Natexus

by Victoria L. James

  “Be safe,” he said quietly, but it was impossible to miss the waver of his voice and the hint of worry. It made sense to me. It was something I was always going to have to live with now, and I didn’t mind or begrudge him the right to panic one bit. He’d already lost one daughter. The thought of another being taken from him or hurt in any way was just too much for him to bear. That sense of panic wasn’t going to leave him now until he took his last breath on this earth.

  Maybe not even then.

  “Always am,” I reassured him before I picked up my purse from the side of my bed, and made my way downstairs.

  Mum waved me off in her usual manner, but one last glance over my shoulder as I made my way down the pathway showed me just how worried they both were. They’d huddled together in the doorway, arms wrapped around each other as their one and only daughter walked out into the unknown with their permission. I understood their need to keep me wrapped in a security blanket for the rest of my life. I got it. If I hadn’t made my promises to Sammy, Suzie and Danni, I would probably have let the guilt drag me back inside and keep myself safe for my parents’ benefit.

  But I had made them a promise. I’d made one to myself, too. I wasn’t going to miss out on our end of year celebrations because I felt ashamed or embarrassed.

  The taxi pulled up in front of our house only a few minutes later, and the shrieks of laughter that poured out onto the pavement when Danni opened the door had me smiling instantly.

  “Come on, Nat,” she shouted in excitement, beckoning me to the car.

  I slid inside as quickly as I could, tucking my dress under my thighs so as not to show the world my underwear. I’d barely got my seatbelt in place when Danni reached over and pressed the button to slide the window down. Sticking her head out of it, she pressed her whole body against my thighs and shouted at my parents.

  “Hey, Mr. Vincent. Mrs. Vincent. Don’t worry about Nat. We’ll take good care of her…Ouch!” Her head snapped back around as she slapped a hand to her arse and turned her stare on Suzie who was sitting in the back with us. “Did you just give me a wedgie?”

  “Little bit.” Suzie chuckled. “Although, it’s hard to wedgie something that’s already stuck up your crack.”

  “You cow! This dental floss g-string is made of delicate lace.” Danni quickly glanced back at my parents and offered them a full, beaming smile along with a wave that replicated The Queen's. When she slid back into her seat, making no effort to hide the fact she was adjusting her underwear, she slapped a hand on both mine and Suzie’s thighs. “God, I can’t wait to party. I am so ready for this.”

  “Do you think we’ll have any problems getting in? We don’t have any I.D.” Suzie sounded more worried than I expected her to be as she leaned forward and took a good look at me for the first time that night. “Shit, Nat. You look hot as hell.”

  My blush was instant, and it wasn’t long before Sammy was turning around in the front seat to get a good look at me.

  Danni’s eyes trailed up the length of my exposed legs before she reached across and got a good grab of my boobs.

  “Hey!” I laughed, quickly pulling her hand away.

  “Have you put socks down there?” she asked seriously, her eyes still locked on my chest.

  “Do people actually do that?” Suzie whispered beside her, her eyes aimed in exactly the same direction.

  “It’s usually tissue,” Sammy muttered from the front seat, her voice quiet and her stare intense as she ogled my boobs.

  Staring at them all in turn, I eventually shook my head and covered my body with my arms. “Okay, quit it. I’m starting to feel weird.” I grinned at them all before raising a brow at Suzie, who was still wide-eyed and ogling. “Earth to Suzie.”

  “Shit.” Shaking her head, she lifted her eyes to mine and laughed. “Fuck, if you have this effect on me, you need to stay away from Paul tonight. I swear he’s developing a crush on you.”

  “Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes, unable to hide the small smile still lingering on my face. “He’s not my type.”

  “Who is your type?” Danni asked, nudging my shoulder carefully. “Mr. Law?”

  The taxi fell quiet all at once, and no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes lit up with excitement, I couldn’t do it. Just the sound of his name had my stomach performing somersaults. Huffing out a weak laugh at absolutely nothing at all, I turned to look out of the window and just watched as the world whizzed by in a blur of summer coloured images.

