Stanton Unconditional

by T L Swan

  I walk down to the cafeteria in a daydream as my security trails behind me. How is it I don’t even notice them with me anymore? Max has taken a week off to go away with his girls. I think Joshua has just pissed him off too much to be around, something he has denied of course. As I head down the hall to the cafeteria I see two of Joshua’s bodyguards waiting outside, leaning up against the wall, and I get a rush of adrenaline. He’s here. I try to hold my idiocy to a minimum and not jump in the air. I enter the cafeteria as casually as I can and my eyes scan the space. I see him. Joshua is sitting at the table closest to the door and his broad back is facing me. He is on the phone and has a notepad in front of him and is writing something down. I walk over behind him to say hello when my eyes glance at the notepad and I read the name Coby Allender written on it. He speaks down the phone unaware that I am here.

  “I want a list of past offences and the evidence being presented at the upcoming trial.”

  He listens for a minute. “No, when is the trial?” He listens again. “I see.” He listens again. “Tell me, do the police think he is guilty?” My eyes widen, who is he talking too? I walk past him and straight to the counter.

  Fishface looks at me. “What will it be?” she asks flatly. God this woman is a bitch.

  “Skim cap.” I raise my eyebrows at her as if to say, yes you, you are a bitch, and I know it.

  She nods and takes my money and I turn to see Joshua scribbling on his paper. His eyes flick up and connect with mine, and he smiles sexily. I literally swoon. He only has to look at me and I melt into his eyes. I smile and turn back to the counter and I watch him in the reflection of the fridge door in front of me. He keeps writing and talking, then he hangs up and rips the top piece of paper off the notepad, folds it and puts it in his inside suit pocket. He takes a sip of his coffee and sits still staring at me, then he gently cracks his neck and I smile. Some things will never grow old. I take my coffee and walk over to him.

  “Hi,” I smile.

  “Hello,” he smiles back.

  What I really want to do is slam my hand on the table and scream where the hell where you when I woke up this morning, asshole, but I have to remind myself that this new improved version of myself is non-drama-queenish, and boy does it suck.

  “Did you have a nice day?” I smile as I take a sip of my coffee.

  He nods. “Yes, we started a new job today so I was busy.”

  I frown. “New job?” I question.

  He smiles. “Just a little six-week one.”

  “Oh.” I nod as disappointment runs through me.

  “You?” he asks.

  I shrug. “It was ordinary, nothing exciting.”

  He smirks as he sips his coffee. “We are heading back upstairs.” His eyes linger on mine.

  I nod and smile and he rises from his seat and follows me out. We walk into the crowded lift and stand silently next to each other. He is so tall and big, his body oozes power in that dark charcoal three-piece suit. I can feel the electricity coming from him as my body weakens with want. I wonder if any of the other women in the lift can feel the heat oozing from this fine specimen. As I watch the numbers above the door light up I silently make a pact with myself. I am not mentioning last night or asking him when I am seeing him again. I need to be strong, even if it kills me, and it probably will because he is acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world and I could quite easily strangle him with a smile on my face. Calm, calm, calm … keep fucking calm. We walk to the lounge seating area and we sit opposite each other.

  “Have you been in yet?” I ask the others.

  “No,” they all reply flatly without looking up.

  Joshua takes out his phone and starts to read and scroll through it. I sit with my legs crossed trying to look everywhere but at him. Bridget and the boys are deep in conversation about Adrian.

  “So, is he seeing him tonight?” Abbie frowns.

  Cameron nods and throws his hands behind his head. “Yep,” he answers as he leans back in his chair.

  I frown. “Huh, who is he seeing tonight?” I ask.

  “Nicholas Anastas,” Bridget replies.

  “How did that come about?” I frown.

  “He texted him this morning demanding to see him,” Cameron says as he raises his eyebrows.

  “How hot. I love it when a man demands to see you. Now that’s romance.” My eyes flick to Joshua who doesn’t even hear me and is smirking at his phone. Hmm … take a hint, bastard.

