthusiasm. Joey sidesteps me and goes to congratulate the winners. I tag behind her, with my tail between my legs, and wish them luck. Before Joey can escape, I grab her hand and pull her into the house and up our suite.

  �
�We need to talk about last night,” I say as soon as I shut the door. I look around our room for any evidence that we got a bit freaky, you know with a painting hanging sideways or random contents on the floor. The floor … I look around the bed for the condom wrapper, but don’t see one. Did she clean up after me?

  “Josh, we got drunk and played a game. Games like that tend to teach you a little more about your friends.”

  “Joey, we had sex. Sex isn’t a game. I took advantage of you, so if you want to hit me or yell at me, I can take it.” I spread my arms out wide and close my eyes. When I don’t feel the pounding on my chest, I peek out of one eye to find her staring at me confusingly. “What?”

  Joey’s arms are crossed over her chest and her lip is jutted out. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she’s pissed.

  “I don’t want to hit you.”

  “Why not?” I ask, knowing full well that I deserve it for taking advantage of her. I know how she feels about me and should’ve never put her in this situation.

  “We didn’t have sex.”

  “Um … yes we did,” I rebut her claim. She doesn’t have to pretend like it didn’t happen.

  “No, we didn’t,” she says matter-of-factly.

  I step forward and place my hands on her shoulders. “Joey, we did and I must’ve said something stupid to you because you ended up sleeping on the couch. What can I do to fix this? I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

  Her eyebrow rises and there’s a slight smirk creeping across her face. There’s nothing but mystic and danger in her eyes. Whatever she’s thinking, I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to say no.

  Joey sets her hands my cheeks. “Joshua, you and I didn’t have sex last night. When I came out of the shower, you were spread out like a five-point star and I couldn’t move you so I slept on the couch.”