  Mr. Law most definitely was my type; there were no doubts about that. He was the dream I never knew I’d had, the spark that was always going to set me aflame and make me feel alive right before I burned to death.

  I just wasn’t sure I was made strong enough to survive that kind of torture.

  Maybe I had to find a new type – someone who appealed to me enough to bring my skin to life without leaving any scars once he’d finished.

  My world was full of maybes all of a sudden.

  I had no idea how to tell my friends just how much that thought scared me.

  So I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Suzie barely breathed while we waited in line to get inside the club. Sammy didn’t seem to move an inch, while I shuffled and fidgeted enough for everyone. We were all so anxious, all of us except Danni. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she worked the crowd that surrounded us as we queued. She had all of them, even the women, completely enchanted. There wasn’t anything about her that wasn’t seductive. From the way she dragged her bottom lip through her teeth, to the way she casually flicked her hair over her shoulder before flashing a pure white smile at her newest victim… she had it all down to a fine art form. She owned confidence. She didn’t just have it temporarily. It was her bitch to use as and when she needed it. She’d taken it all, leaving the rest of us to try and steal bits of it whenever we got the chance, or to take it as a gift whenever she offered us tips and advice.

  It was her charm that got us into Club Nostalgia; I was certain of that. The bouncers barely glanced our way because they were so focused on her. If I hadn’t been shaking so much from the fear of being caught out as underage, I’d have told her just how impressed I was, but as soon as we walked through the doors and the music attacked every sense I owned, I became mute.

  The bass tickled my feet, coursing up through the muscles and blood in my legs until it hit my stomach, and then my heart. I began to breathe in time to songs I’d never heard before and I lost all my concentration as the strobe lights and the bursts of smoke took me under.

  Not that any of that had anything to do with the first three drinks we all knocked back quickly.

  It seemed we were all nervous – and probably all for different reasons, too.

  With my purse wedged under my arm, I held my drink in one hand while using my other to stir it with a small black straw.

  “What is in this one, again?” I shouted over at Sammy.

  “I don’t know,” she hollered back. It was hard to have any kind of decent conversation over the loud music. “I just picked it off the list. A Cheeto or something.”

  “Mojito,” Danni answered for us, nodding her head slowly as she flung her straw to the floor and began to gulp her drink down quickly. The rest of us stared at her with wide eyes, waiting until she finished. A piece of mint fell on her face, but instead of squealing like the rest of us would have done, she simply sucked it up into her mouth and crunched it down between her teeth.

  “Gross,” Suzie mouthed.

  “Good mouth action,” Sammy countered.

  Wearing a knowing smile, Danni dropped her glass to the bar and delicately wiped the corners of her mouth with her thumb. “I need something stronger.”

  “Careful, D. I don’t want to be taking you home in an hour,” Suzie warned her.

  “Please,” Danni gasped. “I’ve been drinking this stuff since I was twelve.”

  “Twelve?” I screeched a little too loudly.
<
br />   “Trust me. I got this.” With a small wink, Danni had once again managed to placate me. “Now, who wants to dance?”

  “Me!” Suzie shrieked. “I need to find Paul, too.”

  “What is with you two? You’re inseparable these days. It’s…”

  “Cute?” Suzie asked.

  “Nauseating,” Danni answered with a curl of her lip. We all laughed before the two of them took off, leaving Sammy and me on our own for the first time all night. I was grateful to have her to myself for a few minutes. As much as I loved all my girls, with Sam, I didn’t have to try. I could be who I wanted to be, even if that meant the two of us standing in silence. Fortunately, though, the alcohol was already surging through my blood, my hips had already started to sway to the music without my permission, and my lips suddenly felt loose.

  “Sammy?” I nudged her with my hip and glanced at her from the corner of my eye.

  “Natalie?” she hit back with the exact same hip bump.

  “Do you feel a little drunk yet?”