  Joshua laughs and bites his bottom lip to stifle his smile as he watches something on his phone and his eyes flick to me. I frown in question. What is he looking at?

  My phone beeps a message. I pull it out of my bag.

  It’s a text from Joshua. I smirk and open it—it’s a movie. I frown as I hit play, and my eyes narrow at the screen. I smile as I see the camera wobble around and I see Joshua sitting on my bed smiling at me. I press pause and retrieve my earphones from my bag and plug them in so I can hear what is going on. My eyes flick to Joshua as I put the earphones in and he smiles broadly at me. Jeez, what’s so funny? I press play again and sit still as I listen to my drunken voice. Oh my god.

  “I know, let me do a dance for you,” I slurr.

  The camera goes to me. Holy shit, I look like a train wreck, my eyes widen in horror and I feel myself flush. I look up and Joshua has just taken a picture of my face. I fake a smile. “Very funny,” I mouth. He laughs and looks back down with his arms folded in front of him. I continue to watch the nightmare unfolding in front of me. Oh no, what am I doing now?

  I hold my hand up to my mouth as I watch myself start to spin on the spot. I feel myself blush as I see what I look like. What in the hell kind of sexy dancing is that? Oh shit … it gets worse. I start to do high kicks in the air like a cheerleader on crack. I smile in embarrassment as I hold my hand over my face. This is woeful, no wonder the poor bastard ran this morning. He has been forced to watch this tape, damn technology. My eyes stay glued to the screen again as I take off my clothes and straddle Joshua. I lean in and kiss him and his hand reaches out from behind the camera and he feels my breast and then his hand runs under the rim of my underpants.

  I watch myself bend and kiss him and then say the words, “I love you Joshua.” The film goes off. I sit and stare at the phone in horror, do I laugh or do I cry? Here I am trying to channel Kate Middleton when I am actually channelling Absolutely Fabulous and so much for playing hard to get … I told him I loved him. I look back up to see that Joshua and the others have gone in to see Gran. I walk in slowly and stand behind the group with my heart still racing. Everybody sits around Gran’s bed and makes idle conversation with her. She seems happy and is laughing. Joshua turns to see me and stands to give me his chair and I smile and take it thankfully. We stay with Gran for over an hour and then gradually one by one say goodbye. This is the part I hate. I have to wait for him to say something about seeing me—what if he doesn’t? We walk to the lifts together and shuffle in. I stand at the back next to Joshua and the others all stand in front of us jabbering about something. Joshua links his pinky finger with mine, and I find myself smiling at the floor. The lift gets to the bottom and the doors open and everybody exits. Joshua pulls me back into the lift by the finger and pushes the button. The door closes.

  We stand still, held together by the smallest part of our body.

  He bites his lip as he looks at me. “What are you doing tonight?” he asks quietly.

  “Nothing,” I reply as my eyes search his.

  “I’m thirty, seventy wanting to see you tonight,” he breathes.

  I frown. “Thirty, seventy,” I repeat.

  A whisper of a smile crosses his face as his eyes penetrate mine. “Thirty per cent of my brain wants to see you and seventy per cent of my brain tells me it’s a mistake.”

  I smile as I bite my bottom lip. “Can I change the odds with a closing argument?”

  “Perhaps,” he whispers as he raises a brow.

  “What if
I said I was going to make you coffee and dessert?”

  He shrugs. “Thirty-five, sixty-five.”

  I smile as my eyes hold his, our pinky fingers still linked. “We could spoon on my lounge again and you could kiss my neck as you cuddle me.”

  “Seventy, thirty.” He raises his eyebrows.

  I bite my lip and smile. I like this game. “We could take a shower,” I whisper. “You could wash me, I’m feeling very dirty.”

  His eyes darken. “Ninety, ten, your way.”

  I smirk. “I could wear my white nightie again and you can run your hands all over me as I tell you how much I missed you all day,” I breathe.

  He smiles broadly as his eyes twinkle. “Were you on the debating team?” he asks as he cocks his head to one side.

  I smile mischievously as I bite my bottom lip, feeling very proud of myself.

