Stanton Unconditional

by T L Swan

“No, go back inside.”

  I head back inside and to the cafeteria. I order a coffee and take a seat. My stomach is in knots and I dial Joshua’s number. He answers first ring.

  “Hi Tash.”

  My heart swells and tears fill my eyes at the sound of his voice. “Baby,” I whisper.

  “Are you ok?” he asks.

  “No,” I sob, “I miss you.”

  He stays silent.

  “This is ridiculous—we can’t be apart for this long,” I stammer.

  “I will see you again on Monday, Natasha. I said a week.”

  “Josh no. It’s only Thursday. I can’t wait that long. I feel sick being without you.”

  “So you are ok?”

  “Just,” I murmur. “I love you,” I whisper.

  He stays silent as I hear him inhale deeply.

  “Josh, what’s wrong?” Panic sets in, why didn’t he say it back?

  “Nothing. I will see you Monday night, ok?”

  My face drops. “Do you love me?” I whisper.

  “Don’t ask stupid questions,” he sighs.

  I smile. “I miss you.”

  “Bye presh.” He hangs up.

  Relief fills me, he called me presh. It’s ok, it’s all going to be ok.

  It’s eight o’clock and I am at a Thai restaurant with the boys discussing the two stooges’ break and enter today. We are in a benchseat set up in the back corner. Ben had to break the locks to get them out. They were so lucky that they didn’t get caught. On the up side they found a whole case of disks and another laptop. Ben is going to go through them tonight and then destroy them. I wonder how many other poor bastards’ films are in that box.

  “I still cannot believe they broke into her apartment.” Adrian shakes his head in shock.

  “I know,” Cameron splutters. “Ballsy.”

  Ben shakes his head. “It would have been imbecile Abbie’s idea. She is a bad influence on Bridget.”

  I smirk at Ben.

  “What?” he says dryly as he raises an eyebrow.

  “You have a soft spot for Didge, just admit it.” I pick my teeth with a toothpick as I lean back with my arm slung across the back of the chairs.

  He rolls his eyes. “She’s a cool chick, that’s all.”

  Cameron shakes his head and glares at him. “I told you not to touch her unless you plan on marrying her.”

  Ben hold his hands up in defence. “Nobody’s touching anybody. Calm down.”

  I smile as I raise my hand for the bill.

  “And nobody is getting married,” he snaps. “So stop worrying.”

  “Good,” Cameron snaps. “I would hate to have to kick your ass.”

  Ben laughs.

  “I would love to see that,” Adrian smiles. “Ben would kill you with a smile on his face and his hands tied behind his back.” I smile as I listen to the meaningless banter and my mind wanders to Tash. Hearing her tell me she loved me today has somehow made me relax. That and the fact I am so physically exhausted from fighting every mother fucker in Australia over the last two days. Ben knows me well. He knew I needed to kick some serious ass to stay sane, and that is just what I have done. I actually feel sorry for the poor bastards I fought on Tuesday night—I totally lost my shit.

  “Let’s go out.” Cameron stretches as he cranes his neck to eye off one of the waitresses walking past.

  “Yeah ok,” Murph replies. “I could do with a drink.”

  Ben’s eyes flick to me.

  “I’m going to go and see Tash. You go Ben. There are enough guards over there.”

  He smiles at me and gives me a wink. “I will drop you off there first.”

  I smirk. “Ok.”

  I lie on my lounge half asleep. It’s nine o’clock. I am wearing my white nightgown. After a week of not sleeping I have finally relaxed after speaking to my beautiful Joshua today. He called me presh. It’s going to be ok. I wish he was here. A knock sounds at my door and I smile, thank god he’s here. He’s forgotten his key. I bound to the door and open it in a rush.

  My eyes widen at the sight of Jesten, not my beautiful man as I had hoped.

  My face drops. “Hi Jes,” I whisper. “What are you doing here?” This is uncomfortable.

  “Can I come in?” His nervous eyes lock on mine.

  I scratch my head in discomfort. “Umm.” I look around nervously for an excuse for him not to enter. Good manners overtake my common sense and I stand back and hold my arm out. “Sure.”