  “We’ve only been here an hour.” She grinned, trying not to laugh as she looked me up and down, watching my moves grow bolder with every beat of the music. “Not that that seems to matter to you, Tipsy Toes.”

  Pressing my lips together, I pushed the straw in between them slowly and sucked up the cocktail. I raised my brows and held her gaze, swinging my hips from side to side even harder until I was unknowingly making a figure of eight with my body. It felt good to let myself go. For the first time in a long time, my shoulders were down, my head felt light and my muscles weren’t tight. It was like I didn’t care, and I almost didn’t. Not even when I felt a pair of hands circling my waist and a body pressing itself against my back.

  I was so lost in the song and the way it felt to move, I even smiled lazily at Sammy before I allowed myself to look over my shoulder and see who had dared to get so close.

  As soon as I saw Marcus standing there with his eyes closed, his grin bigger than my own, I burst out laughing.

  “No, no. No, no. Please don’t stop,” he cried out with humour in his voice. “That felt so good. Damn.”

  “Do I know you?” I asked, all too aware that my whole body was still in his hands. Marcus was trying to keep the movements going, but I had frozen in his grip. That didn’t mean I didn’t like the feel of him there. It was just foreign to me. It was… different. He was different.

  He wasn’t who I was used to.

  Sighing heavily, Marcus opened his eyes and dropped his gaze to focus solely on mine. I didn’t miss the subtle tug of his hands as he pulled my arse in closer to him, but I didn’t fight it either. I just stayed there smiling. Again.

  “Not as well as you will do,” he said a little too seductively.

  “Ewwww!” Sammy piped up.

  Blinking quickly, I began to laugh again before I pulled away from him. Spinning on the heels of my shoes with a grace that I never knew I had, I let the curls of my hair fall back around my face in an attempt to hide the blush that was creeping into my cheeks.

  “Fuck, sis. Why you gotta be such a cock-blocker?”

  “A cock-blocker?” she crooned. “Isn’t Nat a little too young for you, bro? Seriously. Why are you even here?”

  “I was invited.”

  “By who?”

  “Myself.” He beamed, and before I had a chance to ready my body, his arm had circled my waist again and he had pulled me into his side. “Not really. My guys are all over at the bar. I just saw this little beauty trying to seduce the entire club with her hips and I couldn’t resist staking my claim.”

  “You’re such an idiot,” I said too quietly for him to really hear me.

  My body went limp in his arms, but once again, my laughter poured free as he began to force me to dance. I was like a puppet on his strings, and it felt really good for a short while. It was only when I caught a glimpse of Sammy staring off into the distance, and I saw all humour and light fall from her face, that I stopped myself from going any further. I glanced over my other shoulder to see what had caught her attention, and once I saw what it was, the nausea returned.

  Alex was standing across the room staring at me with a look I’d never seen him wearing before. The colour had gone from his face, and his jaw was tight as his narrowed eyes spat disdain out at me.

  I swallowed instinctively, quickly standing straighter as I tried to peel Marcus’ hands away. Leaning against a tall table, Alex lifted his beer to his lips slowly, not taking his eyes away from mine at all until he’d taken a long drink and lowered it back down again.

  It was just the two of us in some kind of fucked up stare-off. It felt like the music had stopped. The only things I was aware of were the flashes of green and blue that lit up the fury in Alex’s eyes every time the lights danced his way.

  The biggest part of me wanted to run over to him and say something, but there was the smaller part that was holding me back – the newer part, the one that told me he was no longer mine.

  This was only intensified when Bronwyn Chamberlin stepped out of the shadows to stand in front of him. Her hands slipped around his waist as she pressed her chest to his, completely unaware that his eyes were still locked on mine. Burying her head in his neck, Bronwyn began to hold him like she’d always owned him, and he never once tried to push her away. He never once tried to remind her that he wasn’t hers.

  Which meant only one thing: he was.