  “You give a very good closing argument Miss Marx.” He raises a brow.

  I smile as I pull back from his grip. “Yes and it was the white nightie that won me arguments back then too.”

  “I don’t doubt it. See you in twenty.” He releases me and hits the lift button and the doors open.

  I race home like a lunatic to try and smuggle in before he gets here my new clothes that I bought in my lunch break. I drop the groceries in the kitchen and throw the clothes into my wardrobe still in their bags. I run around and make my bed like a maniac. I thought I would have had time to come home to straighten the house up before I went to the hospital tonight but I got snowed under at work. I rush to the kitchen to wash up my breakfast dishes. It sure doesn’t pay to be slobby. I am just finishing the last dishes when I hear the key in the door. I smile, what a lovely sound that is.

  Joshua walks in and smiles warmly at me. “Hi,” he says quietly as he puts his keys on my side table.

  I smile shyly. “Hi.” Why does he make me feel so nervous?

  He walks into the kitchen and over to me where he cuddles me from behind, kissing my neck. I put my hand up and on his cheek.

  “How are you?” he asks softly.

  I close my eyes in comfort. “Better now that you’re here,” I whisper.

  “Hmm,” he sighs.

  He pulls back and picks up the plastic bag of groceries on the floor. “Do you want these put away?” he asks.

  I nod and smile. “Yes please.” I continue wiping up.

  He puts a few things in the fridge and then he asks. “Why do you have this? Do you like protein now?” He frowns as he holds up a large jar of protein powder.

  I shrug self-consciously. “I just thought you might like to stay for breakfast tomorrow … I mean, that’s if you’re not busy.” I look down at the floor in embarrassment. Do I sound as desperate as I feel?

  He pulls my face up to his as he smirks. “Did you now?” He kisses me gently on the lips and I feel myself melt.

  He takes out his phone and texts someone and then walks around and flicks the kettle on. “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asks.

  “Yes please.” I smile. This is going well, so domestic. I sit on the lounge and flick the television on. I curl up on the single lounge that I always sit on.

  He fusses around in the kitchen for a moment and he comes in carrying two cups of tea. “Why are you sitting over there?” he frowns as he sits on the double lounge.

  I smile again. Let me rephrase that, this is going really well. Maybe he didn’t mean a word he said in the restaurant last night. I stand and move over to the chair and sit next to him, he pulls my feet onto his lap and he kicks off his shoes and takes a sip of his tea.

  “Do you like your new job?” he asks as he blows on his tea.

  I shrug. “It’s ok, I suppose.”

  He frowns and his eyes flick to me. “Just ok?”

  I hunch my shoulders. “Yeah, Gran got sick just after I started so I haven’t really been in a good place at work. I don’t know, I don’t feel like I have made a difference yet.”

  He smiles sadly. “Oh,” he whispers. “Is that why you do your job, to make a difference?”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Yes, I suppose.”

  “Why did you stop working at the sexual clinic?”

  I drop my head. “I just saw me and you in too many of my clients and it was messing up with my head too much.”

  He frowns. “Me and you? What do you mean?”

  I blow out a breath—how did we get onto this deep subject? Do I say this out loud? “Umm … I saw men everyday who were deeply in love with their wives but regularly slept with other women and I saw women everyday whose husbands had been unfaithful and they have never recovered from it and had absolutely no self-esteem.” I scratch the back of my head uncomfortably and my eyes meet his. “It was just too close to home,” I whisper.

  He drops his head as he thinks. “Do you think that that is what happened between us?”

  I shrug. “I know it’s not how it happened and that there were crazy circumstances but …” I shrug, unable to articulate what I want to say.

  “Tash, if I had thought we even had 0.5% of getting back together I would never have left your side.” He reaches over and grabs my hand and I squeeze it affectionately. “You know that don’t you?” he whispers as his eyes meet mine.

  I smile as my eyes tear up and I am lost for words so I try to change the subject. “Tell me about this job you are doing.”

  “Um, I did their programs years ago and stupidly signed a contract for the upgrade so while we are here we are getting it out of the way. It should take about six weeks or so.”