  He walks in and stands next to my dining table. This is awkward.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask gently, even though I already know the answer.

  “I know you explained the situation with your boyfriend.”

  “I did.” I cut him off. “Loud and clear.”

  He nods nervously and his eyes search mine. “I want to know if you will reconsider and perhaps we could…” He hesitates.

  “Could what?” I snap.

  “Try to make a go of it. Me and you.” He grabs my hands.

  I frown. “Jes, don’t.”

  “Tash, I care about you and when I rang you on Monday night and you told me you got back with your boyfriend I was gutted and it has made me realise I have real feelings for you.”

  I shake my head. “Jess, don’t. I’m in love with him—it will only ever be him.”

  He narrows his eyes. “Does this idiot have any idea how lucky he is?” he says softly.

  I smile sadly and shrug. “I hope so or else I am making a huge mistake. If there was going to be someone else Jes … it would be you.” I gently run my hand down his cheek and he turns and kisses the inside of my palm.

  “We could be good together,” he says softly.

  “I know,” I whisper. “But it’s not going to happen, I’m sorry.”

  He steps forward and pulls me into an embrace and cuddles me, his lips dust my temple. “There is a chemistry between us, can you feel it?” he whispers into my forehead.

  My eyes widen as I feel his arousal against my body. I do feel the chemistry. It has never been in question. “Jes, don’t,” I whisper into his neck. He puts his finger under my chin and pulls it up to meet his face, and he kisses me gently. “Jes,” I whisper. He kisses me again, running his tongue through my lips more urgently and my hands rise to the back of his neck.

  The key turns in the door and I jump back from Jesten in a rush. Holy shit.

  Joshua opens the door and does a double take between Jesten and me. His eyes drop down my body to my nightgown.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” he growls at Jesten. My eyes widen in horror. OH. MY. GOD.

  “You,” Jesten snaps. “This is your boyfriend?” he screams at me.

  Joshua storms into the apartment and punches Jesten straight in the face and he drops to the ground and I scream.

  “Joshua! What the hell?” Holy shit!

  He picks him up off the floor and they start to punch each other and Joshua throws him across the table and the vase of flowers smashes everywhere.

  “I swear to god I am going to tear you limb from limb!” Joshua screams.

  I have never seen Joshua so crazy. He’s going ballistic and throwing Jesten around like a rag doll. I think he’s going to kill him.

  “This is the fucking guy!” Joshua screams at me.

  I shake my head as I burst into tears. He thinks I slept with Jesten. I can’t believe I even contemplated it. What in the hell is the matter with me?

  “You know I hate him. How could you!” Joshua is so mad that he looks like the incredible hulk and is scaring even me.

  “No, no, no.” I shake my head violently. What the hell have I done?

  “She loved every minute of it,” Jesten baits. My eyes widen in horror. Not now Jesten, you are going to get yourself killed.

  Joshua punches him violently again three times in succession.

  “Joshua!” I scream. “Stop it!”

  Jesten fights back and kicks Joshua in the stomach and they r
oll until the lounge tips over. Oh shit, this is really bad. I run to the front door and open it in a rush.

  “Get in here,” I scream to the guards who are all standing around listening, obviously letting Joshua kill Jesten on purpose.

  “Max,” I scream as I turn to see Joshua throw Jesten over his shoulder. “Joshua no. Stop it!” Oh my god, he’s going to kill him.

  “I will get a knife and cut your fucking throat,” Joshua screams as he smashes Jesten’s head on the ground.

  Ok, he’s getting unstable and the stupid bodyguards are just standing around watching. I run down the hall and bang on Max’s door. Max opens the door in a rush.

  His eyes widen when he sees me. “What’s wrong?” A smash comes from the apartment and he frowns and runs past me into my apartment.

  “Jesus,” he yells. “What are you idiots doing? Stop this immediately.”

  The guards finally step in and break them up and start to drag Jesten from the apartment.

  “I’m not leaving her here with this psychopath,” Jesten yells at Max.