  The lump in my throat throbbed painfully as I tried to swallow it away, but it wasn’t going anywhere so long as I was staring into the eyes of the boy I loved. Him raising his beer to his mouth one more time was enough to cause me to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall, and I tried to school my face. Looking away was painful, but not half as much as watching them together was.

  “Shit, Nat. You okay?” The voice was Sammy’s, I was pretty sure of it, but with both her hands on my arms, it took me a while to realise that the hands on my waist couldn’t have been hers, too. They were her brother’s. He was still holding me.

  Bronwyn was holding Alex.

  This was messed up.

  “What just happened?” Marcus asked in my ear, but his question was aimed at Sammy, too. We were all huddled together, which I was aware probably made me appear weaker than I already felt.

  I didn’t want to feel weak.

  I didn’t want him to see me feeling weak.

  Pushing away from both of them, I dropped my drink to the nearest surface and ran both hands through my hair. I was always told that a good posture could make you feel a thousand times stronger, and I definitely needed strength there and then. I shook my head in a move of defiance and when I looked back up at them, I strapped on an Oscar-worthy smile.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all has happened.”

  “Natalie,” Marcus called out to me as he took a small step forward.

  “Fucking arsehole,” Sammy hissed.

  “Can you both just leave it,” I asked as assertively as I could manage. “It’s okay. I just need to go for a walk.”

  Marcus held up a finger and began to look around, but it was clear he was shooting daggers at targets he’d never seen before. “Wait. Is this to do with Logan?”

  “Who?” Sammy snapped.

  “That dude. Ben or whatever he’s called.”

  “Who the fuck is Ben?”

  “I don’t know his name! Steve? Daniel? Phil? Joe–”

  “ALEX!” I cried, slapping both hands down onto my thighs in frustration. “His fucking name is Alex!”

  Just like that, my head turned to look at the man himself, and when I saw Alex, his eyes were still trained on mine. Only this time, he was smirking. He was smirking right at me, like he was suddenly happy. It wasn’t a cocky look that made me want to march over there and slap it off his face… No, it was almost peaceful. Shy. As though he knew he’d gotten under my skin. As though he knew I still cared. I couldn’t make any damn sense of any of it.

  My shoulders sagged and I was
certain he could see the helplessness in my eyes as I shook my head at him in a silent plea for him to stop being so cruel. It was only then that he looked away, but his hands never went near Bronwyn’s body – not even when she turned her head my way and saw me. The winning smile on her face, however, had me taking my first step forward.

  Her, I wanted to hurt.

  “No!” Sammy shouted above the noise of the music. She had a tight grip on my arm, and even though the madness and the jealousy were taking over, I still managed to recognise just how strong my friend was.

  My breaths were coming hard and heavy now, and my lips were parted as I tried to pull in enough oxygen to calm myself down.

  “No,” she repeated in my ear. “Don’t let them win.”

  “Who is upsetting her, Sam? Tell me.” Marcus’ tone was more urgent than I’d ever heard it, but also at its softest. There was something to be said for a man who could make a shiver of fear roll down your spine the quieter he became.

  “No one important. Isn’t that right, Nat?”

  Bronwyn’s smile was sure to burn holes into my dreams and turn them into nightmares –of that much I was sure. Forcing myself to turn away, I looked back at my friend and sucked in a breath. It was one of those shaky ones, the ones you inhale in the hope that they’ll steady you and make you stronger, but all they do is leave you feeling dizzy and sick to the pit of your stomach. They leave you feeling nauseous because you realise that nothing is going to help. Nothing is going to help you breathe. Not even air.

  Those breaths remind you that you’re screwed.

  “I need a drink,” I mumbled weakly. “A big one.”

  Somewhere between the mutterings of brother and sister, it had been agreed that we were to make a quick escape, although I wasn’t out of it enough to miss the way Marcus threatened to take down Lewis the moment he found out who the fuck he was. I couldn’t be bothered to correct him anymore.

  Maybe it was better for everyone if I forgot his name completely, too.