  I nod. “So who is doing it with you?” I ask

  “Four techs and Murph.”

  I smile. “What does Murph actually do?”

  He shrugs. “Nothing, just manage things. I don’t like to go anywhere without him.” He smiles shyly. “I don’t really like dealing with all of the management shit. I just want to be on my computer and not deal with anything or anyone else.”

  I smile. “You are lucky to have him.”

  He nods. “Yeah I know. Cam and Murph are good value.”

  I smile broadly. “What about me? Am I good value?”

  “You, my dear precious girl, are exceptional value.” He smiles as he picks up my foot and kisses the top of it and my heart fills with joy. Exceptional value, who would have thought? My god, Joshua Stanton … do you know your value?

  Chapter 19

  We lie in my bed contented and satisfied. That was close, how I held him off from sex I will never know. If he had pushed for it I would have caved. I told him that we were not being intimate, but the reality is I crave for it from him, ache for it. I don’t have it in me to not let him touch me and he is heaven under my hands. When I am here and in the moment with this man, nothing else matters. This is where I am supposed to be, with my love in my bed. Joshua has his head on my chest, my arms are wrapped around him as I gently run my fingers over his back, his hand is on my stomach and he intermittently kisses my chest as he lies close. Something is going on between us, I can feel it. There is a tenderness that I haven’t felt from him since my father died and god I’ve missed it. I’m exhausted, I need to go to sleep. I kiss the top of his head gently.

  “Baby,” I ask.

  “Hmm,” he replies.

  “Can you be here when I wake up please?” I ask. I can’t help myself.

  “Yeah ok.” He kisses my chest again and snuggles his head into my breast and breathes a deep contented sigh.

  I am just drifting off.

  “Tash,” he whispers.

  “Mmm,” I answer.

  “You didn’t give me your closing argument yet.”

  I smile broadly and kiss his head again. “Joshua,” I whisper.

  “Yes,” he answers.

  “I missed you today,” I whisper.

  I can feel him smile into my chest and I smile into the darkness.

  “Do you want to know something else I did today Josh?” I whisper as I kiss the top of his head again and rub my hand over
his short hair.

  “What?” he answers.

  “I loved you today.” I feel him smile and he kisses my breast as he links our hands together.

  “You really should be on the debating team, Tash, you do give a great closing argument,” he sighs.

  I smile broadly and after a few minutes of silence in the darkness I hear him speak.

  “Goodnight Tash,” he whispers.

  “Goodnight Josh.”

  I wake to the sound of someone quietly knocking on the front door. Joshua answers it. “Thanks man. I will be leaving here in about an hour.”

  “Ok, Max is downstairs. What do you want me to tell him?” a male voice replies.

  “I want to speak to him so I will be down a little earlier.”

  “Ok thanks.” The door closes.

  Joshua walks back into my room with an overnight bag and a suitcase. He puts it on the chair at the end of my bed. He opens the drapes and I am blinded by the blazing light. “Are you making me breakfast?” He grabs my foot out from the bottom of my blanket and starts to twist my toes.

  I frown as I rip my foot from his grip. “Mmm,” I groan.

  “Up.” He smiles as he runs his stubble up my neck.

  “Mmm,” I groan again. Why does he have to be so damn perky in the mornings?

  “I mean it, you wanted me here in the morning. I am here, so get up.” He slaps my behind.

  Oh god … so annoying. I lean up onto my elbows. “What time is it?” I frown.

  “I have usually been in the gym for two hours by this time, lazybones.” He smiles.

  “That’s great, coffee and eggs on toast,” I mutter as I flop back onto the bed.

  He smirks and exits the room. I lie and try to wake up as I hear him fussing in the kitchen. Five minutes later he comes back in with a cup of coffee.

  “Here you are.” He passes me the coffee.

  “Thank you.” I smile. He leans in and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

  “I have to work for the next four nights.”

  I frown. “Huh?”

  “The company’s computers we are doing the upgrade for need to be worked on after hours for the first week. I start at five and then will be working all night on them.”