  Max’s nervous eyes flick to me and I think he agrees with Jesten.

  “I’m ok. He won’t hurt me,” I whisper.

  “Tash, come with me,” Jesten pleads.

  My terrified eyes meet Joshua’s. “It’s ok Josh, calm down baby.” I walk slowly over to him as he sucks precious air into his lungs. He’s furious. He thinks I slept with Jesten. I slowly slide my hand up his perspiration-clad arm as his dark eyes meet mine.

  “Sshhh,” I whisper to try and calm him. “Goodbye Jesten,” I snap, “Max show him out.”

  The guards leave the room and I am left with my broken wild animal.

  “Sshhh, it’s ok, baby,” I whisper. “He’s gone.”

  Chapter 30

  Max stands in the doorway watching us. Joshua has his hands on his head and is breathing heavily, his eyes are downcast and unable to meet mine. I stand in front of him, my heart breaking. This looks bad, I am in my nightdress, it’s nine o’clock at night and Jesten was here. Could he tell when he opened the door that I had just pulled from Jesten’s grip? I would have lost it too had I walked in on this. I will never forgive Jesten for saying I loved it—what a trouble-making asshole.

  My eyes flick to Max who is still standing at the door, ensuring my safety no doubt. The worry is written all over his face.

  “It’s ok, Max, can you give us some privacy please?” I murmur as my eyes stay planted on Joshua’s broken face.

  “Are you sure?” he questions.

  “Fucking get out!” Joshua screams as he loses control once again.

  I nod nervously to Max and mouth the words, “Go.”

  Max holds my glare and lifts an eyebrow in silent question. I give him a nod and he leaves silently.

  Joshua is still gasping for breath.

  “Baby,” I whisper as I grab his face between my hands gently. “I swear on my mother’s life I did not sleep with him.” His eyes still look at the ground.

  “Joshua, I went to the hotel the other night to make you think I had done it, I knew the guards would tell you,but I didn’t have any intention of going through with it. It’s only you, Joshua, it’s only ever been you.”

  His angry eyes meet mine.

  I shake my head nervously as tears of guilt fill my eyes.

  His glare holds mine. “How long?’

  I frown, not understanding the question. “What do you mean?”

  “How long have you wanted him?”

  My eyes widen in shock as I understand the question. “I haven’t wanted him—we are friends,” I whisper, mortified.

  Joshua raises an eyebrow in disgust. “Do not insult my fucking intelligence!” he yells, making me jump.

  I swallow the lump of fear in my throat and drop my head. “Nothing has ever happened,” I whisper.

  “When he told you to think of him while we had sex, is that what you have been doing all along?”

  My mouth drops open in horror. “Oh my god, no, how could you think such a thing? I have only gotten to know him in the last six months and we are just friends.”

  “A friend you are attracted to.”

  I nod softly. “Yes,” I whisper as shame rips through my stomach and the tears fall onto my cheeks.

  “He said you loved it.” He runs his tongue over his front teeth in contempt as his eyes bore holes through me.

  “I know and I am never speaking to him again for lying to you like that. He’s baiting you, Joshua, and you took it hook, line and sinker. Nothing has ever happened between us, I promise,” I cry.

  He pulls out of my grip and storms to the shower and I run after him like a lost lamb.

  “Don’t be angry at me,” I plead.

  He undresses in silence and steps into the shower.

  “You are the one who wanted me to do this and I couldn’t do it!” I yell.

  He turns his back on me in anger.

  I start to slowly undress and step in with him.

  “Josh, he turned up here tonight to ask me on a date. I said no and he was just leaving when you arrived.”

  He turns and his haunted eyes meet mine as the water runs over our heads.

  “Baby.” The pain in his eyes rips my heart wide open. I rub my hand through his stubble and go onto my tiptoes to gently kiss his lips. “I love you so much.”

  He drops his head to my shoulder and I can feel his hurt. I know how it feels to have dark suspicions—it hurts.

  We stand for a long time in an embrace, both lost in our own thoughts, with the water running over us. Eventually he lifts my chin up to meet his face, and his lips gently take mine.

  I nod softly. “I get it, Josh … I finally get it. What you have been telling me all along. Sex is sex and love is love.”

  He kisses me tenderly again and his tongue swipes through my open mouth.

  “For the first time I understand why you slept with Amelie,” I sob loudly as tears rack my chest.

  He pulls back and frowns.

  “I understand when I wouldn’t forgive you how much that must have hurt.”

  “It damn near killed me,” he whispers as he drops his head to my shoulder.

  I shake my head as the raw burn of pain sears my heart. I can’t imagine the pain of sleeping with someone different and living with that guilt forever. Of losing the one that you really do love for a lifetime in the name of fifteen minutes of sex.

  I pull his face back to mine. “Joshua, I love you desperately. Our life together starts tonight, right now.” I smile and nod. “We are going to live in LA.” I kiss him gently. “We are going to be so happy.” I smile into his kiss as I feel his resistance melt. “We are too strong to be broken … we have proven that … time and again.”

  He kisses me more firmly as our passion starts to reignite.

  “Take me,” I whisper into his mouth. “Show me how much I mean to you.” My eyes drop to the large erection hanging heavily between his legs. I can see every wide vein on it pumping with arousal, waiting to give my body what it needs, to finally fill me totally.

  He groans and slams me into the wall as his hand grips me painfully on the behind. His mouth drops to my neck and he bites me aggressively, and goosebumps scatter over my flesh. This is when we are at our best, our bodies so in sync with each other’s that we couldn’t stop this animal attraction even if we tried. This is love in its deepest form. He lifts me aggressively and holds me with my legs around his waist and he slams into me. His mouth hangs slack as his hooded eyes watch me struggle to take his thick large length. I can feel his heart beating through his chest as he struggles to hold himself still to let me adjust.

  I cry out as his flesh rips through me and heats my blood, and my head drops back against the tiles in both pleasure and pain as my eyes close.

  With our lips locked he lifts my body up and down onto his, slowly at first to let me acclimatize, and then with each stroke more deeply, each with more feeling than the last until I am screaming as h
e plunges deeply into me with his powerful body. My arms grip his ripped shoulders as I struggle for breath, my eyes close as I feel every muscle inside me contract against his brutal length. He bites my bottom lip and pulls it back in an aggressive, yet unbridled passionate gesture that makes me lose my mind even more.

  I have never loved this man more. He sacrificed his own needs to give me mine and even though in the end I didn’t want what was offered, he gave me a choice. I will forever be grateful for what he has shown me about intimacy this week.

  His love truly is unconditional and I finally understand the Amelie thing. My heart breaks a little knowing what I have put him through. His hands come around my back and over my shoulders as he rips me down onto his body with such force that I start to lose my breath. His eyes close as he rides the wave of pleasure that has started to envelope us. My body convulses as I scream and lurch forward and he does the same. He grabs the wall behind me to balance us as his orgasm steals his balance. He shudders heavily as his body empties and I feel his hot semen burn deep inside my body. I sigh into his shoulder as he lets my legs slowly drop to the floor. He grabs my face and rips it to his.

  “Do you get it? Tell me you get it! Do you finally understand how much I fucking love you?” he snaps.

  My eyes tear over and I nod gratefully. “For the first time …Joshua, I can honestly say … yes.”

  I wake to the gentle dusting of kisses across my face, and he gently tucks my hair behind my ear. I smile with my eyes still closed. It is blazing light—we must have forgotten to shut the drapes last night. Beautiful gentle Josh is here, I can feel his presence and I haven’t even opened my eyes yet. I slowly bring my hand around the back of his head and pull him into me.

  “Good morning,” I whisper into the top of his head as I kiss it.

  “Are you ok?” he whispers into my chest.

  “Mmm,” I reply with my eyes still closed, but to be honest I just don’t know. I have a serious throb between my legs and for once it’s not from arousal. Rough sex for hours on end will do that to a girl.

  I begin to get up. I need to go to the bathroom.

  “Stay here with me presh. You are not leaving my side today.” He smiles as he kisses me gently again.